Season 4 Episode 9

My Malpractical Decision (1)

Aired Tuesday 9:30 PM Nov 09, 2004 on NBC



  • Trivia

    • Featured Music:
      "I Want To Know" by The Mavericks
      "One" from the Broadway musical A Chorus Line

    • On the 'practical joke' scene between Turk, J.D and the Janitor, before the Janitor dips his hands in the blue paint, he brings his (headless) mop out of the 'water' and realises that it has no head, however the bottom of the mop pole isn't dripping blue like it should be if it was partially submerged in blue paint.

    • In the original shot of Harvey Corman and Neena Broderick shaking hands, Corman's hand is visibly empty, contrary to the closing shot supposedly explaining how those two met, by Broderick handing Corman a business card through the handshake.

    • When JD, Turk, and Elliot are lying in the hospital beds, the window is to the left of J.D. and Turk, and the right of Elliot and the coma patient. The shadows cast by their faces, however, are inconsistent with this setup, as all close-ups show shadows being cast to the individual's right, regardless of location.

    • When showing the results of Turk's prank on the janitor, Janitor's hands are blue and dripping, only up to his wrists, then when they cut back to him, his hands aren't dripping, and are blue halfway up his forearms. Additionally, the walls clearly don't have blue handprints on them in the shot immediately prior to being revealed.

  • Quotes

    • Turk(on answering machine): Dude! Mr. Corman is suing me! And that ice princess is his attorney! When did he get a chance to meet her?! What am I gonna do? Call Turk as soon as you get this!
      Neena: Are you coming in or what?
      J.D.'s Narration: In the end, it's always best to rely on your principles to make decisions.
      J.D.: Hell yeah!
      Answering Machine: Message deleted.

    • J.D.: Okay, I'm confused, I thought you weren't interested in me.
      Neena: Well maybe I just said that to make it easier for you. Or maybe I said it 'cause I knew you'd do what I wanted you to. I'm not sure.

    • J.D.'s Narration: As I stood there confused but enjoying Neena's very long kiss with just the right amount of tongue, I thought about how when you make tough decisions good things can happen. Like the confidence you can gain from finding your true calling.
      Doug: Hey, Nelson. Got some of your handiwork down in the morgue today. Were you operating with a blindfold on or what?

    • J.D.: You know, if you really wanna piss him off, we should follow him to his office and just have sex right in front of him! Ahhhh, that would never work, I couldn't perform. It's a mentor thing.

    • Neena: Thank you. And I hope I didn't ruffle your feathers too much while I was here.
      Dr. Cox: Sweetheart, I find it amusing that you think you're so much as a blip on my radar. Better go ahead and jot this down in your little lawyer notebook: Nothing you could possibly do could ever, hee-hever get to me.

    • J.D.: Turk, the way I see it, you got two options: You can go hard-core with Mr. Corman - slap a restraining order on him and switch him to another doctor...
      Turk: Guy's a pain in the ass, but I can't do that to him!
      Elliot: Then you just have to re-establish your boundaries and wean him off the home visits. It's easy. 'Course, you'll definitely have to change your cell phone number.
      Cut to...
      Turk: Mr. Corman, I filed a restraining order.

    • J.D.: How do I decide if we should do the procedure or not?
      Elliot: How do I tell someone he shouldn't be a doctor?
      Turk: How do I get my patient to stop stalking me?
      Patient's Thoughts: How do I get these people to realize that just because I'm in a coma doesn't mean I can't hear them?... I'm hungry.

    • J.D.: Why are you doing this?
      Neena: I love my dad. I'd do anything. But if it makes you feel any better, I think you're really sweet.
      J.D.: How'm I supposed to believe that?
      Neena: Well, you can't. I already lied to you once so the trust is broken, even though I'd never lie to you again.
      J.D.: Really?
      Neena: Who knows.

    • Mr. Corman: Your father's gonna be just fine. The place is top-notch! I practically live here!
      Neena: Are you a doctor?
      Mr. Corman: Massive hypochondriac. If you'll excuse me, I have to go harass a surgeon.

    • Carla: Hey, Night School! Mr. Corman followed us home last night!
      Turk: How'd you get my cell phone number?
      Janitor: Ehh, once you got somebody's drivers license and a urine sample, you get just about anything. How do you flunk eighth grade gym?
      Carla: You better stop messing with my husband.
      Janitor: You-tell him to stop messing with my walls!
      Carla: You did this?
      Turk: Baby, you know you're my world.
      Carla: I'm out.
      Janitor: I flunked gym, too. Didn't like the shorts.

    • Elliot: What are they doing here?
      Foxy Nurse and a shirtless guy are in a corner making out.
      J.D.: This is a hospital! He should really have his shirt on.
      Elliot: Yeah.
      J.D.: Dynamite areolas, though, huh?

    • J.D.: What are you doing here?
      Elliot: Ah. Hiding from Doug. He asked me a question I haven't answered yet. You?
      J.D.: I was trying to make a dramatic exit. I thought this was a patient's room.
      Elliot: Right.

    • J.D.: All right, even if I am a little desperate, Neena was not playing me.
      Neena: I was playing you.
      J.D.: You're just saying that because he's here.
      Neena: No, I manipulated you.
      J.D.: You're just saying that because he's here.
      Neena: Ookay, we seem to be in a bit of a loop here, so I'm just gonna step over and talk to this one.

    • J.D.: For your information, there's a certain foxy nurse that requested my services at her apartment just last weekend.
      Flashback: There's bouncing and jostling of a bed.
      J.D.: Hold on. I'm almost there!
      He backs away from the bed.
      J.D.: Okay! Your new bed's all in. What now?
      Nurse: You leave.
      She turns to her shirtless date and they begin making out
      J.D.: Still don't understand why he couldn't do it.

    • Dr. Cox: So now, what, she just bats her eyes and you change your tune? Who in the hell am I kidding? Of course you fell for her act, you're the loneliest guy in this hospital!
      Carla: Oh, no, he's not the loneliest guy. That's the loneliest guy. Watch this... Excuse me?
      She taps Lloyd on the shoulder
      Lloyd: Mmmmm.

    • Dr. Cox: I'm not gonna lie to you there, Newbie, you really impressed me by parroting my ethical speech back to me. What the hell got into you?
      J.D.'s Narration: As for me, I didn't have to say anything and he knew.
      Zooms down the hall to Neena, who winks at J.D.
      Dr. Cox: Ohh, Priscilla, you are so busted!
      J.D.'s Narration: Dammit, he sees like a hawk!

    • J.D.: Listen, I know you hate everything about Miss Broderick, but her father is in need of medical care, and it is our medical obligation to treat him, whether his daughter is a murderer, a drug addict, or a terrorist.
      Dr. Cox: I know, but a lawyer?
      J.D.: Even a lawyer.

    • Neena: You're sweet.
      J.D.'s Narration: Oh my God, is she flirting with me?
      Neena: Oh my God, am I flirting with you?
      J.D.'s Narration: Oh my God, is she psychic?

    • Mr. Corman: Yeah, fine. Okay, I'll go practice, I'll tell you how it went - just gimme your cell phone number.
      Turk: All right, that's it. Look, Mr. Corman, I will see you whenever I have office hours, but I will not see you outside of this hospital. And there is no way that I would ever give you my cell phone number! No matter how awesome or perfect it may be! Are we clear on that?
      Mr. Corman: Yes, doctor.
      Janitor: Maybe it's just me, but... I wouldn't put up with that.
      Mr. Corman: I'm listening.

    • Mr. Corman: I thought that we could head over to my tennis club - I'll show you what's going on with my serve.
      Can you hop a tall fence? I'm a little behind on my dues.
      Turk: Sure, a black guy breaking in to a country club. Mm, nothing bad could happen there!

    • Doug: Elliot, I know everyone thinks I'm this huge screw-up, but I just want you to know that I'm gonna turn it around!
      Elliot: Doug! This is a quarantined area!

    • Turk: Mr. Corman, a nurse said this was a full-on emergency.
      Mr. Corman: I just came from the courts. It's been six weeks since you did my shoulder surgery, and my serve still has no pop. No zip, I tell ya!
      Carla: You have to understand that this is a healing process.
      Mr. Corman: Who invited Nurse Twitchy?
      Turk: Okay, Mr. Corman, for the- How many visits is this?
      Mr. Corman: Twenty-seven.
      Turk: Okay, for the twenty-seventh time, we're gonna ask you to do your therapy and just be patient.
      Mr. Corman: I have a singles match against my mother on Monday. I lose to her, I lose my pride... I'm assuming these Q-Tips are complimentary.

    • Elliot: So, Doug, this is the morgue!... Hm. Cute, the little toe-tag. Like a present.

    • Elliot: Yeah, and Kelso wants me to keep hiding Doug until that attorney leaves. Isn't that ridiculous?
      Carla: Elliot, the man tried to electrocute me an hour ago. All I care about is whether or not this twitch goes away. You should take Doug down to the morgue. The worst he could do there is bring somebody back to life!

    • Dr. Cox: Okay, missy. Knowing damn sure that you'll sue us if the slightest thing should go wrong with this elective procedure, we're gonna go ahead and elect not to do it.
      Neena: You can't do that.
      Dr. Cox: Really? Bob?
      Dr. Kelso: Hospitals can refuse treatment on a non-emergency patient. Here's a list of places we can refer you to. Thanks for playing.

    • Neena: I have a few questions about my father.
      Dr. Cox: Your father has syncope-
      J.D.: Perr, I'm back in! You see, Neena, the heart is like a big inflatable house. Now, on the bottom floor are these two rooms, or "ventricles." Now, these ventricles - or "rooms"-
      Neena: Syncope in the setting of severe LV systolic dysfunction indicates a high risk of arrhythmia. So the best course of action would probably be an implantable defibrillator. I'm a medical malpractice attorney. And I am much, much smarter than you.
      J.D.: They're like rooms.

    • Dr. Cox: I gotta go. If I'm around that sea hag for more than ten seconds my throat closes up. Page me if you need me.
      J.D.: Need you? Perry, please, I got this one!
      Neena: Are you Dr. Dorian?
      Perry's pager goes off and he turns around
      J.D.: She was all over me!

    • J.D.: But "CALL-TURK" is eight numbers.
      Turk: I know, actually it's just CALL-TUR, but I'm hoping people will dial the "K" anyway.
      J.D.: I'll always dial the "K" for you.
      Turk: You're a good friend.

    • Dr. Cox: How do you even look at yourself in the mirror knowing that you are ruining American medicine? Frivolous lawsuits, scare perspective, doctors-
      Neena: Shh, shh, shh, shh.
      Dr. Cox: Don't you even feel the least bit-
      Neena: Shh! Perry, if you want me to shed a tear about the current status of our medical system, I'm gonna have to borrow a scalpel and dig it deep into my arm, because here's a secret... I don't care about anything that you think about anything.

    • Dr. Kelso: Miss Broderick.
      Neena: Bob. Oh, hi Ted, how's your wife doing?... Oh, that's right, I forgot you freeze up around me. Okay. Well, I'll see you in court on the eighteenth.
      J.D.'s Narration: Ted's possum-like defense mechanism was actually quite brilliant.
      Ted: Hello, Neena. We got divorced, actually. I'll see you in court on the eighteenth!

    • Doug: How long do I have to stay up here?
      Janitor: Just until I finish pretending to read the newspaper. Hm! Apparently there was some sort of election held recently.

    • Dr. Kelso: Shake this place up! And for God's sakes, get Murphy out of here!
      Carla: Don't worry, Doug, you're a good doctor.
      Doug: I know!
      He turns around and accidentally jolts Carla with the defribrilator paddles.

    • J.D.'s Narration: See, Neena Broderick is the scariest malpractice attorney in the city. She seemed to create problems where there were none.
      Woman: Grandma was a hundred and two. It was her time to go.
      Neena whips a card at the woman.
      Woman: You killed her, and you're gonna pay for it!

    • J.D.'s Thoughts: Wait, is she in to me? Quick, make a bad joke and see if she laughs.
      J.D.: Did you hear the one about the skeleton who couldn't go to the party? He had no body to go with.
      Neena: That's really funny!
      J.D.'s Narration: Well that's not a fair test - that joke's hilarious.

    • J.D.: I gotta tell you, sitting here watching you play with your food makes you seem much less horrifying.
      Neena: Oh, I know how I come off. You know, but I have to put that act on for my job. It's kind of like how you act all nerdy and spastic to seem more accessible to your patients.
      J.D.: I'm glad you got that.

    • Neena: Dr. Dorian!
      J.D.'s Narration: Okay, just stay calm. You can handle this. She can't be that much of a ball-buster.
      Neena: Dr. Dorian?
      J.D.: I'm wearing a cup!
      Neena: Thanks for the crotch update.

    • Elliot: Carla, when I became chief resident, I wrote a pledge to myself. And do you know what it said?
      Carla: Mm-mm?
      Elliot: It said "Dance like nobody is watching." Which I do, constantly - in my living room, with the shades closed just in case somebody is watching. But it also said not to hide problems away.

    • Doug: I'm not sure if I'm supposed to give this to someone, or if I took this from someone, but...I got a bag of blood.

    • J.D.: I'll take the lead on this one.
      Dr. Cox: It's all yours.
      J.D.: Mr. Steel. First name, Man of...
      Dr. Cox: You're done.

    • Turk: J.D., big news! Guess what my new cell phone number spells!
      J.D.: Why'd you get a new cell phone number? Your old number spelled "kufunninapuh."
      Turk: Yeah, well this one's 916-CALL-TURK. Yeah, so now all you gotta do is call Turk!
      J.D.: How'm I supposed to remember that? I'm begging you, stick with "kufunninapuh"!
      Turk: Come on, man, this is the best thing that's ever happened to me besides getting married.
      J.D.: She's not here.
      Turk: It's the best thing that's ever happened to me!

    • J.D.'s Narration: Everybody around here had the sense to stay under the radar when Neena Broderick was around. Well, almost everybody.
      Dr. Cox: I'm on a scavenger hunt, and I need to find a black-haired, soulless bottom-feeder. Oh, hi Neena.
      Neena: How ironic. Because what I need is a burned-out, permed-up doctor with a god-complex and a drinking problem.
      J.D.: Don't listen to her. Most guys would kill for those curls.
      Dr. Cox: Straighten up, Newbie, and I mean that in every sense of the word. This woman is pure molten evil.

    • Dr. Kelso: Shore it up, people. Neena Broderick's in the building.
      J.D.'s Narration: As tactless as it was to yell that in a room of very sick people, Ted had a point.

    • Doug: Hey, J.D. Just preppin' Mr. Hovey for brain surgery.
      J.D.: Doug, Mr. Hovey's having rotator cuff surgery.
      Mr. Hovey: What'd you do to my hair?
      Doug: Nothing!

    • Mr. Coreman: I know what a restraining order is! You act like I've never dated.

    • Coroner: I cannot figure out how this guy died...
      Doug: I'm betting he took a paracentesis needle to the aorta.
      Coroner: Have you seen this before?!
      Doug: Seen it? Upstairs they call that a 'Doug'!

    • Dr. Cox: Can I ask you a personal question? Just how long has it been since you swept the stuffed animals off of your bed, thrown your ankles up in the air and thanked whatever god you pray to that you didn't have on your granny panties?

    • Dr. Cox: Who taught you this crap?
      J.D.'s Narration: It's nice to have the right answer to a tough question.
      J.D.: You did.
      Dr. Cox: ...Oh.

    • Cal Turk: Cal Turk here. We don't sell insurance, we sell peace of mind. But only to white people (winks). Would you like some milk?

    • Dr. Cox: Oh, my God! I'm gagging and vomiting at the same time. I'm... I'm gavomiting!

  • Notes

    • The 916 area code is the Northeastern California area.

    • Turk's Number's (916) Call-Turk or (916) 225-5887, does work as Zach Braff said it would. Turk reminds you to keep watching the show at 9:30 EST. He also states the show is moving to the 9:00 EST time slot soon. Some lucky callers must have called at the right time, as it was noted that at some points, the machine didn't pick up, but cast and crew did! Zach Braff, Sam Lloyd, Robert Maschio, Donald Faison and creator Bill Lawrence were all reported as answering a few of the calls now and then.

  • Allusions

    • J.D.: Mr. Steel, first name 'Man of'...
      Man of Steel was the name given to the Comic book hero, Superman. Who felt as though he was made of steel, as no bullets could go through him.