Sanford and Son Season 4 Episode 5

Lamont: See, the group feels that people don't touch each other enough and it makes them uptight and it leads to heart problems and ulcers.
Fred: Now that's the dumbest thing I ever heard. What if I'm walking down the street and I see a pretty girl and start touching her all over? What do I tell the police? 'Uh well, you see officer I was trying not to get an ulcer'

Fred: I need that group like President Nixon needs a tape deck!

Fred: Esther, what I'm trying to say is that you're overly generous. Every time you open up your mouth, you give away your ignorance!

Esther: Thine own son! Flesh of thy flesh! Bones of thy bones!
Fred: And mouth of thy mouth!!

Esther: I just came over to bring some of my homemade preserves.
Fred: Well, don't hold it up too close to your face. We don't want to preserve that!