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Season 5 Episode 5

My New God

Aired Tuesday 9:30 PM Jan 17, 2006 on NBC
out of 10
User Rating
388 votes

By Users

Episode Summary

Dr. Cox's born-again-Christian sister Paige comes to visit for her nephew's baptism. Meanwhile, Turk and Carla experience relationship turbulence while they continue their attempts to conceive a child. Also, J.D. and the Janitor work towards friendship when J.D. helps the Janitor move.

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  • Cox's sister.

    On hospital shows like this, there is always the God concept in an episode, if not more. Scrubs took this concept pretty well considering we got some in depth analysis of Cox's character. We have never seen any of Cox's family, we've just seen Jordan's family. In this episode we get to take a look at Cox's religious sister, and Cox is annoyed every single time that she comes to town. Us viewers aren't quite sure why until the end. Jack is getting baptized which is what revolves around this episode. JD agrees to help the janitor move out, only to find out he's been stealing by an Asian family, which was a bit too ridiculous for my liking, but it still fit with the Buddha being JD's "New God." Turk & Carla continue to try to conceive, Turk finds that angry sex makes sex more enjoyable, so he insults Carla throughout the episode, to make the sex better. Carla finds out what Turk is doing through Elliot while there is a huge amount of tension between Cox and his sister, that JD wants to fix. He takes Jack to the baptism, and Cox manages to swallow his pride and go. In the end, we find out that Cox and his sister had a horrible childhood, and every time he saw her, he can't keep his mind off his childhood, which is why he was annoyed every time he came. Their bond was amazing, and the chemistry between the actors was great. A great episode.moreless
  • Paige, Dr Cox's Christian Sister Comes For Her Nephew's Baptism. J.D. Becomes The Janitor's Friend When He Helps Him Move,And Carla & Turk Experience Turbulence While Trying To Conceive A Child.moreless

    I Like This Episode, The Thought Of Someone Who Could Annoy Dr.Cox MORE Than J.D. Was Just Hilarious!

    Paige, Perry's Sister Who Is A Christian, Comes For Her Nephew's Baptism.

    I Also Liked The Part Where The Janitor Tricks J.D. Into Helping Him Move House, When In Fact All J.D. Was Doing Was Robbing An Asian Couple's Home.

    Turk & Carla Experience Turbulence And End Up Having "Angry S**!!" At The End Of The Episode, Perry And Paige Made Up And Dr.Cox Says That Paige Can Come For Jack's Birthday In The Spring And The Part Where He Tells J.D. About His Childhood, Was Sad.

    Overall, Great Episode!moreless
  • Perry's sister is in town and annoying him more than JD could ever hope to accomplish.

    We get an inside view of just what has made Dr. Cox who he is today. A bit of why he's an atheist, his horrible childhood coupled with the day to day horrors of being an ICU doc. JD tries to connect, yet again, with an immovable wall of a character, this time it's Janitor. The ending is especially moving. The words and timing Joseph Arthur's "In the sun" during the Church scene flow almost magically. Each character is seemingly shown during the lyrics that represent them during this episode. Just as JD said: "sometimes it takes a child to make us see the light". A very special episode to me.moreless
  • Great Episode!

    Wow, this show keeps getting better and better. The flashback scenes are the best, like the one in this episode of the dream sequence with the bear. How did they get that huge thing to rock the car like that? Well I think the actors did a great job looking like they were terrified...but then again I'm sure they were terrified. Sarah Chalke is hilarious with physical comedy.
  • The precfection of the numerous things in this episode are done well in my eyes.

    This has to be one of the better scrubs episodes. It touches emtionally and comedically which is the reason that i watch this series. Jordon is trying to have baby jack basptised but Dr cox doesn't want his son to be. This specail occasion also leads to Dr cox sister being called to town. A person Dr cox hates more then most others (including JD). This is because She has accpeted Jesus as her saviory. After alot of talking Dr cox storm off with Baby Jack. All the while JD is being asked by the janitor to help him move. At first JD is reluctant to do so but he gives in eventually. Arriving at the Janitor's house he notices that the janitor has a large collection of asian art. When asked He merely repleys he spent time there and really liked it. When it finally looks like the janitor and JD are about to connect, janitors asks for one more favour. CLean out the attic. Claiming there is fiber glass and bats up there janitor convinces JD to wear a black hat and gloves. As JD comes back down he picks a gold budda statue and looks at it as a chinse couple walk in through the door. JAnitor is no where in sight. JD legs it with the budda in toe. Needless to say there were some funny results. I won't spoil it for you.moreless
Donald Faison

Donald Faison

Dr. Christopher "Chris" Duncan Turk

John C. McGinley

John C. McGinley

Dr. Percival "Perry" Cox

Judy Reyes

Judy Reyes

Nurse Carla Espinosa

Ken Jenkins

Ken Jenkins

Dr. Robert "Bob" Kelso

Neil Flynn

Neil Flynn

The Janitor

Sarah Chalke

Sarah Chalke

Dr. Elliot Reid

Cheryl Hines

Cheryl Hines


Guest Star

Carol Hickey

Carol Hickey

Mrs. Donnelly

Guest Star

Ryan Boone

Ryan Boone

Elliot's Date

Guest Star

Christa Miller-Lawrence

Christa Miller-Lawrence

Jordan Sullivan

Recurring Role

Johnny Kastl

Johnny Kastl

Dr. Doug Murphy

Recurring Role

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (8)

    • After the baptism, when Paige is holding Jack and he points up at something, he is actually pointing at the camera from which the next point of view is.

    • We find out Jack's birthday is March 21st.

    • When stealing the Buddha from the Kwan's house J.D. runs out wearing a hat and gloves that the janitor gave him. But when he is running down the street he is missing the hat and gloves. Where did they go? And how did he get the gloves off while still carrying the Buddha?

      When the Kwans enter the apartment they are simply in the way for J.D. to exit - if he jumped out of a window, he would be dead. How did J.D. get out of the apartment without crashing to the Kwans?

    • In this episode the janitor tricks J.D. into helping him steal from the Kwan's house by telling him it's his house. However, J.D. has already been to the janitor's house in the season two episode My Interpretation so why did this trick work?

    • Featured Music:
      "In The Sun" by Joseph Arthur
      "Slave to Love" by Bryan Ferry
      "This Time Around" by Emotion Project
      "Koyaanisqatsi" by Philip Glass

    • When the Janitor and J.D. are resting in the "Janitor's apartment", the beer they are drinking is the Chinese brand "Tsingtao". This is in keeping with the Asian theme to the decoration of the apartment.

    • J.D.'s prison name "Gizmo" has already been mentioned in "My Ocardial Infarction" (Season 4 Episode 13) by Turk as the name for seeing-eye dog and by J.D. as the name for their robot.

    • Turk has already been diagnosed with diabetes, which makes it seem odd that he eats his fill of day-old donuts on his way home. A real diabetic would never be able to do such a thing without risking serious health problems.

  • QUOTES (67)

    • Dr. Cox: By the way, if you want, Jack's birthday is in the spring... sometime.
      Paige: March 21st.

    • Turk: Well, I'm sorry. I didn't get how this baby-making stuff could be sexy. But I do now.
      Carla: Well, you know, Turk, I can get angry if you give me a little help.
      Turk: If you had no hair, you'd look like Danny DeVito.
      Carla: Aw, Turk, a little help.

    • Paige: I beat you at Horse, he has a church wedding.
      Dr. Cox: Done.
      (Paige throws basketball backwards and sinks a shot into the net)
      Paige: That went in, didn't it?
      Dr. Cox: Did you thank the G-Man for that?
      Paige: That was all me, baby.

    • Turk: I just don't understand why we can't have fun while making a baby.
      Carla: I am just so glad you have to hurt my feelings to have fun.
      Turk: I can't believe you! Wha- Calm down!
      Carla: Great, that's really nice for you. "Calm down"? I'm gonna kill you!
      Turk: (Looking towards the church ceiling) You hear that? She's gonna kill me! Get her.

    • J.D.: Still, I've never known you to judge a person based on their beliefs. In fact, you're pretty tolerant of everyone. Except Hugh Jackman.
      Dr. Cox: Meh.

    • Turk: You have to help me end this angry sex cycle!
      Carla: I'm ready.
      Elliot: Oh, Carla, uh, Turk's making you mad on purpose because the angry sex is so good. The cycle is broken!

    • Elliot: Losing a baseball scholarship because a bear ate your arm is a much worse consequence of sex.

    • J.D.'s Narration: Now that I'm on the lam, I thought about two things. One, what my prison name would be...
      J.D.: Gizmo!

    • Turk: Baby, all I'm saying is that in some European countries, it's totally acceptable for a man to have a mistress.
      Carla: Why you-
      (He kisses her again, and she fiercely pulls him to her.)
      Turk: Mm! Mmmhhgh.
      (Time lapse...)
      Carla: I'm gonna make you pay for every word you said!
      Turk: Worth it!

    • Carla: Turk! I'm ready!
      Turk(To reflection): All right. So angry sex is awesome. That's no reason to go down a bad road.
      Turk(to Carla): Baby, you know what I miss? When your body was kickin'.

    • Dr. Cox: That's it! That is it. Now you, you may be a total goner, but God's not getting his hands on this one. No way, no how. Come on, Jackie boy, we got places to go.

    • Jordan: Can you two please just try to get along? Now I'm getting some blush for Jack, because this lace collar is washing out his face. Terrible.

    • Carla: Stupid jerk!
      J.D.'s Narration: ...I never go to bed very, very mad...
      Turk: Angry sex is awesome!

    • J.D.'s Narration: I figured out why I'm so great at managing relationships... I don't rub things in people's faces...
      Dr. Cox: I thought you might like to know that your husband's chest x-ray looks better. He is finally starting to improve.
      Mrs. Donnelly: Thank you so much.
      Dr. Cox: I was really just doing my job-
      Mrs. Donnelly: Oh, I'm... talking to Paige. She was up all night praying with us.

    • J.D.: Long story short, after confirming it with my bunk-mates, that counselor and his "friendship lotion" were transferred out of our cabin and we never spoke about it again.
      Janitor: Well, "what doesn't kill ya..."
      J.D.'s Narration: We're as thick as two thieves in a pod!

    • Carla: I paged you an hour ago!
      Turk: I was in surgery.
      Carla: Is that doughnut glaze on your cheek?
      Turk: Guess we're not having sex, huh?
      Carla: Oh, ho, ho, no. We're having sex. Get in there.
      Turk: Wait, baby... I'm too full.
      Carla: Now, Turk.
      Turk: Man!

    • J.D.'s Narration: I hope I can find a way to connect with him.
      (J.D. catches an urn before it falls to the floor)
      Janitor: Thanks for saving that - that's one of my favorite pieces.
      J.D.: You're welcome, friend!

    • Turk: Aw, dammit, I gotta go have ovulation sex again.
      J.D.: Are you actually complaining about getting to have sex? Because that is so insensitive, Turk!
      Turk: J.D.!
      J.D.: Let me feel my feelings, Turk! We worked on this!
      Turk: I've really gotta stop doing that!

    • J.D.: Gotta find an improv class that doesn't meet in the back of a pie shop.

    • Janitor: Oh, hey fellas? I'm trying to give somebody evil eye over there. Would you mind breaking it up so I can...? You understand. Thanks, fellas. Very nice of you. I appreciate it! Thank you.

    • Carla: Turk, we're making a baby. Let's get down to business.
      Turk: Honey, I need to feel the heat! I need at least thirty minutes of foreplay - then, and only then, can I be fully ready... to make love to you.
      Carla: Tyra Banks.
      Turk: Uhhn.
      Carla: There. You're ready.

    • Dr. Cox: I'm honestly not sure which one of you I find more hhhirritating.
      J.D.: What does he find "he-h-irritating" about you?

    • Janitor: Hey. Help me move this weekend.
      J.D.'s Narration: We scoff. And we walk away.

    • J.D.'s Narration: And, finally, Dr. Kelso's 9 A.M. wrong shoulder tap.
      (J.D. taps Dr. Kelso on the opposite shoulder as he walks past.)
      Dr. Kelso: Dammit! Every morning, tapping - no one's ever there!

    • (J.D. puts the Buddha in front of Jesus)
      J.D.: (Talking to a priest while pretending to be Jesus and Buddha) "So do you like pie?" - "Look at me, do I look like a guy who doesn't like pie? I love pie. Incidentally, where do you buy your loinclothes?"

    • J.D.: Hey, do you guys like improv? Because I'm kind of an expert. There's a game we play in class where you make up what people are saying. (Pretending to be Dr. Cox and his sister, Paige) "Do you want some pie?" - "Not me, I hate pie." - "What are you talking about? Who hates pie?" - "I've always hated pie! You never understood me." - "You're a pie racist." - "You're a cobbler whore."
      J.D.'s narration: For God's sake, get off pie.
      Paige: Jerk.
      Dr Cox: Republican.
      J.D.: (With his arms out) Pie!

    • Dr. Cox: But I don't see why you can't be there for the major events in Jack's life.
      Paige: I'd love to see him turn three.
      Dr. Cox: The major events, Paige: His graduation, his wedding, his divorce, and his funeral - the Big Four.

    • Paige: Oh! Wow! Has anyone ever told you you're an extremely average athlete?
      Dr. Cox: That's cold, sis. It's ice cold.

    • Dr. Cox: You know what, there, Newbie? You can go to the baptism. Now take Jack; Jordan'll kill me if he's not there. Plus, I know you - you're exactly one watered-down appletini away from trying to fix my sister and me.
      J.D.: No, thank you. If there's one thing I learned from this guy, it's I need to stop trying to fix people's relationships.
      Janitor: You're welcome.

    • Dr. Cox: There will be no whining or crying while we sit here, understood?
      J.D.: He seems fine.
      Dr. Cox: I wasn't talking to him.
      J.D.: I don't whine or cry.
      Janitor: Really? Then how do you explain these photos of you whining and crying as you run away from the Kwans' apartment?
      J.D.: These are coasters.
      Janitor: My camera's broken.

    • Elliot: Turk! Just go back to the way things were. Carla loved it. Don't you get it? Trying to make a baby with you is the sexiest thing in the world to her.
      Turk: Elliot, I'm a man. I've been programmed to think that a baby is the worst possible consequence of sex.

    • Turk: Angry sex is like a drug. I can't stop!
      Carla: I'll be right out, I'm just fixing my hair.
      Turk: Rake's in the closet, baby!

    • J.D.: Hey, who's your friend?
      Dr. Cox: My boy in a dress. Who's yours?
      J.D.: Well, seeing as he gave me the strength to outrun the sheriff's K-9 unit, I'd say he's my new god.
      Dr. Cox: Ah.
      J.D.: You can rub mine's belly if I can rub yours'.
      Dr. Cox: Don't you touch my son.

    • Dr. Cox: Paige, will you just acknowledge that medicine made Mr. Donnelly better?
      Paige: Fine. It was medicine.
      Dr. Cox: Aha.
      Paige: Thank God for creating medicine.

    • Dr. Cox: Could I comment on the baptism dress?
      Paige: I think you should wait to see the matching slippers and tiny handbag.
      Dr. Cox: You're actually encouraging him to cross-dress on the same day that you're introducing him to a religion that will condemn him to hell for it. That's a trauma twofer.

    • J.D.'s narration: And I've always known if I make even the slightest gesture of friendship to a difficult co-worker...
      Mr. Kwan: Who are you!?
      J.D.'s narration: ...I'll end up robbing an Asian couple's house.

    • Dr. Cox: Anyway, I just invited Paige to come by. Mr. Donnelly's labs came back and it looks like the steroid is finally working. If you happen to be keeping score at home, that would be Medicine, One - God, Zero.
      J.D.: Ah, you don't have to rub it in her face.
      Dr. Cox: Yeah, and I don't have to stick Kelso's stethoscope down my pants every morning, but I still do.

    • J.D.: That was quite a fight you had with your sister yesterday. Won't it be a little awkward when you show up at St. Mary's Cathedral on the corner of Maple and Pine, right across from Temple Oheb Shalom, at 4 P.M. today?
      Dr. Cox: That's not where the baptism is, but nice try.
      J.D.: Mark my words - when that little bastard's dipped in water, I will be there.

    • Elliot: You can talk to me if you want?
      Turk: Elliot, I can't talk to you about sex - I don't understand any of that crazy gibberish you use. Penis is "schwing"-something...
      Elliot: "Schwing-schwong," "peepers," or "peep."
      Turk: And vagina?
      Elliot: Disgusting! But also "bagingo" and "ho-ho"
      Turk: I'm trying to get in the mood, right? And Carla's going on and on about her Cervical Muccus.
      Elliot: Ap-ap! From now on Cervical Muccus, will be referred to as Icky Sticky.

    • Dr. Cox: Paige. We have protocol here. First we shake our magic eight ball, then we explore all witchcraft-related options.
      Paige: Oh, right - 'cause people who believe in God are crazy! And you're the sane one!

    • Dr. Cox: I, uh, I wish I had better news for you. Unfortunately, we're not seeing the improvement we'd hoped for with this medication.
      Donnelly: What are our options?
      Dr. Cox: I'm afraid there are no other options.
      Paige: There's always prayer.
      J.D.'s narration: Oh, no.
      Paige: You know, with God by your side, anything is possible.
      Dr. Cox: Could I speak with you in the "stop filling my patient's head with false hope" ward?

    • Elliot: My high school boyfriend's an accountant now, and he still does my taxes for free.
      Jordan: Mm-hmm.
      Elliot: You know what's weird? He also does my brother Barry's.
      Dr. Kelso: My son, Harrison, dabbles in sado-masochism and he has a new gimp named Barry. Or is it Larry? At my age, it's getting harder and harder to keep track of his gimps.

    • Carla: Okay, so my cervical mucus is peaking, my temperature is slightly elevated, and these pillows will keep my vagina angled so that the semen can pool against my cervix.
      Turk: Baby, that is some god-awful dirty talk.

    • J.D.: Dr. Cox! If it makes you feel any better, at the baptism I'll be there to keep Paige company.
      Dr. Cox: Yeah. You're not going.
      J.D.: Dammit! Stupid baptism.

    • J.D.: She's dynamite. How'd you end up with a born-again Christian sister?
      Dr. Cox: I don't know. Maybe the T.V. was broken one day and she picked up the Bible and found it to be just a darn good read. Or maybe it had something to do with our mother's ability to watch silently as our dad drunkenly knocked us from room to room. Whatta you think there, Newbie?
      J.D.: Probably the "room to room" thing.
      Dr. Cox: Uh-huh.

    • Paige: You know what used to drive Perry nuts as a kid? Every night we'd play Horse in the driveway, and I'd always kick his ass.
      J.D.: Can Christians say "ass" now? I have a friend - Pat Casey - he called his mom an ass once? She hit him in the face with an iron! He still goes to church, but he can't whistle anymore.

    • Turk: Ahhh! Sex time, people!
      J.D.: He's married, so it's strictly procreation sex. His wife's throwing her legs up in the air, because they're trying for a boy - like Jesus!

    • J.D.: Hi, I'm J.D. I'm sure Perry's spoken of me.
      Paige: Noo...
      J.D.: Nothing about taking a talented go-getter under his wing? Or being surrogate father to a boy who's lost his own? Nothing about that at all? I'm surprised, it's interesting to me, but okay.
      J.D.'s narration: Don't cry in front of people.
      Paige: Perry and I don't talk much.
      J.D.: Oh, they don't talk much, everybody! There's no talking in the family.
      Dr. Cox: Rest assured, Newbie, even if we did talk from morning till night about all the big and tiny things that matter most to me - the big being my son Jack, a cure for cancer, and the resurgence of the hard-shelled taco; the small-
      Paige(Imitating): The small being my ex-wife, Jordan, wind energy, and a-ha-hall fruit-infused liquors - your name still would not have come up.

    • Dr. Cox: Everyone, this is my sister, Paige. Paige, I'd like you to meet random people I don't care about.
      Dr. Kelso: Ahh! Here for the baptism! I remember my son Harrison's big day. All of us laughing at him in his frilly little baptism dress. Heh. Well, we're not laughing anymore. Harrison's a poofter... Bob Kelso.

    • Elliot: I don't know why I even bother ovulating. Little Haley doesn't have a chance this month... I name my eggs - big frick. Last month it was "Cassy."
      J.D.: Ooh, "Cassy"'s pretty.
      Elliot: Oh, she would have been, J.D. She would have been.

    • Elliot: Uh, what's with the second beeper?
      Turk: Carla gave it to me. She's got me on 24-hour baby-making alert. Man, we haven't had sex since her last ovulation. Did you know that women only do that once a month?
      J.D.: Of course I knew that, Turk. I'm a doctor.
      J.D.'s narration: Once a month? That's crazy!

    • J.D.: When is this joyous occasion?
      Dr. Cox: You're not invited.
      J.D.: Oh, I see. Family only, everyone! That's how they're doin' it.
      Carla: I'm going.

    • Dr. Cox: Remind me again why you're having our son baptized?
      Jordan: Oh, what do you care? You're not even going!
      Dr. Cox: Fine, let him go to church. I mean, I let him go to magic shows. I'll just tell him it's all a lie when he gets home so he doesn't have any of those crazy nightmares.

    • J.D.'s narration: After four years, I know the hospital so well I can sneak in a little nap-walk before rounds. Two quick steps to the left to avoid overly ambitious orderly... Hop over the dead guy Doug's dragging because he lost his gurney again...
      Doug: The man's dead, J.D. Show some respect.

    • Turk: I'm trying to get in the mood, right? And Carla's going on and on about her Cervical Muccus.
      Elliot: Ap-ap! From now on Cervical Muccus, will be referred to as Icky Sticky.

    • Turk: And vagina is?
      Elliot: Disgusting! But also Vajingo or Hoo-Hoo.

    • J.D.: I'll do it.
      Janitor: I knew you would, you're very predictable.
      J.D. & Janitor: No I'm not.
      J.D. & Janitor: Stop doing that!
      J.D. & Janitor: Peanutbutter egg dirt.

    • Jordan I.. I don't think I can do this without Perry! I mean he's my everything!
      Paige: You're right! It would be weird if you were like that!

    • Jordan: Oh, I'm sorry sweetie! I didn't know you'd be so upset! I'll call her and tell her not to come! (Laughs) How weird would it be, if I was like that!
      Carla: Totally!

    • Janitor: After college I went to China. Did all the normal touristy things: I saw the Great Wall, ate the food, had a baby with a local.. you know, just the regular stuff!

    • Jordan: Helping someone move is like oral sex: you do it once and then they owe you for life!

    • Paige: I've embraced the Lord Jesus Christ as my personal savior.
      J.D.: I'm not sure why it was suddenly so awkward but I wish something would break the tension.
      Turk: (Singing) Hallelujah, a brother's 'bout to have some sex...ha ha, I say, hallelujah a brother's 'bout to have some seeeeeeex!

    • Dr. Cox: You know, Paige is a silly name.
      Paige: Perry's worse.

    • Elliot: Stop or I'll turn this church around!

    • J.D.: Morning, sunshine!
      Janitor: I don't like that.
      J.D.: Nobody seems to.

    • J.D.: Morning, sunshine!
      Dr. Cox: Never say that again.
      J.D.: Noted.

    • Dr. Cox: Newbie, gimme a break, of course you're going, as a matter of fact I'd like you to be the boy's godfather.
      J.D.: (Choking up)
      Dr. Cox:

  • NOTES (0)


    • Bionic Woman
      When the vase begins to fall in the apartment that J.D. and the Janitor are robbing the sound effect made when he is leaping to catch it is from the Bionic Woman. The same sound was made anytime she used her bionic abilities.

    • Tyra Banks:
      In place of foreplay, Carla simply says the words 'Tyra Banks', in reference to the American supermodel and talk show host.

    • Koyaanisqatsi:
      The theme to "Koyaanisqatsi" plays while Janitor gives JD the evil-eye. The film is often parodied for its extended sequences of passers-by glaring at the camera with similar music playing, sometimes the theme itself.