Nobody But Turk Can Save This Relationship, Not Even HOOCH!
First off, let’s get a rant over with. This series is getting increasingly preposterous with every episode. I know things have always been more than a bit silly, but at least before there was the excuse that it was just part of JD’s fantasies (why they’ve cut back on them recently I have no idea, since they were a rejoiced trademark of Scrubs that distinguished the show from the rest of the pack). This episode, we get the bizarrely contrived plotline delights of Elliot falling into an open grave, a somewhat nonplussed reaction from Dr. Cox about Kelso’s wife’s paralysis (something that should have been looked into more than just a brief mention) and the sheer absurdity of the revelation that JD and Turk have been to bartending school. Given that this show is trying to play for drama, why are the writers trying to balance this with stupid unbelievable situations? Last time I checked, there was more than one type of humour. Anyway, rant over. Aren’t you glad?
Despite my grumblings, this episode wasn’t half-bad. Definitely half-average though. Much of the episode revolves around Turk and Carla’s relationship crisis. Apart from a brief aside by Elliot as to what happened last episode, there’s no mention by either of the two as to why they’re both reluctant to work things through. It’s curious, as from the opening it looks like they really wish they could patch it up. Instead, we get to see JD and Elliot’s attempts to cheer up (and by which I mean ‘not help’) their respective friends. JD does that little trick of his whereby he gets exactly what he wants, but at least he curses his own selfishness this time and is willing to atone. Elliot, on the other hand, tries to help Carla with her issues with her late mother (who, apparently, speaks English, even though she couldn’t last time we saw her alive!). However, Elliot being Elliot, she isn’t fully successful, managing to make Carla cry before finally helping her by taking her to her mother’s grave. There’s still no excuse for Elliot’s direly unfunny pratfall. If the writers needed an excuse to get Carla alone, they could have just shown an understanding look from faraway by Elliot. I think us viewers are a little more emotionally mature than that. Having said that, the scene at the gravestone was well acted (by Judy Reyes at least; Turk still looked like he wished he was somewhere else). (On a side note, I’m using parentheses way too often. Must cut down!)
Our other, more throwaway, plotline consists of Kelso doing something that his doctor status has always suggested; He takes care of a patient. Said patient is of a typically modern kind; Arrogant, know-it-all and lazy. (I’m also using semi-colons a lot, which I shouldn’t do, because I never know if I’m using them correctly.) (Dammit! Yet more brackets!) Kelso has a tough time treating her, until Perry, in an unusually friendly and goodhearted scene, tells him to speak from his heart. He does so, and the patient naturally changes her tune. Case closed.
It wouldn’t be a Scrubs review if I didn’t mention the funny bits, and I definitely should this time because it was the funny bits that gave me the most enjoyment. In fact, in terms of laugh-out-loud jokes (soon to be know as loljokes….Crap! I gotta cure this bracket fetish), this episode was surprisingly rich. We got Turk moping on the floor near-naked. We got the silly-but-in-a-good-way rearranging of the word CARNIVAL. We got Elliot crying to JD about her ‘silence on the crapper’ rule. And we got Janitor being drunk, which was highly amusing, particularly the shot where you see only his feet in the doorway. Despite all these, hats must go off to Hooch, the funniest multipart joke I’ve seen in a long time. Whoever played Hooch should be a recurring star, because his comic delivery was perfect!
All in all, an average episode that nevertheless gets a few giggles. 3 out of 5 Interracial Buddy Movies.
Best line: “I’m just not big on begging strangers to stick my hand up their butt.” ---- Dr. Cox
* Finally, I thought I’d point out something that seems completely irrelevant, but I was getting irritated by it. In almost every episode of this season, the first or second syllable of JD’s opening voiceovers is always annoyingly high-pitched. I only noticed when I watched some season 1 episodes and noticed his delivery was more, well, serious back then. See, I told you it was irrelevant, and I bet in the next episode his voiceover will be completely monotonous just to show me up!
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Dr. Kelso dons scrubs to prove a point to Dr. Cox, only to watch it backfire, when an obnoxious patient refuses to listen to him.
J.D. and Turk party, while Carla struggles to find solace in Elliot.
 Donald Faison |
Dr. Christopher "Chris" Duncan Turk |
 John C. McGinley |
Dr. Percival "Perry" Cox |
 Judy Reyes |
Nurse Carla Espinosa |
 Ken Jenkins |
Dr. Robert "Bob" Kelso |
 Neil Flynn |
The Janitor |
 Sarah Chalke |
Dr. Elliot Reid |
 Lindsay Hollister |
Nell Goldman |
Guest Star |
Ed Brigadier |
Barber |
Guest Star |
Trev Broudy |
Doctor |
Guest Star |
 Aloma Wright |
Nurse Laverne Roberts |
Recurring Role |
 Phill Lewis |
Hooch |
Recurring Role |
Cody Estes |
Young J.D. |
Recurring Role |
Watch Online
Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions
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TRIVIA (5)
ADD TRIVIA-
Kelso's scrubs change color twice in this episode: When Laverne first sees him and calls him "junior" he is wearing bright blue. When he is in the room with his patient he is wearing pale blue ones. When he gets locked out of the room, he is back to the bright blue.
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In the scene where Kelso breaks down the door to his patient's room you can see the Janitor on the floor in the hallway presumably 'passed out'. Up to this point, he had been making his way around the hospital in a drunken haze.
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Featured Music:
"Collide" by Howie Day -
When J.D. and Turk are in the locker room and J.D. wants to take Turk to a carnival, a bag is on the locker behind J.D. and one strap is jammed in the locker. But when J.D. writes the word "carnival" into the air the bag is gone.
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When Eliott is in the hole in the graveyard, Carla offers to stay, and Eliott says that it's not necessary, you see Carla take off, but in the next frame, in the lower right-hand corner, there is someone in blue still standing by the open grave, even though Eliott should be all alone after Carla left.
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QUOTES (56)
ADD QUOTES-
Barber: That'll be eighteen dollars.
Dr. Kelso: Oh, I'm not paying. I'm a doctor!
Barber: Yeah... we don't do that anymore. You're paying.
Dr. Kelso gets up and runs out the door
J.D.'s Narration: You still have to try, though. Because as a recently incarcerated doctor once said, "Nothing worth having comes easy." -
Carla: I just know I really could've used you around this week! I miss you.
Turk: Can you tell her I miss her too? You know what, never mind. Because she wouldn't believe you. -
Miss Goldman: What now, Grampa?!
Dr. Kelso: You are going to shut your damn yapper and listen for a change, because I got you pegged, sweetheart. You want to take the easy way out with the surgery because you're scared. You're scared because if you try and fail, there's only you to blame. Well, Missy, let me break this down for you, Bobbo-style. Life is scary. Get used to it. -
Dr. Kelso busts the door down again
Turk: Sir, the door was open!
Dr. Kelso: I know. I just love doing that. -
Carla: I'll just wait here with you!
Elliot: Oh, Carla, go! I'm fine down here in this giant, fresh... empty grave.
Carla: Okay bye! -
Carla: I spoke to the groundskeeper! He'll come over as soon as he finishes burying Paul Newman!... Different Paul Newman, I asked.
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Turk: So you're my gastric bypass. You got any questions?
Miss Goldman: Nope. See you in the O.R. tomorrow.
Turk: I'll be the one with the mask on. That's how easy marriage should be!
J.D.: I won't be there, but I'm sure it would be nice operating on you. -
J.D.: First my parents get divorced, now you and Carla are all messed up. What's the common denominator? J.D.! I should get business cards that say "Love Destroyer".
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Dr. Kelso: Hello young lady! I went ahead and set an appointment up for you with our nutritionist who's going to help you create a diet and exercise plan so I never have to see you in here again!
Miss Goldman: Yeah... I'm having a gastric bypass.
Dr. Kelso: But, Miss Goldman, you're only twenty five. And considering that any serious surgery has inherit risks, I really don't think-
Miss Goldman: How are you not getting this?! I don't care what you think! -
Elliot: What do you mean, "Say Hooch"?
Hooch: Oh my god! What?! I'm a little busy!
Elliot: Uh... I'm sorry, I'm not really sure what's happening right now.
Hooch: Well of course you're not! Because in your head it's all about you, isn't it? Well no more! Say "hooch" again, it will be the last thing you ever say! -
J.D.'s Narration: Still, even if you end up with a hangover that would slay a walrus, it's all worth it. Especially when you know that at this very moment your best friend is at lunch saving his marriage.
Turk: What time is it?
J.D.'s Narration: Or he missed it. -
Dr. Kelso: Dammit, young lady, LET ME IN! THIS IS MY HOSPITAL!
Dr. Cox: Hey Booob! What's shaking in Patientville?
Dr. Kelso: Ohh... just trying to keep myself from spending all day in there with her. Such a doll!
Dr. Cox: Awww... You Bob! -
J.D.'s Narration: My barber once told me it's important to finish what you've started.
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Carla: Okay... You know I was skeptical but it's been kinda nice reminiscing about my Mom.
Elliot: It's about to get a whole lot nicer.
Tape Recorder: Hi sweetie, it's Mom! I just called to tell you how much I love you!
Carla: Oh my god!
Elliot: It's J.D.'s old answering machine.
Tape Recorder: Hi Carla! I sure wish you would call me once in awhile!
Elliot: Hadn't heard that one. (unplugs the answering machine) So, uh, what other stories do you have about your Mom?
Tape Recorder: Carla!
Elliot: God there's batteries! -
Dr. Kelso: Okay... moving on! From the numbers I'm seeing on your fasting gluclose and triglcerides I'm suspecting-
Miss Goldman: Metabolic syndrome...
Dr. Kelso: Yes. Now, this condition is not that rare-
Miss Goldman: One in five people have it.
Dr. Kelso: Stop doing that! -
Dr. Kelso: Okay... moving on! From the numbers I'm seeing on your fasting gluclose and triglcerides I'm suspecting-
Miss Goldman: Metabolic syndrome...
Dr. Kelso: Yes. Now, this condition is not that rare-
Miss Goldman: One in five people have it.
Dr. Kelso: Stop doing that! -
Dr. Kelso: What we are dealing with are venostasis ulcers, most likely because of your weight.
Miss Goldman: Wow! You figured out that I'm fat! You're either a brilliant doctor or every guy I've ever gone to high school with! -
Carla: And I am not kidding you. My Mom turns to the guidance counselor and she says (speaks Spanish)
Elliot laughs hysterically
Carla: You understood that?
Elliot: No, but I know when I'm supposed to laugh in any language. -
Dr. Cox: Real nice outfit there, Bobbo.
Dr. Kelso: Perry, you just go right ahead and say what you want, because Dr. Bob Kelso is back in action and he hasn't missed a step. Now! Where do we keep the sick people? -
Laverne: Junior, I don't know what you doin' in my area, but you better be lookin' for some bandages 'cause you're gonna need them when I get through with you.
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Dr. Kelso: Now you listen to me, Betty. No matter how long it takes, we're gonna get through this.
Doctor: Congratulations Bob, they just named you Chief of Medicine!
Dr. Kelso: BINGO! Smell ya later, Betty! -
Dermatologist: Oh, oh yeah. Your skin's all messed up.
-
Dermatologist: You called for a consult?
Dr. Cox: Mr. Warner... do you see what you've made me do? By once again choosing to spend all of your free time out on the surface of the sun until melanoma has developed, you have forced me to pull the attending dermatologist away from his bacne seminar and validate his most ridiculous of career choices. -
J.D.: But the one thing I do know is when a woman wants her space, you give her her space! My sixth grade girlfriend taught me that...
Flashback
Young J.D.: No Libby. I won't leave you alone until you explain why you ignored me on the bus.
Libby kicks him in the crotch and walks away
Young J.D.: AHHHH!
End Flashback
J.D.: I hope she's dead. -
Intern: Shhh! The movie's about to start!
Elliot: Go home, Cathy.
J.D.: Where did she get popcorn? -
Carla: Keep it together, baby. We'll have brunch together on Sunday and we'll see where we're at.
Turk: Yeah but I wanna be where you're at while we're trying to figure out where we're at! -
(Elliot is on the phone with J.D.)
Dr. Cox: Ask Betty why he's such a girly girl.
Elliot: Not now.
Dr. Cox: Do it now. Dow it now. Call her Betty.
Elliot: You're insane.
Dr. Cox: Betty. Betty. Betty. Betty. Betty. Betty. Betty. Betty.
Elliot: (To J.D.) Betty?
J.D.: Yeah?
Elliot: Oh my God, it worked! -
Dr. Kelso: There are no magical fixes. It's all up to you. So get up off your keester, get out of here and go start doing the work.
Ms. Goldman: What if it's too hard?
Turk: Yeah. What if it's too hard?
Dr. Kelso: Turkelton, I have no idea why you're chiming in, but I'll say this to both of you. Nothing in this world that's worth having comes easy.
Turk: I gotta go. -
Carla: Okay, here it goes. Ho ho this is so weird. I don't really know what to say. Sorry I haven't visited much, I've been kinda busy. ...That's not true. Why am I lying to a slab of granite?
-
Dr. Cox: I will tell you one thing, though. If you even want to have an outside chance of reaching someone nowadays... you damn sure better speak from your heart.
Dr. Kelso: Thank you, Perry.
Dr. Cox: Blow it out your ass, Bob. -
Dr. Kelso: Every mother wanted me to marry their daughter cause I was a doctor. And I used that to sleep with all those mothers. That's what "house call" used to mean.
Dr. Cox: Those were the good old, incredibly disturbing, days, Bob. -
Dr. Cox: I want to Bob, I really do. But, my first patient today was a snot-nosed little punk who wouldn't let me give him a rectal exam unless I said pretty please first, and I'm just not big on begging strangers to stick my hand up their butt. Not even in my private time.
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Dr. Kelso: When the hell did patients stop respecting us? I really tried to help that young woman in there today, but she rolled over me like Enid's wheelchair over Baxter's tail.
Dr. Cox: Hmm?
Dr. Kelso: Enid was recently paralyzed, I haven't told anyone. -
Turk: Dude, it's not your fault. Don't get me wrong, hanging with you these last coupla days has been niiice!
J.D.: Nice? It was intoxicating! You were hanging with the J. Dizzle! I'm sure it felt like some sort of crazy dream!
Turk: I know, cause with the J. Dizzle, everything's hassle free!
J.D.: Yeah, like some sort of crazy, hassle-free dream!
Turk: Okay, stop! -
Elliot: Aw, Carla, you can totally talk to people once they're gone. I used to talk to our maid Consuela all the time!
Carla: When did she die?
Elliot: When I was eleven. At least, that's what my dad told me. I mean, I found out after college that he actually had her deported for putting knives in the fork drawer.
Carla: You know Elliot, you're a lot more normal than you should be. -
Dr. Kelso: AGH! I don't know how she jammed this. Can you open that door?
Janitor's Narration: Okay, you made it up here without passing out or vomiting, now just calmly and eloquently explain that you can't open the door right now and he'll be on his way.
Janitor: Hlrlrrrrrrrrrrrr
Janitor's Narration: Well done! -
J.D.'s Narration: Last summer, Turk and I were forced to choose between helping to stem a hepatitis C outbreak in the inner city or going to bartending school. I've always felt we did the right thing. Especially since I knew Turk had to blow off some steam before his big meeting with Carla tomorrow.
J.D.: Alright everybody! We're your guest bartenders - we'll be here all night! -
J.D.'s Narration: It's weird. I mean, I want his marriage to work out, but it's nice to have Turk all to myself again.
Janitor's Narration: It's weird. I want to follow him down the hall and crack him over the head, but I'm so drunk right now I know I'll collapse if I even move an inch. -
Turk: Hell yeah! There's no beer in the fridge, you know we're gonna have to make a stop and pick up some hooch!
Hooch: Yeah Turk?
Turk: Sorry man, I was talkin' 'bout the beer!
Hooch: Oh, that's no problem buddy.
Turk: Alright!
Hooch: Just seems like you could have said "beer". It's a much more common word.
Turk: My bad. Uh... won't happen again.
Hooch: "Won't happen again."
J.D.: You knew he was there, didn't you?
Turk: Couldn't help myself. -
Dr. Kelso: Hello Miss Goldman! I'm your doctor.
Ms. Goldman: Don't you mean my doctor's great, great, great, great grandfather? You're old!
Dr. Kelso: Yeah, I got that. -
Laverne: Dr. Kelso! I didn't recognize you in scrubs.
Dr. Kelso: That's okay Laverne, I didn't recognize you without your mini TV and your feet up. -
Elliot: Surprise!
Carla: What's goin' on?
Elliot: We are going to celebrate your Mom's death! I mean, your Mom's life. We're gonna celebrate your dead Mom's life! I even got a cake!
Carla: Wow. Does it say "dead" anywhere on it?
Elliot: Not any more! -
Elliot: Carla is just bottomin' out man. I mean I'm not even supposed to be here at work today, I just came to use the bathroom because she keeps violating The Rule.
J.D.: Quiet on the crapper?
Elliot: Yeah! It's like she just stores everything up until my cheeks hit the seat! She thinks she's exempt from the rule! Nobody is exempt from The Rule, J.D.
J.D.: Okay, shhh, it's okay. I'll never talk to you on the crapper. Okay.
Elliot: I cannot afford to soundproof my bathroom! -
J.D.: It was our first annual interracial buddy movie night! We had to.
Turk: Ya know, I'm still pissed that you thought "Turner & Hooch" was an interracial buddy movie.
J.D.: I didn't know it was Tom Hanks and a dog, okay? Don't paint me as a racist just because I thought "black guy" when I heard the name Hooch.
Hooch: Yeah J.D., what's up?
J.D.: Oh! Sorry Hooch, we were just talkin' 'bout the movie.
Hooch: No biggie, happens all the time! -
Dr. Cox: The Bobatron is actually gonna try to connect with another human being? It is so on! Guys! It's so on!
J.D.: Awesome!
Turk: What's so on?
J.D.: Who cares, he referred to me as a guy! -
Dr. Kelso: Perry, I am sick and tired of listening to people complain about being called fatties, dummies, boozers, losers, winos, tubbos, tokers, smokers, and jamokers. Whatever the hell jamokers means.
Dr. Cox: I was actually saying jokers and I had coffee cake in my mouth.
Dr. Kelso: Bottom line, unlike my masseuse Freddy, you're not pretty enough to be this rough. Work on your bedside manner. -
Mr. Warner: I just want to look good.
Dr. Cox: You, my friend, look so damn leathery I'm honestly tempted to wrap ya around a baseball, cinch ya up with a belt, and stick ya under my mattress so that you're good and broken in for the big game on Sunday. Buut, since I'm here to heal not judge, I'm gonna go ahead and write you a couple of prescriptions. You'll find that this first one is for an extra large mallet to help ya pound some sense into yourself. The second one is for a big floppy hat that you're now to wear every single time ya leave the house. Have a great day, ya look like a purse! -
J.D.'s Narration: You see a lot of sad things in a hospital, but nothings quite as sad as a dermatologist that's just been paged milking it for all it's worth.
Dermatologist: Alright everybody! Watch your backs! Skin doctor coming through! I gotta get somewhere-STAT! -
Carla: God! This sucks! I hate March! You realize two years ago this Sunday my Mom died?
Elliot: Plus, last month, you got that hideous hair cut! Remember? -
Carla: Thank you SO much for letting me stay here, Elliot.
Elliot: Please! And I still have only one rule: I cannot talk or be talked to while I'm on the toilet and also cannot talk or be talked to BY someone who's on the toilet.
Carla: You told me yesterday, Elliot. I get it.
Elliot: Hmmm, you say you get it and still managed to knock this morning and ask if I wanted coffee.
Carla: Oh I just thought-
Elliot: Uh bup bup bup bup buh! Pretend that never happened or I won't poo again for two months. -
Turk: I can't go to a carnival. It reminds me of Carla!
J.D.: Why?
Turk: Dude! "Carnival"! Remove the "niv" and switch the "l" and the "a" and you got "Carla"! -
J.D.: Turk! You're not gonna believe this, but I don't know a lot about women. No... it's true!
-
Turk: I brought ya some things: your slippers and, uh, you remember that note you put on the toilet to remind me to put the seat down? Looking at it was making me sad.
Carla: I wrote this the first time I forgot to look down and fractured my tailbone.
Turk: You were in a lot of pain! -
J.D.: Why can't Carla just let this go?
Elliot: Wouldn't you be mad if you caught your husband talking to his ex-girlfriend?
J.D.: Yeah, but... mostly because I had a husband. -
J.D.'s Narration: You never know who you're gonna find in the cafeteria at five am. It could be the husband who asked his wife after thirty-six hours of labor if the screaming was really necessary. Or the intern whose been on call so many nights in a row she's actually hallucinating...
Intern: Hi I'd like two tickets to Million Dollar Baby. -
Nell: Why am I paying you to tell me things I've already figured out on my own?
Dr. Kelso: Maybe because I graduated first in my class at Stanford in 1972?
Nell: [reads her cell phone display] You graduated twelfth in your class in 1968. [shows him the display]
Laverne: She googled your ass.
Dr. Kelso: Laverne, I am not interested in your street lingo. What I am interested in is where she found that magic phone that keeps making me look like an idiot!
-
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NOTES (1)
ADD NOTES-
In this episode Dr. Cox asks Dr. Kelso when he last took a patient, Kelso has a flashback of himself as a much younger man ditching a patient the second he was named Chief of Medicine. However, when Kelso suffered facial burns from hot coffee in "My Karma" two years previously, he handed a stack of clipboards over to J.D. because the burns were scaring his patients.
-
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ALLUSIONS (5)
ADD ALLUSIONS-
Song: The Joker
During the conversation between Dr. Cox and Dr. Kelso about Cox's verbal abuse of the patients, Kelso mentions Perry calling patient tokers, smokers, and jokers, a reference to a line in the song "The Joker" by the Steve Miller Band ("I'm a joker, I'm a smoker, I'm a midnight toker"). -
Cocktail
J.D. and Turk's bar tending (passing bottles back and forth, spinning bottles, etc.) is reminiscent of the bar tending from the 1988 movie Cocktail, including shots of appreciative women at the bar. -
Young Frankenstein:
At the end of the episode, when Elliot is trapped inside of the grave, she says "Things could be worse" and then it starts to rain. This is an allusion to the film "Young Frankenstein" by Mel Brooks in which Dr. Frankenstein and Igor are digging up a grave and Igor states "Things could be worse" before it starts to pour. -
Turner & Hooch (1989):
The movie Turk and J.D. watched on their first "annual interracial buddy movie night". -
Million Dollar Baby:
The movie the hallucinating intern wants to see in the cafeteria.
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Friday
No results found.
Saturday
No results found.
Sunday
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ABC Officially Cancel Scrubs
04/18/1313
-
Why did JD leave scrubs?
04/18/134
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Janitor's Custodial Closet: The Official "Off Topic Thread", V 3.0
09/30/1214558
-
Make a list of 6 episodes for someone unfamiliar with the show
06/23/125
-
which episode please
05/29/122
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Our Thanks
S 9 : Ep 13
Aired 3/17/10 (21:45)
-
Our Driving Issues
S 9 : Ep 12
Aired 3/10/10 (21:46)
-
Our Dear Leaders
S 9 : Ep 11
Aired 1/26/10 (21:45)
-
Our True Lies
S 9 : Ep 10
Aired 1/19/10 (21:45)
Season 4 Episodes
See AllEp 25
My Changing Ways
Ep 24
My Drive By
Ep 23
My Faith in Humanity
Ep 22
My Big Move
Ep 21
My Lips Are Sealed
Ep 20
My Boss' Free Haircut
Ep 19
My Best Laid Plans
Ep 18
My Roommates
Ep 17
My Life in Four Cameras
Ep 16
My Quarantine
Ep 15
My Hypocritical Oath
Ep 14
My Lucky Charm
Ep 13
My Ocardial Infarction
Ep 12
My Best Moment
Ep 11
My Unicorn
Ep 10
My Female Trouble (2)
Ep 9
My Malpractical Decisio...
Ep 8
My Last Chance
Ep 7
My Common Enemy
Ep 6
My Cake
Ep 5
Her Story
Ep 4
My First Kill
Ep 3
My New Game
Ep 2
My Office
Ep 1
My Old Friend's New Friend
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