Sabrina, the Teenage Witch

Mr. Kraft: Miss Birkhead, are you having any luck recouping those IOU's? Valerie: I'm selling my kidney on Ebay.

Zelda (to Hilda): I'm relieved your magic is out. Willard and his grandmother are coming to dinner tonight. And you won't be able to use your magic to spoil the evening. Salem: She still got a mouth...

Sabrina: There's future uncle Mr. Kraft... I wish my aunt Zelda would realize what a villain he is. Valerie: I know, I get woozy every time he heads my way. Is he heading my way? Sabrina: Yep! Time to put my most obnoxious foot forward. Mr. Kraft: Well, I just scored a shipment of used computer science books. It haven't been that many technological advances since the 50's... Sabrina: Yeah? You and what army? (Mr. Kraft leaves) Ok, that wasn't obnoxious, that was just stupid! Valerie: Maybe Mr. Kraft won't wanna live with an idiot...

Valerie: I was so excited about getting a job at the school store until I found out Mr. Kraft is gonna be my boss. Sabrina: Well, I was so excited about life until I found out Mr. Kraft is gonna be my step uncle! Valerie: Your aunt Zelda is marrying Mr. Kraft? It can't be! Sabrina: Oh, it be!

(The house has just gone from a silent movie back to normal) Sabrina: We're in color... and I can talk! (Harvey stares at her) Just reminding myself to appreciate the little things.

Sabrina: Thankfully, my mistake showed you that Mr. Kraft really is a villain. Zelda: Uh-uh, and Harvey really is a Mountie.

(When they see King Kong and Fay Wray come through the Linen Closet) Sabrina: Did my silent movie spell turn into a horror movie spell? Zelda: No, it's just another relative with another clue to the family secret. Sabrina: Oh, I see the family resemblance. Aunt Hilda, you look just like Fay Wray. Hilda: You think? Zelda: Fay Wray is the clue but we are related to Kong. Hilda: (to Sabrina) He's a third cousin with a pituitary problem. Sabrina: Oh okay. So I've got Fay, a picture of me and a picture of Robert E. Lee. Fay-me-lee. Family! So the Spellman family secret is about the Spellman family! I got nothin'!

Salem: (After going outside after the Silent Movie starts) Ah, it's nice to hear the sound of my own voice. Fal-la-la-la-la-la-la-lugh! (Sabrina grabs this throat to shut him up) Salem: I gather you want an explanation? Did you put a silence spell on you and Hilda? (Sabrina nods) Salem: Well, when you incant two silence spells under one roof, everything under the roof becomes a silent movie. (Sabrina writes out another question to ask Salem) Salem: Why didn't it kick-in when you cast the spells? Er because. (More writing by Sabrina) Salem: Why am I so worthless? (Sabrina goes back in the house) Salem: That's just rude!

Sabrina (to Harvey after he leaves for class): Ok, well let's get together and almost talk another time!

Sabrina: I've got a plan. I'm gonna act as obnoxious as possible. He won't want to live with a troubled teen. Harvey: Sabrina, can I talk to you alone? Sabrina: Sure, if we can get rid of Miss Third-wheel over here. (Sees the look on Valerie's face) Sorry, I was just trying to act obnoxious, you know, for Mr. Kraft? Valerie: Oh good, I was worried it was a new nickname. Libby: Miss Third-wheel? I like it!