Season 1 Episode 15

My Bed Banter & Beyond

Aired Tuesday 9:30 PM Feb 05, 2002 on NBC



  • Trivia

    • In this episode Dr. Cox doesn't call J.D. any Girl Name, probably because he's too focused on the hospital psychiatrist interview.

    • In the scene Carla is criticizing Turk's comments about one of the nurses, between the camera shifts there's another nurse seated behind her, then there isn't, then there she's again and finally there she isn't.

    • As previously said, during the first season the Janitor was going to be a part of J.D.'s imagination and as such should never interact with the other characters. Nevertheless, once more we can perfectly see him interacting with other characters. In the beginning of this episode the Janitor not only annoys Nurse Laverne with the floor polisher machine, but J.D. and Elliot laugh about it.

    • In the beginning of the episode, J.D. thinks of Elliot as his best friend when he wakes up and is afraid of the morning-after conversation. But actually Turk is his best friend as he states in all other series episodes.

    • Featured Music:
      "Ever Fallen in Love? (With Someone You Shouldn't've)" by the Buzzcocks.
      "Tubthumping" by Chumbawamba (J.D.'s monologue)

    • The pizza is a symbolic "clock" of sorts that represents how much time J.D. and Elliot's relationship has left.

    • J.D and Elliot spend all day in bed, and make out as if they are having amazing sex. However, only two episodes before this one, in My Balancing Act, Elliot reveals that she is not good at having sex, refers to sex as "intercourse", and has never even had an orgasm.

      How is it she went from being so clueless to an absolute master so quickly?

    • J.D. marks Elliot on his tallyboard of girls he's slept with, saying he's been stuck on #4 since med school, but he slept with Jordan just a few episodes ago.

    • Elliot comments that she's going to need a "vagina transplant". As we know from the rest of the series, Elliot never says the word 'vagina', instead replacing it with 'Bajingo'.

  • Quotes

    • Elliot: Have you ever been more uncomfortable in your entire life?
      (J.D.'s memories kick in)
      Woman on TV: My God! You look hot in that dress.
      J.D.'s grandmother: What movie are we watching?
      J.D.: It's Basic Instinct, Grandma.
      (Back to today)
      J.D.: Yeah, once.

    • J.D.'s narration: What are you doing? Elliot's amazing and you're crazy about her. If you let her leave, I'm gonna do this all day: I get knocked down but I get up again. You're never gonna keep me down. I get knocked down...

    • J.D.: I can't believe today's over.
      Elliot: I can't believe I ate half a pizza.
      J.D.: Oh please, Elliot, I had, like, two pieces.
      Elliot: If you tell anyone anything about today, please leave that part out.

    • J.D.: Things that wouldn't have bothered you a week ago in a friendship become so incredibly important when sex is involved. I just...I think it'd be easier if you weren't friends with your girlfriend... At all.

    • J.D.: Why is it impossible for you to ever let anything go?
      Elliot: Oh, I let tons of stuff go; like when you wouldn't stand up for me in front of Dr. Cox. Or when you started telling everyone we know that we're having sex.
      J.D.: And when are you-when are you letting that stuff go?
      Elliot: Fine. You wanna know why I won't let that go? Because the only reason that you wouldn't stand up for me is that you're so terrified that someone, somewhere, in this hospital won't like you.
      J.D.: Oh, and that's a bad thing? That's a bad thing, Elliot? Why don't-why don't we get all of my friends together in a room and we'll fight your friend.

    • Elliot: Dr. Cox, I was waiting to see if she would tolerate her low heart-rate, which is exactly what all the medical textbooks tell us to do. Am I right, J.D.?
      Dr. Cox: Is she right, J.D.?
      J.D.: Uhhhh... Well, technically, yes. But, you know, it's-it's really a judgment call, and if she really was that bradycardic, I probably would've called the fellow... But I, that's-that's me. I...
      Dr. Cox: Wow. Always side with the hoochie, Newbie. It's rookie mistake. Gosh, you-you hate to see it.

    • Dr. Cox: Oh, what the hell, Barbie? You should have gotten the cardiology fellow to give Mrs. Zuckerman a transvenous pacemaker one hour ago.
      Elliot: Sir, I was waiting to see if-
      Dr. Cox: Oh! You were waiting! I'm sorry, that's-that's my mistake... Oh! I'm gonna wait with ya!
      Elliot: Dr. Cox-
      Dr. Cox: You gotta give it time; because you see, when you're waiting for someone to magically get better all by themselves, the whole thing becomes about time.

    • J.D.: Probably just a bad ball.
      Elliot: You don't always have to patronize me, I mean, you could just be honest with me and tell me that I suck.
      J.D.: You know what, Elliot, it's hard to be honest with you when you're so neurotic, you don't even trust the computer to keep your score.

    • Elliot: There was nothing funny about that.
      J.D.: Oh, all right, maybe you just don't know funny. Okay; let me help you out: Silly hats are funny; ALF, very funny; anyone in a chicken suit... Oh! Over-sized phones are funny.

    • J.D.: Okay, Mr. Lewis, I'm afraid we're gonna need another stool sample. Not for medical robot needs food.

    • Turk: This is a hospital, all right, people here are already sick.
      Elliot: You guys do it all the time.
      Carla: Tell me we don't look like that.
      Turk: We don't look like that!
      J.D.: Oh, please, you guys are just jealous 'cause you're not the new hot couple in town anymore.
      Turk: Jealous, my chocolate butt!
      Carla: I'm telling you, we are so damn hot; last night, when I was home waiting for Turk, I put on this tiny negligee - it was so small, I took it off my Latin Barbie-
      Turk: Yeah but, baby, when I got home you were sound asleep and drooling like a sheepdog.
      Carla: You don't have to tell them that.

    • J.D.: What are you talking about?
      Dr. Cox: Please stop. The whole floor knows, we do. Watch this... Laverne, did you know?
      Laverne: Was it supposed to be a secret?
      Dr. Cox: And, Carla?
      Carla: Please. I knew before they did.
      Dr. Cox: So, there it is. Oh, and, if you go ahead and listen very carefully, you'll hear the familiar sound of no one caring.

    • Elliot: You know what, after I have sex five times with somebody, I...usually like to have the relationship talk... I know, I know it seems rushed, but, you have to understand, five times usually takes me anywhere between six months and seven years.

    • J.D.: You okay?
      Elliot: Yeah. I mean, I may, eventually, need a vagina transplant.

    • Todd: Oh, no, it's cool. J.D.'s in the closet talking to a girl for me.
      Laverne: White boys.

    • Elliot: Why did he ask me out?
      J.D.: I don't know... Because you're cute, and you're fun...and I told him to...
      Elliot: What?
      J.D.: Plus, there's rumors going around that you're a lesbian.

    • Todd: The Todd is asking Elliot out. I think she'd be lucky to ride my-
      J.D.: Please...
      Todd: ...Motorcycle! Gotcha!
      Turk: God bless him.

    • Turk: So, Elliot says she's looking for a surgical consult. Do you know where she is?
      J.D.: I don't know. Why should I know? You know, it's funny that you think I would know - I have no idea where she is.
      Todd: I know where The Todd would like Elliot to be: In his pants!
      J.D.: Ha! Clever! You know, she told me she's not going out with anyone, you should ask her out.
      Turk: Whoa, Ell- no, no. Elliot and The Todd? That's a terrible couple. That's-that's worse than Joanie and Chachi.
      J.D.: Dude, Joanie loves Chachi.

    • Turk: Baby, I am so sorry I made an incredibly insensitive statement about an ugly person.
      Carla: I'm taking one of those quiet moments where I weigh your good qualities against your bad ones and decide if you're actually worth the trouble.

    • Todd: Check her out!
      Turk: Dude, H.F.F.A.
      J.D.: Excuse me?
      Turk: "H.F.F.A"? "Hot From Far Away", but up close, she's nasty.

    • J.D.: And you know what, excuse me for not being afraid to show people around here how I feel about you.
      Elliot: You just want the guys to know you're getting some!
      J.D.: Not just the guys.

    • Elliot: How did that last time even start?
      J.D.: I don't even remember. I just know I went to the door, and when I came back, you said I looked sexy holding a pizza.
      Elliot: Oooh, you did.

    • J.D.: We are really good at having sex. We should, like, take this show on the road.
      Elliot: Oh, don't joke. My mom would come sit in the front row and tell me I'd look prettier if I smiled more.

    • J.D.: Wait, Elliot. Look, I just, uh... Argggh... I...I...
      Elliot: Oh, my God, just say it! Say, "Elliot, stay in bed and have sex with me all day until neither one of us can move."
      J.D.: Yeah, let's do that.
      Elliot: I cannot believe you almost let me leave. You're gonna pay for that.
      J.D.: Oh, I'm-I'm good for that.

    • Elliot: We-we really shouldn't feel weird about this. I mean, these-things like this happen all the time.
      J.D.: All the time!
      Elliot: Yeah, it's, uh, it's really not a big deal.
      J.D.: It's not a big deal!
      Elliot: Okay, you've gotta stop repeating everything I say in that weird tone of voice.
      J.D.: No more repeating...

    • Dr. Kelso: When the Kelsonoviches settled in Monroeville, P.A., there were two steel mills, three bars, not a doctor in sight. Then, my old man set up a shingle and started delivering babies and stitching up three-fingered steel men by the wagon-load. Everybody loved him. When they couldn't come up with the cash, he would always gladly accept a handmade sweater or a bushel of turnips.... Jackass.

    • Carla: When I was a little girl, my mom used to have what she liked to call "episodes." Episodes is a flattering term for this thing where she'd sweat a lot and… well, let's just say, her stomach talked. Anyway, this one time, we were at the supermarket and she actually passed out. And, out of nowhere, this fancy-looking guy comes forward and tells everyone to "step aside!" to give my mother some air. And everyone did! You have to understand: in my family, nobody ever listens to a word anybody else says; even screaming at the top of our lungs… nothing. So, when this man said, "step aside" and everyone did, I asked my aunt, "Who is this guy?" And she said he was a doctor. And I thought, "Wow.... I want to be a doctor, too." (pause) But, when I lost my first tooth, and nobody left hundred-and-eighty-thousand dollars under my pillow for med school, I decided to become a nurse.

    • J.D.: Good morning, Dr. Cox.
      Dr. Cox: (hangs some charts to both of them) We are short staffed today because Kelso has volunteered all of you scut-monkeys for some psychologist's research project, give me a break, which means, of course, you won't be helping patients. Instead you'll be blabbering about your feelings and what it's like working in the hospital, and how that affects your personal lives... (Kelso enters the room) And there he is now, oh, Big Bobbo, himself. Okay, all nurses and interns, let's gather 'round and dance for the puppet master! Oh, yes! Dance!
      Dr. Kelso: (with a smirk) It's not just the nurses and interns....
      Dr. Cox: (worried) Don't be that guy, Bob.

    • Elliot: Are you following me?
      Todd: No. You wanna go out some time?
      Elliot: With you?
      Todd: Me and a bottle of Jägermeister.
      Elliot: No. No, Todd, I don't. But I don't want you to think it's because I just broke up with someone, or that I'm a lesbian, or because I want to preserve our friendship. It's because I find you so creepy, I think you should walk around with a bell around your neck.
      Todd: All I heard was "lesbian".

    • Dr. Kelso: Enid has always understood how much my career meant to me. She knows I'm an important man in my field, and it helps her get on all those little boards of things her friends are on... you know, like, uh, bringing art to the underprivileged kids in the community, blah blah blah. When I first met her, uh, she wanted to be a psychiatrist, but, uh...we both decided that that wasn't a fitting profession for a family woman - no offense, sweetheart. I know she's grateful. She likes to joke that I "choked the last breath of life out of her long ago, now she's just a shell of a woman." I think that's so cute; I call her "shelly"! You know, when I call her that, sometimes she laughs so hard she cries a little.

    • Turk: When I was seven years old, the only things that I loved were my ColecoVision and Sandi Lowe. Now, Sandi was as fine as a seven year old could be; I mean, she had the body of a nine-year-old. And I pretty much joined the t-ball team because she was on it. I mean, I didn't really care that much about sports. But, uh, during the first game, I got all caught up, you know? And...fell in love with competing; and so, through high school and college, I pretty much played everything, because I needed to compete - it was my drug. I think that's why I became a surgeon, too, because, every day, you get to step up to the table and go one-on-one against what's-ever wrong with the patient. And if you're really good at it, you win most of the time... I ran into Sandi Lowe last Christmas, and she didn't look so good. You know? And that was kinda awkward, 'cause, well, I look like this.

    • J.D.'s narration: Oh, my God! You slept with your best friend! This will be a disaster unless you say the right thing, so choose your words carefully.
      J.D.: Great job last night, buddy.

    • Dr. Cox: Relationships don't work the way they do on television and in the movies: Will they, won't they, and then they finally do and they're happy forever -- gimme a break. Nine out of ten of them end because they weren't right for each other to begin with, and half the ones that get married get divorced, anyway. And I'm telling you right now, through all this stuff, I have not become a cynic, I haven't. Yes, I do happen to believe that love is mainly about pushing chocolate-covered candies and, you know, in some cultures, a chicken. You can call me a sucker, I don't care, 'cause I do...believe in it. Bottom the couples that are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but, the big difference is, they don't let it take 'em down.

    • Dr. Cox: And bam!! The shines off the apple. And thats when you find out that that pretty little girl you married isn't a pretty little girl at all. No, she's a man eater. And I'm not talking about the "whoa here she comes" kind of man eater, I'm talking about the kind that uses your dignity as a dish towel to wipe up any shreds of manhood that might be stuck inside the sink. But of course, I may have tormented her from time to time, but honest to God that's what I thought marriage was all about, so much so that by the end of that relationship, I honestly don't know who I hated more...her or me. I used to sit around and wonder why our friends weren't trying to destroy each other like we were. And there it turns out the answer's pretty simple. They weren't unhappy, we were.

    • Dr. Cox: (To psychologists) Relationships, well Sigmund, relationships are so fragile, it just takes one thing, one tiny-little offense and it can snowball on ya. And if that snowball starts to pick up speed, God forbid, you better tuck and go my friend.

    • Dr. Cox: We are short staffed today because Kelso has volunteered all of you scut-monkeys for some psychologists research project - give me a break - which means of coarse you won't be helping patients instead, well you'll be blabbering about your feelings and what its like working in the hospital and how that affects your personal lifes and wan, wan, wan, and there he is now, oh Big Bobo himself. Okay [Whistles] all nurses and interns lets gather round and dance for the puppet dancer! Oh yes dance!

    • Dr. Cox: (Talking to psychologists) Oh gosh, I guess, I became a doctor because ever since I was a little boy I just wanted to help people. I don't tell this story very often but I remember when I was seven-years old I one time I found a bird that had fallen out of its nest so I picked him up and brought him home and made him a house out of an empty shoebox and hahaha oh my God... Oh... I became a doctor for the same four reasons everybody does: chicks, money power and chicks. But since HMOs have made it virtually impossible to make any real money which directly affects the number of chicks who come sniffin' around and don't ask me what tree they're barkin' up because they're sure as hell not pissin' on mine and as far as power goes, well here I am during my free time letting some thirteen-year old psychology fellow who couldn't cut it in real medicine ask me question about my personal life. So here's the inside scoop there pumpkin, why don''t you go head and tell me all about power.

    • Dr. Cox: Bravo, just a big bravo, heaven help me I love newbie theatre. Honest I do, its the way you both play your parts with such wonderful commitment, that almost had me believing that you arent having whiny, neurotic, extremely pale sex with each other!

  • Notes

    • Original International Airdates:
      Czech Republic: January 2, 2013 on Prima COOL

    • Title Explanation: "My Bed, Banter, and Beyond" probably refers to the Bed that J.D. and Elliot are in throughout the episode, the bantering J.D. and Elliot do throughout the episode, and the other places they go signifies beyond.

    • The episode was originally 28 minutes long (DVD episode). It was cut down to 22 minutes in order to be aired on TV.

  • Allusions

    • "Maneater" by Hall & Oates:
      Dr. Cox: (to psychiatrist) ...And I'm not talking about the "whoa-whoa, here she comes" kind of man-eater.

      Dr. Cox is quoting the song "Maneater" by Hall & Oates. The song was recorded in 1982 and it reached the top spot on the Billboard Hot 100 at the end of that year.

    • Jägermeister:
      Todd: You wanna go out some time?
      Elliot: With you?
      Todd: Me and a bottle of Jägermeister.

      Jägermeister is a strong liqueur flavored with herbs. Its recipe is a secret, but it is claimed to be a blend of 56 herbs. Curiously, besides its use as an alcohoolic drink, it can be consumed as a digestive spirit similar to stomach bitters.

    • ColecoVision:
      Turk: When I was seven years old the only things I loved were my ColecoVision and Sandy Lowe.

      The ColecoVision was a video game console released in August 1982 and discontinued in 1985. It offered arcade-quality graphics and gaming style, the ability to play other consoles' video games and the means to expand the system's hardware.

    • Basic Instinct:
      J.D.'s grandmother: What movie are we watching?
      J.D.: It's Basic Instinct, Grandma.

      Basic Instinct is a 1992 erotic mystery movie stared by Sharon Stone and Michael Douglas. The story follows Det. Nick Curran (Douglas) investigating the novelist Catherine Tramell (Stone) on suspicion of murder. A torrid affair ensues, but more people end up dead as the investigation progresses, making everyone a suspect of murder.

    • Sigmund Freud:
      Dr. Cox: (To the hospital's psychiatrist) Well, Sigmund...

      Sigmund Freud was an Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist who co-founded the psychoanalytic school of psychology. He's best known for his theories of the unconscious mind, his redefinition of sexual desire as a mobile force to human behaviour and his therapeutic techniques - especially the presumed value of dreams as sources of insight into unconscious desires. Freud also proposed that the psyche could be divided into three parts: Ego, super-ego, and id.

    • My Bed Banter & Beyond:
      The title of this episode is a reference to the popular home furnishing store Bed Bath & Beyond.

    • Alf:
      J.D.: Alf? Very funny.

      Alf was a NBC sitcom which ran from 1986 to 1990 focusing on the life of an ET who crash-landed into the garage of a suburban middle class family, the Tanners.

    • Joanie Loves Chachi:
      Turk: Elliot and the Todd? That's a terrible couple. That's worse than Joanie and Chachi.

      Joanie and Chachi are characters from Happy Days, who also had their own sitcom called Joanie Loves Chachi, an ABC spin-off which ran from 1982-1983.

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