"(Don't Fear) The Reaper" by Blue Öyster Cult (sung by Ted's Band)
"Mr. Moon" sung by Kate Micucci (sung to the kids by Stephanie)
"Carry On Wayward Son" by Kansas (sung by Ted's Band and Stephanie)
"F**k You" by Garfunkel and Oates (sung by Ted and Stephanie)
"Innocent" by Our Lady Peace (Closing scenes)
J.D.: Did you actually teach your son to be mean to a baby?
Dr. Cox: Not just any baby, but *YOUR* baby. Come here Jacky boy, we're going to get 10000 jelly beans, I love you so much.
J.D.: (to Sam) They can both be so hurtful.
J.D.: Ugh. Why is your hand wet? (He looks at the writing on Janitor's palm) Licked by Janitor. I guess the truce is off.
Ted: I think what I'm trying to say is, Stephanie, I would love to go and have coffee with you.
Stephanie: What time do you get off of work?
Ted: Who cares?
Ted: I'm not really what you'd call a winner. Oh sure, I'm a lawyer, but that's only because I took the Bar exam in Alaska and they only have like four laws and most of them are about when you can and cannot kill seals.
Dr. Kelso: You know, last weekend Perry and I went to the movies together.
Dr. Kelso: I thought you'd be interested.
J.D.: Was it a romantic comedy?
Dr. Kelso: Yeah.
J.D.: (throwing his tray of food up into the air) Aggghhh!!!
J.D.: (to Dr. Cox) I do everything for you and you still won't let me in. Know what, thank you, Perry. Thank you for giving me my life back. Because I am done.
Carla: J.D. He needs our help.
J.D.: I'm back in. I'm here for you, buddy.
Ted: I'm really not comfortable murdering for her.
Janitor: Fine. The important thing is to be confident.
Janitor: Ted, do you want to get this girl? Give her a present. Better yet, a present that you made. My first date with Lady, i made her a duck I killed. Now you're thinking wouldn't it have been more romantic to kill it in front of her?
J.D.: (about Ted) I wish I could help that bald sweaty bastard.
Janitor: Maybe you and I could team up.
J.D.: I bet you think I'm gonna say no. But let me tell you something about the Dorians. We trust. And we trust hard. It's the reason why every single Dorian has a loyal army of friends. It's also why last weekend I flew to the Ozarks for a spontaneous water ski getaway with Dr. Cox. He was not there. Nor was his lakeside cabin. There might also have been talk of a tire swing.
Janitor: You took the last two root beers? Give me one.
J.D.: No. This is for a patient. And this one... (he licks the top) ...is for me.
Janitor: The old lick the can so no one will want it trick. Too bad I beat you to it.
J.D.: (reading the base of the can) Licked by Janitor. Ugh!
Janitor: You'll find the same note on your cell phone.
Dr. Kelso: You're the Chief of Medicine, you can't keep doing all the things you used to do. You have to let something go. Just don't drop the ball with your son. That's what I did with Harrison. He and his new life partner Caleb have just opened a new boutique on Fire Island called "Everything Mesh". You like mesh, Perry?
Dr. Cox: No, Bob, I don't.
Dr. Kelso: Well, I didn't either at first. But the boxers really breathe.
Original International Air Dates:
Australia: March 23, 2009 on Channel 7
Latin America: June 23, 2009 on Sony Entertainment Television (a.k.a. Canal Sony)
Sweden: November 4, 2009 on TV6
Although credited, Sarah Chalke (Dr. Elliot Reid) and Donald Faison (Dr. Christopher "Chris" Duncan Turk) do not appear in this episode.