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Dr. Christopher "Chris" Duncan Turk
Dr. Percival "Perry" Cox
Nurse Carla Espinosa
Dr. Robert "Bob" Kelso
Dr. Elliot Reid
Dr. John Michael "J.D." Dorian
Nurse Laverne Roberts
In this episode Dr. Cox doesn't call J.D. any Dog Name.
J.D.'s Girl Names: Grace
In the scene Carla loses the bus to the hospital and asks Dr. Kelso for a ride, we can perfectly see there's no traffic in the street and that Dr. Kelso's car is parked, not delayed by the bus in front of it, leaving no reason whatsoever to Dr. Kelso to be there since he doesn't live in the neighbourhood and just passes in that street when heading to the hospital (as we can see when he splashes water on Carla in a later scene).
"Fighting For My Love" by Nil Lara
"1812 Overture (Opus 49)" by Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky
J.D.: All right, I should've done this a long time ago; so, here goes: I'm sorry. I shouldn't accuse you of being jealous, you were just looking out for me, and...you were right about Alex.
Elliot: You never did sleep with her, did you?
J.D.: No... But, why does that matter?
Elliot: Because I was jealous.
J.D.: You remember, like, when the new 'Star Wars' movie came out, and it was all built up, and then people went to see it and it really wasn't that great in bed?
Alex: Relax! The first one's a freebie, so you can get your form back.
Carla: I wanted to thank you...for what you did. You know, when you yelled at me in front of the other nurses. I appreciate it.
Dr. Kelso: Young lady, I yelled at you because that paperwork looked like it had been done by a drunk four-year-old. Listen, Carla, I have a family who loves me, a handful of close friends, and a wonderful hobby shop in my basement; I don't spend much time worrying about people's feelings around here - I just do whatever makes me happy.
Turk: So, you went behind my back and got an intern to agree with you so the guy doesn't get surgery.
Dr. Cox: Oh, no, you caught me.
Turk: Cox, a bypass is the right call.
Dr. Cox: Considering the inherent risks in surgery, I didn't-
Turk: The guy's a diabetic, with two-vessel disease!
Dr. Cox: And antianginals can be equally effective.
Turk: So we agree that either treatment could work?
Dr. Cox: Yeah, sure.
Turk: Then what the hell are we arguing about?
Turk: Someone call for a surgical consult?
Dr. Cox: You're Dr. Turk?
Dr. Cox: Of course you are. Note to self: You've got to start writing down the names of people that truly annoy you!
Carla: You see, I think that you should tell your neighbor that you will hang your hammock wherever you damn well please, and if she doesn't like it she can just move!
Dr. Kelso: That's what I like about you, Carla! You don't give a rat's ass what anybody thinks!
Laverne: Well, I don't think we should stand for it. Dr. Kelso can't just decide we're not allowed to switch shifts anymore. I'm supposed to go see my nephew tonight in 'Pippin.'
Nurse: Who's he playing?
Laverne: Pippin. Bob Kelso is a bad man.
Carla: I don't know; I mean, we never think about how hard it is to always be the bad guy, you know?
Laverne: I want him to die!
Alex: Why would you assume Mr. Barnes stole the Percocet? There's lots of people on that ward.
J.D.: That's a good point.
Elliot: Yeah, and three of them are in comas, two others can't walk and one's a nun.
J.D.: Also a very valid point.
Alex: Look, Elliot, I'm sure Mr. Barnes didn't take the drugs - he has been in rehab for over six months!
Alex: There's no reason to be so judgmental.
Elliot: I am not judgmental. If I were, I'd tell you your shoes are ugly.
J.D.: Do not stoop to her level.
Alex: Your bangs make you look like a chipmunk.
Elliot: It's a frame. Why can nobody see that!?
J.D.: Can we get back to the matter at hand? This is about Mr. Barnes.
Alex: Fine. So who do you think's right?
J.D.'s narration: Oh, crap.
Turk: Hey. How you doing?
Dr. Cox: Oh, hey! How are you? Can I buy you a beer? This is a men's room, for God's sake - there is absolutely no talking in here. Ever.
Turk: It's just so freaky, you know? We're on the same pee schedule.
Vendor: Hey, Bob, how are ya?
Dr. Kelso: Fine, Allen. Uh, today, I think I'll try a double half-caf mocha foam latte mochaccino with a shot of vanilla and a sprinkle of nutmeg.
Vendor: So, black coffee?
Dr. Kelso: Bingo-bango!
Carla: Oh, my God - these people actually like you!
Dr. Kelso: Maybe you should just order.
Carla: Yes, I'll have an espresso, please; and...what kind of scones do you have today?
Man: Son of a bitch. Do you mind, lady? I am in a rush.
Carla: Oh, my goodness! I'm so sorry. What am I doing thinking I can take an extra six seconds to pick my breakfast? I'm gonna have to call my mom and tell her she did a lousy job raising me. Thank you, so much.
Dr. Kelso: I, uh, I think what she means is, she doesn't give a crappuccino!
J.D.: Oh...hey... Hey, Elliot...um...can you come back in, like, two minutes?
J.D.: ...Or, like, eighty minutes?
Dr. Cox: In case you were wondering, it says, "If you can read this, you're standing too close."
Turk: No, I wasn't trying to...you know...look...
Dr. Cox: Now let's see if you can tinkle when someone's staring at you... Yeah, go ahead and take your time - I actually have all day.
Dr. Cox: All right, Will and Grace: break down.
Elliot: Judging by Mr. Barnes' elevated lipase, I'd say it's pancreatitis.
Dr. Cox: Okay, Grace, you wanna finish?
Alex: You are so different from the guys I usually go out with.
J.D.: How so?
Alex: Well, for starters... I'm still wearing pants.
J.D.: Yeah, well, that is because I respect you.
Alex: Oh, yeah?
J.D.: Yeah. And also, this triple-knot, I couldn't get out.
J.D.'s Narration: After that, things pretty much got back to normal.
Janitor: You owe me twenty bucks.
J.D.: No, but I never even made -
Janitor: Twenty bucks.
Elliot: Do you honestly believe that's what's going on here?
J.D.'s Narration: Do not, under any circumstances, say what you're thinking.
J.D.: I'm sorry, but you had your chance with me.
J.D.'s Narration: Why don't I ever listen to me?
Elliot: No way! I am not saying anything about a girl that you're sleeping with!
Janitor: He's not sleeping with her.
Turk: So, who'd you side with, Elliot or Alex?
J.D.: Neither; I just pretended I was paged, and then when they said they didn't hear anything, I called them both liars and ran away.
J.D.: Yeah. It's just, you know, they both have a point...
Turk: Stick to the booty principle.
J.D.: What's that?
Turk: The booty principle: Which one do you want to sleep with?
Turk: Then I think she might be right.
Janitor: Twenty bucks says it never happens... what, you're offended?
Alex: So, have you, uh, ever fooled around in here?
J.D.: Yeah, lots of times.... Never with anyone, but....
Janitor: Whoa. No, please! Step on my foot! I'm just waiting for an excuse.
J.D.: Not today.
Janitor: Really? Why not? (Sees Alex) Ahh. I get it.
Janitor: Nice pull.
Janitor: You slept with her yet?
J.D.: What? I - I am not discussing that with you!
Janitor: That's a no.
J.D.: Listen, Jolly Green: people's personal lives are just that -- they're personal.
Janitor: That's a definite no.
Dr. Cox: Oh for the love of Oprah, why, why would come to pediatrics?
Turk: 'Cause I can't go unless you're around. You're my little pee-buddy. Haha!
Dr. Cox: What do you say we cut to the chase? You're dating Carla, the one person in this hospital I can remotely stand and she wants us to get all kissy-faced with each other, I get it, I do. But you see, every single time I shake my Magic Eight Ball and ask it, "Are we gonna be best friends forever?" do you know what it says?
Dr. Cox: Outlook is ba-leak.
Turk: But Doctor Cox, you really can't trust those things. I mean when I was nine I asked mine if I should crack it open and drink the fluid inside. I puked blue for like three days. Haha!
Dr. Cox: Just a real cute story, here's what you're gonna do. Go back to Carla and don't obsess about why she's with you in the first place, just tell her we went to a ball game and we borrowed each others sweaters, mmkay little buddy?
Elliot: Mr. Barns has been admitted for substance abuse three times in the past year.
J.D.: Yeah, but he said he quit.
Dr. Cox: Oh, the addict said he quit? Why wouldn't you tell me something like that, 'cause, don't you see, that changes everything.
J.D.: I believe in Mr. Barns.
Dr. Cox: Look it newbie. Just because you have a new girlfriend doesn't meant that the world has suddenly turned into a giant green M&M. The Red Sox still suck, they do. Barbie here still can't decide what to do with those annoying bangs, and addicts everywhere will still lie, cheat and steal just to get a fix. Now you've got to wake up sweetheart! You're gonna be late for school! Aww you wet the bed! Why can't I have a normal child without these problems...
Dr. Cox: Tell me Laverne, are you infact, part Golden Retriever?
Laverne: Keep it holy now.
Dr. Cox: I only ask because everytime I toss this guy, ya bring him right back to me.
Original International Airdates:
Czech Republic: January 1, 2013 on Prima COOL
Title Explanation: "My Drug Buddy" refers to Alex Hanson, J.D's girlfriend stealing drugs from the hospital.
J.D.: (To Alex) Remember when the new Star Wars movie came out and it was built up, and people went to see it, but it really wasn't that great in bed?
Star Wars I: The Phanton Menace is a 1999 science fantasy film written and directed by George Lucas. After a 16-year gap, it was the fourth film to be released in the Star Wars saga, but the first in terms of internal chronology. And despite mixed reviews by critics, it grossed US$924.3 million worldwide.
Laverne: I was supposed to see my nephew tonight in Pippin.
Pippin is a stage musical with music and lyrics by Stephen Schwartz. The play imagines the life of Pippin the Hunchback, the son of Charlemagne.
Dr. Cox: Oh! For the love of Oprah!
Oprah Gail Winfrey is the host of The Oprah Winfrey Show, the highest rated and longest-running daytime television talk show in television history with 21 seasons since it debuted on September 8, 1986, and already renewed at least for its twenty-fifth season.
J.D.: (To the Janitor) Listen, Jolly Green.
The Jolly Green Giant is a symbol of the Green Giant food company, making the line a probable joke about the Janitor's size.
Will & Grace:
Dr. Cox: (to J.D. and Elliot) All right, Will and Grace, break down.
Will and Grace was a NBC sitcom that aired from September 21, 1998, to September 29, 2005, and focused on the lives of Will Truman, a homosexual lawyer and his best friend Grace Adler, a straight Jewish woman who runs her own interior design firm.
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