Samantha Who?

Andrea: So, who's not wearing a wedding ring? Regina: Oh well cheese makes me bloat. Especially roquefort and some cheddars and the occasional goat. Will you stop looking at my fingers?

Samantha: I don't know why everyone thinks sneaking around is so bad. Spies do it, you know, and they're defending the country, so I'm like a patriot.

(Samantha and Todd are kissing on the couch.) Samantha: Did you hear that? Todd: What was it? The door? Samantha: No. My back cracked.

(As Samantha rifles through her mother's underwear drawer) Howard: Samantha, what the hell is going on in here? Samantha: If I told you, I don't think you'd be very happy. Howard: Well, I don't expect things to make me happy. I'm from a different generation.

Samantha: Andrea, you know something and I want to hear it. Andrea: There was an incident a few years ago. You and I were coming out of a club. Samantha: And? Andrea: Sorry, usually by now, you're like "Oh my God" and then you remember everything. Samantha: Just tell me the story!

Samantha: My heart is still beating like crazy. You gotta feel this. (takes Dena's hand and places it on her chest) Dena: Yeah, I'm kind of creeped out by the fact that there's something in our chests that's pumping blood. I do not like that.

Todd: A lot of work. All the photography, you know. I mean, enough with the weddings already. Take the money and buy a house people.

Samantha: (end voiceover) You know that thing about touching the plate after the waiter tells you it's hot? The most exciting time is that moment right before you touch it. After that, you're just an idiot sitting in a restaurant with a burnt finger. The truth is, as one who's had my share of meals, it's a lot more fun when you're not in pain.

Samantha: (beginning voiceover) You know how, when a waiter tells you not to touch your plate because it's hot, you immediately have to touch it. I mean, I guess there's a part of you that wants to see how hot the plate really is but maybe you touch it because, inside, you just want to do something wrong.

Samantha: (hiding under the pillows of the couch) Don't judge me Frank. Frank: Oh, that ship sailed a long time ago.

(Todd leans in to kiss Sam) Samantha: Oh my God! My mother wasn't going to play golf. Todd: That may be the un-sexiest line I've ever heard. Samantha: My mother's having an affair. Todd: And we have a new winner!

Andrea: Okay, I was watching Oprah last week and she was talking about ways to tell if someone is having an affair. Dena: Oh my God, we both watch Oprah! Andrea: (with a sarcastic tone) Oh my God, we're twins.

Howard: Sammie, your mother and I are just fine. When two people have been married as long as we have, you learn to give each other space. You water a flower too much, it dies. Samantha: Yeah, well if you don't water it enough, it will find someone to have sex with who will.