Dr. Christopher "Chris" Duncan Turk
Dr. Percival "Perry" Ulysses Cox
Nurse Carla Espinosa
Dr. Robert "Bob" Kelso
Dr. Elliot Reid
Dr. John Michael "J.D." Dorian
Nurse Laverne Roberts
In the beginning of the scene where JD and Elliot is in a patient's room, about to kiss, you can see the microphone at the top of the screen.
When J.D. imagines that a patient is Turk, Turk is wearing the patient's robe. However, less than a minute later, when he imagines that Laverne is Turk, Turk is wearing green scrubs, instead of the scrubs Laverne was using.
In this episode Elliot has no problem using the word "penis", even though in future episodes it is made perfectly clear that it makes Elliot uncomfortable.
When J.D. has less than a minute to kiss Elliot, he starts running, after talking to Turk, who asked him if Nurse Roberts had given him these shoes, and we see that he is wearing those shoes. However, two minutes before that, when Turk appears, he is wearing normal green shoes.
"A Little Respect" by Erasure (Several times throughout the episode)
Elliot: Hello, Mr. Kavanaugh. Your arhythmia's much better. Everything looks just great, actually.
Mr. Kavanaugh: You sound surprised.
Elliot: Oh, okay. It has nothing to do with you. I had a run-in with Dr. Kelso yesterday, so when he switched me to you, I thought it would be a difficult case.
(Mr. Kavanaugh gets completely naked in front of Elliot)
Mr. Kavanaugh: Go on, I'm listening.
Elliot: Excuse me while...while I check on another penis...patient! Well, he's a...he's a penis patient.
J.D.'s narration: A lot of my work has become second nature to me. The only problem is, it gives me too much time to think.
Turk: (In J.D.'s imagination) Look, I'm surgery and you're medicine. This isn't college any more. Things have to change.
J.D.: I know relationships change, I guess I thought yours and mine never would.
(Patient starts looking confused to J.D.)
J.D.: So, surgery went okay?
Turk: It was cool.
(Todd walks away)
Turk: Dude, I got to close for the first time ever. Ever. The human body is so disgusting.
(The patient he just closed starts giving him a worried look)
Turk: Not yours. Yours is stunning.
J.D.'s narration: In my experience, when two friends miss an opportunity like this, you've got exactly 48 hours to get the kiss. Oherwise, one of you will over-think it. Okay, she's gonna over-think it. Then you end up permanently stuck in the Friend Zone.
(J.D. tries to kiss Elliot)
Elliot: I'll see ya.
Sleeping Patient: You're such a girl.
Dr. Wen: Look, I've been attending for three years here. What makes you think you know better?
Turk: In my gut I know I'm right.
Dr. Wen: We need this decision now.
Turk: Fine, then it's on you.
Dr. Wen: Yes, it is. Nurse. Erasure.
Nurse: Yes, doctor.
("A Little Respect" by Erasure starts playing)
Patient: I hate this song.
Turk: Me too, man. Me too.
Elliot: The first few weeks here have been so hard for me, mentally, physically, emotionally. It's like math camp all over again. Not that I've ever been to math camp - it's just an expression.
J.D.: I use it all the time.
J.D.: Hi, how are ya? I have a quick legal question. What if, hypothetically-
Ted: Oh, God, you killed somebody!
Ted: Someone else did!
J.D.: No, no; no one killed anyone.
Ted: Maimed, mutilated, disfigured...let's not split hairs.
J.D.: Have you seen Turk?
Carla: Not since this morning.
J.D.: Well, I'm sure you'll end up seeing him before I do, so...
Carla: Bambi? Are you giving me attitude?
J.D.: What if I am?
Carla: Sweetie, you have to be a minority sidekick in a bad movie to pull that off. You know what I'm talking about, right?
Laverne: Oh, child, please! You speak the truth!
Carla: Explain it to this man, please.
Laverne: First, you do the head, then you do the finger, then you talk through the nose...and then you give a lot of attitude. That's how it works. But if you're not from there, you don't understand, so I'm not gonna even 'axe' you-
J.D.: Okay, I'm gonna leave now.
Carla: What? Oh, no you didn't! Where' you going? Where' you going!?
Turk: Damn! I gotta go. But you played a good game! You played a good game!
Todd: I thought you sucked.
J.D.: Go get your grub on.
Elliot: It's that, it's the sweetheart thing. It just doesn't hit me right. I'm a doctor, and it seems sort of...disrespectful.
Dr. Kelso: Oh? I've always called the young men "sport" and the young women "sweetheart".
Elliot: But, you called Becky "sport".
Dr. Kelso: Oh...well, I am so sorry...sport. It must be one of those bad habits I've developed after working in the medical field for over thirty years.
Elliot: Th-thirty years? But... you look so young!
J.D.: I'm just a little lonely, you know; I guess 'cause I haven't really been hanging out with Turk since he's been dating Carla.
Dr. Cox: First of all, who's Turk? And don't answer. Look, if you have a medical question for me, I'm forced by hospital policy to answer you. However, if you ask me about a personal problem, I'm going to start doing this. (Flicks J.D.'s ear)
J.D.: So, nothing was going on last night between me and Elliot.
Dr. Cox: Good thing you still have your 'flower', then.
Dr. Cox: Look, this guy's gonna need 40 MAQ's of KCL; and go ahead and grab me when you get the results.
J.D.: You got it.
Dr. Cox: Oh, and his TV is broken, so, when you two do start tagging each other, least you can do is wake him up and let him watch.
Elliot: Our shifts keep overlapping on Friday nights.
J.D.: It's the closest thing I've had to a date, recently.
Elliot: Well, I had a great time tonight.
J.D.: Oh, yeah, me too. So... can I page you?
Elliot: You better. And don't do the whole two-day waiting thing.
J.D.: Oh, baby, I don't play by the rules.
Janitor: (To J.D.) You seem unhappy. I like that.
Laverne: I've seen this before. Gauze, sponges...some young surgeon left something in this man.
J.D.: Noo. No. I know the guy that closed, he'd never be that careless.
Turk: 'Kay, uh... Excuse me, sorry; has anyone seen my keys? No? Okay, how about my wallet? Anyone?
Ted: Legally, there's a huge difference. When you stitch a patient, wind up sewing a sheet to him, that's an accident. When he tries getting up, the whole gurney collapses, breaking his front teeth, that's a lawsuit. Say it with me: Accident. Lawsuit.
Elliot: On the one hand, I know Dr. Kelso doesn't mean anything by it. And, okay, maybe I am kind of a sweetheart...
Dr. Cox: I'm sleeping.
Elliot: On the other hand, it just sounds so demeaning! You know?
Dr. Cox: Mother of God, you're not listening to a word I'm saying, are you.
Elliot: I mean, it's not like he's my grandpa or anything. Anyway, J.D. always tells me how you've helped him out...
Dr. Cox: Well, he obviously hasn't told you about my ear-flicking policy, has he. Look! This whole "groovy guidance counselor" thing you people seem to have working is a total fantasy. I'm not that guy, you can go and ask anybody. Now, you've got to leave me alone, or I'll punish you.
J.D.: I can't believe you lost our bottle opener!
Turk: I know. I miss it so much it hurts sometimes!
J.D.: You're a bad person.
Turk: Don't judge me.
J.D.'s narration: Just tell him how you feel without sounding like a girl!
J.D.: I miss you so much it hurts sometimes!
J.D.'s narration: It's never easy to see a patient that's getting worse instead of better. In fact that's kind of the opposite of what we're going for.
J.D.'s narration: It's weird, but a hospital room can actually be kind of a romantic place. Maybe it's the soft green glow of the heart monitor, or the way the moonlight reflects off a bedpan.
Elliot: Dr. Cox...
Dr. Cox: I'm hoping for your sake there's another Dr. Cox sitting right behind me.
Elliot: I feel stupid, but sending me to Kelso like that, I'm not sure what you were trying to teach me.
Dr. Cox: The value, and this is important, of leaving me alone.
Elliot: But we both know there's more to it than that.
Dr. Cox: No, no, no. There's not. I want you to spread the word, missy. I've - had - enough. The next whiny intern that comes in here looking to me for a cookie and a hug, I swear to Aisha, I'm going to hurt them. And you, you neurotic, one-woman freak-show, take your blah-blah to the blah-blah-ologist. Because if you are so stupid as to confront the Chief of Medicine over some quasi-offensive endearment, then you've just got to go ahead and replace the captain of your brainship, because he's drunk at the wheel.
Turk: What do you wanna watch?
Turk: Fletch it is.
Carla: Seen it.
Turk: Well, you haven't seen it with us saying all the lines.
Carla: I'm so lucky I met you.
J.D.: Maybe next time her mom could come.
Turk: You won't even know she's here. Except she laughs at stupid stuff and that makes me laugh. It's stupid because it's so stupid.
(J.D. looks annoyingly to Turk)
Turk: Oh, come on. Tonight's still about us.
J.D.: Whatever, I don't care.
Carla: Turk, you wanna go hang out in your room?
(Turk starts running and leaves J.D. alone)
Original International Airdates:
Czech Republic: December 12, 2012 on Prima COOL
When Turk jumps at J.D. during the basketball game, the sound effect heard is from The Six Million Dollar Man, symbolizing bionic activity.
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