Saturday Night Live

Season 31 Episode 13

Natalie Portman/Fall Out Boy

Aired Saturday 11:30 PM Mar 04, 2006 on NBC

Episode Fan Reviews (5)

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  • “U” for “Uneven”

    A Review by “HelloStuart,” the Well-Rested Amateur Critic

    I can’t believe it’s been an entire month since I wrote my last review; though I definitely missed the show, it does feel invigorating to take some time off before Year 31 goes down the home stretch. Given how crazy my first semester at Illinois State University has been, the Olympics-induced sabbatical was exactly what I needed to replenish my creative juices.

    I’m actually somewhat thrilled by the fact that Fall Out Boy is tonight’s musical guest. Being a native Chicagoan, I’m always happy to see somebody local hit the big time. I remember about five years ago when a band from my high school opened for them. (Coincidentally, the bassist for this particular band is now with The Fold, who just released their debut album last month. Keith Mochel, the eyes of Downers Grove are cast upon you with grace.) This week’s host is Natalie Portman, the “it” actress currently starring in the film “V for Vendetta.” Academy Award nominees (past or present) tend to be effective hosts, but only when they prove to be good judges of comedy.

    And now, the sketch-by-sketch analysis:

    COLD OPENING: El Presidente (WF) summarizes and responds to everything that’s been thrown at him in the last month (Portgate, Katrina, the trade deficit, etc.) in the weakest political sketch yet this season. I hate to break it to you, but “The Onion” pulled off that Di-Tech joke nearly two years ago; don’t rip off McSweeney’s next.

    MONOLOGUE: The late, great Senator Padme Amidala fields the inevitable Star Wars questions from the audience (played by cast members, and not writers as usual), but lucky for us her knack for detail brings down this gaggle of geeks with one fell swoop. Questions about head lice and pedophilia are also quashed.

    “Nelson’s Baby Toupees”: This repeated ad spoof, funny as it may be, is only a sad reminder of how Bill Hader’s stock has fallen since Andy Samberg’s post-“Lazy Sunday” lunge into the spotlight.

    “Jamba Juice”: Three over-caffeinated employees (Nat, SM, HS) for the up-and-coming smoothie chain irk their customers with their hammy enthusiasm. Apparently, even after a midseason break Horatio can’t keep a straight face, but I won’t take it against him. After all, how can you resist a peppy little spaz like Natalie’s cashier girl?

    “Larry King Live”: Oh my goodness, Army does an incredible Larry King impression; if only the sketch were as funny as he was. Transsexuals in the topic on tonight’s show, with Felicity Huffman (KW) and four people that have been either directly or indirectly affected by sex change operations. King’s senile confusion was a real treat, even if Armisen was a one-man band.

    “The Couple That Should Be Divorced”: The Needlers/Harrisons (SM, AP) continue to rip at each other at a fertility clinic run by tonight’s host. The jabs are a bit more vicious than usual, but otherwise it’s the same old sketch in a different setting.

    “Belated Black History Moment”: Dennis Haysbert of “24” fame examine the history of African-Americans in mediocre, half-forgotten Saturday morning cartoons. “Token Power” (featuring characters from Peanuts, “Josie & The Pussycats,” and “Ghostbusters”) coasts on its own randomness, while “The Hoke & Daisy Show” is a forgettable send-up of “Driving Miss Daisy.” The third cartoon, “Ladysmith Black Mambazo in Outer Space,” is a so-stupid-its-funny, blink-and-you-missed-it piece of two-dimensional absurdity.

    “Art Dealers”: Speaking of absurdity, Nuni and Nuné (FA, MR) are rescued from the dung heap of forgettable recurring characters at least one more time to meet up with their daughter’s straight-laced boyfriend (JS). Melted ice cream is consumed and chairs made of hair are sat upon. All in all, I’m sick of the Art Dealers.

    MUSICAL PERFORMANCE: The lads from Wilmette bounce like monkeys to their most recent hit “Dance, Dance.” According to my girlfriend, the chicks dig it.

    WEEKEND UPDATE: Yep, more Bush jabs; were you expecting anything besides that? Donald Trump (DH) comments on his public feud with Martha Stewart; Sasha Cohen (Nat) tells a few story jokes and bombs, Kenan introduces his clothing line for black men in drag, which evidently gives Finesse a minute to prove that he’s still a cast member (he’s on the outs, and you know it), and Amy thanks “C. Brandon Brandy” after winning an Oscar for a weak, Leno-type topical joke.

    “Sheldon’s Bar Mitzvah”: It’s been over two years since we last saw the “Wake Up, Wakefield” gang- why bring them back now? Wait a minute- I had nearly forgotten that this was a funny sketch. The painfully awkward adolescence of Meghan and Sheldon (MR, RD) rambles on as our bushy-haired hero makes his way to manhood. Nevertheless, Sheldon is preoccupied with a much-needed romantic entanglement that sours the special occasion, while Adam Levine becomes Meghan’s latest Randy Goldman surrogate. At least Jazz Times Ten has the versatility to combine klezmer with 70’s-era funk…

    FILM: During a fluffy interview with Chris Parnell, Natalie unleashes a monster freestyle rap about who she really is. Though it may be derivative of a certain digital piece that aired three months ago, I have to give extra points to Samberg and his Viking helmet for coming out of nowhere to duet with our wannabe gangsta.

    MUSICAL PERFORMANCE: Their moderate critical acclaim continues to elude me for their big hit from six months ago “Sugar, We’re Going Down.” Watch out for projectile bass guitars!

    “RAM 3000”: Apparently, the show ran long again, so we’re stuck with seeing this ad spoof for the 1,684th time to keep our appetites satisfied before the goodnights.

    Tonight’s broadcast was not a crash landing, but compared to more recent broadcasts this was a very lopsided affair. Portman had a great time and it showed, but there have been better hosts this season. Despite the hometown pride, Fall Out Boy made quite an impression but couldn’t avoid being one of the weaker musical guests of recent memory; despite their success, they seem disinclined to move away from the college campus-type cult following they’ve built up. The writing, as usual, was the real culprit, as the show resorts to recurring characters after avoiding them successfully four weeks ago.

    Next Week: Academy Award nominee Matt Dillon (“Crash”) is your host with musical guest The Arctic Monkeys.

    Sketches/Segments That Will Probably Be Edited in Repeats: “Nelson’s Baby Toupees,” “Art Dealers,” Weekend Update, and “RAM 3000.”

    Questions or comments? Feel free to write “HelloStuart” a PM here at or send him an e-mail at
  • "Where the Comedy Is" "Anyone but Them"

    Tonight's Host was the beautiful and ever so talented Natalie Portman. She was made famous by roles in movies such as "Where the Heart Is", "Closer",and "Anywhere But Here". She is also a graduate from Harvard.

    Fall Out Boy was tonight's Musical Guest. They grew famous over night. They performed 2 of the biggest hits.

    We start with a replay of the Baby Toupees. It was funny the 1st time now its just plainly stupid. Natalies 1st skit was "Jamba Juice". This had to be my favorite of the night. Since it showed Natalie's ability not to crack and it was hell of funny.

    Larry King Live was also very funny. The Needers were some what amusing. They really are getting better. All the other skits weren't that funny but Natalie did perform to her best. Which was pretty damn excellent.

    The Digital Short about natalie had to be very funny.
  • What do you get when you mix Natalie Portman and my favorite TV show: A Classic SNL.

    Cold Opening: Will Forte is back again as the president and has much to talk about: his trip to Afghanistan, India, and Pakistan, a message to OBL, Katrina and the Dick Cheney shooting. He also says that the US will use Ditech for debt consolidation and pokes fun at Bode Miller for his time at the Olympics. Dick Cheney comes in and says that he will not keep it a secret the next time. Live from New York, it's Darrell Hammond.

    Monologue: Natalie takes questions about her films. Andy Samberg plays a Star Wars nerd and asks about Jango Fett and Sypho-Dyus and their dealings with the Galactic Senate. Natalie corrects him. Seth asks about Obi-Wan Kenobi and the Wookie planet but Obi-Wan went to Utapau while Yoda went to Wookie planet. Finesse asks what Star Wars is. Kristen Wiig hasks about why she shaved her head. She thought it was because of head lice and not V for Vendetta. Chris Parnell asks about her wardrobe from The Professional and if she will sell it.

    Nelson's Baby Toupees: Rerun from January 21, 2006.

    Jamba Juice: The employees are Natalie Portman, Seth Meyers and Horatio "Must Go" Sanz. They are hyper and very energetic. Other cast members in this sketch are Rachel Dratch, Kenan Thompson, Chris Parnell, and Bill Hader. Amy Poehler doesn't want a free boost which leads to characters breaking (Seth and Horatio) but she ends up getting it eventually.

    Larry King Live: Fred Armisen as LK interviews several transgendered people. Amy and Rachel play twins, and Amy's character went under the knife to become a guy. Will Forte plays a male who became female. Natalie Portman plays a female who is on the way to becoming a guy. I've never heard a certain word so many times on the show before.

    The Needlers (The Couple that Should Be Divorced): Dan and Sally Needler are back and they argue just like the last few times. This recurring sketch shows the great chemistry between Amy and Seth. They meet with a fertility doctor, played by the lovely Natalie Portman, who advises them to get couples therapy. They have sex in the waiting room instead. Jason Sudeikis is also in this sketch as a fellow doctor or nurse.

    Robert Smigel Cartoon (Belated Black History Moment): This cartoon features live action and is hosted by Dennis Haysbert. He talks about failed shows dealing with African-Americans. Token Power, a "huge piece of crap," was cancelled quickly in 1992. The episode clip shown featured them singing at the Million Man March and they had to be saved by Bryant Gumbel and the CBS eye. CBS started the Hoke and Daisy Show only to find that it was a "bowl of elephant piss" and was cancelled after the first airing in 1993. Warner Brothers started Ladysmith Black Mambazo in Outer Space, an ensemble cartoon that "sucked it hard." It was cancelled as well.

    Artsy Apartment - Nuni (Fred), Nuni (Maya Rudolph), and Tato are back. This time with Nuni (Natalie Portman) and her boyfriend, Jeff (Jason). Fred and Maya argue with Jason over the pronounciation of the names and gives Jason the hair chair. Tato gives them melted ice cream. I never liked this sketch from the first airing.

    Fall Out Boy sings "Dance, Dance."

    Weekend Update: Bush jokes dealing with his trips to Afghanistan, India and Pakistan. Outsourcing jokes. Bush rating at 34%. Cheney urges to "save more" or he will shoot. Anna Nicole Smith and her lawsuit are at the Supreme Court. Martha Stewart and Donald Trump feud. Darrell Hammond plays Donald Trump impersonating Martha Stewart. Trump disses Martha. An anti-depression patch was approved. Closing Ceremonies at the Olympics prompting Amy to joke about Bode Miller. Natalie plays Sasha Cohen and performs excellent at the short joke program. Dancing with the Stars. Kenan Thompson has a new line of clothes for African-American men who prefer drag. Finesse Mitchell plays his recurring role. Savannah Sampson is starting a line of wines which earns Amy a best joke award. Bill Clinton advises Dubai on a port deal. An Austrailian grandmother was given an award for saving a friend. Sasha struggles through the Aristocrats joke.

    Wake up, Wakefield: Sheldon finally has his Bar Mitzvah. Featuring Maya as Megan and Rachel as Sheldon. Megan has a crush on Adam Levine while Sheldon is upset that Rebecca Hershlag is now interested in his debate partner. There is a professional Conan O'Brien look-a-like. Fred plays the grandfather who gives him a $100 check--making me wonder where all my Bar Mitzvah money has gone... Jazz Times 10 plays "Hava Nagilah"

    The Real Natalie: 'Nuff said about this digital short featuring Natalie, Chris, and Andy. I posted the lyrics the other day and have since corrected the errors that I made. This sketch was better than "Lazy Sunday."

    RAD 3000: Rerun from October 29, 2005

    This Saturday features Matt Dillon and the Arctic Monkeys.
  • made me change the title of this review so I wouldn't get moderated. So, a little less commercial breaks, and a little more show. Sugar, It's Comin' On! Watch, Watch!

    Now, every season, there is normally an episode I am really looking forward to. It is one where both the host and musical guest are favs of mine. Plus after the long Winter Olympics break, I wanted to see a new SNL badly. This was so worth the wait. And this was definitely that episode. It had 0 flaws in it really. And the worst skit of the night I could actually watch. The host and musical guest were both perfect. I loved the show. First dime of season. With that said, I might as well start the review.

    This week’s host was Natalie Portman, an extremely talented young actress probably best known as playing Queen Amidala in the Star Wars Episode Trilogy. She did very well in all her skits, even kept a straight face when Sanz and Meyers started laughing in her first skit of the night. But she is a trained professional, so I was hoping she would. In her monologue, which was very funny, she answered questions, proving to know more about Star Wars than the geeky fans, played by Andy and Jason. And she was asked what the “Star Wars” thing is by another audience member. Then she was approached about her first role when she was 11 by Chris Parnell, who asked if she still had any old costumes left. I loved his pervert character. Natalie has definitely been the best host of the entire season so far. Great in all her sketches! She should definitely return. A+

    This week’s musical guest was Chicago’s Grammy nominated pop-punk band, and my favorite band Fall Out Boy. They performed 2 of my favorite songs, first being “Dance, Dance,” and then the song that mostly got them MTV famous, “Sugar, We’re Goin’ Down.” I actually thought they’d do their song that is pry soon to be released, “A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More Touch Me.” I was kinda hoping for it. But hey, I was glad they were on. I read a few complaints about their stage presence, and uh, having seen them perform live before on TV, nothing was new to me. I liked when Pete, the bassist, climbed onto the speakers, and jumped off. And also when he threw his bass into the drums. Of course, Pete and Joe, the guitarist, did the usual spinning and jumping. Patrick, vocals, did a great job too, as always, but I was kinda disappointed that at the end, he made his way to the back of the crowd. But I read complaints where they said you can’t understand a word he said. I could, very easily, more easily than usual, but I know the lyrics by heart mostly. Andy on drums was great too. You don’t get to see the drummer much though. Few quick shots. But it was mostly on Patrick, which means no complaints from me. Loved the close ups. (Gorgeous eyes on him) I also loved how silly they acted before the performances. The band did an excellent job, and providing they didn’t get themselves in trouble, I hope they return. A+++


    Cold Opening: Bush Responds To Criticism – In here, Bush responded to the criticism he is getting from the nation. This skit was very funny. I loved the Ditect reference, and the whole “Texas-style” thing. A

    Nelson’s Baby Toupees – Ah, it is recurring, and is still funny the second time. This is the commercial where they offer toupees for babies who are still bald. They’ll get their hair one day, but this gives them more confidence. Plus, babies are too young to know how fake the air looks. A

    Jamba Juice – This was probably the best skit of the night. It was hilarious. In this Juice Shop, you are expected to get a free boost, cause it is all these kids live for. I loved the energy. (In fact, I wonder if Pete had a few of these juices before the performances) But, by any chance, did these juices have any drugs in them? This skit was also the one where Seth and Horatio started laughing, and Natalie held composure. Glad about that. A++

    Larry King Live – This was an okay funny skit. Larry tried to figure out people’s changes in sex, and couldn’t keep it straight. Now, is it just me, or did Natalie’s character look like Hilary Swank’s in “Boys Don’t Cry?” B-

    The Couple That Should Be Divorced – Ah, the Needlers. Title sums it up. They are trying to have a baby this time, and Natalie is playing the doctor. Funny thing about this couple, is when they leave, they soon have sex in some location, and like 10 seconds later are back. I thought about that when the skit ended. Doesn’t take them very long now does it? A-

    TV Funhouse: Belated Black History Moment – These cartoons looked funny, but never lasted. First we have Token Power, featuring a Pussycat, a Charlie Brown character, and some dude I don’t know. It was strange, but I liked Tracy Morgan’s cameo voice. Then there was the cartoon version of “Driving Mrs. Daisy” which looked good. And finally, the best looking of the 3 was Ladysmith Black Lambazo in Outer Space. They looked and sounded stereotyped. But funny. So, so funny. And it reminded me of some cartoon, but I can’t identify it for some reason. A-

    Art Dealers and the College Boyfriend – I never actually liked this skit. It’s strange and weird. Though this was one actually tolerable. Natalie plays the daughter of the couple with very odd furniture. And Suds was the boyfriend. The funniest, and most disgusting, part was the melted ice cream. I’d never visit that family in a million years. C+

    Sheldon's Bar Mitzvah – The kids from “Wake Up Wakefield” are back! Maya’s character has a new crush, Maroon 5 singer Adam Levine. In the beginning, when Sheldon said there was a surprise musical guest, I started thinking that FOB would actually make an appearance. But then I remembered on their website, Pete said they weren’t doing skits. And I figured Andy would have to be in this one, cause he is Jewish and looks like a kid. I loved his character. Natalie played Sheldon’s ex, and Andy played her new boy friend. And the 2 danced, and dear God, that whole white people can’t dance thing, they make it look worse. Neither should be dancing. Turns out Jazz Times 10 was the guest. The once Future Randy Goldman hoped it was Maroon 5. This was the second funniest skit of the night. I really enjoyed it. A+

    The Real Natalie (Film Short) – So, when I think Natalie Portman, I think sweet Girl Next Door type, as do many others, I’m sure. But after this, man are we wrong! She is a hard core bad a$$ Jewish girl who does dope and drinks, and doesn’t wanna be a role model. She also f***s all her Jewish guys, or that’s what I got out of it. And Andy, who I bet wrote it, was also in it. He was rapping with her. (And was dressed in Flavor Flav’s Viking helmet apparently). This was no “Lazy Sunday,” but it was better than the 3 shorts from a month ago. I also liked when Natalie knocked the interviewer, Parnell, out with a chair. I kinda like bad Natalie. My whole thing is trying to decide her rapping. It sounded kinda Beastie Boys, meaning it was more shouting than rapping. But it was funny and unexpected. A

    RAD 3000 – At this point, I realized there wouldn’t be another skit on. Not to mention they cut in to FOB’s second performance, which I was a bit upset about. It’s a good investment. If there is a fire, instead of an alarm, you hear hits from the 80’s. That’ll get ya up fast. A

    BEST MOMENT – Ah, so many to say. Fall Out Boy’s performances. Finesse on update playing Starkisha, a girl who is in every single one of my classes, more than once. Andy being on skits, and having a bigger role. The whole episode was good. Perfect episode.

    WORST MOMENT – Well, if it is perfect, that means nothing bad. But I do have complaints. They pertain to the musical guest, but I’m not complaining about them. On the second one, they showed too many commercials, and cut into the beginning of “Sugar, We’re Goin’ Down.” And then at the credits, Patrick went to the back of the group. And if ya saw Andy back there, he was looking strange. He was just standing there and kinda smiling. Those are just complaints, but not bad moments.

    SURPRISING MOMENT – I did think that FOB would perform their next song, which I stated above. I was the one going around the forum saying, “No. They’re gonna do the new song with “Dance, Dance.” I know they will.” While everyone else is saying they’ll do Sugar. They were right. I hate being wrong. ;)

    Skit Average - 3.8 A+

    Rating - 10/10 Sparkling Diamonds

    Next week is Oscar nominated Matt Dillon and British group Arctic Monkeys, who over there are a sensation. So maybe after next week, they will be just as huge here too.
  • Amazing, I waited all night on the street for this bad boy, and it was totally worth it! Fall Out Boy was right on the game as usual and Natalie was hilarious! The Cast did an awsome job, and i stand in the cold again just for them!

    Natalie Portman, suprised me! I was there observing from front row center, and that energy was amazing. \\\"She\\\'s so little!\\\" That was the quote from both fans and the cast! I\\\'ll be proud to admit, when the boys came on to do their preformances, I was in tears. Fall Out Boy is just climbing higher and higher. After the show I met Most of the Cast and Fall Out Boy, and let me tell you there just couldn\\\'t be a nicer set of people.
    Awsome Job!