Scrubs

Season 2 Episode 8

My Fruit Cups

1
Aired Tuesday 9:30 PM Nov 14, 2002 on NBC

Trivia

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  • Trivia

  • Quotes

    • Turk: All right, now, who wants a refill?
      Elliot: Gu-I can't afford this place!
      J.D.: Elliot, I'm a hundred and thirty thousand dollars in debt. You're gonna be all right.

    • Turk: You know, I keep waiting to get sick of pudding but with every cup I love it more.
      J.D.: Yeah, me too.

    • Dr. Cox: I was always gonna wind up with you.
      Jordan: So, the whole vulnerable crying thing worked, huh?
      Dr. Cox: I never had a chance.
      Jordan: You do realize I'm pregnant, don't you?
      Dr. Cox: Yeah. They're both for me.
      Jordan: Cheers.

    • Julie: So, is your ex-wife like all women are crazy-crazy? Or more like that assistant who tazered David Spade-crazy?
      Dr. Cox: Well, you gotta try and understand, she's going through a rough time right now, and I'm the one she's used to leaning on. Which, in her current condition, is actually causing me more physical pain than it is emotional.

    • Carla: So, you finally stood up to your father?
      Elliot: Yep.
      Carla: And he cut you off - no money, no nothing?
      Elliot: Pretty much.
      Carla: Jerk.

    • J.D.: Carla. She said "we" - "We need to scrape some money together." And it wasn't just like a "we're dating" we; it was just like a "we're gonna spend the rest of our lives together" we. I don't know, man, that-that just seems big to me, you know?
      Turk: Yeah, I know.
      J.D.: Can I run the siren?
      Turk: Yeah, but be quick.

    • Carla: Bambi, I've got ten messages from my mother. My Aunt Marie won't stop calling me about my mother. I still gotta run home and put out canned food for my cat, because apparently the dry stuff doesn't cut it anymore. Plus, Turk and I can't find five minutes to spend together, because I'm working doubles and he's moonlighting non-stop so we can scrape together enough money to send my mother to a decent retirement community. So, what, Bambi? What?!
      J.D.: We'll talk later.

    • Dr. Cox: Look, morning sickness sucks. Believe me, I know, I've been there?

    • Janitor: Hey, idiot. Heh, I said "idiot" and you looked. Hey, help me carry this computer into my van.
      J.D.: You can't just take a computer.
      Janitor: Help me, or we go check out the trunk of your car.
      J.D.: Stay low.

    • J.D.: Oh, so now you're ignoring me?
      Turk: Man, because of you, I gotta ride around in the ambulance all night - and you know I get car-sick!

    • Julie: Are you ever coming in, Perry? You can join us if you want, but I doubt you'll fit on the bed.
      Jordan: Okay, have one last fling. But I'll be back; and, until then, everywhere you look, you'll see me.
      Julie: Everywhere anybody looks, they'll see you.

    • Dr. Reid: Good God, someone vomited on my hot dog.
      Elliot: It's chili, Dad! Okay? And you know what? Even though I really appreciate everything that you've given me, it's my life! So stop complaining and enjoy your damn meal!
      Elliot takes a bite of her hot dog and quickly grabs a napkin.
      Elliot: Oh! Oh, my God! That's disgusting!

    • Elliot: Dad? Why are you so set on me being an OB-GYN?
      Dr. Reid: Look, Honey, your highest income potential as a female physician is in Obstetrics.
      Elliot: But... don't you think that, maybe it's time that you left those sort of things up to me?
      Dr. Reid: Well, since I paid for your college, your medical school, your car, and now your apartment and all your living expenses, I'd have to say no.

    • Elliot: So, this is where we all hang out. It's neat, huh?
      Dr. Reid: It's a... hell hole.

    • Carla: I thought I was gonna get to see you last night.
      Turk: Yeah, I know, but I freakin' caught a E.M.T. shift, and I was riding around in an ambulance all night.
      J.D.: That is so cool! Did they let you run the siren?
      Turk: I'm not talking to you... And, yes.

    • Janitor: Yeah, we got him. And he's gonna pay.
      J.D.: They're actually arresting someone for stealing pudding and toilet paper?
      Janitor: No. They found twenty bottles of Vicodin in his backpack.

    • Jordan: Anyway, when I first found out, I was panicked; and then I thought, you know, I've kind of been drifting through life all these years and I need to look into my heart and see what really matters to me. Anyway, I decided to keep the stupid kid.
      Dr. Cox: You should cut out the middleman and just have a therapist deliver him. I mean, honestly, Jordan, why-why are you telling me... this?
      Jordan: Oh! Because I've also decided that I want you back.

    • Dr. Cox: Oh, who did that to you?
      Jordan: Well, I was at this fabulous hotel in Greece, chock-full of available, wealthy men, scru-
      Dr. Cox: So, it was the bellboy.
      Jordan: Or busboy or poolboy... something-boy - I don't know.

    • Jordan: Oh, no... He called you his girlfriend. If I were you, I'd start gathering your tiny panties up, because... I think you're done.
      Julie: I'm already bored by you. Perry, I will be in the bedroom; come join me when Tubby leaves.

    • Dr. Cox: Julie, this is my ex-wife, Jordan; Jordan, this is my girlfriend, Julie. Okay! That was a treat, wasn't it? Now, would you like me to call you a cab, or should I just whistle and have the flying monkeys bring the broom around?

    • Dr. Cox: The point is that this relationship, right here, is about the present... and it's about the future; and I'm never gonna let anything from our past ever get in our way again. Deal?
      Julie: Deal.
      Dr. Cox: Come here.
      Jordan: Keys still work!
      Dr. Cox: Excellent.

    • TV announcer: Stay tuned for Survivor.
      Dr. Cox flicks off the TV.
      Dr. Cox: I so don't think so!
      Julie: Hey! I was watching that.
      Dr. Cox: I know, but it's my place, so it's house rules.

    • Turk: Hey, man. You wanna grab a couple of beers tonight?
      J.D.: Can't. I'm moonlighting at Urgent Care.
      Turk: That's funny, the lady didn't call me?
      J.D.: Well, maybe that's because I found out you stole a hundred dollars from me and I Marcia Brady'd your ass.
      Turk: What?
      J.D.: You know, when Marcia was working at the ice cream shop, and then she got Jan a job, and they liked Jan better, so they fired Marcia.
      Turk: Yeah, "Marcia Gets Creamed" - Season Five, Episode Three. Don't ever question me on The Bunch. Besides, there's no way they liked you better than me.
      J.D.: Then maybe it's because I told her that you smoke the ganja.

    • Dr. Reid: That was your mom. She said to say... something.

    • Elliot: I just wanted you to know, sir, that I faced up to those Gyno Girls with a very strong and clear "No thank you."
      Dr. Kelso: Yes. I heard about your note!

    • Elliot: So, Dad, how are things at home?
      Dr. Reid: They're good...good. Your mom redid the bedroom again. I'm gonna keep mine the way it is.
      Elliot: Well, you don't want to be one of those couples that does everything together.

    • Carla: Don't take your anger out on Bambi!
      Dr. Cox: I'm not angry. So, my girlfriend serviced most of the staff. I'm proud of her commitment to medicine.

    • J.D.'s Narration: Luckily for Turk, revenge is a dish best served cold... Not unlike this tapioca pudding.

    • Elliot: You know, forget it. I'm just gonna stand up to them and tell them that I'm not interested.
      Carla: I think you should.
      Dr Kelso starts laughing.
      Elliot: Sir? Why are you laughing?
      Dr. Kelso: Oh, who knows. It could be the funny face I made with my peas... But, gun to my head, I'd say I'm laughing at the notion that you could stand up to anybody.

    • Dr. Gerson: Dr. Reid? I'm Dr. Gerson. We were just wondering if you have any thoughts about your specialty? Because we really think you're OB-GYN material.
      J.D.'s Narration: Being a Gyno Girl is a lot like being in a sorority.

    • Carla: My mother lives with me all year - my aunt Marie has to take care of her for one week and she won't stop bitching!
      Elliot: So? My dad's coming in to town for a conference tomorrow.

    • J.D.: So, I did that cardio-version, I extubated Mrs. Beyes, and I finished all the transfer summaries on the nursing home patients.
      Dr. Cox: Well, what can I say? You did exceptional work today, Newbie, and I'm proud of you.
      J.D.'s Narration: Did he just wink at me?
      Dr. Cox: There a problem?
      Fantasy: J.D. crying and blubbering
      J.D.: I'm just so happy!

    • Turk: Hey! Don't use Rowdy to cover up your giblets! Apologize!

    • Carla: Hey, can somebody tell me why we have no milk or orange juice, but, like, forty fruit cups in here?
      J.D.'s Narration: The average resident owes over one hundred thousand dollars in med school loans, and makes about as much as a waiter. So you have to do things to make ends meet. Like, you can cover someone's shift... Or you can steal stuff from the hospital... Or you can moonlight at an urgent care center... Or, you can steal stuff.

    • J.D.'s Narration: You learn to appreciate the little things, like waking up in your own bed. Of course, if there's someone there with you...
      Julie: Sorry I woke you.
      Dr. Cox: I'll live.
      J.D.'s Narration: ...that's just gravy.

    • Laverne: Dr. Reid?
      Elliot: I'm not sucking my thumb!

    • Dr. Kelso: Paging Dr. Backbone to the bajingo ward.

    • Carla: Please, what about all the women you slept with? Your ex-wife, that med-student, your ex-wife, the cute nurse from radioligy, your ex-wife.
      Dr. Cox: Would you please get off my ex-wife?
      Carla: I will if you will.
      (Dr. Cox Starts laughing)
      Dr. Cox: Damnit! Gosh, now I'm too proud of you to be mad at you.

    • Rob: Julie!
      Julie: Hey Rob, good to see you. Hey Dan!
      Dr. Cox: God, I just hate that every doctor you ever gave a drug sample to sniffs around you like a pathetic little puppy dog.
      Julie: I never gave those guys anything, I slept with them.
      Dr. Cox: Oh, great... (Winces)

    • Dr. Cox: And Laverne, what is that delightfully naught-tie (naughtily) scent you're wearing?
      Laverne: It's called 12 hour shift.
      Dr. Cox: Ow, yeah it is.
      Laverne: Why the hell is he so cheery?
      J.D.: Because I did exceptional work today.
      Dr. Cox: Hey babe.
      Julie: Hey, I ordered the fight on pay per view, got a six pack of your favorite beer, and we are leaving this second.
      Dr. Cox: Hop on blondie! Come here!
      (Julie hops on his back)
      Dr. Cox: Oh pewwy's gonna get some lovin', pewwy's gonna get some lovin'.

    • Turk: Sorry I ripped you off.
      J.D.: Ah, forget about it. You can keep the hundred bucks.
      Turk: I was gonna, man. I was gonna.

    • Dr. Cox: Hey, Jordan, are you... are you crying?
      Jordan: No... I don't know! I'm just completely hormonal! I mean, you try going from out-of-control horny to clinically depressed six times a day.
      Dr. Cox: Oh, gimme a break, I can knock that out on the way to work.

    • Dr. Cox: Jordan. Please tell me you ate a raccoon and it's slowly making its way through your digestive system.
      Jordan: Oh, don't worry, it's not your baby. Though not for lack of trying - see, we have sex a lot.
      Julie: Who are you?
      Jordan: Who do you think I am?
      Julie: Well, you have keys to the apartment, so I'm gonna say... the maid.

    • Dr. Cox: Well, just for being so jealous and pissy lately. I mean, I guess I just kind of got hung up on the fact that you were with, you know, Dr. Jasper and...Dr. Michaels...Dr. Stone. Was it his ear hair? Is that what is so compelling about him?

    • Janitor: You know, we're zeroing in on the guy that's been stealing stuff.
      J.D.: Oh? Well, that's good.
      Janitor: Yep. In fact, right now, I'm dusting for fingerprints.
      J.D.: Really?
      Janitor: Nah, I'm just dusting.

    • Elliot: Those Gyno Girls are really putting the pressure on. We must have looked at a hundred women's bajingos today! Bajingo, bajingo, bajingo! I mean, I can't even look at my own bajingo, you know?
      Carla: Is that because it looks so much like a vagina?
      Elliot: Carla! There's people!

    • Carla: You don't seem that stressed out.
      Elliot: Well, I haven't pooed in six days.
      J.D.: Twice this morning, and I haven't even had my coffee yet.
      Elliot: You really pick odd things to brag about.
      J.D.: I'm just saying, if I had to get three by lunch, I probably could.

    • Turk: This is the reason why your headache didn't go away: That's actually pronounced analgesic, not anal-gesic. Sir, the pills go in your mouth.

    • Turk: You stole my job!
      J.D.: You stole my money!
      Turk: That was a finder's fee!
      J.D.: Oh, yeah? Well find this!
      Carla: You know, you're supposed to grab your crotch when you say that.
      J.D.: Wouldn't that hurt?

    • Janitor: Hold up! There's been a number of thefts around the hospital. We're doing bag checks.
      J.D.: But what about that guy taking scrubs?
      Janitor: Hey, Tom!
      Tom: Hey!
      Janitor: He doesn't have a bag.

    • Janitor: Did you steal pudding and toilet paper?
      J.D.: What? No! I hate pudding and I don't use toilet paper. (Pauses) I have one of those French things that shoots water up your butt.
      Janitor: Bidet.
      J.D.: Bidet to you sir.

    • Dr. Kelso: Is there one bathroom in this damn place that has toliet paper, or do I have to start carrying around a basket of leaves?!

    • (J.D. winks at Dr. Cox)
      Dr. Cox: Oh my God, Sabrina. You had better tell me that you just had laser eye surgery and they accidentally severed the muscle that enables you to hold that lid up, because you did not just wink at me!
      J.D.: I didn't mean anything by it, I wink at everybody. (Winks at Dr. Kelso) Hey, Dr. Kelso!
      Dr. Kelso: Save it for the bathhouses, sport.

  • Notes

  • Allusions

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