Scoundrels Season 1 Episode 1

Cheryl: Let's go get Grandpa.
Heather: Mom, no. No. Do not let him move in here! Remember last time, he thought my closet was the bathroom and peed on four pairs of my shoes? He's crazy.
Cheryl: He's family. Family beats crazy.

(Lying in bed while kissing)
Wolf: And get the money off Charlie for those phone cards, right?
Cheryl: Been there, done that.
Wolf: And you gotta get those cases of scotch to Falini.
Cheryl: Mm-hmm. Just leave it in my very capable hands.
Wolf: Hey! Don't forget to shred the tracking numbers.
Cheryl: Wolf, shut up and get on top of me.

Cheryl: You won't be seeing us anymore, sergeant. The West family will no longer be bothering the Palm Spring Police Department.
Sergeant Mack: You moving?
Cheryl: No. We're turning over a new leaf. We're changing our business model.
Sergeant Mack: (laughs) Oh. You crack me up, Cheryl. A leopard can't change his spots. Can't be done.
Cheryl: I say it can. Just wait and see.

Cheryl: (answering her phone) Ugh, Heather, this is really not...
Heather: (cutting her off) Mom, you have to come home right now. Grandpa's insane. He thinks I'm grandma.
Cheryl: It's just the Alzheimers. Can't you just play along for a couple of hours?
Heather: He thinks I'm pregnant with daddy.
Grandpa West: Okay, Rita. Time to go now.
Heather: Grandpa, go away!
Grandpa West: Rita!
Heather: Mom, he wants to go with me to the delivery room so he can cut the cord. If you don't come home right now, I am leaving.
Cheryl: Okay, fine. I'll go get Hope from school. She can miss half a day. She knows how to talk to him.
Heather: Yeah, she speaks fluent pervert.

Heather: You're the one who's always telling me to get off my butt and do something with my life.
Wolf: (from the shower) Everything okay?
Cheryl: Fabulous. When I told you to get off your butt, I did not mean put it on exhibit.
Heather: These are modeling photos, mom.
Cheryl: For what? An invisible line of clothing?
Heather: Mom, Rene is a brilliant artist. See? Totally legitimate. He shot Gisele Bundchen when she was 14. You know what she made last year?
Cheryl: Some dirty old men very happy?
Heather: Over $30 million.

Sergeant Mack: (about Logan speaking to Cheryl) He's your big success story, isn't he? Pretty ironic, though, him being admitted to the bar the very same day his daddy's put behind 'em.