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Dr. Christopher "Chris" Duncan Turk
Dr. Percival "Perry" Cox
Nurse Carla Espinosa
Dr. Robert "Bob" Kelso
Dr. Elliot Reid
Dr. Grace Miller
"Our Love" by Rhett Miller
At the end when JD and Elliot are making out, there is a camera shot from behind Elliot, if you look VERY closley, for a split second, just before they start rolling on the bed, you can see a part of Elliot's right breast.
J.D.: Look, Elliot, I don't want to jinx this, but, how did that just happen?
Elliot: You were a clown for me. You were there when I needed you without me even having to ask.
The door opens and Sean appears
Elliot: Oh, my God! When did you get back from New Zealand?
Sean: Something in your voice told me that you needed me. So I just...I decided to show up, even though you didn't even ask.
Elliot: Ohhh, Sean...
Dr. Miller: You try and paint Dr. Kelso as this jackass who turns on people who don't do his bidding, when you were ready to write me off just for having lunch. So honestly? How are you any different?
Dr. Cox: I'm taller than he is?
Dr. Miller: Why are you smiling?
Dr. Cox: Oh, I don't know, I guess I'm just glad you wound up in my camp.
Dr. Miller: Yeah, I'm an adult, I don't actually go to camp. Listen, if Dr. Kelso had asked me to go somewhere that I thought was actually good for my career, I'd be gone so fast you'd be left here staring at an imaginary woman's chest while she was trying to make a point.
Dr. Cox: I'm-I'm sorry, you're right, it's my fault. That dress just screams "respect me as a doctor." Heh.
Carla: I thought you might want to talk to Bryan before you went home.
Turk: How'd you know?
Carla: Who you talkin' to?
Janitor: Break's over, Binky.
J.D.: The show must go on.
Elliot: J.D., what are you doing?
J.D.: Oh, just breaking some bad news... circus style.
J.D.: Okay, kids, I've never made balloon animals before, but raise your hand if you like your eels!
Janitor: You're a horrible clown.
J.D.: Save it for the post-show, Lurch.
Dr. Kelso: So what? Publicity is good for the hospital. Plus, pictures of us together lend credence to the rumors that you and I are having an affair... I'm joking! There are no rumors.
Dr. Mickhead passes, appraising Dr. Miller and raising his eyebrows at Dr. Kelso who nods
Turk: Heeeey! Bry-Bry! What's the happie-haps!
Bryan: My hand is feeling really weird.
Turk: Ummm, about that...
Turk's Narration: "I made a mistake"! Just say it! I made a mistake!
Turk: I'm not really too sure on the specifics, but uh... apparently there were some complications.
Turk's Narration: Ah, ya big chicken!
Turk's Narration: Man, the way Dr. Miller stares makes me all itchy. What can I say to let her know I'm in control?
Turk: Have you ever slept with a black man?
Dr. Miller: Just finish the procedure please.
Turk's Narration: That's a yes! And now her mind will drift back to that wonderful day. Wait for it... And there it is.
Turk: Dr. Miller, please, feel free to drift off. Although there is a lot of bleeding.
J.D.: Dr. Reid couldn't be here today, children, so I'm here in her place.
Kid: Why're your pants so tight? Clowns have baggy pants!
J.D.: Well, Brad, I'm the type of clown that likes to wear tight pants.
Kid: But the other clown has baggy pants!
J.D.: What other clown?
Janitor: Hello, old friend.
Dr. Kelso: Wow! Perry, people usually don't stop caring about what you have to say 'til after they've been here a few months! Oh, no he didn't!... That's the correct use of that phrase, right?
Dr. Miller: I don't know, sir.
Dr. Miller: Has anyone seen Dr. Kelso? We're supposed to leave for that luncheon.
Dr. Cox: Oh, that's strange. Because I remember having a conversation with you about this very subject - never do anything with him, pure evil - ringing any bells?
Dr. Miller: Just the one in my head that goes off when I'm incredibly bored.
Carla: Okay, okay, okay. So how far over the Creek did you make it?
J.D.: I don't know the exact distance in terms of feet and inches, but in laymen's terms, I would have to say... about halfway.
Bryan: I could never get a girl like that.
Bryan: Well, girls don't usually go for the piano-playing power geek.
Turk: Nurse Espinosa, would you mind getting me some sugar, stat.
Carla: Why, yes, Doctor.
They share a long kiss.
Bryan: Wow! This hospital rocks! Did you two just meet?
Dr. Kelso: Dr. Miller! I am attending a hospital administrator's luncheon this afternoon. I would love for you to join me.
Dr. Cox: Not so fast, there, Bob. You forgot to affix the warning label to your forehead. You know, the one that reads "Exposure to Bob Kelso can be hazardous to your health" thus affording the reader a fighting chance to escape the waste and contamination that is... Bob Kelso.
Dr. Kelso: Gosh, darn it, Perry, you are entertaining. You know, like Howie Mandel or a monkey in a funny hat.
Elliot: What are you doing here? I thought you had like two days off?
J.D.: Had to pick up a mouth guard from oral surgery. Some of the kids at the park said I couldn't jump Jones Creek on my bicycle; so now I gotta give 'em the 4-1-1 on my mad daredevilin' skills!
Elliot: Meanwhile, back in adult world... I was just given twelve new admits and now there's no way that I can be a clown for the kids today!
Turk: You didn't mind that cocky stuff, did ya?
Bryan: Noooo. I love "Bry-Bry". Never had a nickname before.
Turk: Well, lemme tell you something - there's plenty more where that came from, Killer B!
Turk's Narration: What now, you mean witch?
Dr. Miller: I'm sorry, but if you act like a cartoon character in front of one of our patients again, I'm gonna spend the next ten years introducing you as the guy who sponges off my forehead. Okay, we're done. Bryan! Dr. Turk is gonna take you back to your room.
Dr. Cox: That was... that was glorious.
Dr. Miller: Okay.
Turk's Narration: Damn, Elliot's got a nice ass for a white chick! Stop it! Just 'cause you're panicked about getting married doesn't mean you have to reduce every woman to her physical attributes... Oh, great, my new scary boss and her amazing chest, butt, feet... I love feet.
Elliot: I'm sorry... It's just I miss talking to you... I miss seeing you... I even miss that weird way you sleep with your eyes open.
Turk: Thanks for driving me to work, man.
J.D.: You kidding? I wanted to see the mailing of the invites! Once you drop those suckers in, there's no turning back! I'm just mad I forgot my camera... Or did I?
J.D.: Dude, my tongue is totally dry. How many more of these wedding invites do I have to lick?
Turk: Fine. Don't lick 'em.
J.D.'s Narration: Come on, don't get mad at Turk. What's really bugging me is that, thanks to Dr. Cox, I've got nothing to do... nothing to talk about... no stories to tell.
Turk's Narration: From the moment I woke up this morning, I have been freaking out about getting married. Luckily, Carla's being cool.
Carla: Okay, this is your last chance to uninvite that slut you went out with in high school.
Turk: She's married to my brother!
Carla: Isn't that convenient.
Carla: Heeeey! That old clown was really good. So, uh, you got some really big shoes to fill!... Dammit, I'm funny!
Elliot: Guys! Three long years of busting my hump at this place and it has finally paid off!
J.D.: You got the fellowship?
Elliot: No! I get to be the clown in Pediatrics!
J.D.: I already got my shifts covered for the next two days! Besides, where're you gonna find somebody else? You think Lonnie, my intern, gives a rat's ass about acute thomrobotic thrombocytopenic purpura?
Lonnie: ATTP? It killed my father.
Dr. Cox: You're in.
Lonnie: It is gonna be so amazing working on the disease that tore my family apart.
J.D.: Kiss ass.
J.D.'s Narration: Today's gonna be a great day. Still, no time to dilly-dally - God, that's a fun phrase - I have to meet Dr. Cox in five- Good God! Check out those dilly-dallies!
(female patient's husband enters the room)
Elliot: Oh and this must be your Hobbit, I mean husband... of course. I rented Lord Of The Rings last night so... I would do Frodo. He's short too.
Turk: Wussuuuuuuuup, Bry-Bry! You, my friend, have just won the lottery. I'm not saying I'm good, but if there was a surgeon awards show around here, it'd be called The Turkies. You know what I'm sayin'?
Dr. Cox: (To Brian) You don't have to know what he's sayin' - none of us do.
Elliot: [on phone] Sean, I'm just bummed that I'm so busy I might not be able to do this clown thing today. I know I'm a doctor first, but what about that summer I spent at clown academy? I mean, it's starting to seem like that was just a giant waste of time. I wish you were here. I can't believe you've been in New Zealand for 5 months.
Sean: [on phone] I can't believe you still haven't figured out the time difference. It's 4 A.M. here!
Dr. Cox: Never stop pedaling, Allie, you'll be a shoe-in for the girl X-games.
J.D.: Laverne, what will you give me if I get this jelly bean in your cleavage?
Laverne: A concussion.
Dr. Miller: Oh, no, no, no. I'm not going. I have a date. And even if I didn't, I don't think I'd want to go to a snooze-fest with a bunch of drunk proctologists just so you could get your picture in the latest edition of Bend Over Weekly.
Dr. Kelso: A simple "I'm busy" would have sufficed.
Turk's Narration: Oh, this is bad. Okay, what did I do? Think. I accidentally got her a present on my ex-girlfriend's birthday. I referred to that new cute nurse as a young Carla Espinosa - damn, that was stupid. I've been known to leave my toenail clippings on her throw pillow. Oh, and I forgot to put the toilet seat down last night and she bruised her butt!
Turk: Babe, I've never screwed up a kid's life before. I mean, I've had minor slip-ups, and that watch you gave me for Christmas may still be inside Mr. Conte, but... nothing like this.
Carla: That watch is inside Mr. Conte? Well, thank God! All this time I thought you didn't like it!
Dr. Cox: Well, now, you are looking slim. Are those new scrubs? Or is it the fact you no longer have a soul?
Dr. Miller: What's your problem?
Dr. Cox: Come on, the only reason Kelso wanted you at that dinner is because he knows standing next to a pretty doctor will get his picture in all the medical journals. Assuming his image actually shows up in photographs.
Dr. Miller: Look, you made a mistake. Every one of us has made a mistake. You should consider yourself lucky - instead of losing his arm he'll just have some nerve damage and limited use of his right hand. It could have been a lot worse. If you want I'll even tell him for you.
Turk: He's a concert pianist.
Dr. Miller: Oh. You tell him.
Turk: Are you a good pianist?
Turk's Narration: "Pianist"! Heeheehee!
Bryan: Yeah, I got a scholarship to Juilliard.
Turk: Bry-Bry! You're in the money! Girl's love the artsy type - you'll be getting more tail than you know what to do with.
Bryan: Ohhh, okay.
Turk: "Tail" is sex, Bryan.
Bryan: Ohhh! Awesome!
Dr. Cox: Look, I like you... so here's some advice: Never, ever do anything with Bob Kelso. Don't talk to him, don't look at him, don't even associate with guys his age on the outside chance that they just shared a steam together in that never ending Klan meeting that they call a "country club"; right? He is... pure evil.
Dr. Miller: I'll remember that. Not the crazy "where the hell is he going with this?" ranting, but you know, the gist - the Bob Kelso-bad part.
Turk's Narration: Thank God she thinks that hot chick, Tina, I invited is my cousin! Well guess what! There's no blood there, baby!
Carla: Oh, and by the way, don't think for a second that your "cousin" Tina's gonna be sitting at our table.
Turk's Narraion: Oh, my God! She's in my head! It's okay... Use it to your advantage... Make me a grilled cheese sandwich, woman!
Carla: Make it yourself.
Turk's Narration: Aaaaaaagggghhhh!
J.D.: Hey, research buddy!
Dr. Cox: We're four seconds in and I'm already regretting my decision.
J.D.: Things Jordan says during sex! Ha!
Dr. Cox: Are those the charts I wanted?
J.D.: Noooo. They're the charts you wanted, plus! patient history charts from the last ten years, which yours truly stayed up all night organizing not only chronologically but by severity of condition.
(J.D. drops files)
J.D.: There's a good chance I'm gonna kill someone.
Dr. Cox: Things you say when you talk to your patients.
J.D.: So you steal my research project, and now you want me to do your dirty work?
Lonnie: Dr. Cox said that if you said that, I'm to say "That's right Melinda!"
Dr. Cox: Aww don't bother with that Trish, you know I've been getting my hair cut by my barber "Big Frank" for seventeen years now, is it because his prices have remained the same? No, is it because I like the way his man breasts feel gently resting on my shoulders when he does my sideburns? A little, yes, but mainly it's because, unlike you, he does just exactly what I tell him to do. You see, it's either my way or the highway and since you've already broken that dictum, (claps and whistles) you're out!
Turk: You only call me "Christopher" when you're mad...or when we're having sex. You're not mad at me when having sex, are you baby?
This is the only episode in season three with a title not beginning with "My". This episode is also one of the only five episodes with a title not beginning with "My" in all the seasons. There is one episode without "My" as the beginning word in every season, except for season one.
This is the second episode, following "His Story", in which the narration is done by someone else and not seen from J.D's point of view. This episode is narrated by Turk. Nevertheless, the opening narration is done by J.D. as usual.
Elliot reveals she has spent a summer at a clown academy.
Originally scheduled for March 30.
Dr. Kelso: Gosh darn it, Perry, you are entertaining. You know, like Howie Mandel or a monkey in a funny hat.
Howie Mandel is a Canadian comedian, actor and game show host.
There are several allusions to the movie IT in this episode. The imagination scene where Carla lurks in the mailbox and tries to tempt Turk closer is similar to several scenes from the movie, where an evil clown, hiding in the sewer, tries to lure children closer. In both scenes you only see part of the character's face through a rectangular opening. This episode also features J.D. and the Janitor dressing up as clowns.
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