Scrubs

Rex: Excuse me, Dr. Cox. Dr. Cox: Yes, Party Doc. Rex: I heard crying coming from this room last night, thought you should know. Carla: Don't look at me, I wasn't crying.

J.D.'s thoughts: Kim's leaving to pack and I still have no plan to make her stay. It's go time, just say the first thing that pops into your head. Kim: Hey J.D. J.D.: I'm rich. You don't have to take that job. Kim: Uh, you're not rich. J.D.: Oh yes, I am, Kim. And this right here is my dope-ass Mercedes. (J.D. jumps on the back of the car and he continuously almost slides off then shuts the gas tank which opens up) J.D.: I didn't want to tell you because I wanted you to like me for me. Kim: You're an idiot, J.D. J.D.: Am I, Kim? (The car takes off)

J.D.: Phone sex is out of the question because I'm a righty when I talk on the phone and I'm also a righty when I'm teaching mini J.D. who daddy is.

Kim: You don't want to be around me when I'm pregnant, all the women in my family go psycho. J.D.: Yeah but Kim... Kim: I wasn't finished! (Kim pushes J.D. against the wall. J.D. comes back with a bloody nose.) J.D.: You know I'm back, I'm back. It's perfectly fine. I just hit the wall. Look, whatever your decision is, I support you. Kim: Oh you're so awesome, J.D. (J.D. tastes the blood on his lips) J.D.'s thoughts: My lips taste weird.

Dr. Kelso: Here's your paycheck Turkleton, now you can give it back to me to pay your bills. Turk: Why don't you just hold on to that, sir? Dr. Kelso. That's not how it works. Take it, sigh, then hand it back to me.

J.D.: I got you a gift. It's a star! I found this page on the internet where you can buy and name them. Unfortunately 'Kim' was already taken, so I tried Kim with two m's, Kim with three m's, Kim1... Kim:: So what's it called? J.D.: 'frecklefart90' Kim: Because of the freckle on my butt, my lactose intolerance, and the fact that I graduated high school in 1990! J.D.: ...yes! J.D.'s narration: that was sooo lucky.

Kim: Oh god, I'm going to be so big when I get back, you won't want to touch me. J.D.: Don't worry, I've been with a lot of big girls.

Turk: Why does she hate me? Dr. Cox: Don't say 'hate', Ghandi, you kids throw that word around so much it's lost all of its meaning. Now, now I have to find a word stronger than 'hate' to describe how I feel about others, hmmmm... I megaloathe you all. Good day.

Turk: (Walks into Carla's room with a baby in his arms) Hey, look who I brought to see her mama. Carla: (With their real baby in her arms) Someone else's child? Guard: We got a code pink people. Someone just stole a baby.

Dr. Cox: Look, I know you all curl up on your futons at night dreaming of cracking a real-life medical mystery so that some doctor/supermodel will want to touch your eruption button, but here's the bad news: This isn't a TV show. There aren't any cameras over here (motions toward the camera), real medical mysteries don't happen every week, and doctors damn sure don't look like models, they look like Rex. Rex: What? Dr. Cox: Chin up, you ugly bastard.