SANTA DON'T LIKE BAD BOYS: Adam Sandler plays guitar and sings a song about why he won't get any presents. (Sandler)
MONOLOGUE: Disappointed audience members leave after Sally Field announces she won't be doing any of her past roles. (Field, Farley, Hartman)
NCI LONG DISTANCE: (Cleghorne, Hartman, Hutsell, Nealon, Schneider, Spade)
I WANT MY BABY BACK!: THE HARRIET CRALBONI STORY: Mother goes through a ridiculous number of problems keeping her away from her child. (Field, Cleghorne, Hutsell, Meadows, Myers, Nealon, Sandler, Schneider, Sweeney, Andy Murphy)
WHITE DIAMONDS: Cloudy screen hides any aging and weight gain from Elizabeth Taylor. (Field, Hartman, Myers, Schneider)
"IF I HAD NO LOOT": (Tone!)
WEEKEND UPDATE: Soon-to-be-former New York City mayor David Dinkins threatens vengeance on the entire city. (Meadows, Nealon)
HEADGAMES: Game show host fiddles with his relatives' minds. (Field, Farley, Hartman, Meadows, Sandler, Spade, Sweeney)
MOTIVATIONAL SANTA: Store Santa Matt Foley motivates children on what being naughty will get them. (Field, Farley, Hartman, Spade)
CRAB LICE SINGLES CLUB: Crab lice sufferers mingle in a friendly environment. (Field, Cleghorne, Farley, Hartman, Hutsell, Meadows, Myers, Nealon, Sandler, Schneider, Silverman, Spade, Sweeney)
THE SUICIDE ATTEMPT MACHINE: Dr. Jack Kevorkian introduces the safer way to get attention from your family. (MacDonald, Fred Wolf (VO))
DEEP THOUGHTS: On fooling the enemy during war.
"TELL ME MAMA": (Tone!)
DON'T PRAY SO MUCH: Jesus stops by a religious housewife's kitchen to ask her to keep the praying to a minimum. (Field, Hartman, Nealon)
DEEP THOUGHTS: On why Superman and Santa Claus are the same person.