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Dr. John Michael "J.D." Dorian
Dr. Christopher "Chris" Duncan Turk
Dr. Percival "Perry" Cox
Nurse Carla Espinosa
Dr. Robert "Bob" Kelso
Dr. Molly Clock
Dr. Doug Murphy
According to the iTunes episode description, this is Zach Braff's favorite episode of Scrubs.
"Honestly" by Cary Brothers
"Somehow" by Cary Brothers
"In The Mood" by Glen Miller Orchestra
"Can't Hold On" by Tart
"If You Were Here" by Thompson Twins
"Bust A Move" by Young MC
"Bad Case of Loving You" sung by Molly Shannon
When Elliot writes J.D. his "he may have sex with anyone"-note she writes it on two rows on the paper. But when he reads it it's written on a single line.
When J.D. drives his scooter Sasha into the wall of Sacred Heart, he bangs his helmet on the wall and falls off, leaving no mark. However, when he comes back out of the hospital, he runs past the Janitor scrubbing a bloodstain off the same spot of the wall. How did it get there?
Denise: Ooh, he's just such a cutie pie! Look at that! Have you ever had cutie pie, Perry?
Dr. Cox: No, 'course not.
Denise: I like it à la mode.
EMT: Hey, did you leave anything in the ambulance?
Dr. Cox: Only my will to live, why?
Dr. Cox: Oh my God. What happened in your life that made you so needy that you've got to fill every waking second by babbling on?
Denise: Fine, don't visit. My son will come.
Dr. Cox: And now we are right back on your son again. I'll be honest with you, I'm worried that I'm not going to be able to get your voice out of my head. It is a very real concern.
Dr. Kelso: It's not my wife, is it, Debbie?... Dorian. Turkleton. If you come in, you have to take your shoes off.
J.D.: Elliot, you gotta help me! We're in front of Molly's apartment, but her name isn't listed anymore.
Elliot: It's either... 4G or 5G. J.D., this is ridiculous, it's 4 o'clock in the morning. Even if you catch her, she's leaving for the airport in like ten minutes.
J.D.: That's perfect! That'll leave us five minutes to cuddle!
Denise slams on the breaks to avoid hitting J.D. and Turk
Denise: It's okay. Hey, Perr. I just saw an adorable interracial gay couple. Aw, just precious.
Turk: Sorry, dude. Where were you?
J.D.: I was treed by that coyote!
Turk: You got your phone?
J.D.: He took it.
Carla: I don't understand what the big deal is. It's just sex.
Turk: It's not just sex. It's sex with Molly! Any guy would kill to have sex with Molly. Hell, I'd kill to have sex with Molly!
Carla: That's it.
Doug: Ears! Right! I'm not stupid!
J.D.: Where are my clothes?
Doug: I sent them to the dry cleaners!
J.D.: Aw, Doug!
Dr. Cox: Oh, happy day. She's blown a fuse. Mm. I swear to God, Jordan, I can't do it again.
Jordan: Perry, it's just one more shift. Just tune her out and she'll eventually leave you alone.
Dr. Cox: Consider it done.
Denise: ...gum gum gum gum gum. Gum.
J.D.'s Narration: The key here is to not seem desperate.
J.D.: Please, Elliot! Please let me have sex! She's leaving tomorrow!
J.D.: Should we get out of here?
Molly: D'you think you can handle it?
J.D.: No. But you won't know until after.
Denise: Well, laissez le bon temps roulez. Translation: Let the good times roll. See, that's what they say in New Orleans, The Big Easy. You know, that was my nickname in high school - New Orleans. No, I'm just kidding, it was The Big Easy. I was a huge slut! I was, I did everybody.
Dr. Cox: Boy, I tell you what, there, Jordan, I'm sure glad that shift is-
Denise: Perry! I was just telling Jordan here about that sneezing attack that I had this morning. Was it fourteen or fifteen sneezes?
Jordan: Yes, Perry, was it fourteen or fifteen sneezes?
Dr. Cox: What are you doing here, Denise?
Denise: Well, I heard that you were doing back to back shifts, so I pulled a couple of strings so that we could get the old band back together!
Jordan: Perry! You've always wanted to be in a band!
Denise: Get out of town! I just came up with that band thing!
Jordan: Get out of town, Perry!
J.D.: Hey, Molly. It's your last night, you wanna grab a beer or something?
Molly: J.D., I have to tell you something.
J.D.: Oh, no, did someone you know die from beer?
Molly: No one can die from beer.
J.D.: People can die from beer, Molly. Shinski didn't, but our friendship did.
Denise: You know, you don't get this kind of rush on a normal job. You don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't. You know what I'm saying?
Dr. Cox: You're saying you don't.
Denise: Well, Perr, sometimes you do.
Elliot: Now that you made out with my best friend, that makes us not even again. So go get me some cotton balls and a toe separator - mama needs a pedicure! Heh.
J.D.: Elliot, once you're even, you can't just go back to being not even. That ain't new, girl!
Elliot: Admit we're not even or I'll make you pay.
J.D.: Heh, yeah, now that we're friends and there's no chance of us ever having sex again, there's really not a whole lot I "need" from you, okay?
J.D.: Hey, Elliot, I was making out some prescription orders - and speaking of making out-
Elliot: She already told me, J.D.
J.D.: Oh, damn, I was afraid that was gonna get out. Does anybody else know that I totally made out with Molly? Up here!
Carla: I wuv your wittle outfit.
Dr. Cox: Now listen, you: Riding in an ambulance takes care of my community service, so I'm doing two shifts back to back - I'm gonna knock this whole thing out in a single day. Besides, how bad can it be?
Denise: Howdy, partner! Name's Denise Lemon. Looks like we got ourselves a little ambu-date - that's "ambulance" and "date" put together. I got a million of those!
Carla: I am loving this!
J.D.'s Narration: And that's how Molly and I ended up alone on the couch, watching that unbelievably romantic scene from '16 Candles'.
Long Duk Dong: The Donger need food!
J.D.'s Narration: No, not that one!
Guy: They're here! Ignite the tractor beam!
Molly: I should go, that's my 2 o'clock.
Molly: Crab claw.
Elliot: Ow! Did you just pinch my arm fat?
Molly: Yeah, does it make you mad?
Elliot: I don't know, it was kind of a-
Molly: Crab claw!
Elliot: Ow! What are you doing!?
Molly: I'm moving to Milwaukee for a psychiatric fellowship, and by pinching your arm I'm making you angry instead of feeling overwhelmed with sadness that I'm leaving.
Patient: Frank, you idiot. Your bed's down the hall!
Frank: I know! I love you...
Molly: Besides, you don't have that edgy mean streak I'm attracted to.
J.D.: (Pushes Turk over the railing) You were saying?
Turk: Dude, what the hell?! (J.D. whispers something in his ear) Oh, that's wassup! Go about your business.
Dr. Cox: Denise, that's not very likely. And here's why: All you do is talk, talk, talk talk, talk, talk, talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk. And when you're not talking, I'm betting you're thinking about talking. I mean, can I ask you a personal question? Have you ever had a thought that you didn't immediately verbalize?
Denise: Well, I don't know. That's a tough one, Perr.
Dr. Cox: Uh-huh.
Denise: Oh, look, the window's open again! You can see the moon!
J.D.: Turk, it's me!
Turk: Hang on, I'm doing my diabetes test. Ninety eight, is that a good number?
J.D.: Yes! It's good! You surgeons are idiots!
Turk: Oh, I'm the idiot, huh? Well, guess what you were wrong about! Carla's Dominican!
Denise: So, little Jack's a baseball fan, eh?
Jordan: He's two and he can't talk yet.
Denise: You know what you should do? You should get him some baseball cards! I got my son, Davey, a Ken Griffey Jr. card? Carries it with him wherever he goes. Never liked the gum, though. Gum's a weird word, isn't it? You know? Do you ever notice some words, you say 'em enough, they don't even sound like words anymore? Gum.... Gum. Gum. Gum! Gum, gum, gum, gum, gum, gum, gum, gum, gum, gum, gum, gum, gum, gum, gummmm. Gum gum gum...
Elliot: No. Oh, what's the matter, J.D., freezer got your tongue?
J.D.: That doesn't even make any sense!
Elliot: So's your face!
J.D.'s thoughts: Dammit! Walked into that one!
Molly: Much better without the icy tongue.
J.D.: I'll remember that.
J.D.'s thoughts: Why would she lie?
J.D.: I'm telling you, Turk. Olive oil.
Turk: Dude, just because it's good on salad doesn't mean it's good on your lips.
Turk: Dude, now that I have adjusted your fuel valve, your scooter is going to fly!
J.D.: Speaking of things that are fly, I made out with Molly last night. I know that was kind of a lame segue, but I've been with you all morning and you've yet to use the words "make" or "out."
Turk: Yes, baby, Molly is attractive. But she doesn't hold a candle to my Puerto Rican princess!
Carla: For the last time, Turk: I'm Dominican.
Elliot: Oh... I can't believe she's leaving!
Turk: Hospital just lost its second-hottest employee.
Carla: Don't think you can drool all over her just because you rank me number one.
Turk: Baby, Nurse Tisdale's number one... You g-you gotta be single to be on the list.
Elliot: You actually rank the women of this hospital by their appearance?
J.D.: Calm down, Twelve.
Elliot: Yes, top twenty!
Dr. Kelso: Perry, are you familiar with Sacred Heart's community service program?
Dr. Cox: Bobby, lately I've noticed you don't listen to a single word people say, so my reply to your question is I think you're the world's biggest jackass and I look forward to your death.
Dr. Kelso: Well, you must not be familiar with it because you're the only staff member not to have completed his 24-hour mandatory community service. Consider yourself suspended until you do! Oh, and I'm never dying.
J.D.: I'm narcissitic, I'm pessimistic, I'm obsessive, I'm insecure, and I am so afraid of intimacy that every one of my relationships is a journey of self sabatoge that inevitably end in a black vacuum of shattered expectations and despair.
J.D.: I think the easiest way to lose something is to want it too badly.
J.D.: If you bring sarcasm my way, baby, prepare to be stung.
J.D.: So's your face.
Elliot: That doesn't even make any sense.
J.D.: 'So's your face' always makes sense.
Carla: J.D., that's stupid.
J.D.: So's your face! Man, I am on fire, hello.
Denise: Docta, docta give me the news, I got a...
Dr. Cox: Yeah I'm not a big car singin' kinda guy.
Denise: Aww bad case of lovin' you, Per. Come on, where's the fun?
J.D.: What are you doing?
Janitor: It's been four years. How do you not get how this works.
Molly: I'm sorry, but I'm only attracted to damaged and dysfunctional people, and you're just too normal.
J.D.'s narration: Sometimes all it takes is a slamming hotty to make you dig down deep and discover who you really are.
J.D.: My emotional journey began when I walked in on my parents having sex in a position that my father would playfully describe as the jackhammer. I have a mentor that verbally abuses me at every chance he gets. And no matter how much I try, I cannot stop constantly narrating my life.
J.D.'s narration: At that very moment, I feared I had divulged too much.
J.D.: Do you ever get the feeling that our patients pretend to be sicker when we're around.
Elliot: Oh yeah, you know Mrs. Wilson back there, she made her spleen pretend to rupture, then she pretended to die.
Denise: I think that's how my nose got bent. Who knows? Nose knows. I love words, don't you love words?
Dr. Cox: I like "strangle".
Denise: Hey hun, before you hop in there, could you do me a little favoronie and check the windshield wiper. I think I got something caught up there.
Dr. Cox: No problem. I got it.
Denise: (Turns on ambulance siren) Hahaha! I always get the newbies with that one! Hahahahaha got you! You know it!
Dr. Cox: When they strap me in please let them know the murder was just.
The show's producers rented out the Universal Studios backlot to film the final scene between J.D. and Molly, one of the largest sets ever used on the show.
The baseball card that Denise carries around is a 1992 Donruss Ken Griffey Jr. According to beckett.com, the card is worth approximately one dollar.
Zach Braff directed his first Episode for Scrubs and TV.
The movie J.D. and Molly are watching is the 1984 picture Sixteen Candles starring Molly Ringwald.
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