Dr. John Michael "J.D." Dorian
Dr. Percival "Perry" Cox
Dr. Christopher "Chris" Duncan Turk
Dr. Elliot Reid
Nurse Carla Espinosa
Dr. Cox's patient is eventually diagnosed with acute intermittent porphyria. J.D., Turk, and Dr. Cox all pronounce the porphyria incorrectly. The correct pronunciation is "poor-feer-ia".
When Turk is celebrating to his diagnostic of Dr. Cox's patient he is clearly air guitaring to the opening song of the series.
A lot of facts about Dr. Kelso are revealed:
- his first kill was a 19 year old girl
- he started working at Sacred Heart when he was 26
- he became Chief of Medicine in 1985
Ted gets 23 stitches after he bites off his tongue.
"Little Victories" by Matt Nathanson (Closing scene)
When Dr. Kelso tells the new doctor that J.D. and Chris remind him of two dogs he had when he was a boy - who were named Jojo and Spike - behind Kelso, a plaque on the wall reads the name "Jojo Wilson".
Over Kelso's right shoulder is "Jojo Wilson" and over the new guy's left shoulder is "Sparky Redoglia".
When Dr. Kelso is telling the new doctor about the fact that when he looks at the hospital he can see all the faces of the people he's lost - when the camera looks up to the hospital, in the top floor window you can see J.D. and the rest of the staff looking back out - in a reference to a previous episode.
Elliot: You ask him. If I do he is going to say something mean only to hurt my feelings.
Carla: We want you to reconsider helping Kelso.
Dr. Cox: Can I get a "hell no" from any random doctor?
Josephine: Hell no!
Dr. Cox: Thank you, whomever. Now if you'll excuse me I have to get far far away from annoying people. Hee-specially whiny shallow blondes with stained coffee teeth. Urhgh. (Dr. Cox leaves)
Carla: Oh, look at that. He got you anyway.
Board Member: Well, Bob. Your employees will still buy you, they've pointed out to the board tha-
Mandlebaum: (Passing by) Hi.
Board Member: Well, you're on a tied ship. And we'll like you to stay on.
Dr. Kelso: Girls, thank you for saving my job. The one thing I wanted was to end things in my own terms. But since you are letting me... you can shove it up your ass, Rodney! I'm outta here.
Janitor: Look, I'm a simple unassuming janitor. Who can control people actions with his mind. Observe. (Turns to a nurse) EXPLODE!
(Carla leaves annoyed)
Janitor: If that'd work it would've freaked you out. You'd loved it! ...fall.
(The old lady falls down)
Janitor: Woohoohoo!!! Hello? Agghhh!
Janitor: Ok, I'll support Kelso. But in return, I want you to put me on a bag full of gas and take me to the airport. I'll explain later.
Carla: Why would we do that?
Janitor: Because I'm the bigger mover, slash shaker in this dump. Pfft... you know.
Jordan: Why would anyone wanna save Kelso's job?
Carla: For starters-
Jordan: You know what? I don't honestly care about one way or the other. Hhm.
Carla: About Kelso?
Jordan: Oh, about anything. But then again, you two are young enough and attractive enough that I'm not angry to be seen with you and people assume we are friends. So what the hell!
Carla: There's gotta be the way to get to Dr. Cox's to change his mind.
Jordan: Perry does not sway so easily. Unlike your husband who would probably cave if you show him your cans.
Carla: Don't even have to show 'em both.
Turk: Left one's cooler. Looks like a sea lion's face.
J.D.: It does, Turk drew it for me.
Dr. Kelso: Uhh, he is not gonna publish the paper on the case. He knows just how to play me. Sure, he likes to pretend that I win more than he does, but he walks away victorious more often than none.
Dr. Cox: I realize your heart is made of mostly of muffin bits, the souls of little babies and the entry creepy swallow every time you suck your teeth to get out the muffin and baby souls stuck in there. But what do you care? You are not even around anymore!
Dr. Kelso: Dammit, I'm still Chief. Now, if you wanna fudge the paper work I want a promise from you, that you are gonna publish the paper on the case. Deal?
Dr. Cox: Uggh. Deal.
Carla: I just don't understand why won't anybody help save Kelso's job.
Janitor: That's easy. I work it out that he (points to Dr. Cox) wants Kelso gone. And nobody wants to cross him, because he is a scary guy. Now, I'm not scared of him, but that's because I'm magic. (Snaps fingers) Is he dancing?
J.D.: Ok, I'm googling "purple pee".
Turk: Google that bitch!
J.D.: That's it, we left it in the sun. If urine exposed to UV light turns purple it's a sign of a rare generic disorder called Acute Intermittent Porphyria.
Turk: Symptoms include bloating, high blood pressure, seizures. Dr. Cox patient has all of those. We figured it out. One, two, three.
J.D. and Turk: In his faaaaaace!
(About J.D. and Turk)
Dr. Kelso: You know, those two remind me of a couple of dogs I had when I was boy, Jojo and Spike. One day, Jojo had his head stuck in the mailbox and Spike went over to trying to help him and got his head wedged in there too and they both suffocated. They were extremely dumb animals, but close.
Carla: Ok, so we just have to run up to everyone else. That should be easy!
Carla: That was impossible.
Janitor: Well, well. Look who's crawling coming back, through the desert of shame to the oasis of hope. Begging for just one sip of cool Janitor forgiveness. Well, the answer is no.
Elliot: Please, Janitor.
Janitor: Alright, I'm in. Dug on it. I cannot resist that adorable mug of yours! I'd have to throw a cup of acid to keep it from having power over me.
Dr. Kelso: Hey, that's a nice jacket, Ted. What is it, wool? (Rubbing Ted's jacket)
Ted: It's a polynylon blend. Do you really like it?
Dr. Kelso: No. Bathroom is just out of paper towels.
Carla: Janitor, have you ever heard the phrase "delusions of grandeur"?
Janitor: I believe I coined that phrase.
J.D.'s narration: Dr. Cox had a patient that he hadn't been able to diagnose for two years; and he was back.
Dr. Cox: Look, Alex, I'm afraid I still don't know what's causing all of this, so I'm gonna go ahead and treat your heart palpitations with beta blockers.
J.D.'s narration: Turk and I couldn't resist playing a little game called "poke the bear".
J.D.: So Turk, yesterday I had this patient that I just could not diagnose.
Turk: Wow, you must have felt like a real jackass.
(Dr. Cox starts looking at them, getting suspicious)
J.D.: I did feel like a jackass, but then I was able to figure out what was wrong with him, because I'm not a jackass, I'm a good doctor.
J.D.'s thoughts: Ok, now just stay calm so he doesn't realize what you're up to. (Dr. Cox looking angrily at them) Oh no, Turk's breaking. Quick, distract the bear with a casual greeting.
J.D.: Oh hey, Dr. Cox, how are things?
Dr. Kelso: You know, when I was an intern, they made us work sixty-hour shifts. Quite a few colleagues got drummed out because they couldn't cope. The rest of us were so sleep-deprived we barely managed to stay sane. I'll never forget the day we caught Seth Finkel gently cradling a cadaver head which he swore belonged to his ex-girlfriend, Millie. (Chuckles) A year later, Seth actually did kill Millie. Ironically, Millie donated her body to science and that spring, we caught another intern cradling her dead head. (Chuckles again) Life's little cycles.
Elliot: I keep thinking about Kelso. He reminds me of my grandpa. He's pervy, demeaning and an eensy bit racist, but you crave his love anyway because he smells like peppermint.
(J.D. and Turk hug)
J.D.: You smell like an athlete.
Ted: I need one of those.
J.D.: A hug?
Ted: No, a black friend. I think it would make me much cooler.
Turk: I should be offended, but he's right.
Dr. Kelso: I feel like I've given my life to this place and gotten nothing in return. I mean, is there an MRI machine in my basement? Maybe.
J.D.'s narration: Since Elliot revealed that Dr. Kelso is 65, the board was forcing him to retire in a few weeks.
Elliot: This is even worse than when they decided female staffers couldn't wear open-toed shoes! (Carla and Dr. Kelso stare at her) Ob-obviously, this is much worse...but that sucked too.
J.D.: Turk, focus. We're being insulted. I'm tired of your not focusing when someone insults us. It ends up all on me.
Original International Air Dates:
Denmark: May 28, 2008 on TV3
Sweden: July 5, 2008 on TV6
Germany: November 5, 2008 on ProSieben
According to the commentary, part of the end clip before the board meeting was re-shot after the writers' strike.
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