Scrubs

J.D.: Ugh. Why is your hand wet? (He looks at the writing on Janitor's palm) Licked by Janitor. I guess the truce is off.

Ted: I think what I'm trying to say is, Stephanie, I would love to go and have coffee with you. Stephanie: What time do you get off of work? Ted: Who cares?

Ted: I'm not really what you'd call a winner. Oh sure, I'm a lawyer, but that's only because I took the Bar exam in Alaska and they only have like four laws and most of them are about when you can and cannot kill seals.

Dr. Kelso: You know, last weekend Perry and I went to the movies together. J.D.: So? Dr. Kelso: I thought you'd be interested. J.D.: Was it a romantic comedy? Dr. Kelso: Yeah. J.D.: (throwing his tray of food up into the air) Aggghhh!!!

J.D.: (to Dr. Cox) I do everything for you and you still won't let me in. Know what, thank you, Perry. Thank you for giving me my life back. Because I am done. Carla: J.D. He needs our help. J.D.: I'm back in. I'm here for you, buddy.

Ted: I'm really not comfortable murdering for her. Janitor: Fine. The important thing is to be confident.

Janitor: Ted, do you want to get this girl? Give her a present. Better yet, a present that you made. My first date with Lady, i made her a duck I killed. Now you're thinking wouldn't it have been more romantic to kill it in front of her?

J.D.: (about Ted) I wish I could help that bald sweaty bastard. Janitor: Maybe you and I could team up. J.D.: I bet you think I'm gonna say no. But let me tell you something about the Dorians. We trust. And we trust hard. It's the reason why every single Dorian has a loyal army of friends. It's also why last weekend I flew to the Ozarks for a spontaneous water ski getaway with Dr. Cox. He was not there. Nor was his lakeside cabin. There might also have been talk of a tire swing.

Janitor: You took the last two root beers? Give me one. J.D.: No. This is for a patient. And this one... (he licks the top) ...is for me. Janitor: The old lick the can so no one will want it trick. Too bad I beat you to it. J.D.: (reading the base of the can) Licked by Janitor. Ugh! Janitor: You'll find the same note on your cell phone.