Sabrina, the Teenage Witch

Salem: Young man! If I might have a word with you. Now I'm not her father and I don't care how late you keep her out... However table scraps would be appreciated. Sabrina: Oh just ignore Salem, everyone else does. Derek: Salem Saberhagen? Salem: The one and only. Derek: Oh man, it's great to meet you. You're a legend in the Other Realm. Salem: Really? I thought your generation had forgotten me. Sabrina: Lord knows we try.

Zelda: I'm back! Salem, here's your whitening solution. Oh, and the dentist wanted to throw in some mouthwash. Salem: (breathing deeply to emphasize each "H") How helpful for my halitosis.

Zelda: Oo! My tooth! Salem: Silence, wench! I'm trying to read Liz Smith. Apparently the material girl really digs that cabala. Zelda: I appreciate your concern. Salem: Well I'd give you the name of my dentist but you'd have to get neutered at the same time. Zelda: Thanks, but I have an appointment with Doctor Axelrod in the Other Realm. Salem: Could you pick me up some whitening solution for my incisors? Zelda: I've a better idea. Why don't you cut back on the double espressos? Salem: Please! I quit smoking, this is all I've got left.

Hilda: She was obsessing over this mortal guy. You know the story, boy meets girl; girl uses magic; boy dumps girl; girl goes to Rocky Horror with aunt; aunt sits on melted raisinets; aunt changes seats; aunt sits on guy in garter belt... Zelda: Hello! Back to Sabrina? I just wish she could find a nice witch to go out with, it's so tricky dating mortals. Hilda: Mortals? It's tricky dating anything with a pulse! Plants I'm good with.

Hilda: Talk about low self-esteem. Who does he remind me of? Oh yeah, me. Sabrina: He was cute too. Why did I have to do magic and scare him off? I guess I inherited that date-killer gene too. Hilda: On the up side, it's the same gene that lets us do this. (Zaps she and Sabrina into Rocky Horror costumes).