Scrubs Forums

NBC (ended 2010)

best quotes

  • Avatar of tabbikattster

    tabbikattster

    [1]Nov 23, 2006
    • member since: 10/26/06
    • level: 16
    • rank: Church Lady
    • posts: 1,153

    I know that there may already be a some treads like this but there haven't been any in awhile so i'm creating a new one.

    Janitor: Here's what we're gonna do. I'm gonna leave the cart in the closet, I'm gonna leave the closet unlocked and if... by magic, it happens to reappear, I won't ask any questions.
    J.D.: I don't even know what "it" is.
    Janitor: Then why take it?

    That one is from:My fifteen minutes.

    J.D.'s narration: I just wish that one of my relationships could be back to normal.
    Janitor comes up and sprays J.D.'s crotch.
    Janitor: Uh,oh.Looks like someone switched to big boy pants a little too soon.
    J.D.: Oh yeah,that's very clever. It looks like I wet myself. Do you actually think that,that's funny?
    Janitor sprays him again and laughs.
    Janitor: Uh..yeah
    J.D. looks down at his pants.
    J.D.'s narration: Good god, that's cold.

    J.D.: After all,I am the Whiz Kid.
    (Janitor sprays J.D.'s crotch).
    Janitor: Now you are.

    And the last two are from:My Overkill.

    You must be registered and logged in to post a message.
  • Avatar of KSisko2006

    KSisko2006

    [2]Nov 23, 2006
    • member since: 03/27/06
    • level: 5
    • rank: Caveman Lawyer
    • posts: 9
    So, so many....but here's one of my favorites..from Season 4, Episode 1 - My Old Friend's New Friend....

    Dr. Cox: I suppose I could riff a list of things that I care as little about as
    our last week. Let's see... low carb diets, Michael Moore, the
    Republican National Convention, Kabbalah & all Kabbalah-related
    products, Hi-Def TV, the Bush daughters, wireless hotspots, the OC, the
    UN, recycling, getting Punk'd, Danny Gans, the Latin Grammys, the real
    Grammys, Jeff that Wiggle that sleeps too darn much, the Yankees
    payroll, all the red states, all the blue states, every hybrid car,
    every talk show, everything on the planet, everything in the solar
    system, everything, everything, everything, everything, everything,
    everythingj every-everything that exists past present & future, in
    discovered and undiscovered dimensions!


    Oh, and Hugh Jackman. (groan...)


    You must be registered and logged in to post a message.
  • Avatar of Nofaultofmine

    Nofaultofmine

    [3]Nov 24, 2006
    • member since: 04/23/06
    • level: 9
    • rank: Door Number 2
    • posts: 68

    Janitor: Today I feel a bit....

    J.D: Sad?

    Janitor: Yes sad. Because I'm a janitor I couldn't think of the word sad. I was going to say mop.

    You must be registered and logged in to post a message.
  • Avatar of dtv1

    dtv1

    [4]Nov 25, 2006
    • member since: 11/25/06
    • level: 2
    • rank: Sweat Hog
    • posts: 3
    Cox: Well...either this kid has a lightbulb up his butt or his colon has a great idea.

    --

    [Turk and J.D. Walk Over to Ted]
    Ted: Hey, fellas! Always nice to have visitors! What can I do for ya?
    Turk/J.D.: Well...we were just wondering...say, two doctors were hitting golf balls off the roof of a hospital, and they happened to cause someone to crash their car and need surgery, would that be bad?
    [Ted stays silent with a blank look on his face]
    Turk/J.D.: Ted?
    [Ted snaps back to reality]
    Ted: Hey, fellas! Always nice to have visitors! What can I do for ya?
    Turk/J.D.: Nothing...

    --

    Those were both a bit rough, as some of the details escaped me, namely on the second quote, but those two general scenes are some of my favorites.
    You must be registered and logged in to post a message.
  • Avatar of RedMarty

    RedMarty

    [5]Nov 25, 2006
    • member since: 10/19/06
    • level: 3
    • rank: Soup Nazi
    • posts: 36
    Patient: Im a jahovahs witness i cant have a transfusion, we believe blood should not be passed from person to person.

    Dr.Cox: And im a Doctor and we believe that a patient in your condition without the procedure could come down with a massive case of deadness!!

    ............

    Ted: Dr. Kelso ive been the Hospital Legal Counsellor since...well lets just say when i started i had hair.

    ............

    Laverne: Dr. Kelso, i didnt recognise you wearing Scrubs.

    Kelso: Thats ok Laverne i didnt recognise you without your mini-tv and your feet up!

    ............

    (Dr Kelso, Ted and Dr Edwards in the Cafeteria)

    Kelso: Ted, if Edwards is dead i want his cupcake.

    ............

    Elliot: Did you eat my mango body butter?

    JD: No JD Narration: I smeared it on a bagel

    ............

    Dr. Kelso: I know it was you! 40 Million on Pacman, you know how many patients i had to ignore to get that high score? People died!

    ............

    Dr. Cox: Do i smell beer?
    JD: We had a few
    Dr. Cox: Newsflash! You cant drink then go to work, you're not airline pilots.

    ...........

    Todd Narration: Dum de de dum shiny scalpel, dum de de de dum de de dum gonna slice him up!

    ...........

    Paul: It seems like you're holding back
    Elliot: Of course I'm holding back! I'm insane, you idiot! Remember the other day, when you told me that I had pit stains? Well, I have cried every fifteen minutes on the half-hour since you told me that. I am wracked with self-doubt. I have panic attacks. I'm claustrophobic, germaphobic, phobiaphobic. I talk to myself. I talk to my cat. I talk to three separate shrinks about the fact that often my cats respond to me in my mother's voice. And yesterday, when that stupid pretty surgical nurse handed you a pair of latex gloves, I almost killed the guy whose leg I was stitching up because I couldn't stop thinking about the two of you having sex on a box of steaks! Why a box of steaks? 'Cause my dad had an affair with a female butcher! And, as I mentioned before, I am insane. There! I opened up! ..............

    Dr Cox: (to JD) From now on, whenever im in the room, you're definatley not allowed to talk.

    ..............

    Ill probably think of more later
    You must be registered and logged in to post a message.
  • Avatar of cobain27

    cobain27

    [6]Nov 25, 2006
    • member since: 12/12/04
    • level: 1
    • rank: Weatherman
    • posts: 2
    Carla: Don't you have a problem with his last name?
    Jordan: Cox? No, I love Cox.
    The Todd: Best conversation ever.

    J.D.: Look Janitor I'm gonna be straight with you. I saw your penis and I noticed a possible melanoma on it that you really should get checked out.
    Janitor: When did you see my penis?
    J.D.: Last night, when you were showering.
    Janitor: Where were you??
    J.D.: I was outside in the bushes.
    Janitor: Wha--??
    J.D.: Look, it was just a coincidence, man--I mean if you would have looked outside you wouldve seen my penis you know.
    Janitor: What?? Why??
    J.D.: Because I had it out when I was looking at yours!

    J.D.: I'll have an appletini, easy on the tini.
    You must be registered and logged in to post a message.
  • Avatar of diabatman

    diabatman

    [7]Nov 25, 2006
    • member since: 02/02/05
    • level: 3
    • rank: Soup Nazi
    • posts: 7

    JD: (thinking) some mornings are great for trying out the best nickname ever!

    (to Turk) Hey Black Whale

    You must be registered and logged in to post a message.
  • Avatar of tabbikattster

    tabbikattster

    [8]Nov 26, 2006
    • member since: 10/26/06
    • level: 16
    • rank: Church Lady
    • posts: 1,153
    dtv1 wrote:
    Cox: Well...either this kid has a lightbulb up his butt or his colon has a great idea.

    --

    [Turk and J.D. Walk Over to Ted]
    Ted: Hey, fellas! Always nice to have visitors! What can I do for ya?
    Turk/J.D.: Well...we were just wondering...say, two doctors were hitting golf balls off the roof of a hospital, and they happened to cause someone to crash their car and need surgery, would that be bad?
    [Ted stays silent with a blank look on his face]
    Turk/J.D.: Ted?
    [Ted snaps back to reality]
    Ted: Hey, fellas! Always nice to have visitors! What can I do for ya?
    Turk/J.D.: Nothing...

    --

    Those were both a bit rough, as some of the details escaped me, namely on the second quote, but those two general scenes are some of my favorites.


    What episode is the first one from? I remember hearing it on an episode once and thinking that it was really funny but I don't know which one it is.
    You must be registered and logged in to post a message.
  • Avatar of RedMarty

    RedMarty

    [9]Nov 27, 2006
    • member since: 10/19/06
    • level: 3
    • rank: Soup Nazi
    • posts: 36
    Dr.Cox saying about the lightbulb thing i believe was in the episode "My Office"
    You must be registered and logged in to post a message.
  • Avatar of Lookaloop

    Lookaloop

    [10]Nov 29, 2006
    • member since: 10/14/06
    • level: 9
    • rank: Door Number 2
    • posts: 202
    Here's one that really cracked me up:

    JD: Mr. Daniels, some fluid has gathered in your heart, so I'm going to schedule a pericardial centesis and drain it with a needle.
    Patient: Someone's going to stick a needle in my chest?
    JD: Not just someone; Dr. Daman
    Patient: Who's Dr. Daman?
    JD: ...Say it - -say it without the Dr.
    Patient: Who's Mr. Daman
    JD: No, just say the last name.
    Patient: Who's Da Man?
    JD: I'M THE MAN!
    You must be registered and logged in to post a message.
  • Avatar of sykobag

    sykobag

    [11]Nov 29, 2006
    • member since: 03/02/04
    • level: 7
    • rank: Talk Show Host
    • posts: 1
    JD Narration: Say something! Anything!
    JD: BANANA HAMMOCK!
    You must be registered and logged in to post a message.
  • Avatar of KSisko2006

    KSisko2006

    [12]Nov 29, 2006
    • member since: 03/27/06
    • level: 5
    • rank: Caveman Lawyer
    • posts: 9

    Dr. Cox: Listen Vanessa Janice Tiffany Amber Thiessen. I'm
    gonna go ahead and give ya a little something I call Perry's
    Perspective. 1. If the guy in front of me in the coffee shop can't
    decide what he wants in the 30 minutes it takes for him to get to the
    register, i should be allowed to kill him. 2. I'm fairly sure that if
    they took all the porn off the Internet, there'd only be 1 website
    left, and it would be called Bring Back The Porn. 3rd, and most
    important, to be respected as a doctor, nay a man, you must me an
    ocean. You're born alone, you damn sure die alone, (looks over and
    speaks to a cadaver rolling by) isn't that right Spike? My point is,
    and you may want to jot this down... only the weak need help.

    ===

    J.D.: I miss you so much it hurts sometimes.

    ===

    Laverne: She "googled" your ass.

    ====


    J.D.: And at the end, I'll put "DR. ACULA" on the screen. Take that period, get it out of there, squish it together and it becomes....DRACULA!

    ====


    You must be registered and logged in to post a message.
  • Avatar of tabbikattster

    tabbikattster

    [13]Nov 30, 2006
    • member since: 10/26/06
    • level: 16
    • rank: Church Lady
    • posts: 1,153
    RedMarty wrote:
    Dr.Cox saying about the lightbulb thing i believe was in the episode "My Office"


    Thanks!
    You must be registered and logged in to post a message.
  • Avatar of superveganboy

    superveganboy

    [14]Nov 30, 2006
    • member since: 08/19/04
    • level: 7
    • rank: Talk Show Host
    • posts: 1
    Nofaultofmine wrote:

    Janitor: Today I feel a bit....

    J.D: Sad?

    Janitor: Yes sad. Because I'm a janitor I couldn't think of the word sad. I was going to say mop.



    i like the whole quote better, makes me cry every time Janitor: What's up?
    J.D.: Thinking: Be careful here... Don't give him anything.
    J.D.: Nothing. What. Is. Up. With. You... Man?
    Janitor: I always get this way in the fall, you know - summer's gone, the days are shorter; it just makes me feel so... what's the word...
    J.D.: Sad?
    Janitor: Yes, that's it. I'm a janitor, so I couldn't think of the word "sad". I was gonna say, It makes me feel so "mop."
    J.D.: Let me explain, I - ...
    Janitor: Go ahead, I'm "mopping".
    J.D.: Maybe I shouldn't bother.
    Janitor: Maybe you "mopn't".

    from the same episode

    Janitor: Fork....me can't eat soup!...meeaaarrrgghhh!

    and this one

    JD: A patient's blaming me for losing his sense of smell.
    Ted: Oh, God, you cut off someone's nose!? Where is it? Do you have it on you? You're disgusting!
    JD: No, I-I just gave him I.V. Imipenem.
    Ted: Kelso's gonna blame me. Just...get rid of the nose!
    JD: Ted, I don't - I don't have the nose. Maybe you should just calm down.
    Ted: MAYBE YOU SHOULD CALM DOWN!

    and finally a classsic

    Kelso:What has two thumbs and still doesn't give a crap? (Points to self with both thumbs) Bob Kelso! I thought we'd met.

    There are many more i'd like to add but wont bore you just yet
    You must be registered and logged in to post a message.
  • Avatar of danshinners

    danshinners

    [15]Nov 30, 2006
    • member since: 07/13/05
    • level: 1
    • rank: Weatherman
    • posts: 4
    Dr Cox: shower shorts?
    JD: for the man who has nothing to hide.... but still wants to.
    You must be registered and logged in to post a message.
  • Avatar of NoOneIsAlone

    NoOneIsAlone

    [16]Nov 30, 2006
    • member since: 10/17/06
    • level: 26
    • rank: Bow Flex
    • posts: 361
    Ted: It's my birthday
    JD: What?
    Ted: Nothing. (JD leaves and Ted sings to himself)... and many more.

    Kelso: And guess what, Dr. Cox knows it, too. Although damned if he doesn't disagree with me just because I said it.
    J.D.: Sir, I don't think that's true.
    Kelso: Perry! It's hotter than hell in here!
    Cox: Freezing!
    Kelso: Great coffee, though!
    Cox: Rat piss!
    Kelso: Dr. Murphy is an incompetent suck-up.
    Cox: No, Bob. In fact, he's one of the finest young doctors I've ever had the good fortune of working with.

    Kelso: Oh, don't get me wrong, you had me worried there was gonna be a bunch of young Dr. Coxes roaming the halls, calling me "Bobbo", shaving my genitals when I pass out at the Christmas party...
    Cox: Tradition is tradition, Bob.
    Kelso: Yeah... Then I remembered that you've been here over ten years, and there's not a single disciple of yours to be found. And you know why?
    Cox: You told 'em this exact same story and bored 'em to death?

    Kelso: Unfortunately, by hospital policy, we have to stay locked down until the labs come back, and that's going to take several hours. So let's hang in there and not forget this is all Dr. Dorian's fault. J.D.: Kylie, angry mob. Angry mob, Kylie.
    You must be registered and logged in to post a message.
  • Avatar of Squabo46

    Squabo46

    [17]Nov 30, 2006
    • member since: 10/18/03
    • level: 1
    • rank: Weatherman
    • posts: 2

    Doctor Kelso: Last week I was in the mall hanging out at Brookstones when some kid asked me if I was lost.

    J.D. : Brookstone . . . looking for gadgets, sir?

    Doctor Kelso: If thats what you calling trolling for mall ass, then sure.

    Episode : My own god.

    I think I'm gonna start saying things like "trolling for mall ass" soon.

    You must be registered and logged in to post a message.
  • Avatar of cettin

    cettin

    [18]Dec 1, 2006
    • member since: 10/10/06
    • level: 3
    • rank: Soup Nazi
    • posts: 11
    I say that line everytime I pass the Brookstone in the mall...
    You must be registered and logged in to post a message.
  • Avatar of maaarin

    maaarin

    [19]Dec 1, 2006
    • member since: 09/16/05
    • level: 18
    • rank: Land Shark
    • posts: 872
    Eliott: I started a 'I hate Cox' chatroom. Hasn't really worked out the way I planned - it's me, two interns and 14000 lesbians.

    - My Deja Vu, My Deja Vu
    Edited on 12/01/2006 1:40pm
    You must be registered and logged in to post a message.
  • Avatar of tabbikattster

    tabbikattster

    [20]Dec 1, 2006
    • member since: 10/26/06
    • level: 16
    • rank: Church Lady
    • posts: 1,153
    maaarin wrote:
    Eliott: I started a 'I hate Cox' chatroom. Hasn't really worked out the way I planned - it's me, two interns and 14000 lesbians.

    - My Deja Vu, My Deja Vu


    Oh, I remember that.I laughed so hard at that line.
    You must be registered and logged in to post a message.