Dr. Christopher "Chris" Duncan Turk
Dr. Percival "Perry" Cox
Nurse Carla Espinosa
Dr. Robert "Bob" Kelso
Dr. Elliot Reid
Nurse Laverne Roberts
Dr. Doug Murphy
During the big re-run dance fantasy, the Todd is the only one wearing stretchy bike shorts, which goes along with Scrubs playing up the fact that Todd likes to show off his body.
The wedding dress that Carla tries on and seems to want is not the dress that she got married in.
At Jamie's apartment, when she says she's going to put her sweats on, she throws the Forbes magazine she was reading onto the coffee table. The camera angle changes and she is holding it again.
"Sleep" by Keren DeBerg
"Sex Machine" by James Brown
"Don't You (Forget About Me)" by Simple Minds
When Elliot tells Carla "Hey Slut", J.D. rushes over to talk to Elliot. On Elliot's tray is a drink titled "Naked". When the screen goes to J.D.'s face, then comes back to Elliot's, the drink is turned around to the nutritional side of the label. Then it goes back to J.D.'s face, then back to the bottle, this time it says "Naked" again. The bottle can't be moved that fast.
J.D.'s Narration: Man, once Dr. Cox gets on a roll, there's nothing that can derail him.
Dr. Cox: ...is just impossible.
Carla: My mom died.
J.D.'s Narration: Except that.
Laverne: Tell me about it.
Elliot: Oh, come on - lighten up, slut!
Laverne: What, now?
Turk: Baby, you don't want to do this.
Turk: Look, since your mother passed, you probably been feeling lonely, and like you don't have any family. But I'm your family now - whether we do it like this, or we wait and do it like you've always wanted to. Don't you think?
Dr. Cox: Holy cow, talk about your gigantic time-wasters.
J.D.'s Narration: Sometimes it takes a priest to keep you from making a big mistake.
Chaplain: Uh, Christopher, before we begin, remind me of the bride's name?
J.D.: Hey! Sorry I'm late!
Dr. Cox: Boy, I'll tell you what, it's just not a wedding without a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader, is it?
J.D.: I dunno, I guess I realized I don't really want to be in a relationship like that.
Jamie: Is that an ultimatum?
Jamie: So, do you think Elliot's somewhere right now, crying her eyes out?
J.D.: Oh, without a doubt... But not about me.
J.D.: Janitor. What's that smell?
Janitor: I don't know. Although, it smells a little bit like... the truth!
Janitor: My poor wife slaved over these!
J.D.: She just cut off a pair of scrubs and hemmed the bottom. What's the big deal?
Janitor: What's the big deal? Well, the Good Lord didn't bless my wife with all ten fingers. She's only got pointer... and... thumb-pinkie.
Dr. Cox: Fine. Fine. Fine, fine, fine, fine. You wanna know the real skinny? If you want to be good doctors and nurses, you damn-sure better get ready to get in trouble - a lot. Because patients are stupid, and they are really scared. And some of them need you to hold their hands, and you should. Others need you to kick their asses, and you absolutely should do that, too. But, it really all just comes down to whether or not you got the guts to say just exactly what you know in your heart of hearts you really should say.
Dr. Kelso: Sooo, Ted! How is Professor Cox doing?
Ted: Excellent, sir!
Dr. Cox: Okay, here we go. When hospital employees fail to communicate properly with patients, there are both ethical and legal ramifications that can lead to financial hardships for the institution and personal grievances against its... doctors. Huh.
Elliot: Dr. Cox! This is useless, I thought we were really going to learn something?
Dr. Cox: Barbie, why did they toss you in here?
Elliot: Oh, they didn't! I'm, uh... uh, I'm... auditing.
J.D.: Hey, uh, I just wanted to say, you were right about Jamie.
Elliot: Uh-huh. And what does Jamie think you're doing over here?
J.D.: Asking you not to show up at my apartment drunk, naked, and crying.
Dr. Kelso: Dammit, Perry, you're there to teach! If I wanted somebody to lay around all day and do nothing, I would've wheeled in a corpse...or my housekeeper, Rosalba.
Dr. Cox: Captain Clip-On? Did you go ahead and tattle on me?
Carla: Gimme the phone, I'll call her right now... You are such a momma's boy!
Turk: Please!...(into phone) Dial mommy.
Carla: Turk? Are you sure you're happy we're doing this?
Turk: Are you kidding me? This is my ideal wedding! It's cheap, there's no hassle, plus you said you'd call my mom and explain to her why she wasn't invited.
Carla: No I didn't!
J.D.: I can totally explain why Jamie said that. You know how Turk always says "hey, player" when he means "hey, buddy"?
J.D.: Well, Jamie's from Cincinnati, and in Cincinnati they say, "Hey, slut!"
Elliot: Oh... Neat!
Dr. Cox: Ted, why don't you be a sport and... and get us started.
Ted: Uh, people, we're here today...
Dr. Cox: Snore! New idea: we're all gonna clam up for about an hour so I can get some shut-eye. Oh, and Nervous Guy-
Doug: Yes, Dr. Cox?
Dr. Cox: If I were you, I'd go ahead and swallow that entire mouthful of baby carrots. Because, if I hear you make even one more damn crunch, I'm gonna use the remainder of the carrots in that bag to make you completely air-tight, son.
Laverne: Lester? Honey, I don't want you using the stove on your own.
Man: Nurse, I asked for an extra pillow an hour ago!
Laverne: I'm talking to my husband! So why don't you get your own damn pillow?
Elliot: NO POP! Heh!
Jamie: What the hell was that all about?
J.D.'s Narration: I wouldn't stoop this low for drama.
J.D.: Well, we used to be a couple, and now that you're in the picture? Guess who wants me back?
J.D.'s Narration: Fine, I'd stoop!
Elliot: So, how's the drama queen doing?
J.D.: I don't know. How are you? Zinnnnng!
Elliot: Why can't you just admit that I'm right?
J.D.: Because you're not right!
J.D.(to a midget): I'm warning you! Stop eyeballing my woman!
Jamie: Actually, J.D., I think it was that guy!
She points to a bigger, tougher guy
J.D.: No, it was definitely that guy!
Chaplain: Well, you work here, so I guess we could do the whole ceremony for about forty bucks.
Turk: Praise Jesus!
J.D.: She wants to get married now?
Turk: She says it's romantic to be spontaneous.
J.D.: Ahh, that is romantic. So, how pregnant is she?
J.D.: I'm so sorry! It was a total accident, I just... I just-
Jamie: Don't lie to me! I asked you to go, so you punched in my coffee table, didn't you.
J.D.'s Narration: Oh, my God! She does want drama!
J.D.: Sometimes you make me so crazy!
J.D.: This burger's really meaty. I'm serious - you can really taste all the meat.
Jamie: Yeah, you know, I'm actually gonna go put my sweats on.
J.D.: You're already wearing sweats.
Janitor: Anyway, what's the deal? We're supposed to be shorts buddies today. You saw the schedule: Monday-Tuesday, shorts; Wednesday, we wash 'em; Thursday-Friday, shorts; weekend, optional - I'll be wearing shorts.
J.D.: Holy shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-
Janitor(whispering): Shhhhhh! Calm down. I didn't mean to scare you.
J.D.(whispering): Why are we whispering?
Janitor(whispering): I wanted to see if you would whisper because I whispered.
J.D.(whispering): I think I would.
Carla: I know she was... old. Still, she was my best friend. I mean, what are you supposed to do without your mom?
Turk: You can let your man fill a little bit of the hole that she left.
Carla: She would like that.
Turk: Baby, she hated me.
Carla: Yeah, she did.
Dr. Cox: Hello, class. My name is Dr. Perry Cox... I'm going to be your teacher.
Doug raises his hand.
Dr. Cox: No.
Todd raises his hand.
Dr. Cox: No!
Todd raises it again.
Dr. Cox: NO!
Dr. Kelso: Dammit, Perry! You can't just go around brow-beating nut-jobs and bullying fatties!
Dr. Cox: Well, I'm not a resident, so I'm not going to your lame-ass doctor-patient seminar... So, in essence, there, Big Bob, there's really nothing you can do to me at all, is there?
Ted: See, Dr. Cox, this is, uh, the sort of hostile behavior that can cause us legal difficulty.
Dr. Cox: Ted! I just might rip that tie off your neck and jam it down your esophagus.
Ted: I think you proved at Nurse Roberts' above-ground pool party that that doesn't solve anything.
Elliot: She's a drama queen, J.D.! When her husband was in a coma, it was all, like, taboo and exciting; but now that it's okay for the two of you to be together, the relationship's got no snap... it's got no crackle. J.D... It's got no pop. I know! Because I'm a drama queen, too!
J.D.: Well, Jamie is not like you, okay?
Elliot: No Pop!
Elliot: You wanna know why things with Jamie are so 'lamey'?
J.D.: We're doing fine!
Elliot: Oh, please! She's clearing you out of her apartment!
J.D.: Wrong! She just came by because she knows today at work, I need my... squash goggles.
J.D.: I have to saw something later.
J.D.: What are you two talking about?
Elliot: Not the Rerun Dance.
J.D.'s Narration: I tell her way too much.
Carla: What was your mother's funeral like?
Dr. Cox: Wouldn't know - skipped it. But my aunt told my father it was very moving.
Doug: It was a gusher!
Dr. Kelso: Next catastrophe... Idiots!
Doug: I hate him so much!
Ted: Save it for our weekend bike ride.
J.D.: Things haven't fizzled, all right? Last night we made ice cubes out of orange juice, so step off!
Janitor: So, anyway, you said you liked mine, and I had the wife whip you up a pair of your own! You like 'em?
J.D.: Do I like 'em? Why, just the other day, I was asking myself, "How can I display my package in a way that's both alluring and professional?"
Janitor: Well, there's your answer!
Janitor: HAH-HAH-HAH! Ahhh! To be young and in shorts!
Dr. Cox: Okay, Mr. Westfeld, now the angioplasty went well, but here's the thing: It is on you, pardner. You gotta start watching what you eat so that we can kick this thing in the ass. Okay?
J.D.: It's on you, pardner!
Dr. Cox: Oh, gosh, Shannon, thank you so much for clarifying my point by repeating it word for word.
Elliot: This is exactly like the dress I bought! Huh!
Elliot: Oh, I-I didn't already buy a wedding dress. I mean, I'm not even dating anybody, so that would be crazy... Whether it was half-off or not...
Elliot: Looks like rope-burn to me.
J.D.: Oh, no, this a-a rash from my new watch. They didn't tell me the band was made out of... cat.
Jamie: J.D., I really wanted tonight to be romantic.
J.D.: Sweetie, it is! Now, exactly how much feeling am I supposed to lose in my extremities?
Jamie: Just enough so it still hurts.
J.D.'s Narration: When you're dating a woman whose husband just died after two years in a coma, you can't help but have doubts about the relationship. I guess all you can do is be a man, and face those doubts head-on.
Jamie: What are you thinking about?
J.D.: Eggs. You know, one minute they're bad for you, now everybody's like, "Hey, have you tried eggs? Th-They-They're great!" It's c-it's crazy. Every-...eggs are...
Jamie: You know what? Forget I asked.
J.D.'s Narration: I think relationships can be defined by big moments that don't happen - or by the little ones that do. But once you get past the drama, it's actually pretty simple: All you have to do is whatever it takes to make her happy.
Ted: And you know what else? I quit!
Dr. Kelso: No, you don't.
Ted: Well, I'm leaving early today!
Dr. Kelso: No, you're coming back to my office and doing busy work!
Ted: Fine. But I'm getting a soda first!
Ted: Oh, please, with the shocked look. Newsflash - I'm sterile! I mean gutless! ...My guys swim in circles. I - I think it's the bike-riding.
Turk: Man, I was getting really psyched for this whole wedding, man - the dancing, the band, you woulda hooked up with one of Carla's sisters!
J.D.: Really? Which one?
Turk: The drunkest one.
Dr. Cox: Nine pounds in a week!? Let me ask you a quick question: are you trying to make my head explode? Because you have no idea just how frustrating it is working your ass off trying to inflate a tiny little balloon inside someone's clogged artery. And all that a person has to do, really, is - oh, I don't know - go for a walk in the morning or choke down a fresh green salad. And you come back here looking like that!?! And I know, I know, here I'm supposed to be Dr. Give A Crap, but you wanna know the God's honest truth? And this is a fact - you are what you eat, and you clearly went out and devoured a big fat guy, didn'cha!
Ted: Okay, gang! Before we begin, Dr. Kelso wants me to remind you of the legal ramifications of all your teensy snafus.
Dr. Kelso: "Teensy snafus"?!? Good God, Ted, it's not a Dr. Seuss story! Now, listen up, nametags! Over fifty percent of our lawsuits can be traced back to poor patient-doctor communication. To that end, if any of you still feel the need to flap your babble holes, you will be joining me in my new daily seminar on doctor-patient relations. My first invitee will be Dr. Murphy, whom I recently overheard telling someone, "Stop bleeding, stop bleeding, oh, God, please stop bleeding."
Dr. Cox: Oh, gosh, Shannon, thank you so much for clarifying my point by repeating it word for word. And now, in a reciprocal gesture, can I be included in the planning of your coming out party?
J.D.: Is that a gay joke?
Dr. Cox: No, it's a cotillion joke. My God, Newbie, it's been two furiously frustrating years - how is it possible that you still don't get me? I would never compare you to the gays! I like the gays - I like their music, I like their sense of style, I especially like what they've done with Halloween - but our thing is that you are a little girl. That's who you are! But that's really not fair...
J.D.: Shorts, huh?
Janitor: Yeah. What, I don't get to wear shorts, 'cause I'm just a lowly janitor?
J.D.: I didn't say "lowly."
Janitor: Oh, so now I'm a janitor?
J.D.: Yes! Have you been drinking?
Turk: Baby! What's the name of that designer you love so much? She made that gown? Vera...
(J.D. and Turk both start giggling like schoolkids)
Elliot: Oh, my God. You're the only two doctors immature enough to laugh at the name Vera Wang.
(Carla and Elliot both sigh)
Todd: What? I think Vera Wang makes very beautiful gowns. Plus her last name is a very funny word for penis.
Nurse Roberts: Dr. Cox! Would you like to try some of my world-famous devilled eggs?
Dr. Cox: No, thank you. I've already had diarrhea.
Patient: I am so tired of the sexual innuendo.
Todd: In your end-o.
Original International Airdates:
Czech Republic: March 4, 2013 on Prima COOL
Elliot tells J.D. that his relationship with Jamie has no "snap, no crackle, no pop". Snap, Crackle and Pop are the cartoon characters on the Rice Crispies boxes.
The Breakfast Club:
The scene where Ted walks out of the room with his arm in the air is a takeoff of Judd Nelson at the end of the movie The Breakfast Club. The music used is also the same as from that same scene in the movie.
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