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Dr. Christopher "Chris" Duncan Turk
Dr. Percival "Perry" Cox
Nurse Carla Espinosa
Dr. Robert "Bob" Kelso
Dr. Elliot Reid
Nurse Laverne Roberts
When Kelso slips and falls on the wet floor, the Janitor is holding a completely dry mop.
"The Rescue Blues" by Ryan Adams
When JD is having his out of body experience and he goes to take a bugle, it can been seen that Turk reacts before JD's hand touches his body.
Watch when Elliot's alarm clock goes off at "5:00 AM" Sarah Chalke accidentally presses two buttons at once on it while acting that she is shutting off the alarm. This reveals the clock's alarm was actually set for 9:34 and then it gets set to 9:35 before returning to the time display of 5:00.
In addition, it is supposed to be set to 5:00 AM, but it doesn't begin ringing right at 5:00; there is a delay.
Why is Turk attending Dr. Cox's course on use of the defibrillator? In the first episode, he's shown using one on a patient.
Dr. Cox: I-I know what you're thinking, believe me, I... I do: Why in the world would a civilized, up-town man of the millennium such as myself even go ahead and give a good rat's ass about whether a bunch of snot-nosed baby docs were afraid of him. Right? Well, unfortunately the only way I know how to teach is through fear.And I tell you this because I know that this particular shortcoming will invariably affect your life... And again, sorry about the gay sailor's outfit. Your mother loves it. She couldn't be more pleasant when you have it on. Take it off - nut bag. Have it on - pleasant, approachable...
Carla: How you doing, Elliot?
Elliot: Great! I figure I spend three quarters of my life in a place filled with misery and sickness; if I need to feel good about myself, then the hell with everybody!
Carla: And for what it's worth, I think you look beautiful - I wouldn't change a thing.
Elliot: Ohh... Oh! I did, uh, tone down the eye makeup a little bit.
Carla: Oh, thank God! You looked so slutty.
J.D.'s Narration: After Dr. Cox exploded at us, so many thoughts were racing through my head: We have been slacking off lately. How did Doug get such incredible abs? And what the hell is the deal with Danni?
J.D.: Hey... After you dressed up Rowdy, did you trim the clumpy areas around his butt?
J.D.: Oh... Thanks. He was due for a good grooming.
Elliot: Sorry I'm late.
Todd: Hey, Elliot. Is it greasy outside?
J.D.: Oh, that is so stupid. Elliot, you look... smart.
Dr. Cox: Hello?
Elliot: Of course I'm smart - I'm a doctor!
Doug: "What's up, doc?" I just got it!
J.D.: Maybe that's why Danni wants to break up with me, she thinks I'm too smart!
Todd: You're dating a guy named Danny? Is he hot?
Dr. Cox: So I... I'm pretty much thinking it's time to get the fear back. And I'm sorry, but I think life is just too short to spend your time working someplace where people don't crap their pants at the mere sight of ya.
Dr. Kelso: Now, there you go, sweetheart! Now you look more like a doctor and less like a lap-dance!
Elliot: Thank you, sir?
Jordan: Little piece of advice: Your honker's cute in person. Peep-hole? Not your friend.
J.D.: Ha! I'm sorry, did I interrupt you from trying to eat your baby?
Elliot: You know, I shouldn't have to feel bad for wanting to look good. You don't, what with your bohemian scarves and pirate earrings...
Carla: Thank you for noticing.
Carla: Happy birthday!
Laverne: Oh, dammit, people, I've been here twenty-three years. For the last time, I'm allergic to coconut!
Turk: Dude, look at the size of this Odor-Eater! We could surf on it!
J.D.: I still don't understand why Danni's breaking up with me, man. I gotta go talk to her.
Turk slaps J.D. across the face with the giant Odor-Eater.
J.D.: Okay, first of all, words cannot describe the smell that is currently on my cheek.
J.D.: Besides, I gotta go deal with this whole Danni thing.
Turk: You want me to just talk to her for you? I'll do it.
J.D.: Nah, that's weak. I mean, if someone doesn't care about you enough to break up with you themselves, it's like they didn't ever care about you at all.
Jordan: Hey, guys. Ohh! J.D., Danni's breaking up with you. Mm, darn. See ya!
J.D.: Hello, citizens! Welcome to Sacred Heart! Home of the world's most giant doctor! Be not afraid! I'm just like you! Except I'm giant!
Dr. Cox: What the hell, there, Pee-Pants? Are you... the only one here?
Doug: I drew the short straw, so I have to press record on all the tape players when you start the lecture.
Elliot: Have the other doctors been making fun of the way I look?
Carla: What? No! No way! Why would you say that?
J.D.: Huh? I've never heard anything like that! Why?
Laverne: Hell, yeah.
J.D.(on phone): Uh, listen, something's been on my mind...
Danni(on phone): Me too. I just feel like my life is so scattered lately and you're the only good thing I have going right now.
J.D.(on phone): Awesome.
Carla: How's he doing?
Laverne: The boy's got no biscuits.
J.D.: I am trying to break someone's heart here, okay?
Carla: Bambi, you owe her closure. Hell, you owe it to every woman you've ever dated.
J.D.: Listen, Danni... Lisa... Drunk girl who was friends with the girl I really wanted to hook up with... It's not all of you. It's me. Scott Gerber?!
Scott: At soccer camp, I told you I wanted to be more than friends.
J.D.: I thought you meant teammates!
Scott: Well, I didn't!
Turk: Baby, listen, I'm just trying to keep my man psyched, 'cause since I've known J.D., he's never broken up with anyone.
J.D.: He's right. I don't like hurting people. But with Danni, I'm gonna do the honorable thing - I'm gonna have someone in a fireman's outfit tell her I burned to death.
Turk: Dude, with Danni you just gotta keep your eyes on the prize. Focus in on how great it is to be single! Chasing tail! Hell, I miss it every day.
Carla: Oh, you don't care if you ever have sex again, do you?
Dr. Cox: I didn't do anything. No yelling, no breaking stuff, nothing. And right then bam, I figured out what's different. I figured out what that feeling was that I was having in the park the other day with my family. I'm... happy. Now does that not just make you sick?
Dr. Cox: Okay, people, biphasic defibrillators. How many of you had a chance to practice on the mannequin?
Todd: Oh, yeah.
Dr. Cox: With the defibrillator...?
Dr. Kelso: Here at Sacred Heart, I like to think that our patients choose our hospital not only because I leak vicious rumors about competing hospitals to the press, but also because when they see one of our doctors they think, "Now that's a professional!"
Elliot: Um, I don't think I look unprofessional.
Dr. Kelso: I've let this whole new look thing slide the last few months, but now that your colleagues are beginning to complain I'm going to give you the same advice I give my son every morning. Lose the makeup! Get a haircut! And stop using my razor to shave your fun zone!
Elliot: Oh, Mrs. Gorski, I know shingles are never fun. Unless you're talking about the games we made up the summer my parents got a new roof. It was kind of like Hide & Seek, only we'd throw shingles at each other? Ahh, summer time... Still, a positive attitude can go a long way in helping you feel better, so let's see a big ol' smile
Dr. Kelso: Excuse me. Can I borrow Dr. Reid?
Mrs. Gorski: You may keep her.
Turk: So, did you break up with her?
J.D.: I was going to last night, but then I looked in her eyes, and I realized how rare it is to meet someone who's actually willing to have sex with me.
Elliot: Dr. Cox never compliments me about anything!
Janitor: Well, he should. Your new look has completely changed my perspective. For instance, this is not a broom with fraying edges - this is now a broom that reminds me of blonde doctor's bangs. Tough and spunky!
Elliot: Oh, my God! That is exactly the look that I was going for!
Dr. Cox: A-a-a-anyway, something weird's been going on with me lately: I have been sleeping more, I've been drinking alone... less... I've even started complimenting people.
Todd: Oh, come on! Get your pump on!
Dr. Cox: God help me, Sluggo, if you get any more buff, I'll be absolutely sure that you're gay!
Todd: Oh, I'm gonna get more buff!
Dr. Cox: I just can't believe how comfortable I've gotten talking to you over these last few months. I mean, look, I'd still be with my old shrink if I hadn't cut across the park the day of the renaissance faire and realized that the man I tell my innermost secrets to likes to... likes to put on a big, giant beard and make pretend that he is a blacksmith.
Turk: Out of body experience?
J.D.: Yeah. She wants to move in together. I have to break up with her!
Turk: Dude, relax. Enjoy the show. Have a Bugle.
Turk: Ooh, your ghost hands is cold!
Turk: Wow, she's using the "L word" now.
J.D.: Yeeeaaah, but we're not really that serious.
J.D.'s Narration: With the long hours at a hospital, you don't have time to worry about your appearance. It may sound sexist, but with the female doctors, it's slightly more noticeable.
J.D.: Hey, Janice. Is it windy out?
Janice: No. Why do you always ask me that!?
J.D.: Because I'm-I'm captain of m-m-my kite-flying team? The M-m-mighty Kites?
He turns back to see a couple more unkempt female physicians.
J.D.'s Narration: Agh! Okay, just say something innocuous.
J.D.: Good morning, gentlemen.
Dr. Cox: Honestly, I haven't been this happy since Christmas when I was seven years old and my father showed me how to make a snow angel. Actually, he was passed out drunk in the yard... But I did take his arms and his legs and move them back and forth... And... the paramedics said it was one of the finest snow angels that they'd ever seen. So, maybe the fact that I am the kinder, gentler Cox is every last bit of okay. Maybe it's a... a natural progression. It's not like there's any real ramifications... right?
Doug: Stringent what?
J.D.: "Stringent updoc". It's happening.
Dr. Cox: Yes, Nervous Guy?
Doug: What's "updoc"?
Turk: Babe, you gotta understand, a guy will sleep with any woman he finds attractive, no matter how he feels about her. If Tyra Banks drove her car over my mom and then offered to have sex with me? I'd have to dial 9-1-1 in the nude because my pants would already be off!
Carla: That's sweet! While your mother lays there dying!
Turk: Tell her.
J.D.: His mom doesn't die. Tyra uses her connections in the supermodel world to get government scientists to put Turk's mom's brain into Heidi Klum's body. She falls in love with me, we all move in together.
Turk: It'd be awkward at first, but I'd make it work... 'Cause I love my mom.
J.D.: Mm, and I would love her, too.
Carla: New low!
Carla: How did you have sex with the woman you're about to break up with?
J.D.: Okay, you know how the, uh, couch in the living room has those high arms...?
Mother: Hi, cutie! Since you have so many balls, and too many toys can be over-stimulating for an infant, Brantley here was wondering if he could borrow one to play with!
Dr. Cox: Oh, that's funny, because Jack here was just wondering why the crazy lady who just spent the last hour chain smoking and talking on her cell phone while her kid ate sand would come over to two complete strangers and give them parenting advice!
Jordan: Oh, oh! He also thanked me for not naming him "Brantley"!
Dr. Cox: Y-yeah... I love our family.
J.D. looks out the window and sees a kite.
J.D.: I hate missing practice.
Turk: Me too.
(They bump fists and do a secret handshake of sorts)
J.D. and Turk: Mighty kiiiiiites!
J.D.: (sitting on Turk's shoulders) My tush is chaffing.
Turk: Alright, my turn to get on top.
J.D.: Turk... We tried playing giant black guy, remember what happened? People ran.
(Kelso slips and falls on the floor)
Janitor: Floor's wet. You know I liked the way blonde-haired doctor looked. She brightened my day, but you don't care do you 'cause you're unconscious.
Dr. Cox: First off, let me just say, thank you. For the last couple of months I have been adrift in a sea of puppy dogs, lollypops and let's face it, mediocre metaphors. Luckily, you people were kind enough to piss all over learning a procedure that could determine whether some poor sucker lives or dies and that reminded me of something that I wanted to remind you of. Because you see, I am accountable. I am accountable for the continuous crashing undeniable amateurism that you people drag into this hospital day in and day out, and believe you me when I tell you the next one of you perpetual disappointments doesn't even have the common decency to try and do better at something you supposedly do, I will go ahead and toss your sorry ass out of here in about ten seconds and then I will forget you forever in the next five. Hahahaha-Okay, nervous guy, bring that nervous butt up here, lose the shirt - we're gonna show these good people how this thing works.
Dr. Cox: Morning Class. As residency director, it is my pleasure to have both surgical and medical personnel here with us today. In fact, in this room we have enough brain power to light up a city. Not a real city, mind you, but definitely a tiny ant city whose government has recently passed a series of stringent energy-conservation laws.
Original International Airdates:
Czech Republic: April 15, 2013 on Prima COOL
Elliot: "Oh my God, I look like Alice Cooper." Elliot is referring to the fact that her mascara has flowed down her face, causing her to look like Rock and Roll superstar Alice Cooper.
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