It’s déjà vu all over again
5.0
A Review by “HelloStuart,” Amateur Critic and Maestro
What an awkward week to be doing sketch comedy, don’t you think? With the unfortunate incident at Virginia Tech still fresh in everyone’s minds, it makes you wonder how truncated the topical humor on tonight’s broadcast will be. This is probably the first time ever that I will watch WU knowing fully that I wouldn’t want to be a writer for that segment, especially now.
This week, we find ourselves watching a pair of familiar faces: our host is Scarlett Johanssen, the lovely, curvaceous actress who first graced the Studio 8H stage about a year ago. Despite a so-so writing effort, she turned out to be a capable host, so her return to the show is all the more welcome. Making her first appearance in almost a decade (and third appearance overall in twenty years) as musical guest is Bjork, the bewildering Icelandic art-rock chanteuse fresh off a recent collaboration with (of all people) Timbaland.
And now, the sketch-by-sketch analysis:
COLD OPENING: The night begins with a faux preview sending up what you’d usually see on C-SPAN (There’s a connection between Halliburton and the death of Steve Irwin? Do tell.), which leads into a press conference by President Bush (JS). He then spends then next five minutes circumventing questions by the press corps regarding his staff’s role in the Alberto Gonzales situation. A running gag with reporters having unflattering nicknames (“Sneezy,” “Hooters,” etc.) proves pointless, and the sketch is ended by an arbitrary taped cameo by Senator Charles Schumer.
MONOLOGUE: The Girl with the Pearl Earring describes her love for her hometown, and then sings an off-key duet of an old Bonnie Raitt song with “American Idol” wash-up Sanjaya Malakar (AS). It’s nice to see that the crying girl (KW) still cares, because I don’t.
“Live with Regis and Kelly”: Now back from triple-bypass surgery, The Reege (DH) puts up with the usual condescending antics of Kelly (AP) even as Howie Mandel (FA) vultures around the backdrop. Tonight, the emotionally invalid Ivanka Trump (Scar-Jo) proves once and for all that is must really suck to have The Donald as a father. The “You’re Tired!” pillow was cute, though, if only because the catchphrase has now veered from cliché to passé territory.
“Prom Dress”: All this applause for Mrs. Hastings? One can only hope this doesn’t turn into a movie deal for Kenan. Tonight, Virginia (or however it’s spelled) and another one of her white poseur stepdaughters (Scar-Jo) hunt for the perfect prom dress. I don’t see why Hader always has to play the straight man; he could stand there silent for six minutes and still be just as effective. At least this vignette was a bit easier to swallow than the first two.
DIGITAL SHORT: Andy declares himself man-crushed by his bean-counter brother-in-law in the pseudo-metal ballad “Roy Rules!” I don’t see how this was cut from the last two dress rehearsals, this was actually very amusing in all its goofiness. Then again, the same territory was covered in that “Sloths!” piece from three months ago.
“Mike’s Marbleopolis”: Wow, I never thought this would be a recurring sketch. Mike (FA), now either widowed or divorced, hawks tacky marble columns with his Brooklyn-bred, arm-flailing daughter (Scar-Jo). I guess next time Scarlett hosts, they’ll be selling doorknobs, am I right?
“WIIX News”: Didn’t this used to be WVIR-TV in central Virginia? What an interesting irregularity. Roving reporter Michelle Dison (KW) returns from a self-imposed hiatus, but her awkward, pan-sexual banter with a local hero (Scar-Jo) suggests that she’s not quite ready yet. This probably would’ve been funnier if this hadn’t been done before.
MUSICAL PERFORMANCE: When Bjork promotes herself as being offbeat, she really means it. Where should I start- the fact that she had an entire choir of monotone horn players or that everybody on stage was barefoot? “Earth Invaders,” indeed.
WEEKEND UPDATE: Seth and Amy avoid the 800-pound gorilla in the room, but they make the most of it. Another “Really?!?” commentary ripped Alberto Gonzales to shreds with aplomb, and even if you could see Seth’s comment about Woolworth’s from a mile away, at least he was thinking the same thing we were (I thought they were long gone, too). Will’s “Open Apology to Mother Earth” was cheeky, but it felt a little too similar to some of the other songs he’s performed on Update.
“Kuatos”: This is basically a rehash of a forgettable sketch from earlier this season, only this time there’s a female stomach-dweller (Scar-Jo) and a lot of projective vomiting. Sadly, Darrell rolls out the Ah-nuld impression again in vain to close a poorly coordinated example of lazy writing.
“News Makers”: Now on the brink of television news irrelevance, Jane Pauley (KW) looks into the YouTube phenomenon about a year or so after everybody else did. Conversations with a rapping sofa salesman (KT) and a grape-stomping oaf of a reporter (Scar-Jo) provide limited insight to both Mrs. Trudeau and the audience.
SMIGELTOON: Sending up Anime as well as the United States’ conflicts with the Geneva Conventions, “Torboto” is a big, goofy robot that dehumanizes prisoners at Camp X-Ray at Vice President Cheney’s behest. As you would probably imagine, things go too far and the clothes-shredding monstrosity gets grilled by Steve Kroft on “60 Minutes.” This animated bit feels like it’s been sitting on a shelf for two years and it shows. MUSICAL PERFORMANCE: Another ironic song title? There must be something in the water. “Wanderlust” shifts from one tangent to another so quickly you’d think it was just a medley of 30-second songs.
Another day, another so-so show. I won’t doubt that Scarlett is a talented actress, but after seeing her on SNL twice it seems that she’s will to take a stab at comedy but doesn’t quite have the knack for it. As expected, Bjork was as weird as hell but her latest musical experimentations were quite fascinating to watch. The hero of the night was once again Kristen Wiig, who worked around a lot of weak material (most of which was recycled from the flavorless Pressly/Rae broadcast) and somehow made her delivery pitch-perfect. On the other hand, the questionable quality of the last half-hour’s worth of sketches really brought down the show, and there were way too many recycled sketch premises.
Sketches/Segments That Will Probably Be Edited Out in Repeats: like I said before, pretty much anything after Weekend Update. In Three Weeks: Remember Molly Shannon? Kinda, sort of? Well, she has some movie to promote, and as a result she’s now the second female alum to host the show. The musical guest is Linkin Park, who may or may not be contending for the title of comeback act of the year.
“HelloStuart” is in fact Andy Samberg’s other, lesser-known, unattractive brother-in-law. He can be contacted at sma17kc@aim.com.
