Samantha Who?

Samantha: You knowingly made me feel terrible and blackmailed me, which makes you even worse. Regina: Of course I am. I'm your mother. And my mother was worse than me.

Regina: Look! I'm repainting your old birdcage. Samantha: I didn't know I had any birds. Regina: You didn't. When you were little we put you in here to play.

Andrea: Do you remember the night of the sacrificial shoe? Dena: Is that a Nancy Drew book?

Samantha: You should be happy I didn't draw you into this web of deceit. Andrea: Honey, I'm an attorney. Web of deceit is where I get my mail.

Regina: Oh hi, Andrea, Oh you know there's a perfect dress for you in here. It looks just as good out at night as it does stumbling home in the morning.

Samantha: This is so not my fault. You can't see a raccoon at night. It's wearing a mask.

Samantha: The amnesia only affected my memory. It did not affect my driving skills. Howard: You know what your driving skills have got me in the past? Two busted garage doors and the death of a squirrel that was like a pet to me.

Samantha: Hey, how's your dog? Dena: Much better. He really perked up after he puked in my car.

Samantha: (voice over) Having amnesia is like driving an obstacle course; I mean I guess that's what it's like. Since my accident no-one will let me drive.

Regina(calling from other room): Samantha! Dena: Ooh, what are you gonna do? Sam: Right now, I'm gonna go in there, I'm gonna smile, turn this tube top into a turban, and then I'm gonna ruin her life.

Dena(on the face Sam is making: Oooh, that's the scary face she made at the lake. Bad Sam is back. Andrea: Oh, there's my baby girl! Oh, it's good to see you!

Andrea: Guess who cracked like an egg? Sam (shooing Andrea and Dena aside): No no no, get get get. Dena. What happened to a lifetime of keeping things inside? Dena(about Andrea grilling her as to what she and Sam were hiding): Her questions were really hard. And plus I really enjoyed her finally taking an interest in me. (laughs) Nice scarf. Sam: Thanks. It's also a casual skirt.

(Sam and Dena are pushing the wrecked car into a lake) Sam: Just relax, alright? This is good. Everyone will assume that the car was stolen out of the driveway overnight, and the insurance will buy a new one, so no one gets in trouble. More importantly, my dad will think that he can trust me. (car is pushed into the lake, sinking) Dena: Even though he can't.

Sam: Mom, I am not going to spend my Sunday night making some mother feel bad about her child. Regina: Why not? You...do it every other day.

Regina: Look at you, you could be a model! Samantha: The last time that I wore this, Mom, you said I looked cheap. Regina: Well, you do. But in different clothes you could be a model.

(The morning after, talking to Andrea at a coffee place) Andrea: He called on a Friday night?!? That's a special vet! Sam: Well, it's a special dog! Andrea: What did he say? Sam: Nothing, he's a dog. Andrea: I meant the vet. Sam: He said that we should watch the dog. Andrea: Why? Sam: Because he's special. Andrea: So you should watch him?!? Sam: I was talking about the vet. Andrea: I was talking about the dog. Sam: What do you want to know? Andrea: Why didn't you answer you cell? Sam: I was on the phone. Andrea: All night?!? Sam: With the vet!!! Andrea: Impressive. Sam: Like I said. Andrea: He's special. Sam: Hhhmmmmm…