Samantha Who?

Chase: This rehab of yours. I do not know what they took out of your system, but right now I want you to stand up, I want you to go back there and I want you to pay whatever it takes to just shove that crap right back in your mouth. Samantha: Okay. Chase: Good meeting.

Regina: There's nothing wrong with your breasts. They are great. And they're going to stay great. You know why? Because you have the genes. Here, look at these (she starts undoing her blouse buttons). Samantha: No. Stop.

Samantha: (to Todd) You know what? I don't mean to complain but I just really feel that I am doing all the work in this break up.

Samantha: I don't mean to make anything any weirder than they are between us. Do you think my bra's going to show through this? Todd: You do remember we broke up, right?

Sam: I'm a vice-president of something and I have my own office and I've got a big chair and a coffee cup and the secretary's completely afraid of me. I mean, I am a big damn deal. Oh, and you know what? Found out I'm getting a boob job and I'm afraid of elevators. How was your day? Todd: I had a pop-tart.

Tracy: (to Sam) Oh my god. It's you. Hi. Sorry. Andrea: (whispering) It's your secretary. Tracy: I'm sorry. I didn't expect you in today but welcome back. (She hands Sam an apple.) Here's your apple. Sam: Oh, thank you. Tracy: (snatching the apple back and biting into it) Forgot to start it for you. Sorry. Sam: I make her start my apple?

Sam: You told them I was in rehab? Andrea: Rehab is super-trendy. It makes you seem young.

Sam: I have a doctor's appointment card for today. Who's Dr. Kegoshian? Dena: Wait. From the hospital? Oh is he the brain doctor? Howard: Or is it the guy who got us to donate her organs? Regina: Oh we liked him. He was funny. Sam: You were going to donate my organs? Regina: Not your eyes. I could never look anyone in the face again without wondering.

Regina: (to Dena about Sam) Oh, I'm sorry dear, she's busy with me today. Sam: Actually I was going to kind of be busy with me today. Regina: That doesn't sound like any fun. I mean if we're not going to get to know each other again, what was the point of you getting hit by that car?

Sam: I don't know what my job is. Regina: Well I don't know any more. You haven't spoken to me for two years. Dena: Twenty for me. Howard: I think it was something in a building. Sam: Oh. Well I guess that rules out astronaut then.

Sam: I have this dream. I was hit by a car, lost my memory, moved in with my parents. Oh please, let it be a dream.

Samantha: I have this dream. I was hit by a car, lost my memory, moved in with my parents. Oh please, let it be a dream.

Andrea: So, you're honestly telling me that your secretary's birthday just just happens to be today. Sam: No, no. But I had to send a message. And, of course she was like "No, no I can't do that" and I said "Look girlie, do I have to command you to have a good time? So, eat a piece of cake, have two pieces of cake!" Poor thing. Andrea: She's diabetic, you know. Sam: (she rushes to Tracy) Oh, for heaven's sake. No, no. Spit, spit.

Sam: Well....... this job SUCKS.

Sam (out of breath): Hi.... thank you... secretary... listen... I have ten seconds before this meeting... now just don't ask me... but just tell me... what do we do? Tracy: Exactly what we're told, I know that now, it won't happen again.

Sam: And now I can't quit my job, and I have to work. It is so unfair! Todd: Unfair how? Sam: That I have to work! So I can pay my bills! So that I can make money! Okay, so it sounded a lot more unfair in my head than it did out loud.

Samantha: Hey, hey, Frank? I'm not really sure about this outfit. You know me, is this me? Doorman Frank: Yes, it is. Samantha: You didn't look. Frank (after glancing at Samantha): It's an improvement over the usual, I'd say. Samantha: Really? Wow. Frank: Coco Chanel said that to avoid over-accessorizing, women should look in the mirror and remove one thing. With you, it was often your dignity. Samantha: Oh. Thank you for... your honesty. Hey, should I get a boob job? Frank: We are not friends. Samantha: Right.

Samantha: Stupid old me! The old me really screw the new me over, didn't she? How am I supposed to start fresh? When my past keeps reaching into my future and pulling me into my present!

Samantha: If things happen for a reason, then... what was the reason? Maybe it's that I'm supposed to do something important in my life like improve the world, help the little people. Andrea: What little people? dwarfs? the dwarfs are fine! Samantha: Or maybe it's just not be unhappy with what I do, I mean... come on Andrea! do you really love what you do? Andrea: I don't know! who cares? but if everyone asks if they love what they do the economy will collapse by morning, and how is that helping the dwarfs?

Samantha: The point is this thing happened to me. This near death experience. Andrea: Oh my God, when? Samantha: Oh, when I got hit by a car. Andrea: Oh that, yeah, ok go on.

Samantha: I don't remember sex. Andrea: Oh... You're a virgin!