Dr. Christopher "Chris" Duncan Turk
Dr. Percival "Perry" Cox
Nurse Carla Espinosa
Dr. Robert "Bob" Kelso
Dr. Elliot Reid
Dr. Peter Fisher
Nurse Laverne Roberts
Dr. Kelso is very bad at golf in the episode. However, in other episodes we see that he is in fact quite good at golf.
At one point, Turk discovers Dr. Kelso has the high score on the Ms. Pac-Man machine because of the high score player's initials DRK. This is impossible as, like Pac-Man, Ms. Pac-Man did not store high players' initials, only the highest score.
"Sweet Georgia Brown" (The Harlem Globetrotters Theme)
Although in this episode there's a Ms. Pacman machine in the doctor's lounge, in the first season there used to be a Pacman machine instead.
In the scene between Turk and Dr. Kelso, first Turk is holding the plug wire with his left hand, but after a camera shift he's holding it with his right hand.
The man holding a camera with apparently no reason during all the basketball court scene and whom we can't see his face is Franklin, the lab technician.
When J.D. is talking with Dr. Cox about his jealousy, between the shifting of the cameras we can see Nurse Laverne at the fax machine, then in another place behind another nurse and finally back at the fax machine.
In the scene where Dr. Kelso parks where Turk and Todd play basketball, you can clearly see that Donald Faison has a Superman tattoo. Apparently they attempted to cover it up with make-up that is much darker than his skin tone.
Girl Names For J.D.: Maggie, Monica, Nancy and Marsha
When J.D. walks into the room with Dr. Fisher they shake hands. Then the camera angle changes and they shake hands again. This is a small mistake from when they put together the camera shots.
The Twin Galaxies record, generally recognized as the de facto for the world, for a standard Ms. Pacman machine, with no sped up motherboard alterations, was 920,310 points when this episode aired. It was set in 1998 and has since been raised to 933,580 in 2006.
In a pure and perfect level example, the best possible score for a round is 24,600, which cannot be obtained on all levels for a variety of reasons. For Dr. Kelso to get 41 million points, he would have to clear more than 2,000 levels at 20,000 points each. This is impossible to do due to two bugs in the game's programming. Like Pac-Man, Ms. Pac-Man suffers from a bug in the fruit-drawing routine, that displays the number of "stages" you have completed represented by a fruit in the lower corner. This bug renders the 256th board, or stage or level, virtually impossible to play. Random data appears on the screen instead of the edible targets and walls, making it impossible to tell what the player needs to eat or even to see the walls to avoid. The Ghost Monsters then find the player easy target. However, it is impossible to reach the 256th board without a board switch setting to skip past level 134 and start a game automatically at level 135 due to a different bug in the game.
Ms. Pac-Man game hardware will suffer a non-fatal crash at board 134. At that point in the game, data tables that determine the maze shape and ghost behavior for that maze are used up. Thus, the directions the Ghost Monsters should use do not match the paths they can take it the level. Because of this invalid conflicting data that is loaded, a corrupt value is loaded into to the array for the maze data. Where walls are supposed to be drawn do not match the paths the Ghost Monsters can take, thus, the walls are not drawn. Only the Ghost Monsters and Ms. Pac-Man are drawn on the screen at this point. Though they are visible, no paths have been "drawn" because the game thinks there are no paths. Thus, the game loops forever at level 134, with the Ghost Monsters and Ms. Pac-Man just sitting there forever.
J.D.: I want you to tell her the truth, dammit. All right? Tell her that you're a surly, devious, horrible excuse for a human being!
A little kid comes from around the corner next to the Janitor.
J.D.: Who's that?
Janitor: It's my son.
Elliot: Oh, my God, J.D.!
J.D.: I-I'm sorry. I di-no, I didn't even see him there, I-
Janitor: No, no, no, I'm... I'm glad he heard it. I think it's important he sees how the world treats people like us.
J.D.: I'm so sorry.
J.D. leaves and Janitor turns his attention back to the kid
Janitor: Who the hell are you? Go on, beat it.
J.D.'s Narration: Around here, you have to grab hold of the littlest victories. Whether it's victories over your insecurities...
Dr. Kelso laughs as a couple of security guards lead Turk away.
Turk: Doc-Doc-Dr. Kelso?
J.D.'s Narration: ...or security's victories over you.
J.D.: Hey, Dr. Cox!
Dr. Cox: Still no talking in the bathroom, Newbie... You know what's weird?
J.D.: That you're allowed to talk?
Pete: Hey, hey! Jack Daniels! What's crackin'? Look, my hot cousin, her volleyball team has a game tonight - tall girls, tiny shorts - you in?
J.D.: Uhh, I think I'm gonna pass.
Pete: Ohh, I get it, all right - you're still in Perr-a-reeno's corner. But that's okay, buddy! Look, just a word to the wise, all right? Just be careful who you hitch your wagon to. I mean that. (he spies a hot nurse) Yikes! I gotta go, okay?... Hi! Could I buy you a house?
Turk: Say it!
Dr. Kelso: I'm your bitch.
Turk: Don't be too hard on yourself, sir! You only been playing this game for, like, fifty-six years!
Pete: Perry, I can't change what already happened, but you gotta believe me - I never meant to come between you and anyone.
J.D.'s Narration: Watching Dr. Cox and Pete fight over me was - aw, hell, I'll say it: It was awesome!
Dr. Cox: You went ahead and took something that did not belong to you.
J.D.'s Narration: That seemed a little possessive... but I'm flattered!
Dr. Cox: And worse than that, you did it knowing full-well just exactly how I felt about her.
J.D.'s Narration: Ahh, he just wouldn't be Dr. Cox if he didn't refer to me as a 'her.'
Pete: Hey, for what it's worth, I didn't make the first move.
J.D.: That's a lie! You bought me a latte!
Dr. Cox: Had to be done.
Pete: Okay! Terrific! Grown-ups tackle each other all the time.
Carla: Mr. Hilliard, I like my body.
Mr. Hilliard: Okay.
Carla: I didn't always. I remember when I was ten years old, my swim coach telling me that my butt stuck out of the water too much. But now? I like it when my boyfriend looks at my wagon and goes "BAM!" you know? I'm okay with my curves! I realize women inject God-knows-what into their face to have lips like mine! Mr. Hilliard! I can hop out of the shower and look at my naked body for a whole ten seconds without totally losing it - that's more than most women! But, still, when I can't make you fall asleep, it's like hearing my swim coach's voice all over again; and my body doesn't deserve that.
Mr. Hilliard: So, what do you want me to do?
Carla: Fall asleep.
Mr. Hilliard: I'm not attracted to you!
Mr. Hilliard: Because you remind me of my sister!
Carla: But I'm not your sister!
Mr Hilliard suddenly collapses, fast asleep.
Carla: That's what I'm talkin' 'bout.
J.D.: Hey! Do you guys mind if I turn on CNN? My grandma bought me a stock - I wanna see how it's doing.
Pete: Look at Rockefeller! Pass me the remote, buddy!
J.D.'s Narration: Cool! These guys are finally starting to get along!
Dr. Cox flings the remote across the room.
J.D.'s Narration: ...Or not.
Pete: No big deal! I'll, uh, you know, do one of these - change the channel.
He heads over to the T.V. Dr. Cox flies out of his seat and tackles Pete
J.D.: Or... we could just... leave it on this station...
Pete: What's the deal, there, Alpha Dog? You ever gonna cut me some slack?
Dr. Cox: Petey, Petey, Petey, Petey, Petey, Petey, Petey, Petey, Petey, Petey, Petey, Petey...
Pete: Okay, good answer. Look, uh, I understand you're seeing Jordan again - I just wanted to tell you, seriously, good for you.
Dr. Cox: Would you like to know what would be seriously good for you?
Pete: More bran in my diet?
J.D.: So you're saying the Janitor's a nice person?
Elliot: He is such a sweetie!
J.D.: I'm gonna ask him an innocuous little question, and his answer will be filled with hate. Just filled with it!
J.D.: How's it goin'?
Janitor: Very well, sir! Thank you for asking! How are you?
J.D.: Do you not see the hate?
Dr. Kelso: Forty million, son! Do you have any idea how many patients I had to ignore to get that high score? People died!
Carla: God! I don't know what is so different about me since I got engaged!
She fiddles with her engagement ring, twisting it off
Todd: Wait, I found one. It's not made of wood... but give me a minute!
Carla slips her ring back on.
Todd: Hey, have you checked Mr. Oberman for hypertension?
Todd: Because I've got hypertension right here!
Elliot: No. Way!
Elliot: Hi, Happy!
Carla: I'm hideous. I can't even get Todd to make a sex joke. Watch this.
Carla: Hey, Todd? I'm all out of the extra-long tongue depressors - do you happen to have one for me?
Todd: Sorry, Carla, I'm all out.
Elliot: How did he not say, "Yeah, in my pants"?
Dr. Cox: Look, Marcia, if I were you, I'd drop this jealousy thing right now.
J.D.: Don't worry about it, champ. It's all right to need me.
J.D.: Look, I know that he's in private practice and everything, but Pete's actually a really cool guy.
Dr. Cox: He is a bad guy; and Newbie, if you're smart, you'll stay away from him.
J.D.: Oh, my God! You're actually jealous that I'm hanging out with another doctor!
Dr. Cox: No, I'm not.
J.D.: Hey, Dr. Cox? Look, I'm so sorry I lied to you last night. I should've just told you I was getting a beer with Pete.
Dr. Cox: Did we just slip into some alternate dimension where I actually give a flying ducky about what you say and do?
J.D.'s Narration: Everyone deals with problems in their own way. Some lash out at others... some just end up lashing out at themselves... and some people just try to hide.
Dr. Cox: (cheerily to the waitress) Nancy! (bitterly to J.D.) Nancy.
J.D.'s Narration: Unfortunately, that never works.
J.D.'s Narration: I felt guilty about blowing off Dr. Cox to grab a beer with Pete. Of course, that was before we got Nancy as our waitress!
Pete: Nancy, the kid's a doctor, for crying out loud! He saves lives! That's worthy of your respect, or at least one drunken weekend in Vegas.
J.D.: Three-day weekend!
Pete: Three-day weekend! Columbus day! That's coming up, right? Come on
Dr. Cox: Oh, hey, buddy! I was just thinking about you! Yeah, I was thinking how it might be real nice to have somebody around here who could help me out. You know, somebody I could call - oh, gosh - "My Resident"... and we'd do stuff together. You know, medical stuff. And it would just be peaches! But then it occurred to me that a guy who looked a hell of a lot like you used to be that guy. Monica! Just because you have a new buddy doesn't mean you can all of a sudden drop all your regular duties. And I know I just said "drop your duties," and, so help me God, if you even smile, I will crush you into two little newbie-cubes and hang you from rearview mirror.
Dr. Cox: Whatta you gotta say for yourself?
J.D.'s Narration: Just do it!
J.D.: I'm sorry... did you say something?
Pete: Welcome to today's lecture: The Biomechanical Reaction of Dr. Perry Cox When He's Not Being Listened To. Stage One: The jaw-clench. Arrrrgggghhhhh!
Pete: Quickly followed by Stage Two: Syllable elongation.
Dr. Cox: Newbie, I re-he-heally don't have time to repeat myself!
Pete: Finally, Stage Three: Dr. Cox begrudgingly offers a little respect, but then distances himself by overusing the word "there."
Dr. Cox: But, I gotta give it to you, there, for yanking my chain, there. There!
Pete: Once you learn the tricks, though, he's easier to deal with; you'll see.
J.D.: Tell me about it.
J.D.: No, no, I'm serious - tell me about it.
Pete: Oh! Ohh. Uh, well, you know when he gets on his rants, he gets all hyped up, his vein starts sticking out of his neck, and he starts yelling at ya - when he's done, just look at him, stare him right in the eye, and say, "I'm sorry, what were you saying?" I don't know why, but it works; trust me.
J.D.: No, I do. Now, how do you get him to stop calling you girl's names.
Pete: Girl's names?
J.D.: Oh. Nevermind.
J.D.: What's up his pooper?
Pete: Actually, I think he's mad 'cause I went into private practice and he's stuck in this hell-hole.
Pete: You wouldn't believe this, but that guy was my mentor, man. I mean, I lived and breathed for that guy's approval.
J.D.: That's lame.
J.D.: I can't believe you did your residency here, too!
Pete: You kidding me? We lived, we loved, we sang to each other, for crying out loud. Hey, Laverne, remember the time you and I got a little crazy, right? Went down to the waterfall, stripped off our scrubs, dove in. You remember that, Laverne?
Laverne: Are you hittin' the crack-pipe?
Pete: See, that's the kind of magic I'm talking about, buddy!
Turk: Dr. Kelso, I have a low-anterior resection later on this afternoon, and I'd really like to exercise in order to be at my best.
Dr. Kelso: Well... I'd really like to have grand-kids someday, but the last five Christmases, my son has brought his roommate Brad home! So, you tell me whether life is fair.
Dr. Kelso: Morning, boys!
Turk: Sir? This is where we play.
Dr. Kelso: Funny. I thought this was where we worked?
Carla: It's like, I don't feel attractive at all lately. Like I've lost my spark or something.
Elliot: Oh, please! Remember what Kelso said about your hair yesterday?
Dr. Kelso: It makes you look frumpy!
Elliot: I thought he said "clumpy"!
Carla: How is that better?
Carla: You don't know.
Elliot: I have a boyfriend, work is going well, I actually feel cute for the first time in my life; my self-esteem cannot be touched!
Carla: It's been so weird since I got engaged.
Elliot: Oh, you're right - I'll never get married! Message received!
Carla: Elliot! This is about me.
Elliot: Oh, really?
Elliot: Ohh, 'kay.
Turk: Sexual arousal?
Elliot: I'm goin' in.
Laverne: Is falling asleep after sex considered narcolepsy? 'Cause if it is, Mr. Roberts got it.
J.D.'s Narration: At a hospital, there's always one sure way to deal with boredom.
J.D.: You guys wanna go laugh at the narcoleptic guy?
J.D.'s Narration: I know it sounds insensitive, but let's face it - narcolepsy is a funny condition.
J.D.: You know, I'm always pulling pranks, too. Like, before, Dr. Cox was like, "Did you do that pre-rounding?"-
Pete: You know what - I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you; I do want to hear the end of that story, though - could you get a pulmonary consult for Sally for me?
J.D.: Yeah, we-yeah.
Pete: You're probably thinking, Why didn't you do that before I got here? But you weren't sure if you'd be over-stepping your boundaries. What if I was some sort of territorial ass with a giant ego - or a territorial ego with a giant ass. Stop me, Sally, please!
Pete: And you're gonna help me. Need you to help me get Sally, here, out of bed; that way I can go back to trying to get her into bed.
Pete: You stop, foxy lady! Look, you're doing great. From now on, just follow your instincts, okay? And you, don't flirt so much.
Sally: Wanna make him jealous?
J.D.'s Narration: Great. Another pretentious private practice guy who's gonna order me around while he counts his money all day.
Pete: Hey! You must be J.D.!
J.D.'s Narration: He knows my name.
Pete: I'm Dr. Fisher - I go by Pete. Never call me Petey, we'll be friends for life. Hey, look at this. Don't believe me? Already got you a latte, buddy. Look at that.
J.D.: Thanks! A latte!
Pete: That's funny! We got a good one, Sally!
J.D.'s Narration: How is that funny? Eh, just go with it.
Dr. Cox: This is Mrs. Gracin's chart - her private practice doctor just showed up, so I am off this one.
J.D.: Well, is there anything I need to do for her lung nodule?
Dr. Cox: Oh, I don't know. What do you say you start her on 20 CCs of It's not my problem anymore!
Dr. Cox: Well, now, Maggie! I can only assume that you are whiling away the morning cat-chatting with your favorite gal-pal because you've already finished your pre-rounding?
J.D.: I haven't even started yet.
Dr. Cox: What?
J.D.: Gotcha! Finished!
Dr. Cox: That's a good one, Newbie. My heart is racing. You are quite the prankster.
J.D.: I could tell you some stories.
Dr. Cox: And if there's a God in heaven, you never will.
J.D.: You know what, some stereotypes are true, Turk. Okay? And, just maybe, black people are a little better at basketball. Whatta you say?
Turk: Maybe a little.
Laverne: Y'all got hockey.
J.D.: How the hell did we lose?! We have Chet!
Chet: Sorry, man.
J.D.: Chet, you suck!
J.D.: I wonder why Dr. Cox and Jordan got divorced? I mean, they act like they hate each other, but I think that's just for show.
Turk: Yeah, whatever. Are you gonna stretch before we play basketball, or what?
Jordan: Oh! Perry, you pee standing up at work! That is so cute! Would you come on? We're on a very tight schedule.
Dr. Cox: You know, Jordan, with all the baby weight you haven't lost yet, I just went ahead and assumed you'd be used to tight things by now.
Jordan: Oh, that's lovely.
J.D.: I have plans tonight.
Dr. Cox: Oh, what plans!?
J.D.'s Narration: Okay, think of something believable. Grandma died! No, no, no, no, don't do that...because if she does die, you'll feel awful; and, let's face it, she's no spring chicken. I should call her. But then, whenever we talk, I have nothing to say - how 'bout asking me how I am for once!
Dr. Cox: Newbie!
J.D.: My grandma died!
Elliot: Thank you!
Janitor: Oh, for what? For doing my job? Come on! This kind of thing gets me up in the morning. That, and the smell of urinal cakes.
Elliot: I just can't believe you had to pee in front of Jordan! I could not do that. I mean, Paul's my boyfriend, and I make him turn the volume way up on the T.V. when I go. Plus, he's not allowed in the apartment an hour before or after I do twosies.
J.D.: Elliot, you're a doctor - stop calling it "twosies."
Elliot: Oh, with patients I say "dookie."
J.D.: Hey, Dr. Cox! Takin' a wizz?
Dr. Cox: We've been over this before, Newbie - eyes front, no talking.
J.D.'s Narration: Okay, fine. I'll just read the wall.
J.D.: "J.D. has a tiny pickle"?
Dr. Cox: Kudos for honesty, there, Newbie - but, again, no talking.
Turk: This is so unfair of Kelso. Everyone has gotta have a way of taking the edge off! You and I, we've got basketball. Nurse Roberts, she's got her stories.
Todd: Some guy named D.R.K. must love Miss PacMan, 'cause he's got the high score of 41 million.
Turk: D.R.K.? Dr. Kelso!
Todd: Oh, Miss Pacman, I would sex that bow right off your head.
Original International Airdates:
Czech Republic: February 25, 2013 on Prima COOL
Includes a cameo with Jay Leno and J.D. takes the place of Kevin (the lead guitarist who always laughs at Leno's jokes)
My Own Private Idaho
The episode title is a take-off on Gus Van Sant's groundbreaking independent film My Own Private Idaho.
Dr. Kelso: "wobble-wobble-wobble"
When Turk notices that his arcade game record has been broken, Dr. Kelso is seen going down the hallway sounding and talking like Ms. Pac-Man.
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