Dr. Helen Magnus
Dr. Will Zimmerman
When Will inquires as to why Henry and the Big Guy cannot help, he's told that Magnus agreed to let them go to Comic-Con. This is a bit of an inside joke as, in real life, Amanda Tapping is a regular guest at Comic-Con.
Helen: The attack was fierce, frenzied.
Will: Yeah, doesn't look like she had much time to put up a fight.
Helen: Do you think we could spin this as a wild animal attack?
Will: (to Magnus) Who walks away from a crash like that? Actually, what am I saying? We know a lotta people who walk away from a crash like that.
Helen: He's on a mission of utmost importance. I was sworn to absolute secrecy.
Will: Wait a second … San Diego comic-con? That's the mission of utmost importance?
Helen: You did not hear it from me.
Will: (scoffs) Where's the big guy? He's with him?
Helen: It's one of the few places he actually blends in.
Will: Okay, great, so they're fan-boys. Working with fan-boys …
Laura: Chad? Holy crap! Oh …
Chad: Well, it's nice to see you too, Laura
Laura: Okay, but I … I went to your memorial service.
Chad: Yeah. It's a shame I had to miss it. I - I heard it was nice.
Laura: What the hell's going on?
Darren: (chuckles) Now that's what I wondered too, at first, but then, then I remembered that - that week that we had spent at that … Mexican clinic?
Darren: And … I'm just saying … then it all made sense. (pulls out a gun)
Laura: Oh, my … oh, my God …
(Chad shoots Laura, who revives momentarily with wildly dilated pupils)
Darren: (he and Chad reveal their own wild eyes) Hi.
Chad: Welcome to the club.
Will: So they checked into a drug clinic, very expensive, very exclusive.
Helen: (reading) "Headed by the noted Viennese scientist, Doctor Heinrich Baumschlager". Never heard of him.
Will: No … place is called La Casa de la Nueva Vida.
Helen: Ah, the House of New Life - and it appears to be living up to its name.
Will: Why do I get the feeling we're gonna sit through a time-share pitch?
Helen: Because there's something a tad dodgy about all of this.
Will: Yeah, well, the crash forensics came up zilch. Right now we have nothing. None of this makes any sense.
Nurse: El doctor will see you now.
Helen: On the contrary … (Helen taps Will) now it makes perfect sense.
Tesla: Hola, amigos! (Will sighs and lowers his head)
Tesla: (with Viennese accent) I notice you do seem a bit on edge. Might I suggest one of our green tea detox massages? It makes you feel a hundred again.
Helen: We know what's going on here.
Tesla: And I don't like the tone of your voice.
Will: And we don't like being lied to, so …
Tesla: (sighs) Why are you people always so ready to think the worst of me? (Will quietly scoffs) You've seen my facilities for yourself.
Helen: You don't honestly expect us to believe that you are running a detox clinic?
Will: Yeah, you're, uh, you're not exactly the philanthropic type.
Tesla: Wealthy parents ship their drug-addled teenagers to me. They arrive, their poor little bodies wracked by … the best designer drugs trust funds can buy. It breaks your heart. But then, after one week of my treatment, I send them home to mater and pater completely cured of all addictions.
Will: Whoa … one week?
Will: That's impossible.
Tesla: Which part of "I'm a genius" aren't you getting?
Helen: Whatever you've done to these young people, Nikola, they're disappearing.
Tesla: As in …
Will: Something's killing them … and stealing their bodies.
Tesla: You don't say.
Helen: Come on, out with it. I want to hear you say the words.
Tesla: All right. I - I may have … sort of …
Helen: Spill it, Nikola!
Tesla: (smiling) … turned them into vampires.
Tesla: Now, admittedly, I was … too impatient with my previous experiments. They were … imperfect.
Helen: They were homicidal.
Tesla: Semantics. The - this time it's different.
Helen: How? You would still have to use your own blood.
Tesla: Yes, but I programmed the little tykes DNA for a time release of the vampire gene - thirty years minimum for the metamorphosis to complete.
Will: Time release? We're talkin' about ancient vampire blood here, it's not cold medication.
Tesla: Same principal, junior. I thought … that if I slowed down the genetic mutation I'd sidestep the antibody rejection which was plaguing my former subjects.
Helen: Well, clearly something went wrong.
Helen: How many subjects did you treat here?
Tesla: Oh, man … (smiling) enough to raise a little hell.
Darren: (reading) "Vampires were once the best and brightest race … on the planet" (hands pages to Chad) So many of the great minds were bloodsuckers.
Chad: The humans bowed down to us? We were immortals? (Darren nods and chuckles) Kings.
Laura: King of the world. I like the sound of that.
Chad: Yeah. So do I … I think it's time to rebuild the empire. (he growls, baring his fangs, and the others join in)
Will: Death would be the last thing that an immortal would think of.
Tesla: This first kid died in a car accident …
Will: … and then showed up two days later, alive.
Helen: Chad Spencer.
Tesla: Yes, I remember him. Alpha-male type.
Helen: If a human, having undergone your treatment, dies …
Tesla: The vampire gene would kick in. It was programmed to survive at all costs
Will: Okay, so - so Chad comes back to life and starts rounding up the other patients …
Helen: … and killing them, thereby triggering their vampire genetics.
Tesla: (slams the laptop closed) The little bastard. This was supposed to be my party! Nobody hijacks NIKOLA TESLA!
Steve: Are you using again?
Darren: We are clean, my friend.
Steve: What's with the eyes? They don't do that on "True Blood".
Chad: Look, this isn't a TV show. Okay, this is real.
Laura: What's going on? Why isn't he coming back to life?
Darren: Wow. Not cool.
Laura: Oh, my God. I - I killed him.
Chad: Look, what the hell happened?
Laura: No, I mean, I really killed him.
Chad: Look, it's not your fault, okay?
Laura: What do you mean it's not my fault? I bit him on the neck and now he's dead.
Chad: Well, it's not supposed to happen like this.
Darren: I don't get it. I mean, everyone knows that's how you make more vampires.
Darren: Yeah, Chad, I'm startin' to get a bad feeling about all this.
Chad: What, are you gonna bail just because of one screw-up?
Darren: That's what you call dead Steve?
Helen: Find out all you can about them.
Kate: (on the phone) Okay. Am I looking for anything in particular?
Kate: stops Come again?
Helen: Yeah, it seems Nikola's been up to his usual, selfish tricks.
Tesla: Oh. Oh, I'm selfish.
Helen: Shocking, I know.
Tesla: Because I tried to save my race from extinction.
Helen: Because you used innocent children in a potentially deadly experiment.
Will: There was that.
Tesla: Ah, professional jealousy.
Helen: You've no idea what you've unleashed! (three young vampires walk towards them) Ah, let me guess, this must be your graduating class.
Chad: It's an honor to welcome the source of our greatness.
Vampire: You're like our own personal Obama.
Tesla: What the hell are you playing at?
Chad: Look, this isn't a game. Okay, we both know that.
Tesla: Don't read me the rulebook, sonny, I wrote it.
Chad: What's your problem? This was your idea, remember?
Tesla: No. No. No. The spontaneous generation of vampires decades ahead of schedule was not my idea. I had a plan, an intricate, ingenious design - and strange as it may sound, it did not involve you blowing away your friends and taking over … Do you have any idea what you've become?
Darren: Well, that's why you're here, to fill in the gaps for us.
Tesla: Sanguine Vampirus, the preeminent race on the planet. Born for greatness, bred to rule - kings and pharaohs. There was a time when we sighed, and the world trembled.
Chad: Our parents have more money than God … and they hold positions of power and influence all over this world.
Tesla: And in a few decades' time, you would've stepped into their shoes, creating a new ruling class, returning us to the old ways.
Chad: So let's bring it on. Now! And if anyone stands in our way, they'll die.
Tesla: Nice, all the subtlety of brain surgery with a chainsaw.
Chad: (scoffs) But why wait? We're here right now.
Tesla: Oh, and you think that your 24 years experience has prepped you for ruling the earth?
Chad: What are you saying?
Tesla: I'm saying you'll blow it. You've turned what was supposed to be a symphony into Rock and Roll! French-Canadian rock and roll!
Chad: You know, I was hopin' you'd be a little bit more cooperative.
Tesla: Yeah, well, life's a bitch - and then you don't die.
Tesla: (after being thrown off a high rise building) Okay … let's talk. You know, I almost broke a nail on the way down.
Laura: You know, Chad's not gonna be cool with this. If he finds out where you're holding me, he's gonna whip some serious vamp action on your ass.
Helen: You have no idea what you've become. Insolence will only make things worse.
Laura: Yeah? Why don't you bite me, bitch!
Will: Why don't you go get an Earl Grey and let me take a shot?
Chad: Um … Darrin was pre-med.
Darren: Dropped out.
Darren: I don't know, the parties were lame?
Will: I mean, look, I get it. You were brought to that clinic under false pretenses and you were experimented on without your consent …
Laura: I checked in a meth head. I checked out a vampire. Bonus.
Will: Look, if you tell us where the others have taken Tesla, we might be able to reverse the process.
Laura: That's your pitch?
Laura: Rat out my friends, I get to go back to being an addict? (giggles) I'm not telling you anything, and you can't make me.
Will: Okay. Well, have it your way. (turns to Kate) Kill her.
Kate: About time.
Laura: (laughs) What are you gonna do, shoot me? I'll just heal again. I'm immortal
Kate: If this gun was loaded with regular bullets, you'd be right. But these, sweetheart, are solid silver, blessed by a priest with holy water from the Vatican.
Will: Yeah, only us sanctified monster hunters get 'em, it's …
Chad: I don't get you. Isn't this what you want? The preeminent race reborn?
Tesla: On my terms, not yours. See, kid, you've stolen my life's work, and you've destroyed my dream, but really, what's worse than all that, you little punk, is the arrogance to presume that you even have a clue what you're doing.
Chad: You still don't get it, huh, gramps?
Chad: We are your dream.
Tesla: No, you're my nightmare.
Chad: You know, I really wanted us to work together. I did. You'd be my mentor, teach us the ways of the race - but all you wanna do is bitch and moan. You know, you're just like my dad … my coaches and my profs. There's no sense of possibility. You know, you may be immortal, but you died a long time ago.
Kate: Whatever happened to the good old stake-through-the-heart?
Will: Doesn't work.
Kate: What about all those movies like "Buffy" or …
Helen: Misinformation propaganda - spread by the vampires themselves. Confuse the enemy, preserve the race.
Kate: What about exposing them to sunlight … or garlic …?
Will: All you get is tanned vampires with bad breath.
Helen: Besides, we don't wanna kill them, we wanna help them.
Kate: No, I'm thinking kill them.
Will: Yeah. Trust-fund vampires? I'm thinkin' she's right.
(Tesla's would-be "rescuers" are tied up in a storeroom)
Kate: If we ever get out of this alive I'll kill him!
Will: Me first.
Helen: Both of you - back of the line! (Tesla enters) Well, it's about time!
Tesla: Before you thank me …
Helen: Thank you!?
Tesla: You're welcome. I just saved all of your lives.
Will: Really? You expect us to believe that?
Tesla: What? You didn't believe that little display out there, did you? No, that was just melodrama for the peanut gallery.
Tesla: My failsafe? The '45 Bordeaux, tell me you brought it.
Helen: You were taking an awful chance that we'd actually find it.
Tesla: Yes, but Helen, we've known each for a hundred-plus years. I think I know your mind by now.
Helen: (nods) Left side.
Tesla: ( moves close, preparing to reach inside her jacket) I've often wondered what this moment would be like. Me … you tied up. (whispers) It's a shame you brought the children.
Helen: Focus, Nikola.
(pulls out his "weapon")
Tesla: Ah …
Will: Okay, so what is that thing?
Tesla: I call it … the De-Vamper!
Kate: You're a genius and that is the best name you could come up with?
Chad: So … we were gonna rule the world together, huh?
Tesla: See, the thing is, I'm more of a one-man show.
Chad: So this is all some sort of a setup, huh?
Tesla: Well, what can I say? Never trust anyone over a hundred and thirty.
Tesla: Forgive me, Helen. It's just my soul-crushing depression talking. I'm not myself.
Helen: On the contrary, you are your real self again - human, mortal.
Tesla: Watch your language!
Helen: I'm sorry, Nikola, but it's true. I've tried everything I can think of. There's simply no way to re-vamp you.
Tesla: You see how this puts a crimp in my plans for world domination? Not to say I won't keep trying.
Helen: I would expect nothing less.
Tesla: Very well, if this is to be a wake, then let's do it properly. Join me in a toast : To happier times, to those halcyon days of bloodlust now gone - plus you gotta admit, vampires are just plain cool.
Tesla: Here's to the glorious vampire race - once mighty, now extinct.
Original International Air Dates
Canada : December 18, 2009 on Space
U.K. : December 21, 2009 on ITV4
Australia : April 8, 2010 on SciFi Australia
Czech Republic : March 24, 2010 on AXN Sci-fi
The final credits read: "In memory of Azra Young and Phoebe and Fergus Conway". Azra, 14, was the daughter of Jonathon Young, who plays Nikola Tesla, and his wife Kim Collier. Azra, along with her cousins Fergus, 14, and Phoebe, 10, died in a cabin fire on the shores of Shuswap Lake, on July 23th, 2009.
Steve: What's with the eyes? They don't do that on True Blood.
Kate: What about all those movies like "Buffy" or …
Kate is alluding to the movie Buffy The Vampire Slayer (1992) which also became a hit television series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1997). In the show, Buffy dispatches vampires using the "traditional" methods Kate is mentioning.
Kate: Not to be a Debbie Downer, but isn't this one hell of a long shot?
Kate is alluding to the name of Rachel Dratch's fictional Saturday Night Live character, who was a frequent fount of bad news and negativity, bringing everybody down. In a 2005 episode, Debbie fell in love with Steve Carell's character, Bob Bummer.
Female Vampire: You're like our own personal Obama.
The fawning young female vampire is not alluding to the 44th President of the United States, per se, but rather the heroic "savior" figure candidate Obama was seen as by some when he first began his campaign.
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