Scrubs

J.D.: Hey, hungry? Dr. Cox: No. J.D.: I guess that lunch was kinda a one time thing, huh?...There's no way you could've seen that coming. I mean, rabies? Come on, there's like three reported cases a year. In fact testing for it, would have been irresponsible...you would have wasted time that people didn't have. Dr. Cox: I was obsessed with getting those organs. J.D.: You had to be, the fact is that those people were gonna die in a number of hours and you had to make a call...I would've made the same call. Dr. Cox: Yeah? J.D.: Yes. Anyway, I got us lunch and I think we should eat it. J.D.'s narration: Right then, I knew I was gonna pull him outta this. But unfortunately, sometimes the hospital picks a day where it's just gonna pile it on. (Their pagers beep) Dr. Cox: Oh god...come on.

Dr. Cox: God. Could this be anymore of a nightmare? Jill: Guys! J.D.'s narration: Yes. It could be more of a nightmare. Jill Tracy was a former patient that had once tried to kill herself. Sad, yes. But this did not change the fact that she was unbelievable annoying. Jill: Oh, my god. What are you doing here? I was supposed to meet a guy for a date. I know what you are thinking: a Tuesday lunch in a supermarket, he is so not into her. Well, he is not! (J.D. and Dr. Cox fake laugh) I waited like an hour, just thinking: How many more guys can totally reject me without saying 'enough'? You know. So, would you like to get some lunch. J.D.: Oh, we have to get back to the hospital Dr. Cox: You know what, Newbie? Stay, have lunch. (Runs quickly out of the store)

Mrs.Tracy: You can have her organs. J.D.: Thank you Mrs.Tracy: Just tell me one thing, is there anything that anyone could have done? J.D.: No. J.D.'s narration: Unless you mean me.

J.D.: You know what I was thinking the whole time I was with Jill? Dr. Cox: No,what? J.D.: God, this girl is annoying.

Dr. Cox: Once you start blaming yourself for deaths that aren't your fault, my friend... that's a slippy slope that you can't come back from it. Trust me, I've seen it ruin a hell a lot of good doctors, and I will not let it happen to you. J.D.'s narration: And because he said that...I know it wouldn't.

Dr. Cox: So, now, Davey boy, I promise you we're going to find you a kidney. I would literally swear on my father's grave but whenever I go there I usually just end up dancing on it.

J.D.: Remember what you told me? The second you start blaming yourself for peoples' deaths there's no coming back. Dr. Cox: Yeah, you're right.

Todd: Hey Mickhead! Is that package for me? You know it is! Turk: You ladies must be so proud. Elliot: Todd, what are you doing? Todd: I'm getting my gay-on. Hey buddy, you and I should totally have sex sometime. Turk: See, I knew this was going to come back to me.

Surgeon: Todd, you were impressive in surgery today. Todd: Thanks man! You were really impressive in the shower this morning. You know, dong wise.

Todd: Hey Lisa! I heard you lied and said we didn't do it. Admit it. We doinked. Lisa: I was sad because my Dad died. Todd: I wasn't!

Dr. Kelso: Just because I can't hear your silly-ass whispering doesn't mean I'm old. As a matter of fact, I'm going to go over to my office and tinker with my new computer. Turk: Ooh, what kind is it? Dr. Kelso: It's about 3:30.

Elliot: Oh my god, he looks so sad. Carla: I just want to hold him like a big, gay baby. Turk: This is incredible, an hour ago you hated him! Carla: An hour ago he wasn't our new, gay best friend!

Gloria: Todd? Is he the big black security guard with the hook-hand? Elliot: Uhm.. No.. Gloria: Then no.

Dr. Cox: I dole out compliments, at most, once a year and, like a squirrel, you must gather up these acorns of kind words to sustain you for the upcoming cold, sarcastic months.

Carla: Hey, how could your intern Lisa sleep with him? Elliot: She is a tramp with no morals. Lisa: I didn't sleep with The Todd. Elliot: Lisa is sweet and people just don't give her a chance.

Elliot: Hey, what did you do last night? Carla: Turk made me watch "Anaconda" with him. Elliot: Oh is that the one with the giant snake? Todd: No. (Points to himself) This is the one with the giant snake. I was back here for 45 minutes waiting for a setup. My back is killing me, but I nailed it. It is about commitment.

Carla: I'm having a weird pregnancy craving. Hey J.D., if you go out would you get me a hot Italian sausage? Todd: I got a hot Italian sausage for you, right here. People think I just luck into these situations but it's really a lot of hard work. You know what else is hard? I should go. J.D.: I think I may vomit.