Sanctuary Episode 5

Helen: Take the other side. Draw them away if you can.
Will: You're kidding, right?

(Helen and Ashley battle a host of Keepers of the Dead)
Ashley: I know this was not on the brochure!

(Will finds three women in three "coffins")
Will: This might be my first crypt, but … aren't they supposed to hold dead people?

Will: So, it was, uh, some mission, huh?
Ashley: Ghouls … crypt … standard fare.
Will: Uh, new guy, still not sleeping. No such thing as standard fare.
Ashley: Great.
Will: So, I was just wondering, um, how you doing? Since …
Ashley: Since I learned my Dad was a time-travelling nut job?
Will ("chuckles" nervously): I was gonna say troubled soul but, uh …
Ashley: Peachy. Thanks for asking.
Will: Hey, ah … you know, that's some pretty serious information to be carrying around. If you ever wanna just, you know, sit down and talk and kinda let it out, I'm here.
Ashley: Here's some advice about me : I'm not big on "sharing" … So, just stick to helping the freaks. That's why you're here … Ciao.

(Will observes the three unconscious "Morrigan" in the Sanctuary infirmary)
Will (sighs): Three not-so-dead women found in coffins … just another day at the office.

(Magnus prepares to remove a Keeper's exoskeleton "skull")
Helen: Now, this fellow …
Will: Fond memories.
Helen: These creature detected our presence early and possessed unnatural speed and strength.
Will: Definitely not normal.
Helen: Oh, not as you would define it, no. (removes the "skull", inspecting a sticky residue) I was about to gather some fluid samples. Care to assist?
Will (looking disgusted): Uh, I'd love to, but, um … I better get back to my office and get the whole … head shrinking operation up and running.
Helen: As you wish.

(Ashley fires at a creature above her but the weapon doesn't work and the creature jumps, pinning her to the ground)
Ashley: Oh, for crying out loud! HENRY! Steve - off.
Steve: You okay, Ash?
Ashley: You need a mint. Henry!
Henry: I know, I know, I know, I know.
Ashley: It didn't work.
Henry: Which is why we have dry runs.
Ashley: I could've died.
Henry: Oh, from him? C'mon, he's a puppy dog.
(Steve snorts indignantly)

(Henry adjusts the weapon and fires at the building)
Henry: There you go, a calibration issue. These long-range acoustic devices get a bit wonky when you jostle them, so …
Ashley: Henry, I do a lot of jostling when I work.
Henry: So chose a different weapon. I got a new case of Tech Nines in the truck. They still got that "new gun smell" and everything …
Steve (pointing at the damage intended for him): That was minimum?
Ashley: I want my usual gear ready for Friday, including the LRADs - calibrated to handle jostling.
Henry: Okay, well, the regular stuff's no problem, but the sonics - you're dreaming. Well, besides, these are only good if you're going after … No, no, no, no, no. Wait a minute. Wait a minute! You're not thinkin' of trying to kill what I think you're thinkin' of tryin' to kill?
Ashley: Just make it happen, Henry.
Henry: Ash, that is a completely unsanctioned …
Ashley: Friday.
Henry: I'M GONNA TELL YOUR MOTHER!
Steve: Suck up.

(the Big Guy enters silently while Will is on the phone)
Big Guy: You're needed in the infirmary.
Will: Oh! Okay, new rule … Don't do that. (sighs)
(the Big Guy chuckles)

Helen: I understand you've quite the weekend planned.
Ashley: Thank you, Henry.
Helen: He called out of concern for your well being, something you seem determined to sacrifice.
Ashley: You mean I'm gonna get myself killed? God, why can't you talk like a normal person?
Helen: Ashley, I realize there are things that need to be discussed between us.
Ashley: Sure, Mom. Let's, uh, let's bake treats and bond and do each other's hair - right after I go kill a bunch of ghouls for sport.
Helen: Those creatures are on the contraband list for a reason. There are specific rules governing their capture.
Ashley: Oh, a lot of things changed since good old "Dad" showed up.
Helen: It changes nothing. I had no reason to …
Ashley: When he took me prisoner … Mom, I froze on that island. Okay? I hesitated. Do you realize how major a problem that is? For both of us.
Helen: And you think that by going off on some insane hunt you'll suddenly overcome your fears? Ashley …
Ashley: Mom, if I can't do that I'm not worth a damn to anybody, am I?

(Will finds Helen in the lab dissecting a Keeper)
Will: Oh!. Okay, you need to, uh … you need to put a sock on the door or something before you … do that.
Helen: He's breathtaking., isn't he?
Will: Yeah, that's one way of putting it.

Will: She mentioned a disease that was killing people in her village - called the "miasmas" - which translates from the Greek meaning "poisoned air".
Helen: Plague, actually.
Will: The bubonic plague, specifically. However, the last reported serious outbreak was in Scotland - in … 800 AD.
Helen: Meaning?
Will: She's crazy.
Helen: Is that your professional opinion?
Will: Look, I know there's a lot of things that are outside the realm of our knowledge - blah-blah-blah. But, logically, if she were from 800 AD, she wouldn't speak English the way we do. I'm guessing that linguistics and grammar have evolved somewhat since then.
Helen: Some would say "devolved".
Will: Whatever. The point is that we wouldn't understand her - which makes her a very sweet, very … delusional woman.
Helen: Possibly.
Will: If you have a theory, please, share it with the class.