Season 2 Episode 19

My Kingdom

Aired Tuesday 9:30 PM Mar 27, 2003 on NBC



  • Trivia

    • Featured Music:
      "Payback" by James Brown
      "Samantha" by Keren DeBerg
      "Blind, Deaf & Dumb" by The Churchills
      "High Time" by Michael Penn
      "Folgers Song" by The Blanks
      "By Mennan" by The Blanks
      "Poison" by Carla and Elliot
      "McDonald's song" by The Blanks

    • In the beginning of the episode J.D. is wearing very tight scrubs and Turk says he must stay with them until the end of the week, but in all other scenes J.D. is wearing normal-sized scrubs.

    • When Dr. Cox throws the broken computer through the window, instead of throwing its CPU, he throws its screen, which was functioning as we can see in Dr. Cox previous scene with Elliot.

    • In the computer screen Dr. Cox hits in the beginning of the episode we can clearly see the Windows logo.

    • The flashback to when JD meets Turk was flipped.
      The writing on the door opposite says "S Moore" and "T Turner".

    • When Turk switches JD to another surgeon for the day the names and room assignments on the board behind them change. The "Todd" goes from a Whipple to a splenectomy

  • Quotes

    • J.D.'s Narration: I think everyone would like to believe it's possible to become someone different, to change how people see us... but sometimes change doesn't last for long... and other times it just makes you miss what you had... a little

    • J.D.'s Narration: As for me, I'm happy just knowing who I am.
      Doug: Hey, J.D.? Do you have any nasal spray?
      J.D.: No problem, Dougster.
      Doug: Yeah!
      J.D.'s Narration: For I am John Dorian - King of the Nerds!
      Doug: Hey, J.D.? You okay?
      J.D.: I'm fine. Don't Bogart my nasal spray.

    • J.D.: Come on, player! You know I'm way more stud than dud!(He takes a sip of his appletini) Wow, you can really taste the apples!

    • J.D.: Man! Ever since college, you always make everything seem so easy. No matter where you are, you always fit in. I dunno, I guess, I thought with this surgery elective, it might be nice not to feel like a total dork for once.
      Turk: J.D., look at me. You are a dork.
      J.D.: Not all the time!
      Turk: Every second, since the moment I met you.

    • Woman: Hi! Can I buy you a drink?
      Turk: No, I'm good. Thank you.
      J.D.: You see that? You see that right there? That has never happened to me - a hot girl has never asked to buy me a drink. Apple-tini please - easy on the tini.
      Bartender: No problem, lady.

    • Elliot: You know, it's funny... when I said "I love you," it was an accident - and I never really loved you at all.
      Paul: That is an absolute riot.

    • Paul: Okay, here's what you do: First you say that, even though our relationship is ending, you don't have any regrets.
      Elliot: Oh, my God! Are you actually telling me how to break up with you?
      Paul: You're right. Go ahead.
      Elliot: If you could just start me off, that'd be super.

    • Dr. Cox: And there it is.
      Dr. Kelso: There what is!?
      Dr. Cox: This whole "I don't care what people think about me" act? It's pretty convincing. But methinks there's a sad little cartoon boy living inside the hairy beast. And he's sad because, at the end of the day, he realizes that the only thing people think about is what an evil son-of-a-bitch he really is. See you later, Bobbigator.
      Dr. Kelso: Hey! If this check bounces, I'm coming for you!

    • Dr. Cox: Hey, Bob-Cat, welcome back. Lookit, this whole thing was a joke that... admittedly got a little out of hand.

    • Turk: You were so desperate for the approval of all these stupid surgeons that you sold me down the river, huh?
      J.D.: Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah? Not all surgeons are stupid, okay! Think-sack, here, went to Dartmouth! Oh, wait, you're Aardvark.
      Surgeon: Mm-mm.
      J.D.: Smitty?

    • Turk: That's a great set, Arnold. You got a little stringy thing hanging from your sleeve, there. Oh, I'm sorry - that's your arm!

    • Maintenance Man: There's no way this desk is fitting through that door.
      Janitor: I got it.
      Dr. Cox: Who're you?
      Janitor: Just a man... with a saw.

    • Maintenance Man 1: Yo, coming through.
      Dr. Cox: Holy cow! Whatta you fellas just clean out a guy's office the second he goes deady-bye?
      Maintenance Man 2: We can come back later.
      Dr. Cox: No, no. No. No. The quicker all of these memories are removed, the sooner all of us can get on with our lives.

    • Paul: You know, I've been thinking a lot about us lately.
      Elliot: Me too.
      Paul: God, you drive me crazy.
      Elliot: Oh, you drive me crazy!
      Paul: Sometimes I just lay awake at night, thinking about how unbelievably lucky I am to have you in my life.
      Elliot: Sometimes you're so controlling it makes me want to strangle you.

    • Laverne: He's with Jesus, now. Tough break, Big Guy.

    • J.D.: Hey, T-Dog! Who we slicing and dicing today?
      Turk: Well, J-Dog, I don't know who you're slicing and dicing - I assigned you to another surgeon.
      J.D.'s Narration: What? Why?
      Band: You deserve Ted's Band today... So get up and get away...
      J.D.: Ted!
      Ted: To-
      J.D.: You guys suck.
      Band: Boing-fwip!

    • Carla: You never explained that U2 thing, did you!
      Elliot: You know, I've been thinking about it, and maybe it's not such a bad thing that that happened! Right? I mean, things have been going really well between us, and maybe it was fate! I could've been looking at my Bel Biv Devoe CD and said, "I love Bel Biv Devoe" - which I do, by the way. And I'm not ashamed of it.
      Carla and Elliot: "That girl is poison..."
      Carla: Elliot, look, I just think that if you guys are meant to get to this point, it'll happen... naturally.
      Elliot: You're right! "I love U2!" Dammit! Why do I always have to say every little thing that comes into my head!? Ugh, I really wish you wouldn't stand so close to me after you take your hummus break. See! I didn't need to say that! I'm gonna tell him.
      Paul: Love you!
      Elliot: Love you more!
      Carla: Ugh!
      Elliot: You know what - brush your teeth, then judge me!

    • Dr. Cox: I have... no words.
      Dr. Kelso: How about "handsome"? Or "glorious"?

    • Surgeon: I can't believe my girlfriend's dragging me to the ballet tonight.
      Todd: Oh, your girlfriend-
      Surgeon: Yeah...
      Todd: -or your boyfriend?

    • J.D.'s Narration: It felt weird not going to my normal table - especially on Palm Pilot Synchronization Day.

    • Elliot: I was talking about U2, the band! You know what, it's fine. He probably thinks I was just saying it the way that you would say "I love eggs." You know, I'm sure there is not gonna be a problem.
      Carla: Okay!
      Ted: Uh, we have a telegram from Nurse Paul Flowers - That name is funny! Uh, this is my band.
      Carla: Oh, my God, Ted! Everybody knows - TV themes!
      Ted: That's old news, doll-face! We do commercial jingles now!
      Carla: Ugh.
      Band: Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ahh-ahhhh!
      Ted: The best part of wakin' up
      Band: Is Elliot in your cup! In your cup!
      Elliot: That's it?
      Band: By Mennen!

    • Dr. Wen: Removing the old heart.
      Turk: All right, J.D., get in there.
      J.D.'s Narration: Turk's always looking out for me.
      Turk: Told you I'd hook you up.
      J.D.'s Narration: Oh, my God... Here, it's my first day in surgery, and I'm actually holding a human heart!
      The heart slips out of his grip and falls to the floor.
      J.D.: We-we were done with that one, right guys?

    • Dr. Kelso: Ted, you're a simpleton!
      Ted: That's funny, 'cause I thought I was rubber and you were glue!
      Dr. Kelso: Idiot!
      Ted: Boing-fwip!
      Dr. Cox: Principle Bob! Ya called?
      Dr. Kelso: Can you explain this?
      Dr. Cox: It appears to be a wiring problem! Either way, the second floor desperately needs a new computer.
      Dr. Kelso: Jackass!
      Ted: Boing-fwip!
      Dr. Kelso: I was talking about him, you buffoon!
      Ted: Boing-fwip.

    • Paul: Hey, Elliot, I just want to tell you that the last few weeks have been really, really amazing.
      Elliot: Thanks... I love U2.
      Paul: What did you just say?
      Elliot: I said, "I love U2."
      Paul: Wow!

    • Paul: Just so you know, I'm not folding my clothes before we do it tonight.
      Elliot: Yes you are.

    • Elliot: Hey, should I file my Bel Biv Devoe CD under 'B' for "Bel Biv" or under 'D' for "Devoe"?
      Paul: You know, I don't know why you let Dr. Cox push you around like that.
      Elliot: Hey, do you notice that you're always telling me what to do? I mean, in a good way.
      Paul: Uh-uh!
      Elliot: Then, how come I'm growing my bangs out and wearing a thong?
      Paul: Because you look better without the bangs. And the thong, well, that's not up to me - that's the law, missy!
      Elliot: Yeah, not now. You know that I don't like kissing while I'm alphabetizing.

    • J.D.: All right, people, how long till we get this thing started?
      He walks into the OR, and bashes his head on a light, crashing to the floor.
      Turk: Probably not for a few minutes.

    • Turk: You just gotta remember - when surgical residents sense insecurity, they attack.
      J.D.: I'll watch out for that.
      Turk: Dude, your face. Your face.
      J.D. has a painted nose and whiskers on his mask.
      J.D.: Ohhhh, man!
      Turk: Yeah, let's lose the tail, too.
      J.D.: Huh! How did they get that on there, dawg?

    • J.D.: So, am I the first guy they've done this to?
      Turk: Nah, man! They did this to Frank Fratchman.
      J.D.: Who's Frank Fratchman?
      Turk: Okay, you're the first one.

    • Dr. Cox: Why have we never fixed or replaced this monstrosity?
      Laverne: You know the deal around here - if it barely works, it's not gonna get replaced.
      Dr. Cox: Well, I guess that explains why your ass is still on the payroll, huh?

    • Paul: Hey, cowboy, how 'bout you back off the little lady, and we'll all agree that you're really, really scary.
      Dr. Cox: Listen, there, Flowers: I know that your pink scrubs are balled up at the base of Barbie's bed three nights a week - and congrats on that, really - but if you're gonna go ahead and have a show-down with everyone who hassles her, then, gosh, you two aren't gonna have any time for that sweet, Aryan sex that you love so much!

    • J.D.: What's up, fellas. Look, I know I'm usually Medical, I just want you guys to know I consider you all me pee-pees.
      J.D.'s Narration: They know you mean "peeps"! Just change the subject!
      J.D.: Whoa! Somebody's been working out!
      Surgeon: What?
      J.D.: Help me!

    • Turk: Dude. You okay? You're acting weirder than the time we saw Pat Benetar at StarBucks.
      J.D.: How amazing was that morning...

    • J.D.: Janeane's built like a bear. She curled me once.

    • J.D.'s Narration: One thing that never changes around here is the stupid idea that the surgeons are all cool and the medical residents are all geeks.
      Elliot: Hey!
      J.D.: Ohhh, Rudy, can you lose the grapefruit goggles?
      Rudy: But it squirts in my eyes.
      J.D.: Well, that's a risk you take with that particular piece of fruit.

    • Turk: Do you really think I care about what these guys think? Todd camped out in a wizard outfit to see the latest Harry Potter movie.
      Todd: You swore you wouldn't tell. We even high-fived on it.
      Turk: Todd, we high-five on everything.
      Todd: That's such a lame excuse! I'm totally pissed at you! High five!

    • Turk: See, J.D., the thing that I always liked about you was that you were just yourself - you never cared about what people thought.
      J.D.: And that's why you hung out with me?
      Turk: No, you had a car. Still do.

    • Dr. Kelso: A joke? You think it's funny they already gave away my parking spot? You think it's funny that one of the surgeons paid his dwarf cousin, Lance, two hundred dollars to show up at rounds and sing, "Ding-dong, Kelso's dead!"?

    • J.D.: Yeah, man! I'll just talk to 'em. You know, Shmitty, Schultzy, Trigger, Fig-sack, Small Pete, Little Pete, Tiny Pete, The Jackal, Aardvark, and Steve!
      Turk: Dude, who the hell are you talking about?
      J.D.: Oh, yeah, we all went out last night, and I sorta made up some new nicknames for all the fellas. By the way, you're "Slappy-bag."
      Turk: You've lost it.
      J.D.: Come on! Slappy-bag!
      Turk: Don't call me "Slappy-bag"!

    • Todd: J.D., are you even paying attention?
      J.D.: Oh, I'm sorry, Todd. Is it time to excise the tumor?
      Todd: No! It is time to realize that we are operating on a naked chick! We will high-five later.

    • Dr. Cox: And this... abomination is the reason we can't afford a new computer?
      Dr. Kelso: Well, that, and a little medical boondoggle I have to go to in Cleveland. And by "medical boondoggle" I mean "golf weekend." And by "Cleveland" I mean "Hawaii."
      Dr. Cox: Do you have any idea what people around here think of you?
      Dr. Kelso: I go to bed some nights wondering. And you know what happens to me, Perry? I fall asleep - and I mean like a log, brother. Anyway, I have to go catch my bus to the airport. And by "bus" I mean "helicopter."

    • J.D.: What'cha got there?
      Janitor: A new circular saw - just bought it! Four horse-power, thirty-five hundred RPMs, titanium finger guard...
      J.D.: Why would you need a saw in a hospital?
      Janitor: Why would an old hen need a banjo?
      J.D.: Why does an old hen need a banjo?

    • Elliot: Dr. Cox-
      Dr. Cox: Work! I hate you! You suck!
      Elliot: I know, but I've been trying harder lately-
      Dr. Cox: Barbie: Talking to the computer. But nice self-esteem.

    • (J.D. posing in surgical Scrubs)
      J.D.: Hey Carla, do you think you could cut these for me? Because I've been workin' out so much these things are choking off my pythons, y'know?
      Turk: Yeah, I wouldn't do that. At the end of the week you've gotta return these to uh... (Turk checks the tag in J.D.'s Scrubs top)... 'Janine'.

  • Notes

  • Allusions

    • Turk: (In the gym to J.D.) That's a great set, Arnold.

      Turk is most likely comparing J.D. to Arnold Schwarzenegger, who was a pro bodybuilder before he became the governor of California.

    • The Wizard of Oz:
      Kelso: You think it's funny that one of the surgeons paid his dwarf cousin two-hundred dollars to show up at rounds and sing, "Ding-dong, Kelso's dead!?" This alludes to the Munchkins singing "Ding-dong, the witch is dead!" in The Wizard of Oz.