Saturday Night Live

Season 31 Episode 6

Eva Longoria/Korn

Aired Saturday 11:30 PM Nov 19, 2005 on NBC

Episode Fan Reviews (2)

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  • Thrusting and Thrashing Towards Oblivion

    A Review by “HelloStuart,” Amateur Critic and MILF

    Boy, did I get a lot of flack about my review last week. After what seemed like another disparaging missive, a couple of people thought that I pulled the wool over their eyes and gave the show a 7.5 on a scale of 10 (for you TV Tome purists, that’s a 3 ½ on the old Stu-dometer) and declared it the “best episode of the season so far.” Though the sketch comedy was a typical hit-and-miss affair, I was reviewing the show as a whole. Jason Lee was an above-average host, Foo Fighters were incredible as musical guest, and Weekend Update was just as cutting as it’s ever been. But let’s be honest, folks: has there ever been a live broadcast where each and every sketch was funny? Even the standard-bearers (Steve Martin/Blues Brothers in Year 3, Tom Hanks/Keith Richards in Year 14) had at least one clunker sketch. Though I do respect the fact that certain SNL fans keep the show at a certain lofty ideal, I stand behind my 7.5 review.

    This week’s host is supermarket tabloid darling Eva Longoria, a veteran soap-opera actress that catapulted to fame as the most disparate (read: ethnic and youthful) of the Desperate Housewives. Our musical guest is KoRn, who are not only making a very rare television appearance, but this is also one of their first performances without guitarist Brian Welch, who abandoned the world of cathartic nu-metal for something slightly less suffocating and militant, that being born-again Christianity.

    And now, the sketch-by-sketch analysis:

    COLD OPENING: Listen to what Fox News says, because Fox News is fair, balanced, and always right. If that last sentence didn’t make milk come out of your nostrils, then feel comforted over the fact that we had to sit through another President Bush Q&A, thus proving that even in the faraway land of China, a simple question can hit way too close to home.

    MONOLOGUE: Chris takes his shirt off to trim some hedges, Horatio scrambles to defy a stereotype, and Don Pardo and Mary Alice (KW) have some hot disembodied voice-on-disembodied voice action in a very predictable and largely unfunny opening disquisition.

    “RAM 3000”: As much as I like this ad spoof, having to see it three times in four weeks is overkill.

    “The Spammies”: Aging comedienne Rita Rudner (RD) hosts this awards show for junk e-mails. Kristen comes out of absolutely nowhere to perform a killer Megan Mullally impression, but that’s the only saving grace in this predictable sketch.

    “Deep House Dish”: Over on MTV4 (“the alternative to the alternative”), this look at the latest in electronic dance music finds the host (KT) berating his bland assistant (RD) while chatting with several emotionless Kraftwerk wannabes.

    “MorganStanley”: Another repeat ad? For the love of…

    “The Couple That Should Be Divorced”: In an attempt to bring fresh ideas to a recurring sketch with a seemingly minuscule shelf life, Don and Sally (SM, AP) bicker at their 10-year college reunion and invite a classmate (WF) to a three-way. Even with a handful of mildly invigorating tweaks, the Needlers should’ve been put out to pasture months ago.

    “Vincent Price’s Thanksgiving Day Special”: Courtesy of the bottomless pit of TV Land’s Variety Vault, this 1958 smorgasbord finds the guy who played Egghead on “Batman” (BH) throwing a Turkey Day bash that goes horribly wrong all due in part to various 50’s Hollywood caricatures. Kristen hits another home run as a loopy Judy Garland and Hader made for a decent Price, but the overall banter made this a diamond in the rough.

    MUSICAL PERFORMANCE: The so-called rebirth of KoRn doesn’t start until the 6th of December, but here’s the leadoff single from their album, a little ditty called “Twisted Transistor.”

    WEEKEND UPDATE: So Steve Jobs has a new iPod or two to demonstrate, huh? The observation that the smaller they get, the more data they can hold seemed dead-on, but the bit, along with Fred’s Jobs impression, were stillborn. Though the jokes weren’t as spot-on was they have been in recent weeks, the C-SPAN footage of Rep. Jean Schmidt (RD) has a good apathetic feel, not unlike a disturbing self-revelation.

    “Vanity Fair Photo Shoot”: Of all the sketches that I could see coming from a mile away, this had to be the most obvious one. The five housewives (with RD as Eva and Eva as Teri Hatcher) set up odd demands at the now-infamous photo shoot, all the while giving off that Hollywood egotist aura that you’ve seen so many times before that never seems to change shape or form. At least Seth Meyers got to wear a dress.

    “Still Trapped in the Closet”: Spoofing what has to be the worst song of 2005, R. Kelly’s (FM) meandering soap opera gets 15 more chapters of repetitious melody and ludicrous plot twists. I wanted to like this sketch, but this half-hearted jab at pop culture fired and missed.

    “The Engelhart Five”: Even without their brother Klaus, the surviving three brothers and one sister (Eva, FA, BH, SM) sing along and make people happy. Even if the song titles symbolize an “In The Bedroom”-style interfamily tension, at least you can dance along and cheer to their barely contained angst.

    MUSICAL PERFORMANCE: Am I imagining things, or did they just perform their 1998 hit “Freak on a Leash”? If so, it was a pleasant surprise.

    “Firmium”: Several euphemisms for the excretion of fecal matter dominate Eva’s sales pitch in an otherwise awful sketch about laxatives.

    There’s no argument here- this was a weak show. At times it even felt as if half the sketches were regurgitated by*, and I do not intend that to be a compliment. The writing was more amateurish and jejune than usual, and even the cast couldn’t conceal its flaws. Longoria was a bit more versatile than expected, thus continuing a winning streak on the host’s part. Given their noble attempt at piecing their band back together, I’ll give KoRn a reprieve; after all, there are far greater problems in the world, and that is especially the case on Saturday Night Live.

    Sketches/Segments That Will Probably Be Removed in Repeats: With the show like this, it’s best to go for the bottom of the barrel, i.e. “Deep House Dish,” “Vanity Fair Photo Shoot,” “Still Trapped in the Closet,” and “Firmium.”

    In Two Weeks: Here’s a couple of left-field choices: over-hyped comedian Dane Cook is your host with musical guest James Blunt. Yeah, I’ve never heard of this Blunt guy either, but I hear he’s a British pop-rocker, so I guess he’s worth a shot.

    Contact “HelloStuart” at

    *If you’ve never heard of it, is this fan-fiction site where SNL lovers can write their own sketches and determine what “should be” in this week’s show. Believe it or not, some of these scripts are actually worth reading.
  • Hey, who knew a Desperate Housewife was this good?

    How do I jump right into this episode. I can say this – it was a HUGE improvement from last weeks train wreck of an episode. Not much else to say besides that, so let’s get going with the review.

    This week’s host is Desperate Housewife Eva Longoria. Eva is a nobody that got famous for being on this hit TV show, and now is in almost every magazine out there. Now as a host, I must say, she was pretty good. And I was not expecting that at all. I was glad she didn’t play the “hottie” in every skit like some female hosts do. She was good, and while she is not my pick for a host from a hit ABC show, (hoping Dominic Monaghan from LOST, PLEASE), but she was rather good. B+

    Musical Guest:
    Okay, KoRn just scared me. Is too late for them to be one, Halloween is over. I did hear the songs though. I don’t know how to rate someone who freaked me out. But I guess they had good stage presence. D- (hey, I said they scared me)


    Bush Q&A in China: Apparently, and this is a shocker, Mr. President is tired of answering questions about the waste of time war in Iraq. I’ve seen better Bush skits, and this was just okay. Not really funny. C+

    RAM 5000: Man I love this. It’s the second time seeing it, and it is still hilarious. A+

    The Spammies: This is the award show for that annoying SPAM e-mail you get. Now normally I wouldn’t like it, but the new girl’s Megan Mullaly impression was dead on, maybe one of the best things of this season. That is what sold me on this. B

    Deep House Dish: The MTV channel for weird Euro-pop music. At least that is what I got from it. I hope this does not return. It pry won’t either. Not that good. C

    Morgan Stanley: I swear, this skit keeps getting repeated, but is still just as funny as the first time I’ve seen it. A+

    The Couple That Should Be Divorced: Again? All I can say is that this couple makes up fast, in like 5 minutes after their fight, they consummate. And on poor Eva’s coat too. Oh, well. Still, not impressed. C

    Vincent Price’s Thanksgiving Day Special: Oh man was this one good. This was my second favorite skit of the night. I wish this was a real show on TV Land. This should be repeated for all the holidays. A++

    Vanity Fair Photo Shoot: This is the true story of the infamous Desperate Housewives photo shoot for the cover of Vanity Fair Magazine. I had 2 problems with this, besides the fact it was dumb. 1. Seth should NEVER play a woman. 2. Eva is in no was Terri Hatcher. Terri is tall, while Eva is 5 foot 1. And Terri has a larger, well, chest. But I’m sure when she gets back to work they will be happy their story was told truthfully. C-

    Still Trapped In the Closet: YEAH!!! Now this is what I’m freakin talking about. Chapters 14 – 28 of R. Kelly’s famed ghetto soap opera Trapper in the Closet. This was one of the best skits on this show. An alien as the father? Brilliant, and likely. I can’t wait for their take on chapters 29 – 42. Wonder what happens there. A+++

    The Engleheart Five Minus 1: Here’s the summary – this family band, Swedish I think, lost a brother. And almost every song on their new CD is dedicated to that fast. There is a reason why some skits are on dead last. C

    Firnium: This is the reason some skits ARE on dead last. They are dumb. Worst skit of the night. D

    BEST MOMENT: R. Kelly’s Still Trapped In the Closet was the funniest moment of the night, and the best. I also liked Vincent Price’s Thanksgiving Special. That was a wonderful idea. And a really great moment was that this was 10 times better than last week’s train wreck.

    WORST MOMENT: Um, pry KoRn as the musical guest. That and that Firnium skit, which was about Eva’s diarrhea problem. Both were bad. Oh yeah, 2 of the cast members got on this list too. Seth should not be a woman, but more importantly, Chris Parnell should NEVER!!! take his shirt off. Only if he begins to work out will I say yes, but if not, hide that stomach.

    SURPRISING MOMENT: The new girl, and I’ll learn her name soon enough, as Megan Mullaly was great. She was incredible. That was a surprise. And it was surprising that Eva made a better than decent host – a good one. Plus seeing the next chapters of Trapped In the Closet was surprising and great at the same time.

    New thing: I’m doing the skit average now. That will determine how good the skits are, besides how I rate the show, besides rating the show as a whole of my opinion. So as a note, F=0, D, - or +, =1, C, + or -, = 2, B, + or -, = 3, and A, + or -, = 4. Now, if an A has more than 1 +, it gets a 1 higher rating. An A++ is a 5.

    SKIT AVERAGE: Total – 33. Average – 3. Skit Average Grade – B

    SHOW RATING: 6.5/10 Sparkling Diamonds
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