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Dr. Christopher "Chris" Duncan Turk
Dr. Percival "Perry" Cox
Nurse Carla Espinosa
Dr. Robert "Bob" Kelso
Dr. Elliot Reid
"All Kinds of Time" by Fountains of Wayne
"Barbara Ann" by The Beach Boys (sung by the Janitor, Troy and Randall)
"No Not Much" sung by Ted's Band (the Worthless Peons)
When JD picks up the keyboard with his fingers stuck to it you can see one of his fingers moving off the keyboard.
When JD and Elliot are practicing on the cadaver, you can see the guy breathing, with his belly moving up and down.
Elliot had to move the desk towards JD to get the magnifying glass and the tiny post-it's, but later when Dr. Cox enters the desk is in the middle again, however we don't see or hear the desk move.
Even with both Lonnie and JD standing on Elliot you can clearly see in the last few shots that there is no way JD should even have been able to see into that room let alone be waist high at the window.
Janitor: Oh, God... Okay, I don't ask for much, just a little help with a stain every now and then. I'd like to be able to communicate with animals... But right now, oh boy, we need a miracle. Hibbleton - whatever that means - on three.
Janitor: Yeah! Well, you win! Heh.
Ted's Band: Woo.
Elliot: Your-your band didn't even sing yet.
Ted's Band: Aww.
Janitor: There's no need. You win!
Ted's Band: Woo.
Carla: Baby. What's going on with you?
Turk: Ever since I got this thing? I've been joking around about it, sneaking cookies, and hiding from it. All because I'm scared to ask myself the questions: Is it gonna get worse? Or are our kids gonna have it? Or how old am I gonna be when it finally gets me?... You don't understand.
Carla: I don't understand? Turk, look at me, I'm a WOD.
Turk: I keep trying to tell you this, but it's the mirror in the bathroom, baby. You haven't gained a pound since I met you!
Carla: No, I'm a WOD - Wife Of Diabetic.
Elliot: J.D., you've been the golden boy around here for the past three years while I have cried in closets and hid from Dr. Cox and relied on you every single day to get me through it. I mean, now that I am finally doing well enough to pay you back, maybe you can tell me why you're being such an unbelievable jerk?
J.D.: Because you're the one that's supposed to struggle - not me.
J.D.: I just, I don't know what to do when everything goes wrong at once. It's-it's-it's overwhelming.
Elliot: You wanna know what my big secret is? Just take one big breath. Everything will slow down and you can just tackle each thing as it comes.
J.D.: That's your big secret? Breathing?
Elliot: Why do you have such a problem with me teaching you stuff?
J.D.: It's just that you're a little smug.
Elliot: You called yourself Dr. Diagnosis and made me your side-kick.
Janitor: I don't know, this whole Blonde Doctor situation has me mortified. I've gathered the brain trust here to help me figure a way out of this.
Randall: Uh-oh, bro. There she is.
Troy: You want me to hobble her?
Janitor: That's not hobbling, that's-that's... poking.
Laverne: Honey bear! You look blue. Have a cookie.
Carla: Nah-ah-ah, Laverne. No more jackin' up my man's blood sugar just so you can buy yourself a camper.
Turk: So this is all a big joke to you guys? 'Cause this is my life, and I don't think it's funny.
Laverne: Now I gotta try to get back in on that craps game in the basement.
Carla: Why is my stapler on the floor?
She bends over to retrieve it, Todd stepping from around the corner for a look.
Carla whips around and slaps him.
Todd: Face-five! Oh, yeah!
Turk: Oh, you taught Todd the slap thing?
J.D.: If you could just help me with these train wreck codes.
Dr. Cox: You're finally at that stage where you and your equally undistinguished colleagues have all had enough training to be able to help each other. So no matter how humiliating it may seem, if you know somebody who's better than you - and I'm bettin' that you do? - you had best tuck that ridiculously feminine tail of yours between your legs and go ask her for help. I'm thinkin' that's just about it. Yep. I, uh, gosh, I'm all out of speeches. I don't think I have, uh, another one on me. I... I don't. The- Oh. These are... my goodbye guns.
He "fires" his fingers in the air
J.D.: Those aren't real guns.
J.D.: I don't get it. When did she become a better doctor than me?
Dr. Cox: Probably during one of those countless times you were goofing off?
J.D.: Eh! As soon as I step foot in this hospital, I'm all business.
J.D.: Good morning, Dr. Cox! From the world's most giant doctor!
J.D.: Well, that was outside the hospital.
J.D.'s Narration: I've never been a great liar.
J.D.: Lookin' straight, Bruce.
J.D.'s Narration: That's why I knew it'd be better for me if I just fessed up to Dr. Cox.
J.D.: Elliot diagnosed Mrs. Kasuba, not me.
Dr. Cox: I know. And your guilty anguish is - it's delicious. It's like a little mini-meal between lunch and dinner. Quite frankly, it's all I can do not to grind pepper on your head.
J.D.: Acute intermittent porphyria! I figured it out! All right, who's got Dr. Cox's pager number? Oh, who'm I kidding, I've got my Perry's Pager Song.
J.D.'s Narration: "Dr. Cox at my door, pager 324."
Turk: Okay, fine, I'll try. One condition: Gimme some!
She "slaps" him just as Dr. Kelso and Ted approach
Ted: Oh my God!
Dr. Kelso: I think it, and she does it!
Janitor: Hey, I'll, uh, join you for a cup of mud.
Elliot: Great! Meet me downstairs in five minutes.
Janitor: I'll be there. Just let me wash this, uh, glue off my hands.
J.D.: What was he gluing?
He picks his hands up off the keyboard, only to have it stick.
J.D.: Not again.
Carla: I have a couple of announcements. There's a serious problem around here with not getting to know our patients. Yes, the doctor told you to administer Halidol, but why is he prescribing it? Does the patient have a chance of sundowning or is he prone to psychotic breaks and needs to be tied down? You have to ask these questions, right Tammy?
Laverne: Child, we are swamped. Where you think we're gonna get that kind of time?
Carla: Laverne, if you care you'll go the extra mile. Like my husband. Turk?
Carla: You have three patients on the floor. What can you tell us about them?
Turk: Well, I'm cutting out that guy's appendix, I'm sewing up her lacerated spleen, and I'm slicing off that dude's foot.
Carla: Great. And why are you doing those things?
Turk: Because it says so on the charts... What'd I do?
Dr. Cox: He's done it! He's done it! Dorian's the Most! Annoying! Man in the World! Who would've ever thought a journeyman annoyer like Dorian might...
J.D.: You are a close second!
Elliot: Maybe Mrs. Kasuba has a perinephric abscess?
J.D.: No, her pain is central, not near the back. Come on, Bangs! You know what helps me when I'm diagnosing? Mentally picturing everything. Like those sugar packets there. How do you think they got there?
Elliot: Somebody probably knocked them over.
J.D.: I don't think so. You see, the packets are neatly stacked. Plus that coffee cup has the lipstick of a certain very hot Nurse Tisdale.
Fantasy: Todd comes in behind Nurse Tisdale as she makes coffee
Todd: If you're looking for sugar, there's some on the floor.
Nurse Tisdale notices the pile and bends over to retrieve it, giving the Todd a great view of her rear.
J.D.: It's the classic Todd Thong Sugar Trap.
Carla: That high, baby? You've been sneaking brownies, haven't you? Well, don't think that when you go blind I'm gonna go get you no seeing-eye dog!
Turk: I'm gonna name him Gizmo.
J.D.: That's what we were gonna name our robot!
Turk: Oh, well, when we get the robot, we'll just name him TuPac.
J.D.: "TuPac, may I please have some waffles?" "Would you like some sy-rup?" Yeah, that'd be fine. It'll work. It's a good idea.
J.D.'s Narration: Lately it seemed like Turk was being a little casual about his diabetes.
Turk: Okay, you all know the rules. I test my blood sugar, you bet high or low, and twenty-five percent goes to diabetes. Because if we all work hard, together... I can get a big-ass flat screen.
J.D.'s Narration: See, this is why it doesn't bother me that Elliot is so much better with the train wreck codes. Her biggest weakness is my biggest strength - diagnosis.
J.D.: Elliot, if you need help, just ask Dr. Diagnosis. You could be my side-kick! Bangs McCoy!
Elliot: You know that guy that crashed this morning is doing great?
Dr. Cox: Oh, Barbie. Maybe you could take a break from congratulating yourself and figure out what's wrong with Mrs. Kasuba over there, seeing as you're her doctor and she's been in the I.C.U. for three days.
Elliot: We're, um, running lots of tests.
Dr. Cox: Tests? Oh, goody! And what exactly will you be looking for? And if it's the slowest doctor in the hospital, then ding! ding! ding! ding! I already found her.
J.D.: Classic Janitor!
Janitor: If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Elliot: 14 Across: Four letters, "Band that sang 'Roseanna'"?
They all look at him oddly.
J.D.: T-O-T-O - Toto.
Daisy: Here's your shirt, Dr. Reid.
Elliot: Wow, Daisy! Enjoy your weekend, you little scrapper!
J.D.: Oh, Daisy, I'm supposed to ask you - can Lonnie have his lower lip back?
Daisy: It's my trophy.
J.D.'s Narration: We knew how to protect the interns from Dr. Kelso.
Dr. Kelso: Look, Brent, is it? Son, please tell me you come with a money back guarantee, because I'd like to get something useful like a can of Brent remover! I mean, for God's sa-
J.D.: -sake, Brent! When are you gonna wake up and use that-
Elliot: -rock that you have been calling your skull?!
J.D.: We got this.
Elliot: I mean, even a blind squirrel occasionally finds a nut! And-
J.D.: He's gone. He's gone.
Dr. Cox: And in case you haven't noticed, we've got ourselves one hospital chock-full of monkey interns; and, news-flash, your job is to catch whatever they're flinging. Coffee talk, ladies, is now officially over. Get your asses to work. Now.
Elliot: Thank you! And I actually got you a little something...
J.D.: A magnifying glass?
Elliot: Yes... For these.
J.D.: You got the tiny post-its! Aww, awesome! For our tiny bulletin board! Aaaand I have a dentist appointment that got moved to Tuesday at 4 PM. "Don't floss before you come in, it makes your gums bloody"! Aww!
Doug: You know, I don't really like you guys playing with my cadavers.
Elliot: Oh, really, Doug? So how come that one over there has a soda in his hand?
Doug: He keeps it cold!
J.D.: And how come when we walked in you were sitting in a circle with three corpses playing Texas hold 'em?
Doug: Just call first from now on!
Janitor: Well, it-it - you know the only reason I was wearing the suit at all was because our, uh, a cappella band was... practicing.
Elliot: Oh, that's great! What's your band's name?
Janitor: Uh... It's, uh, Hibbleton. Yeah, yeah. And, um, I don't think it's going too far to say that we're the best hospital employee band in town.
Worthless Peons: Oh, really?
Turk: Baby, don't be mad, you know about surgeons. We're hammers, and our patients are nails. And hammers don't get to know nails; they hammer them. Why? Because... hammers.
Carla: For the last time, Turk, I'm not gonna call you "The Hammer".
Dr. Cox: Say, that was some real Nancy Drew stuff, there...Nancy. I mean, absolutely irrelevant as far as medicine goes, but damn amusing!
J.D.: Don't feel weird because you're threatened by my gift. Many are.
Dr. Cox: Did you feel that you weren't quite annoying enough without adding a delusional sense of grandeur? Because I promise you, you are annoying enough. In fact, you're the number one contender for the middle weight annoyance crown.
J.D.: Well, you're the number one jealous...weight for the jealous weight... jealous ch-champ.
J.D.'s Narration: Bottom line, together, Elliot and I are the greatest co-chief residents of all time.
Dr. Cox: (enters the room) You two are, without a doubt, the worst co-chief residents of all time.
When combining "My" and "Ocardial" gives myocardial infarction which is the medical term for a specific type of heart attack.
Unlike most episodes of Scrubs, this episode contains only three stories. Most episodes contain four.
First episode to air in the show's 9:00pm ET Tuesday timeslot.
J.D.: And you could be my sidekick, Bangs McCoy!
J.D. is referring to Dr. Leonard "Bones" McCoy from Star Trek: The Original Series.
When J.D. explains his diagnosis mental picture technique to Elliot, he uses an example of sugar packets on the floor. We then cut to a washed out clip of what Elliot thought happened, much like they do in CSI when examining evidence. J.D. even crouches down and puts on a serious voice and face, before giving his opinion.
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