Dr. Christopher "Chris" Duncan Turk
Dr. Percival "Perry" Cox
Nurse Carla Espinosa
Dr. Robert "Bob" Kelso
Dr. Elliot Reid
Miss Brooks/Sexy Patient
Nurse Laverne Roberts
We learn the J.D is a "preemie", a person born prematurely.
Just before they are about to take the picture, when Carla and the Janitor are talking, you can see Bill Lawrence in the background. However, when the picture is actually taken, Bill suddenly now appears at the front in the middle of the photo.
In the opening monologue, while J.D. is driving to work, he says that everyone has their morning routines. But when he gets to the Janitor, J.D. says "afternoon bath".
In the French audio track on the DVD for region one, when Turk asks the patient whether he could slice him open, the patient doesn't scream (no audio) - but Turk screams back at him.
Elliot calls Turk Turkleton as she turfs to him the patient with chronic pain. First time someone other than Dr. Kelso calls Turk Turkleton.
When J.D. and Dr. Kelso are talking on the bench, Dr. Kelso says that he is 57.
When J.D. is sitting on the bench with his screenplay, The Janitor is seen magnifying the sunlight onto the paper to make it burn. When it catches on fire, it doesn't catch on fire anywhere close to the spot of magnified sunlight.
In each of the previous three years of staff photos, Todd is wearing the exact same "banana hammock" in each one.
When Dr.Kelso is riding by uncontrollably, and crashing into some random guy with the rollerblades The Janitor put on him. The guy he crashes into just lies there, smiling like an idiot into the camera.
"To The Woman" by Tammany Hall NYC
"These Photographs" by Josh Radin
Dr. Kelso is supposed to be rolling by, out of control because of the wheels attached to the sides of his brown shoes, but it is clearly a younger man wearing black rollerskates.
Carla: How did you get all these people to come down here?
Dr. Cox: Never make assumptions based on your own perceptions. Just... never do it.
J.D.: Really? You've been spending a lot of time treating my guy, Mr. Jenkins, right?
Dr. Cox: Yeah, he's a Vietnam veteran, he deserves as much.
J.D.: Yeah, actually, he's just a homeless guy. I made up the war veteran story to motivate my boys! But, what're you gonna do?
(Cox starts flashing his "warning light.")
J.D.: Oh, come on! You've gotten me like a hundred times. I finally got ya once! It was bound to happen, right?
Dr. Cox: I see your point. Kindly blow it out your ass.
Dr. Cox: Say, Newbie. I, uh, I gotta hand it to ya - it took the heart of a lion to apologize to Mrs. Wilk like that.
J.D.: Thank you.
Dr. Cox: Of course, it took the incompetence of a bewildered jackass to make that error to begin with.
Carla: I thought you were trying to kill me.
Janitor: I fought the urge.
J.D.: Mrs. Wilk, I just wanted to say I was wrong to think you wouldn't want to try every possible treatment there is to avoid... you know... the place where... you know, there's clouds... and the... Space Needle... Seattle.
Mrs. Wilk: Yes, you were. But thank you.
J.D.: You're welcome. You got a lot of pluck for an older gal.
Mrs. Wilk: How old do you think I am?
Elliot: We should have just believed Mr. Peele. I mean, it's not like somebody just poos their pants for no reason.
J.D.: Turk did that in college on a bet.
Turk: Carla did not know that story. Thank you.
Dr. Kelso: But lately, it seems all people see when they look in my direction is some old guy. Hell, just last week, I was in the mall hanging out at Brookstone, and some kid asked me if I was lost.
J.D.: Brookstone? Were you looking for gadgets, sir?
Dr. Kelso: If that's what you call trolling for mall ass, then yeah.
Dr. Kelso: I'm fifty-seven, numb-nuts.
Dr. Kelso: And I know they say fifty-seven is the new forty-
Dr. Kelso: I heard Mrs. Wilk gave you the axe.
J.D.: She said "I've led a great life." And every doctor in the world knows that's code for "I'm ready to die."
J.D.: Agh! My screenplay!
Dr. Kelso: Hey, sport!
J.D.: You just lit your pipe on my title page!
Elliot: Mrs. Peele, even though Dr. Turk is currently incapacitated by his cherry-flavored beverage, he is a fantastic surgeon-
Elliot: ...and he didn't find anything. And I am a great doctor-
Carla: Why would you ruin this for me? I mean, I didn't even ask you to be there!
Janitor: Imagine that. I been working here thirteen years, and I guess I don't rate as part of the family.
Carla: I don't know why you did it, but I know it was you.
Carla: Because it's always you.
Janitor: It's not always me!
Dr. Kelso: Aaaaaaaaaagggghhhhwhoooooooaaaaahaaaaauuuuuugh! Who the hell put tiny wheels on my shoes!?
Janitor: Well, that's his fault - he took a nap in the lounge.
Janitor: Aww, either your picture didn't come out, or we got a hospital full of vampire doctors.
J.D.'s Narration: Vampire doctors? How did he hear about my screenplay?
Dr. Cox: Now I'm going to check on Mr. Jenkins, your war hero. I feel he, too, deserves a competent doctor. In fact, I'm gonna take all of your patients and consequently your only reason for getting out of that lacy, over-pillowed four-poster virgin cocoon you call a bed every morning.
Dr. Cox: Hand over your stethoscope.
Dr. Cox: In victory, I get your stethoscope. It's a trophy. You're lucky we're not back in olden times - I'd-a made a necklace outta your teeth.
J.D.: I find this highly unprofessional.
Dr. Kelso: Who the hell's responsible for this?
J.D.'s Narration: Unfortunately, not even my giant mouthful of apple-pear-orange-banana-cherry-berry could lift my depression about losing my patient to Dr. Cox.
J.D.'s Narration: It can mean you're not sorry at all...
Janitor: Sorry your picture didn't come out.
J.D.'s Narration: And sometimes, "I'm sorry" can mean "your services are no longer needed."
Mrs. Wilk: I'm sorry, Dr. Dorian.
Dr. Cox: So, you gave her the old death sentence, did ya. In the business, we call that a rookie mistake. But thanks for playin'.
J.D.: This morning you told me that you had a great life.
Mrs. Wilk: Exactly, and I'd like to continue it!
J.D.: Oh, this is just a misunderstanding. I'm so sorry. Tell her there's a misunderstanding, then.
Dr. Cox: He's tried to kill before.
J.D.: What are you doing here?
Dr. Cox: Mrs. Wilk was asking me some questions that I actually thought would be best answered by you.
Mrs. Wilk: Why did that sweaty attorney ask me if my affairs were in order?
J.D.: Because I wanted to make sure that you're as comfortable as possible.
Mrs. Wilk: As comfortable as possible? For what?
Dr. Cox: I'm going to sit for this.
J.D.: For the place that you're going. You know, the big puffy clouds... the bright lights... all your old friends...?
Mrs. Wilk: Seattle?
J.D.: No, no no no - not-not Seattle, the... you know, the dying... peacefully... place.
Mrs. Wilk: What are you talking about?
Dr. Cox: Now, I'm going to stand!
Turk: How's it going today, buddy?
J.D.: Pretty crappy. I just had to tell an old lady she's dying. How about you?
Turk: Okay. Elliot turfed this chronic pain patient to me - I have no idea what's wrong with him, so I have to do exploratory surgery.
J.D.: Look, Mrs. Wilk, you have something called systemic amyloidosis. Now, it's in your liver now, but it'll eventually shut down all your organs. There's a treatment, but it's very invasive, and at best it'll just give you a little more time.
Mrs. Wilk: Well, I've had a great life, so-
J.D.: Say no more. I'm gonna take amazing care of you.
Mrs. Wilk: Okay.
J.D.: Do you have any family, Mrs. Wilk?
Mrs. Wilk: No. I was married twice. Divorced one, the other one died. Wrong one died.
J.D.: Ohh, right - your imaginary warning light. Don't be mad, Perry - this day was bound to come. See, I've studied you. I've taken your best qualities and my best qualities and I've combined them into something even better. Much the way that iced tea and lemonade were joined to become an "Arnold Palmer." Incidentally, has anyone ever done less to become famous? I mean, "Yay for me - I mixed two drinks together!"
Dr. Cox: Arnold Palmer is a golfer.
J.D.: I'm sure he has lots of hobbies, Perry. The man's a drink mogul.
Dr. Cox: I am gonna let Big Bob, here, give the first excuse.
Dr. Kelso: Blah blah blah, I'm not doing it.
Dr. Cox: I'm caught on his collar!
Carla: This picture is happening!
Janitor: No, it's not.
Carla: Oh, what do you know, mop jock?
Janitor: A pretty good couple things over the years: The kitchen fire of '97. The kitchen fire of '98. The arson conviction of Luis the fry-cook. And, of course, the eventual termination of the hospital's Convicts-to-Cooks program. Bottom line - not gonna happen.
Elliot: Carla, I don't photograph well. On my driver's license, I look like Gary Busey.
J.D.'s Narration: Then Elliot did what every good doctor does when they're truly stumped. She pawned him off.
Carla: Laverne. I'm gonna need a little bit of your church enthusiasm to help sell this? Dammit, everyone! We are a family!
Laverne: A family, people-uh!
Carla: And I know we love each other.
Laverne: Love's all we got-uh!
Carla: So can't we just take ten minutes from our day to take a real staff photo?
Laverne: Yes, we can! Ha! Yes, we can!
Carla: The tambourine's a little much, Laverne.
Dr. Cox: Why did you order a B.M.P. test on my patient, Mrs. Wilk, last night?
J.D.: Because she's my patient.
Dr. Cox: Interesting, seeing as I admitted her.
J.D.: And I treated her last night.
Mr. Bursick: Dr. Dorian, why do I hate all-
J.D.: Because they're stealing all of our jobs, Mr. Bursick! Stealing all of our jobs... Perry, we spent an equal amount of time with Mrs. Wilk. Now seeing as we're both attendings - i.e. "equals" - why don't we let her decide who her doctor is, huh?
Dr. Cox: Or... we could skip the day-trip to Unnecessary Land and instead simply concede that Mrs. Wilk is my patient and that, while we are both attendings, we are in no way equals - we are in fact not equals. We are, hmmm, unequals.
J.D.: Guys, if I give you a patient, I expect you to work your butts off for him. And P.S.? Mr. Jenkins is a Vietnam vet. Let's take care of him... like he took care of our nation. Get outta here!... That's how you light a fire under their butts, Perry! You get 'em going with some inspiration!
Dr. Cox: Too much! talking, too much talking, too much talking, too much talking, too much talking, too much... talking.
J.D.'s Narration: After four years here, I'm finally comfortable helping myself to the nurses' muffin basket... Mmmmm! Blueberry-cran-carrot-zucchini-poppyseed-chocolate chip!
J.D.'s Narration: ...Cursing out an innocent orderly over a stolen physical therapy tub...
Dr. Kelso: Dammit, you better find it! Physical therapy tubs don't just disappear!
J.D.'s Narration: ...Or for some, just a relaxing afternoon soak on the roof.
Todd: Oh, come on, let me in. This totally covers my boys.
(The Janitor taps a sign reading "NO BANANA HAMMOCKS".)
Janitor: You try and get in here wearing that thing, I'm gonna give you a four-story atomic wedgie.
J.D.'s Narration: Around here, everyone has some sort of morning ritual... Whether it's getting help on the daily word jumble from your dyslexic tracheotomy patient...
Elliot: Uh, T P I P O E.
Marcia: "Pot pie."
Elliot: Save your voice, Marcia. Mm, save it.
J.D.'s Narration: Since my scooter was in the shop, I didn't know how I was gonna get to work today. But luckily, my neighbor, Ronald, lent me his ride. Ronald's six. But I still got there in time to steal the security guard's Arts & Leisures section.
(J.D. and Keith go and see a patient)
J.D.: Miss Brooks, your blood work looks fine. But I'd like to take one more sample, just for me. (Opens his mouth to reveal fangs and starts biting Miss Brooks, then puts blood in a vile.) You taste a little anemic. Get that down to the lab, buddy.
Keith: Right away, Dr. Acula.
J.D: That's what they call me. How you doing?
(Cuts to the cafeteria with J.D. reading a script to Turk and Elliot, then closes it)
J.D.: The end.
Turk: So Dr. Acula's a doctor and a vampire?
J.D.: He's both. And at the very end, I'm going to put "Dr. Acula" across the screen, take that period, get it out of there, squish it together, it'll say "Dracula".
Turk: That is an awesome ending!
J.D.: Thank you for telling me what I already know, Turk!
Elliot: Ronald's gonna be mad.
J.D.: Yeah well he's six. What's he going to do? Kick my ass?
J.D.'s Narration: Again?
J.D.: Tomorrow it'll be the last one to touch my face. No, I'm not going to like that. The last one to touch my bottom…no, that's probably illegal. I'll tell you what, I'll just e-mail everyone. That's what I'll do. In this day and age that's what you do.
Mrs. Wilk: I choose Dr. Dorian.
J.D.: (Starts freaking out) Oh my God! Oh my God! I don't even believe it! I don't believe it lieve it lieve it! Who hoo hoo hoo hoo! Yes! I'm shaking! Look at this. It's crazy talk!
Mrs. Wilk: He played Hearts with me all night.
Dr. Cox leaves
Mrs. Wilk: You're a very strange young man, aren't you?
J.D.: I was a preemie.
J.D.: If you're wondering what a "thank you for being my doctor" card from Mrs. Wilk looks like, it look a little something like this.
Shows Dr. Cox a card
Dr. Cox: "Happy anniversary, gals"?
J.D: Oops this one's for my aunt Judy and her lady friend.
Turk: First one to chug their slushee is off the hook. Come on here we go! (Chugs his slushee) Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! Oh! Brain freeze!
Todd: Where's the Booby-touching booth?
J.D.: It's like everyone was lured out here by the thing they want most.
(Dr. Cox comes running out of the doors with his pager beeping then stops when he sees J.D.)
Dr. Cox: Hey, you're not getting your ass kicked!
Elliot: Don't you think that maybe, the pain could all be in his head?
Mrs. Peele: Last week, we were watching Tv and he was in too much pain to get up to go to the bathroom, that he soiled himself, on the couch, right in front of our son. How do you explain that?
Turk: Maybe there was a really good game on television.
Elliot: Probably not.
Carla: How was I supposed to know the janitor has feelings?
Dr. Kelso: How old do you think I am, Dorian?
J.D.'s narration: Okay, there's no way to answer that and not get in trouble. Change the subject.
J.D.: Sir, I would be honored if you and Enid would join me at my place on Sunday for some homemade jumbalaya.
Dr. Kelso: Well, it would be good for Enid to get out of the house...
J.D.'s narration: Oh my god, he's actually thinking about it! Change the subject back!
J.D.: You're 78, sir.
Dr. Kelso: You think I'm that old?
J.D.: Guys, Mr. Jenkins spent all night without being treated. Now, I know he's a homeless and smells like an obese man's twosie.
Mr. Jenkins: Hey!
J.D.: Sorry, thought you were dozing!
J.D.'s Narration: ...and then Turk says what every surgeon says when he's not sure of what to do...
Turk: Hm... mind if I slice you open?
J.D.: The thing is guys, it doesn't matter if he is a homeless guy or some senile, old rascist.
Patient: Which people do I hate again?
J.D.: Immigrants, Mr. Bursick, you hate all Immigrants.
Patient: And why do I hate th...
J.D.: I don't have time...Mr. Bursick!
Gary Busey, who appears in this episode, co-stars with John C. McGinley (Dr. Cox) in the 1991 movie Point Break.
When Elliot and J.D. look at the pain chart in this episode there are pictures of examples of faces in pain ranging from 0 to 10. However, at the bottom it clearly states, "Choose a number from 0 to 11 that best describes your pain", when there is also only a range from 0 to 10 at the bottom.
In this episode J.D. makes the mistake of assuming that his patient knows she is dying. However, in the episode "My Jiggly Ball" (season 5, episode 4) Keith is the one making the mistake, with J.D. telling him how it's done afterwards.
The "Elliot looks like Gary Busey" joke is used again in the "My Buddy's Booty" episode.
When J.D.'s interns race to see who'd get the double shift, it's actually the guy next to Keith who is the last to reach the line. And though Keith claims he beat Lisa, she actually reached the line before him.
When Carla lures everyone out to take the staff picture by paging them, luring them with what they want most in the world. She paged everyone but J.D. probably because she knew he would be following Turk around anyway.
Various members of the crew can also be seen in the Sacred Heart Staff Photo as well as cast members. Bill Lawrence (creator) is the most obvious example (he is located in the middle). Some of the cast who don't work at the hospital (such as Rowdy and Jack) can also be seen.
The scene where J.D., upon entering Mrs. Wilk's room, shakes the water from his hair is very similar to a scene in the film "Garden State", where the main character, Large, shakes water from his hair in a similar way. "Garden State" was written and directed by Zach Braff, who also stars in the movie.
Indiana Jones, Raiders of the Lost Ark: The scene where J.D. daydreams about Turk performing exploratory contains several allusions to Raiders of the Lost Ark. "Colon...why'd it have to be the colon" is an allusion to Indy's line "Snakes...why'd it have to be snakes?" and the "golden tumor" is an allusion to the golden idol that Indy obtains.
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