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Dr. Christopher "Chris" Duncan Turk
Dr. Percival "Perry" Cox
Nurse Carla Espinosa
Dr. Robert "Bob" Kelso
Dr. Elliot Reid
Dr. Molly Clock
J.D. and Elliot figure out that they aren't attracted to each other anymore.
"Thank You" by Dido
"Move On" by Jet
"Take Off" by Tart
"The Andy Griffith Show Theme" (whistled by Molly and others)
"She's Gone" by Hall & Oates (sung by Dan)
J.D., Turk and Carla are playing the Hasbro game 'Operation'.
In the scene where J.D. says "if my heart could write songs they would sound like these", he is holding the Dido CD and it has a different cover to the one previously seen in the episode.
In the scene where Turk and J.D. run into Elliot in the corridor, J.D. hits a sign in mock anger, punching a hole through it. The camera shifts to Elliot walking through a door and when the camera goes back to J.D., there is a new, undamaged sign.
Reply to that: The sign is made of paper and a tear can clearly be seen when they cut back.
Dan: Well, goodnight, little bro.
J.D.: Oh, goodnight, Dan. Sleep tight. There's a bus schedule underneath your pillow.
Dr. Cox: I hate you, Bob.
Dr. Kelso: Same times a thousand, big guy.
Carla: Turk! We just got invited to Linda's Jack & Jill bridal shower. Do you mind if I use your diabetes to get out of it?
Turk: Of course not, baby! And now... it's bat-killing time!
Dan: Hey! I can't find my Dido CD!
J.D.: If my heart could write songs, they'd sound like these.
Dr. Cox: Was she always wearing that big hat?
Dr. Cox: Lady, stop cryin'!
Dr. Kelso: Dr. Clock, you don't have to miss your wedding. I was lying about shift-switching. I like doing it, I like saying it - shift-switching. And I only lied because we were trying to destroy your morale.
Molly: Why would you do that?
Dr. Cox: Well, in our defense, you're overly cheery and we were bored.
Dr. Kelso: And we've broken her! There sits a dejected a woman, all alone, wounded, vulnerable...
Dr. Cox: Crying.
Dr. Kelso: She's ruining it for me.
Turk: Look, baby, before you get freaked out, I fixed it already. Look!
Dr. Kelso: Nurse Turkleton! I wanted to offer you that job once more!
Carla: I don't want it!
Dr. Kelso: Great! See you Saturday, bat-man.
Turk: Baby, what the hell!
Turk: Carla, we have to talk.
Carla: Is it your blood sugar again? I'll get you something!
She grabs Ted's ice cream sandwich out of his hand.
Turk: Baby, I feel fine. It's just that I kinda been using my diabetes to get you to, you know, hook me up with sandwiches and whatnot.
Carla: I can't believe you!
She grabs the treat away from Turk and hurls it into the trash.
Ted: Oh, man! I brought that from home!
J.D.: I love champagne. You mind if I have a little? Thank you. A nipper! Ahh! Tingly! It's a tingly drink! Oooooh! Pretty candles! Anyhoo, I know you broke up with Dan because you thought I was upset, but in reality, I... uh... I... "I want to thank you! For giving me the best day of my life..." I love this song, who is it?
Elliot: Dido. And you've really got to meet my brother Barry.
Dr. Cox: Awww. That wasn't very soft and creamy.
Molly: It's okay. He has a hospital to run, I understand.
Dr. Cox: Good God. She can't be stopped.
Dr. Kelso: Turns out you can't go to your mom's wedding. There's too much shift-switching going on here and I don't like shift-switching. It's too hard to say!
Dr. Kelso: Why are you whistling, Ted? Your life is pathetic.
Ted : Right.
Dr. Cox: Dear God, she has an actual skip in her step.
Dr. Kelso: Doesn't bother me as much as the whistling.
J.D.: Oh, come on, don't go. We can watch 'Kangaroo Jack' and chug a Foster's every time they say "g'day"!
Dan: G'day, J.D.
Dan: I said g'day!
J.D.: Don't you think you're overreacting?
Dan: No, J.D., I don't, because Elliot was the best thing that ever happened to me and now she's gone. Ahhhh... she's gone! She's gone. She's... gone! She's gone... she's gone.
J.D.: That's not even the right gibberish!
Dan: Hey, little brother.
J.D.: AAAAGGGHHH! What are you doing back in the tub!?
J.D.: Dude, your idea totally worked!
Turk: Incoming, man.
Elliot passes the door.
J.D.: MY OWN BROTHER! WHY? (punches wall) Ohh, God, it hurts so bad!
Turk: You can stop now, she's gone.
J.D.: No, I think I broke my hand.
Dr. Kelso: Oh, sweet Moses. Everything has gone straight down the crapper since Enid got off the antidepressants.
Dr. Cox: I didn't know Enid suffered from depression.
Dr. Kelso: She doesn't. Those pills kill her sex drive.
Dr. Cox: Bob, do you realize what you did by giving Blondie that book?
Dr. Kelso: With any luck, I kept her from reporting me to the board for trying to con her out of meds.
Dr. Cox: Bob. We have a problem.
Dr. Kelso: Not now, Perry, I'm swamped. I'm trying to find an exterminator to kill the bat in my attic.
Dr. Cox: Be a man, Bob! That's what tennis racquets are for!
Dr. Kelso: Try telling that to my one-eared dog.
Turk: Let's celebrate! Whatever you want!
Carla: Ohh! Let's go shopping for a new duvet cover!
Turk: Oh, I'd love to! But my diabetes is acting up.
Elliot: I guess I just didn't think I was doing anything wrong.
J.D.: Well obviously you did, or you woulda told me about it from the beginning.
J.D.'s Narration: That one had to sting. I really wanna look back and see if it landed, but I'll have to go back to sad face first... Oh, it landed!
J.D.'s Narration: Turk was right. Lying to Elliot was the perfect way to get our friendship back to normal.
Dr. Kelso: Bye, folks. You'll notice I knocked a hundred dollars off the bill because of the, uh, you know, baby-stealing thing.
Turk: Why you acting like that whole Dan and Elliot thing doesn't bother you?
J.D.: Because it doesn't.
Turk: Dude, you're missing a great opportunity here, man. If you act like it bothers you, Elliot'll feel guilty and she'll finally forgive you for dumping her. I'm telling you, you gotta use this like I use my diabetes. Watch.
Turk: Honey? My blood sugar's dipping.
Carla: Don't move!
Turk: Thanks, sweetness!
J.D.: Oh my God! This could be my diabetes!
Turk: Exactly. But you gotta use it before that window closes. Lucky for me, my diabetes window stays open 24/7.
J.D.: Unless, God forbid, they find a cure.
Turk: Amen, brother.
Dr. Kelso: Now, our old hospital psychiatrist used to write my wife, Enid, a prescription for crazy pills. He was a dear, dear friend, but he died or moved or something.
Dr. Kelso: Oh, Dr. Clock. Uh, look, I'm afraid I wasn't being honest with you before. In my job, it seems like I'm always the bad guy. Hard as this is to admit, it gets to me sometimes. The point is, the antidepressants I asked you to prescribe weren't for my wife, they were for me.
Molly: Oh, I understand. So what dosage are you on?
Dr. Kelso: About half a Newton?
Molly: No dice.
Carla: Sir. Sir? It is not your job to collect money from patients!
Dr. Kelso: I know, but I just fired the woman who usually does it.
Carla: You fired Glenda? Why?
Glenda: Oh, how precious! Mind if I hold him?
Father: Go right ahead.
Glenda: Oh. Aww.
She bolts with the baby
Glenda: I FINALLY GOT A BABY!
Dr. Kelso: She was stealing from the hospital.
Dan: I was in a dark place and she saved me, she really did. Haven't felt this good since my dad died.
J.D.: Our dad.
J.D.: Listen, Dan-
Dan: J.D., let me explain. I came to the hospital to see you, and then I ran into Elliot and it just happened. It was a one-time thing.
J.D.: I'm okay with it.
Dan: Great, 'cause it's been going on for a few weeks.
Dan: Hey, mind if I join you guys?
Dr. Cox: I think the question you should be asking is, "Mind if I diddle your ex?" Oh, and just a great big congratulations on your on-going streak of being the world's worst older brother!
Dan: Thanks, Coxy!
J.D.'s Narration: The key to sleeping in the on-call room is to block out the noises around you like snoring, teeth-grinding, or even... on-call room nookie. Hello, my old friend, how I've missed you.
Woman: Mmm, that feels good.
J.D.'s Narration: Yes, it does.
Man: Ohh, yeah.
J.D.'s Narration: Time out, male moaning! Party's over!
Dr. Kelso: Dr. Clock, do you have a minute?
Molly: Sure. I was just talking to Dr. Bromberg about switching shifts so that I can go to Mexico for my mom's wedding. I am so psyched! She is getting married to this guy that has been like a father to me since I was this big. Actually, maybe I was this big... How tall was I in fourth grade?
Dr. Kelso: It's a mystery!
J.D.'s Narration: Oh, hellooo. Women are checking me out lately. Was it the ten push-ups I've been cranking out every other Sunday? Perhaps.
Elliot: You doing okay?
Dan: I am now. You know, without Elliot, I never woulda gotten through my dad's death.
J.D.: Our dad's death.
Carla: You want a cookie?
J.D.'s Narration: Turk's blood sugar was low because he has Type II diabetes and hasn't figured out his medication yet.
J.D.: Mmmmm, Mulattos.
Carla: They're Milanos, you idiot.
J.D.: I always thought that was a little bigoted for a cookie.
J.D.: Dammit! Brain Freeze is too hard. I knew I should've gone for Funny Bone.
Turk: Step aside! Ahh!
J.D.'s Narration: One thing I've learned is to never play Operation against a surgeon for money.
Turk: Eight seconds! Is that a new record, baby?
Carla: That depends, what are we talking about?
Molly: Perry, no one is pure evil. I mean, yes, everyone has a hard outer shell, but inside everybody has a creamy center... Dr. Cox: There are plenty of people here on this particular planet that are hard on the out side and hard on the inside... Molly: So they have like more nougatier center? Dr. Cox: Lady, people aren't chocolates, do you know what they are mostly? Bastards...bastard coated bastards with bastard fillings, but I don't find them half as annoying as I find naive bubble headed optimists who walk around vomiting sunshine... Molly: (Holds Dr. Cox's stomach and tells him with a big smile) I'm touching your creamy center! Dr. Cox: Ooh...I am so very angry...that I'm going to find someone to kill just to prove her wrong.
Turk: Sir, I promise you, if you offer her the job again she'll say yes. And I'll do anything you want, I'll pick up extra shifts, I'll volunteer at the clinic. Whatever you want!
Dr. Kelso: I want you to kill the giant bat that's been living in my attic!
Turk: You keep Enid in the attic?
Dr. Kelso: You make me laugh, Turkelton.
J.D.'s narration: The good news was this Elliot and Dan thing meant that I was back on the market!
J.D.: Can I buy you a drink?
Girl: No thanks.
J.D.'s narration: Yep! I'm back, baby!
J.D.: Dan was in my tub for four hours, drinking beers and singing "She's Gone."
Dan: How do you take a bath?
Dr. Kelso: Let me get this straight: You want me to offer your wife the same job she's already turned down. Is that about the size of it, Turkleton?
Turk: Actually, sir, my last name isn't Turkleton, it's just Turk. As in Chris Turk.
Dr. Kelso: I prefer Turkleton.
J.D.: You okay?
Turk: No. Sometimes I wish I'd never gotten this stupid diabetes!
J.D.: Hey! Let's not get crazy!
Carla: Dr. Kelso just offered me Glenda's old job as administrative supervisor.
Turk: Oh, that's great, sweetie.
Carla: The job pays an extra seven thousand dollars a year!
Turk: My baby's an administrative supervisor!
Molly: Oh, Dr. Kelso's all bluster. Underneath it all, I bet he's a sweetheart.
Dr. Cox: No, no. Underneath it all, he is pure evil.
Dr. Kelso: I'm so sorry you lost your grandmother. Our prayers go out to you and your family.
Woman: Thank you, Doctor. That's very kind.
Dr. Kelso: That'll be seventeen hundred dollars.
Turk: Hold up! When Carla and I came home yesterday, we heard something. Did you two hook up in J.D.'s room?
Dan: A friend wouldn't ask and a gentleman wouldn't tell.
Turk: Did you?
Dan: Twice! But we didn't go under the sheets out of respect.
J.D.: How thoughtful!
Turk: You know, on 'The Sopranos,' if a guy caught his brother with his ex-girlfriend, he'd just rub his ass out!
J.D.: Oh, believe you me, the second I get Dan alone, there's gonna be some serious ass-rubbing. I shouldn't smack-talk.
Dr. Kelso: Now, our old hospital psychiatrist used to write my wife, Enid, a prescription for crazy pills. He was a dear, dear friend, but he died or moved or something and now I need you to do the honors.
Molly: Have her come in for a few sessions, I'll gladly prescribe antidepressants.
Dr. Kelso: That's going to be a problem.
Dr. Kelso: She doesn't know she's taking them.
Dan: Boy, nothing like a little time off to remind you how hard you been working, huh?
J.D.: You bar tend three shifts a week.
Dan: Two. They dropped me one for doinking the Jell-o shot girl.
Dr. Kelso: Perry, what's our plan of attack?
Dr. Cox: When I crush a person's spirit, I like to use a combination of intimidation and degradation.
Dr. Kelso: I prefer to create an environment in which the subjects end up crushing themselves!
Dr. Cox: Aha.
Janitor: I like to pick one person and torment them relentlessly for no reason. If I could find them I'd show ya.
J.D.: Well how would you feel if I hooked up with one of your siblings?
Elliot: A little confused considering I have four brothers. But not surprised - at you or Barry.
Dr. Kelso: I got you a little present for your trip to Mexico, it's my old Spanish to English dictionary, I don't need it anymore, I've mastered the language.
Molly: Gracias señor!
Dr. Kelso: You're welcome-o.
Dr. Cox: Thanks to your little gesture, she actually believes that the Earth is full of people who are deep down filled with kindness and caring!
Dr. Kelso: Well that's absurd, people are bastard coated bastards with bastard filling.
Dr. Cox: Exactly!
Dr. Cox: Lady, people aren't chocolates. D'you know what they are mostly? Bastards. Bastard-coated bastards with bastard filling. But I don't find them half as annoying as I find naive bobble-headed optimists who walk around vomiting sunshine.
The Operation board game was part of a product placement ad to promote the game's new ailment in its character Cavity Sam: Brain Freeze. There was a Operation Scrubs Sweepstakes for a trip to Universal Studios Hollywood and visit to the set of "Scrubs". Ads could be seen promoting the episode with the tagline: "Witness medical history as it develops, Tuesday, October 19, on Scrubs."
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