No results found.
No results found.
No results found.
Dr. Christopher "Chris" Duncan Turk
Dr. Percival "Perry" Cox
Nurse Carla Espinosa
Dr. Robert "Bob" Kelso
Dr. Elliot Reid
Nurse Laverne Roberts
Dr. Todd Quinlan
When Elliot is having a flashback to her best moment, you can see that she is wearing a wig since her real hair is showing underneath it.
We learn that Turk knows some French.
"Take On Me" by A-Ha
"Joy to the World" by The Butties
"What the World Needs Now is Love" by Burt Bacharach
J.D.: All right, you guys, we still got a lot of work to do. Turk, why don't you go check the post-op films in radiology; and Carla will transfuse back to a hemoglobin ten; and Elliot, why don't you take Tyler and go get us all ice cream immediately.
Turk: Uh, hey, Elliot? Can I talk to you in private?
Elliot: Parlez-vous Français?
Turk: You know, I did learn a little when my high school class went to France, but that was just stuff to pick up chicks.
Elliot(Translated): Turk, I really think it would make Tyler feel better if he could watch, OK?
Turk(Translated):I have... an... Eiffel Tower... in my pants.
Carla: He figured out that spleen thing, maybe you should get off his case.
Dr. Cox: I would love to get off of his case. In fact, nothing would make me happier than to watch him walk into a patient's room and not feel that I have to run in after him and check up on everything.
Elliot: I just realized that people here need me to be brave. Just like your dad needs you to be brave for his operation.
Tyler: Can I hold his hand?
Elliot: They're not actually very big on that.
Elliot: Check this out.
She opens the door to reveal a male intern in there sobbing.
Elliot: Hang in there, Steve.
Steve: In med school, they never teach you how to deal with death-
She slams the door on him.
Elliot: Steve'll be stronger if he gets through this on his own.
Elliot: Don't run off on me again, Tyler.
Tyler: Sorry. I got scared. And when I get scared I hide. I know it's stupid...
Elliot: It's not stupid! Wanna know where I used to hide when I used to get scared? This closet right here. And the one on the second floor. Oh, and there's also this broken MRI machine down in the basement. It's like my own private cocoon...
Tyler: Is that fun?
Dr. Kelso: No, son. It's work. But this body didn't happen by accident.
J.D.: You know, try and discourage me all you want, because kites fly highest against the wind.
Dr. Cox: What?
J.D.: I'm a kite! I'm a big, beautiful kite! Fly!
J.D.'s Narration: I can't figure this out. Maybe if we tried stress-dosed steroids? I think I'll tell Dr. Cox that.
J.D.: I can't figure this out. Maybe if we tried stress-dosed steroids?
Dr. Cox: Or maybe we could just fill a syringe with false promises and inject him with that. Hm! Says here you already got that one covered!
Dr. Cox: Are you swanning this guy?
J.D.: Look, I really don't need you checking up on me every five seconds, okay? I'm a doctor, and I have as much medical expertise as anyone in this place... Now what exactly is swanning?
Dr. Cox: What?!
J.D.: I'm kidding. Enough of the backseat doctoring - I got this.
Dr. Mickhead: Dammit!
Carla: Little club soda will take that right out.
Dr. Mickhead: Thanks, Carla!
Carla: You're welcome, doctor.
Dr. Cox: Carla? What's goin' on up there?
Carla: I'm sorry, I was just thinking about the last time a doctor actually listened to me.
Laverne: Dr. Reid. Would you sign this for me, please?
Elliot: Sure! So... what are you doing this weekend, Laverne?
Laverne: Minding my own business. How 'bout you?
Elliot: Hopefully lighting the crap out of Saint Martha's auditorium!
Carla: Hey, J.D. Turns out Mr. Milligan doesn't have insurance. Dr. Kelso said once he's stable we have to bounce him to County. Sorry.
J.D.: Turk! Hey! If you go talk to Kelso for me, I'll give you this special Christmas gum.
J.D.'s Narration: Okay, this is actually Mrs. Cross's medicated denture gum? So you have to sell it with your eyes. Sell it... Sell it...!
J.D.: Damn, his cultures are back, he's not septic.
Dr. Cox: Well, I'd start him on Dopamine.
J.D.: Already done.
Dr. Cox: Well, I'd scan his head.
J.D.: I already ordered it.
Dr. Cox: Well, I'd definitely give Mrs. Cross her teeth back.
J.D.: That I will not do!
Tyler: My dad's in the I.C.U. What does that mean?
Elliot: Well, uh, Tyler, that stands for "Intensive Care Unit." It's where we put our patients who need extra care, like somebody who might need help breathing because their lung collapsed, or maybe they had a brain aneurysm, which is basically when a vessel ruptures and then blood pours into the- You know what, forget it. You wanna see someone who's worse off than your dad? We call him The Head in the Bed!
Carla: Hey, Elliot? Would you keep an eye on Tyler, here, while we take care of his dad?
Elliot: Hi! Yeah, I'm not that great with kids. They've got such tiny hands. It's creepy.
Carla: I'm leaving now.
Dr. Cox: Newbie! You never promise a patient that they're gonna be fine!
J.D.: Mr. Milligan? His blood pressure's a little low; he just has mono.
Dr. Cox: Oh, for God's sakes, Newbie, take a look around, would you please? What's the difference between your Mr. Milligan and every other patient in this I.C.U.? And if the answer to that question is that he's the only one young enough to have never made a phone call like this: "Brring! Hello? Operator? Give me (old man hacking)," then you'd be right. But since I'm not in the mood to make some big, dramatic, sweeping statement, I'll just tell you this: God hates doctors, He truly does. You see all these old people in here? Well, any of 'em would give just about anything to be able to sashay off this planet, but most of 'em are gonna stay and they're gonna live forever and ever and ever. And your Mr. Milligan, well, it turns out he's just young enough to die. I mean, think about it: It's the holidays, there's a sweet little kid involved. Can't you just feel it?
Dr. Cox: Phyllis. Outside. What the hell was that in there?
J.D.: Agh! That's one more point for Mrs. Cross. But let's see how she enjoys her beloved hard candy without... her choppers!
Mr. Milligan: Am I gonna get out of here in time for Christmas? Tyler's mom isn't around anymore, and I'd really hate to ship him off to his grandparents'.
J.D.: You'll beat Santa home. I promise.
Carla: Hey! You brought Tyler a new ice cream cone!
J.D.: Uh... sure.
J.D.: It's a waffle cone.
Mr. Milligan: Just been so tired lately. Yesterday, when the little man and I were wrestling, he-he dropped me in ten seconds.
Tyler: I got him with a power kick.
J.D.'s Narration: There's nothing sadder than a young guy checking into the hospital during the holidays. I think I'll tell Elliot that.
J.D.: There's nothing sadder than a young guy checking into the hospital on the holidays.
Tyler: Hi. That's my dad.
Elliot: Except that.
Tyler's ice cream scoop falls off his cone and plops onto the floor.
Elliot: And that.
J.D.: You know what'd be really neat? If you guys all took a second and thought about what your best moment in medicine was.
As one, the whole group stand up and leave.
J.D.: It woulda been neat.
Dr. Wen: Dammit, we lost him. Call it.
Todd: I'm not giving up on this guy! Prop his hand up.
Todd: I said prop his hand up!
The patient's hand is lifted, and Todd spits on his own palm and gives a high-five. The heart monitor jolts into a rhythm.
Todd: That's right: The Miracle Five.
Dr. Kelso: You take this one, Perry.
Dr. Cox: Great moment, there, dumb-ass. It starts out with a profound misunderstanding of how the human body works, and winds up with you shattering some old man's hand.
Todd: Oh, yeah.
J.D.: So even though Dr. Mickhead actually delivered the kid, yours truly rang in the new year with grandma! We had sex... That's how I do it.
Turk: Kelso's got this new stupid outreach program where families are allowed to observe surgeries. Yesterday I had to do a bypass on this guy. You should have seen the family, standing there motionless, silently judging me. And today I gotta do a colectomy on that guy. What do you think his family is gonna be like?
Black Woman: There's a tumor in there! There's a tumor in there!
Guy: Ohh, don't go behind the kidney, brotha!
Turk: You didn't go to the black family yelling at the movie screen stereotype, did you?
J.D.: Like a bear to honey.
Dr. Kelso: (On phone) Mabel, this is Bob Kelso. Uh, what's say we juggle some things and see if we can't free-ride Mr. Milligan financially for a while, okay?...Yes, this is really Bob Kelso!
Tyler: Well, you know what I think is fun? Baseball.
Dr. Kelso: My son is a big baseball fan. Not so much playing it, but more the designing and sewing of uniforms.
Tyler: That's neat.
Dr. Kelso: No, it's not.
Elliot: So, uh...what do you want to be when you grow up?
Tyler: A baseball player.
Elliot: Yeah, well, I wanted to be a ballerina when I was little. But, according to my mom, six-year-olds with mild scoliosis and giant man-feet aren't dancer material. But the joke's on her, because I am currently waiting to hear if the Saint Martha's Community Theatre will let me work lights for their production of The Nutcracker.
Turk: I totally get it. Older ladies know how to work it!
Carla: Okay, see, now you're in a bit of a pickle because the older lady you're talking about better not be me, and it sure as hell better not be somebody else. So whatta you have to say?
Turk: Your favorite jeans are too tight and they look ridiculous!
Turk: Well, I-I'm in trouble anyway and it needed to be said!
J.D.'s Narraion: Despite my burning thighs, giving Turk that piggyback ride was worth it. Because I'm sure it put him in a great mood.
Turk: I'm in the worst mood.
J.D.'s Narration: Why did I do it!?
Dr. Wen: Well, it's official. Dr. Turk is now the fastest appendectomy in the hospital.
Turk: In your face, Dr. Beardface!
Dr. Beardface: It's Beardfacé!
J.D.: They came back negative. I feel like we're missing something in his patient history.
Carla: When he came in, Mr. Milligan said that he and his son had been wrestling and goofing around.
Dr. Cox: Oh my God, he just might have goof-arounditis.
J.D.: We should also check him for the silly-willies.
(J.D.'s words echo: "Think of your best moment in medicine...." ***FLASHBACK: ADMISSIONS*** Dr. Cox passes the time by tossing little wads of paper through a toy basketball hoop stuck over a waste basket. He's distracted by the sound of a patient in the waiting area choking).
Dr. Cox: Huh? (He rushes over, administering the Heimlich)
Dr. Cox: Come here. Here y'go.
(the object flies out of the man's mouth, and sails right into the mouth of a nearby sleeping woman. She begins choking, and Cox Heimlichs her)
Dr. Cox: Here y'go!
(the object flies out of her mouth and soars over to the wastebasket, circling the rim of the hoop and dropping in)
Dr. Cox: (raising arms) WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Let's see anybody else make that shot! Huh? Who's your daddy? Who's your daddy! Who's your daddy?
Dr. Kelso: Looks like you have a case of the 3T's.
Turk: What's that?
Dr. Kelso: Tough Titties Turkelton
Dr Cox: Newbie, 1, 2, 3... 4. My new thing is to count just exactly how many people in any room can kick your ass. And in here, the number is four.
Carla: Five if you count Mrs. Cross. The other day, she went off her meds, sa-lammed him with a cafeteria tray!
J.D.: She came out of nowhere!
Carla: When he came in, Mr. Milligan said he and his son had been wrestling and goofing around.
Dr. Cox: Oh my God, He just might have goof-around-itis.
J.D.: We should check him for the silly-wllies too.
Turk: So, dude, you don't understand. When I operate, I don't see a person, I see a machine with parts that need to be replaced and circuits that need to be rewired.
J.D.: So you think you're a robot mechanic?
Turk: As a surgeon, the more detached I am, the more focused I am. And it's pretty impossible to feel focused or detached when this guy's family's watching every move I make.
J.D.: Well, I wouldn't worry about that. Mr. Milligan only has a son and Elliot lost him.
Turk: Awesome!... For me.
Dr. Cox: Carla, Carla, have you seen newbie?
Carla: Oh you mean he got off your leash?
Dr. Cox: Ha, give me a break. The kid's like like a, have you ever seen a drunk baby? Eh, it's a long story involving my son, rum cake, and a low counter. Suffice to say, as it turns out, at first, it's enduring to watch them bounce off of the walls, but then you take your eyes off of them for one second and BAM! They've got a bucket on their head and they're plowing right through your brand new flat screen TV. God save me, it was barely out of the box. The point is... newbie is MY drunk baby.
Carla: You wanna know what I think?
Dr. Cox: (thinks) No.
Carla: I think you know how good a doctor J.D. is, and whether you admit it or not, you have a great personal stake in his future. So don't pretend for one second that all this attention you throw at him is just for him, because it's also for you. As your friend, I'm telling you that if you want him to keep growing you oughtta back off of him once in a while.
Dr. Cox: Carla-
Carla: And don't say anything because you know I'm right and my jeans DO look good.
Dr. Cox: God, I hate Christmas. I really do.
Elliot speaks french.
User Score: 4485
User Score: 2562
User Score: 518
User Score: 290
User Score: 239
User Score: 237
User Score: 154
User Score: 149
User Score: 144
User Score: 130
User Score: 129
User Score: 129
User Score: 122
User Score: 120
User Score: 115
User Score: 115
User Score: 114
User Score: 111
User Score: 90
User Score: 76