Scrubs

Janitor's narration: Quick, help him up, so he thinks there's hope for our relationship yet. (Helps J.D. get up and narration is transferred back to J.D.) J.D.'s narration: Even though I had just spent the day locked in a water tower courtesy of the Janitor, as he helped me up, I couldn't help thinking that there was hope for our relationship yet.

Janitor: This is easy. It's like drowning someone.

(JD doing a video for his mother) J.D.: Dr. Cox, do you have anything you'd like to say to my mom? Dr. Cox: No, but I have something I'd like to say to her uterus, because it brought you into this world. (Shakes the camera) Dr. Cox: Bad uterus! Don't do that anymore!

Carla: You're wasting your time. You know how interns stick together. They're never going to rat each other out. Elliot: What you're forgetting, Carla, is that I am sleeping with one of those interns. Now, seeing as I've already gotten Keith to pee sitting down, so that there's absolutely no chance of seat splatter, I'm betting that I'm probably going to be able to get him to talk.

Carla: Keith, you'd better not tell her who did it. Keith: But Elliot scares me. Carla: Elliot is a blonde, 108 pound skipole from a cul-de-sac in Connecticut. I am an underpaid, pregnant nurse from the block who, over the next six months, will get fatter and angrier. Now, who are you really afraid of?

Turk: I know I'm black. I'm reminded of it all the time. A patient doesn't want a black doctor, people think that I know the score to every NBA game and I told you what happened last week when the new board member meet the surgical staff. Board member: (White surgeon #1) Nice to meet you. (White surgeon #2) Nice to meet you. (White surgeon #3) Nice to meet you. (To Turk) Ey was sup dog!

Mr. McNair's Computer: Why does he call you a girl's name? J.D.: Thank you for asking Mr. McNair. You see the thing about Dr. Cox is that the closer he feels to a person, the more he needs to push them away. So when he calls me Eva he is actually saying "J.D., I care about you". Vulnerable people like Dr. Cox- Mr. McNair's Computer: Oh my God! I get it now, Carol! Carol! Carol! Carol! J.D.: Now you are being a jerk. Jerk! Jerk! Jerk! Jerk! Dr. Cox: Newbie! I'm relatively certain that the computer is broken. J.D.: Oh, my bad.

Janitor: Drill-Fork! You can drill and fork! Mostly fork.

Turk: Secondly, if Junior gets scared, he can always climb in the bed with us. That is what I did with my mom. Carla: What do you mean, "did"? J.D., last Christmas, I walked in on Turk and his mom cuddling together in bed. J.D.'s narration: Turk gets defensive when it comes to his mother. Turk: I think you are just jealous because you're mother is dead! J.D.: Whoa! We should probably take a break.

Dr. Kelso: Hey! Thanks to your little "telling me the wrong time prank" I was 45 minutes late for my oriental massage which meant that instead of Pang Wa I had to settle with Ching Yao. Janitor: So? Dr. Kelso: Ching Yao is a DUDE!

Keith: Elliot, I'm not going to tell you who messed up with Mrs. Bess. Elliot: No problem. I just wanted to have a cup of coffee... Oh and introduce you to my mom. Lilly: "Mom", that makes me sound so old! I had C-section with all my kids so everything is as it was down there.

Dr. Cox: Hello! That is a nice ride, huh Dexter? I hate to bother you but could you explain to me one more time, what is it like to be a young, hip black guy? Turk: You see Dr. Cox, what I'm going to do is to pimp this out. We are going to put in 22s on it and put some spinners on the 22s. Carla: Oh and a DVD-player so the kids can watch Elmo! Turk: You're killing me, woman!

Turk: I'm black, God knew my people would go through struggles so he gave us a lifetime of cool to compensate. Just like he knew white people would be rhythmically challenged and he gave you all this dance... (Dances awkwardly) Dr. Cox: You're black? 'Cause last I checked you had a nerdy white best friend, you enjoy Neil Diamond, and you damn sure act like a black guy and these are all characteristics of white guys. Please understand, I'm a huge supporter of the NAACP. If you're don't know what that stands for, it's the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People. And quite frankly, I always thought they should change the 'colored people' to 'African Americans' but then of course it wouldn't be the NAACP it'd be the N quad A or NAAAA. And I know this probably sounds like a digression but actually brings me back to my original point...do I think you're black? Naaaaaaaaa!

Turk: That's game, alright? That's game! You got next?? Dr. Cox: Yeah, I got next. Laverne: Lonnie! Play with Dr. Cox. Lonnie: Let's go! Turk: Dude! Look at the glasses! Look at the mouthpiece! Laverne: Dr. Turk is not aware that Lonnie was all-conference at Villanova. Dr. Cox: Laverne, would you go ahead and thank whats-his-name for me? Laverne: Jesus? Dr. Cox: That's him.