Season 1 Episode 13

My Balancing Act

Aired Tuesday 9:30 PM Jan 15, 2002 on NBC



  • Trivia

    • In this episode Dr. Cox doesn't call J.D. any Dog Name.

    • J.D.'s Girl Names: Clarabelle and Lillian (through a pager message)

    • In the end scene in which Alex and J.D. make their peace, if you watch carefully you can see the elevator's light indicate it's the third floor, although the plate in the wall beside Alex reads "2ND FLOOR SOUTH".

    • Carla and Elliot (and Turk and Todd at the same time) start talking about Carla not having an orgasm before J.D. tells Dr. Cox what is Mr. Yeager's disease. Nevertheless, their conversation is still in the same point it was left when the scene shifted to J.D. being 80 minutes late to his date with Alex.

    • Just before J.D. tells Dr. Cox he thinks Mr. Yeager has Kuru, if you watch very carefully, Jim Coari (who plays Mr. Yeager) is opening and closing his mouth, probably due to discomfort of having a tube in his mouth.

    • For the first time (and probably the only) Dr. Cox calls Doug by his name.

    • Featured Music:
      "New Slang" by The Shins

    • It is revealed that Elliot never had an orgasm before this episode.

  • Quotes

    • Dr. Kelso: You paged me?
      Dr. Cox: I didn't page you.
      J.D.'s narration: And that's when Dr. Cox started poking the old bear with a stick.
      Dr. Cox: You know what, I'm sick of the old grill-'em-and-drill-'em. What do you say we shake things up a littler bit, here? You kids ask me the questions, and I'll just give you the answers; whatta you say?
      Dr. Kelso: Uh, Dr. Cox, could I talk to you?
      Dr. Cox: Well, sure you can, Bob, but you're gonna have to go ahead and raise your hand like all the other children.
      Dr. Kelso: I-I just think it's inappropriate-
      Dr. Cox: Bobbo, now, you've got five good ones right there. Whatta you say you put 'em up in the air like you just don't care.

    • Turk: Baby, there's nothing that could scare me away.
      Carla: Ever since we said "I love you" to each other, I've been feeling all this pressure, and wondering about the future - our future. Like, are we gonna get married? Are we gonna have kids? If so, how many, and when will I get my figure back? Should I keep working? Where're we gonna live? Is my mother gonna live with us? How big a house do we need? How many bathrooms? What if my mother walks in on you while you're in the bathroom, you slip and fall, and I can't afford the funeral costs?
      Turk: Okay, that's a little scary.

    • Carla: We have to talk.
      Turk: No time for talk - we have a specific problem, and we need to take care of it.
      Carla: Why are you wearing one of those nose breathing thingies?
      Turk: Baby, bear with me - I got big ideas.

    • Carla: So... you've really never had...?
      Elliot: Nope.
      Carla: Not even by yourself?
      Elliot: Gross! Uhh... Is it easy?
      Carla: When's your next laundry night?

    • Elliot: Listen, Carla, I can't even pretend that I can give you tips on intercourse...
      Carla: I got one for you - stop calling it that.
      Elliot: My therapist thinks my trouble in bed stems from a basic fear of intimacy. But I just think it's just because any type of repetitive motion makes me nauseous. Oh, and since I was a little kid, I've always had nightmares about being crushed.
      Carla: That poor shrink.

    • J.D.: Alex dumped me.
      Dr. Cox: Aw, you mean the blind girl you've been dating?
      J.D.: She's not blind.
      Dr. Cox: Of course she's not.

    • J.D.: Hey, uh, Alex, I am so sorry; but I went to the restaurant, I guess I just missed you. And then I-I called your house, but there was no answer. And then I actually stopped by your house, and I guess you didn't see me - which was sort of odd, 'cause I was standing next to the pizza guy while you were paying him...

    • Elliot: I, um...I've never even had an orgasm.
      Carla: Mm... Oh! I'm sorry - I should be more surprised.
      Elliot: Yeah, that-that'd be nice.

    • Turk: She's not having an orgasm.
      Todd: Still not seeing what the problem is.

    • J.D.: Dr. Cox. I got the sed-rate back on Mr. Yeager. Say how-do to that.
      Dr. Cox: All righty. But then I'm due back at the hootenanny.

    • Todd: So, when I saw you in the hall this morning, and I said, "How's your penis?" and you didn't want to talk about it...

    • Carla: It's three little words, it shouldn't have this effect, right? Anyway, I told him it wasn't his fault - these things happen occasionally-
      Elliot: Try "constantly"!... um... well, I have cold hands...

    • Turk: ...It's really hot, like always.
      Todd: Well, hot like how? Describe it.
      Turk: Dude!

    • Elliot: Talk to me... Talk to me...
      Carla: You know, that's really getting annoying. In fact, every time you say it, it makes me not want to talk to you all the more.
      Elliot: Talk to me...
      Carla: All right! Fine!

    • Turk: So, last night, when I was with Carla...
      J.D.: Dude, I'm sorry - I can't talk right now. I really gotta figure this Mr. Yeager thing out.
      Turk: Cool. Cool.
      J.D.: Okay.
      Turk: Let's just say my horse didn't finish the race. I mean, I'm at the filling station but my credit card gets declined. I'm on the jet ski-
      J.D.: I got it!
      Turk: Good, 'cause I had no idea what I was gonna say after that one.
      J.D.: No, no, no. Mr. Yeager!
      Turk: Hey, man, where you go-? Who am I gonna talk to about sex?
      Todd: Let's get our talk on. Player to player.

    • Elliot: What's wrong?
      Carla: It's personal.
      Elliot: Why won't you ever open up to me? I came to you when I thought I had a broken tailbone and it was just a really bad pimple!
      Carla: It's a sex thing, okay?
      Elliot: You mean like a gender issue or like intercourse? Because I'm book-smart on both!

    • Dr. Cox: Wow. I'd actually never thought of that.
      J.D.: Hell, yeah.
      Dr. Cox: Were you aware that the only documented cases of Kuru were members of a cannibalistic tribe in eastern Papua New Guinea?
      J.D.: I was not.
      Mr. Yeager: Actually, Doc, I was in New Guinea just last week.
      J.D.: Really?

    • Turk: It's gonna make everything so much better. I mean, we're so in sync. Better conversation...better dancing...
      Carla: Ooh. And...?
      Turk: Way better shrumpdown!

    • J.D.'s narration: Okay, so you just asked out a girl who's stuck in an M.R.I. machine without ever seeing her face... Remember, no matter what she looks like, be sure to play it cool.
      (MRI machine pulls out revealing Alex)
      J.D.: Yes! YES! YES! You are hot! Smokin' hot! In your face! WOO-HOO-HOOOOO!

    • Alex: Look maybe it would be good if we actually had a date that...ends.
      J.D.: Well how does a date with you end?
      Alex: It can range from "a kiss at the door" to "all I have for breakfast is yogurt and I'm all out of bowls, so you'll have to eat off my stomach".

    • Dr. Kelso: Ted. I need you to take care of some lawyer crap for me, and it would be a great help if you would go to traffic court for me and make this go away.
      Ted: I...don't think so.
      Dr. Kelso: Excuse me?
      Ted: No, Bob. I have my own things I need to take care of.
      Dr. Kelso: Of course. Of course...
      Ted: Walk off, bitch.
      Dr. Cox: How is it, exactly, that you just said that and your pants are still dry?
      Ted: Don't you understand what you did when you spoke to those interns? You took away the fear. You...are a wonderful person. And...I love you.

    • Turk: Okay, it's true, I have never said "I love you" to a woman before.
      Todd: Well, then, how do you get them to sleep with you?

    • J.D.: Like, even when our dates get interrupted, we can just have a date here. Yeah, like, let's say for instance you wanted to watch a movie -- we could just go to the conference room and watch that video on S.T.D.s. It's funny, and it makes you think!

    • J.D.'s narration: Oh, man, she's beautiful. I wish I was that piece of bacon. Wait a second. I am that piece of bacon!
      J.D.: Hell yeah!
      Janitor: You mind not staring at me while I'm eating? I hate it.
      J.D.: But, I'm not, I was...
      Janitor: What am I doing right now?
      J.D.: Eating.
      Janitor: What are you doing?
      J.D.: Staring...
      Janitor: Okay. There. Now no one gets to eat it! Ya happy?

    • J.D.: Oh, it's Cox - he wants me back at the hospital.
      Alex: But the page is addressed to Lillian.
      J.D.: Yeah, that's me.
      J.D.'s narration: What a drag...that was probably the wrong time to ask for a quickie.

    • Dr. Cox: Newbie, do you happen to know what a zebra is?
      J.D.: That patient just mocked me!
      Dr. Cox: It's a diagnosis of a ridiculously obscure disease when it's much more likely that the patient has a common illness presenting with uncommon symptoms, in other words, if you hear hoof beats, you just go ahead and think horsies and not zebras, mkay mister silly bear?

    • Dr. Cox: How'd you drop the on it this time, and don't tell me you cried or I'm gonna have you banned from the men's room again.
      J.D.: I was just so excited about what we were doing here last night, I just forgot all about our date.
      Dr. Cox: You didn't forget, you kept looking at your watch, I saw you. I just naturally assumed you were just afraid of missing Judging Amy. It never occured to me that you were choosing work over being with that sweet little biscuit you stupid pissant.
      J.D.: You know that means a lot coming from you mister, right here with me two hours after his shift also and last Monday night too... guy.
      Dr. Cox: What?
      J.D.: You heard me.
      Dr. Cox: Newbie, what are you sayin'? That you wanna be like me? Understand that I just barely wanna be like me.

    • Dr. Cox: Here's the deal. I have been coerced by the forces of evil into conducting rounds this morning. So in order to make this a more palatable experence for mwah, I am not going to call you by your names, instead I'll be refering to you by whatever distinguishing physical characteristic occurs to me first., chicken beak. What causes pneumonia presenting with diarrhea?
      "Chicken Beak": Legionella.
      Dr. Cox: Nice job! It turns out your mind is as sharp as your nose. Wow! And you, dye-job, what are the elements of Whipple's Triad?
      Elliot: Ah... I can't remember. I am so sorry.
      Dr. Cox: What in the hell are you sorry about?
      Elliot: Well its just that Doctor Kelso always yells at us when we don't know the answer...
      Dr. Cox: Oh children, you can't let that bloated bag of hate effect you like that, and besides being a doctor is as much about finding the answers as it is about knowing them. For instance, take Clarabell's patient over here, Mr. Yeager. Now we have no idea what in the hell is wrong with him, so we have run tests for everything from meningitis to intracranial mass and according to these results... Oh everything seems to have come back negative, which doesn't necessarily mean that Clarabell is a failure, it doesn't. It just means that she's got to keep trying no matter how frusterated she just might get.

  • Notes

    • Original International Airdates:
      Czech Republic: December 31, 2012 on Prima COOL

    • Title Explanation: "My Balancing Act" refers to J.D. trying to balance work with his new girlfriend.

    • The song "New Slang" by The Shins that was played at the end of this episode is also a single off the soundtrack for "Garden State" which Zach Braff starred, wrote, directed, and chose the music for.

  • Allusions

    • Judging Amy:
      Dr. Cox: I assumed that you were afraid of missing Judging Amy.

      Judging Amy was a CBS television legal drama that aired from September 19, 1999 until May 3, 2005, being famous for its emphasis on examining issues related to domestic family life.

    • The Jetsons:
      Turk saying "I love you" like Astro is a reference to the dog from The Jetsons which first aired in 1962.

    • Kuru is a progressive neurologic disorder that occurs primarily in the Fore natives who inhabit a tiny pocket of the New Guinea highlands.