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Dr. Christopher "Chris" Duncan Turk
Dr. Percival "Perry" Cox
Nurse Carla Espinosa
Dr. Robert "Bob" Kelso
Dr. Elliot Reid
Why should J.D have to be the one to move out of the apartment? He found it (as he told Turk in the first episode), and asked Turk to move in.
J.D. said that when a window gets closed, a door gets opened. However, in the actual expression, is the other way around.
In the pilot episode it was established that the apartment belongs to J.D., as he was the one asking Turk to move in with him. Therefore, Turk and Carla should be the ones moving out, not J.D.
Will Quinn, the name on Ed McMahon's check is the name of a Character on a previous episode of Scrubs. (My Journey)
When Carla is gossiping to Elliot, she mentions that Nurse Tisdale is sleeping with the albino radiologist.
We find out in "My Buddy's Booty"" (Season 5) that the albino radiologist is named Jim Bianca. Turk mentions his name in his plot to deny the gym new female-friendly equipment.
"Faith in Angels" by Peter Mayer
"Windmills" by Toad The Wet Sprocket
When J.D returns to his apartment to get his toothbrush, he breaks the radiator with a maglite (weighty metal flashlight), or so he says, but if he did, wouldn't it have made some sort of noise? Considering it's metal hitting metal and struck with enough force to break the radiator, it would've made a loud clunk, but Turk and Carla, who're in the next room, don't hear a thing, and neither do we.
When Kylie finally lets J.D stay the night at her apartment, she lets him in and leaves the door open, when they go over to the bed, Carla knocks on the door and opens it, saying it was unlocked, but the door was never closed in the first place.
J.D.: Aha! Behold, the Twinkie from the first day we moved in! I owe you an apology, Turk. Splitsies?
Turk: Of course. (To Carla) Heh. Want some?
Turk: Okay, fine. More for me.
Ron: You know, uh... I just wanna say that, uh, I'm gonna handle this kid situation so much better than you ever could.
Dr. Cox: Oh, give me a break. I would kick your ass in situation-handling. I'm a doctor, for God sakes. And, for the record, the Vegas odds-makers are makin' Coxy a heavy favorite.
Ron: Well, then, I would just bet on me and make a bundle.
Dr. Cox: You know what? I probably would, too.
Dr. Cox: Ron, there is no easy way to do this, so I'm just gonna go ahead and say it. I think Nathan is autistic... And that's the real reason that I wanted to spend time with him today.
Ron: This is... this is unbelievable.
Dr. Cox: I know, but the good news here is that we found out early, so you can be as proactive as you-
Ron: No, no, no. You are unbelievable. I mean... you can't handle the fact that my kid is better than your kid at building blocks, so you tell me there's something wrong with him?! You know what, uh... why don't you just get the hell out of here, hmm?
Dr. Cox: That's just not gonna happen.
Elliot: I think it is so great that you're gonna talk to your friend. And I know it's gonna be hard, so if you need me, you just say the word and I will jump right in.
Dr. Cox: I need to talk to you about Nathan.
Ron: That little guy's my life.
Elliot: I've gotta go.
Kylie: Todd made you wear a banana hammock to bed?
J.D.: It was horrible. I kept imagining I was an Olympic diver.
Turk: Could you get me a towel so I could wipe this sweat from my head?
Carla: They're all dirty, okay? J.D. used to wash them.
Turk: It's so hot! When the hell is he gonna finish fixing the heater?!
Carla: It's okay! He's a professional - I'm sure he's almost done.
Janitor: This... should not have been removed.
Dr. Cox: Newbie, I've got this one covered.
J.D.: Come on, you two are interracial best buddies. I, too, have a black best friend. Go out, enjoy it! Celebrate your uniqueness! I can do it!
J.D.: Who needs a baby-sitter? I'll do it! You don't even have to pay me in cash, just pay me in hot showers. And you don't have to, like, wash me - unless you want to, but that could be weird. I don't know.
Ron: So, why do you wanna baby-sit my kid? You think I can't handle my own kid?
Dr. Cox: No, that's not it at all. I think you're great with your kid. You're fantastic with your kid. In fact, in fact if you want, you can baby-sit my kid.
Ron: Are we really doing this? 'Cause I'll baby-sit the hell outta your kid.
Dr. Cox: Oh, bring it on, daddy.
J.D.: Does Doug Murphy live here?
Ed McMahon: The pathologist?
Ed McMahon: No. He moved out. Excuse me. I gotta go change somebody's life.
J.D.: Okay... But, Mr. McMahon, would you mind-
Ed McMahon: Hi-ohhhhhhhhhhh!
J.D.: You are correct, sir!
Ted: Come on in. I've got a huge king bed. It'll be nice to have a buffer between me and my mom.
Janitor: Oh, yeah? Well, from what I hear I'm your last option.
J.D.: Options?! I got cable TV and a dead dog! I got plenty of options!
Carla: We should ask him back.
Turk: Baby, no. We're too proud. We are the proud Turks.
J.D.: Hey, guys! The heater's broken again.
Carla: What happened?
J.D.'s Narration: I clubbed it with a Mag-Lite.
J.D.: I could probably stay and fix it. It could take three, four, five days.
Turk: I did a triple bypass yesterday. I think I could fix the heater.
J.D.: Hello! Anybody home?
Carla: J.D., we're right here!
J.D.'s Narration: Tell them you want to come back!
J.D.: I just came by to get my toothbrush.
Elliot: I cannot believe what I just heard!
Dr. Cox: The tick-tocking of your biological clock leading you towards the corner of Celibate and Spinster Way?
Jordan: Sometimes it's great to already have a bastard child.
Dr. Cox: You said it.
Elliot: You know, it is our obligation as doctors to tell someone when there is a problem. And I will bring a child into this world when I am good and ready, not when society dictates I must.
Elliot: Can't we do something else? (A toe floats towards her face) Look, I already said I don't want to play that game, Turk!
Carla: Oh! And Laverne told me that Nurse Tisdale is sleeping with that married albino radiologist.
Elliot: Oh, I feel so bad for his wife.
Carla: Elliot! It's not about empathy, it's about judging people.
Dr. Cox: Say, Ronnie, what say we let the kids play for a while? They could probably play with, uh, I don't know, how about the building blocks that Jack very, very rarely ever even touches?
Ron: You know, uh, Nathan is actually in the 90th percentile in height.
Dr. Cox: Jack's only in the 85th.
Dr. Cox: Of course, he's in the 99th for head size.
Ron: Congratulations. Your son's the Hamburgler.
J.D.: Oh, I don't-I don't have one of those, Todd.
Todd: No problem. What are you, about a medium?
Todd: This'll work. And it'll look good, too.
J.D.: Thanks for letting us crash here, man.
Todd: The Todd's not accustomed to receiving gentleman callers.
Kylie: I'm just not sure I'm comfortable with you sleeping here.
J.D.: Kylie, I hear you. But trust me, this week is not gonna be about sex. Even though I think we both agree that's where we'd eventually like our relationship to end up, right? So what do you say?
J.D.: All right. And d-d-d-don't worry about John Dorian, because I may be poor in pocket, but I'm rich in friends! Elliot, I need to crash at your place for a week.
Dr. Cox: Look, I am not going to let this weekend become about who's a bigger man. Ron's bringing his kid - I can't wait to meet the child. And when he pulls in here in his crappy rent-a-car and he gets one look at my hand-polished Porsche, well, naturally, I'll have the lead.
Jordan: Very exciting.
A helicopter descends in the parking lot and Ron climbs down
Ron: Hoo-hoo! Hey. Hey, guys. Oh, I know the chopper seems like a bit much, but, uh, there was crazy traffic, so I'm having my assistant drive my rental car over from the airport - ah!
A sports car pulls up and honks.
Ron: Well, it hardly seems worth it now, but what the hell?
Jordan: Ah, the intern car wash. Are you saving up so you can finally get those pec implants replaced?
Dr. Cox: Guys, guys, guys. You've all been working here for two years. Now why do I have to keep teaching you the same stuff? I want to see you apply light pressure, small circles.
Lonnie: Can we take a break? The sun is scorching, and I'm very fair-skinned.
Dr. Cox: You've only been out here for eight minutes.
J.D.: What? When have I ever been all up in your space?
Flashback: Turk and Carla are taking a bath
Carla: This is nice.
Show J.D. on the toilet next to them.
J.D.: Whooooo! Sorry about the twosie, guys.
J.D.: Huh. And here I thought that was a lovely evening.
J.D.'s Narration: The dance begins with a subtle hint.
J.D.: I am so pooped.
J.D.'s Narration: Step Two: Sashay her into sympathy.
J.D.: It's chilly out there.
Kylie: It is cold.
J.D.'s Narration: Finally, sweep her off her feet with your vulnerable cuteness.
J.D.: You know what I call this weather? Snuggle weather.
J.D.'s Narration: Tip the band leader and fluff up the pillows, because this dance is done.
Kylie: You should go.
J.D.: I missed you, my African-American friend.
Turk: Call me Brown Bear.
J.D.'s Narration: Get the moment back! Say something hot!
J.D.: Perhaps we could invite Turk and Carla to join us on the bed?
Ron: I'm sorry. Did you just call me black? Because the last time I checked, the correct term was "African-American."
J.D.: Well, Turk lets me call him Brown Bear.
Ron: Who the hell is Turk?!
J.D.: I should go.
Janitor: So I hear you're homeless. I wanna volunteer, give you a place to stay.
J.D.: I don't think so, buddy.
Janitor: Listen, crash in my garage. I guarantee you there will not be another person in there.
J.D.: You're gonna slather jam on my face and sic a family of raccoons on me, aren't you!
Janitor: Damn it. I've become predictable.
Jordan: Perry, if I'm gonna be spending a lot of time with someone else's child, it's gonna be with our neighbor's 17-year-old. And don't think he hasn't asked. Oh...Pablo. Mm.
Dr. Cox: Ron's kid doesn't make eye contact, he barely speaks, and he freaked out when you tried to cuddle him. I mean, hell, if he was an adult, he'd be, well...you know...me. But those behaviors in a child could point towards Autism. I think it's pretty obvious what we have to do.
Jordan: Grit our teeth, get through the weekend, never speak to Ron again?
Dr. Cox: Exactly.
Turk: Okay, you know what, I vote Elliot goes home! Because she's all up in our space, honey! She's in our space!
Elliot: Oh, why? Because I don't want to dish about other people behind their backs or smell your toe?
Turk: Or finger!
Elliot: All I've seen so far is the toe, Turk!
Dr. Cox: All right, Jack, listen to me. Ron's in the bathroom diapering his kid. When he gets out, it's playtime. And, son, lately your coloring's been sloppy and your Elmo song - well, unfortunately, it's lacked heart. Now you and I, we both know that your super-secret go-to toy are your building blocks. Well, it's time to shine, Jackie Cox. It is time to shine. Earn daddy's love on three. One, two, three - earn daddy's love!
Ron: 27-second diaper change.
Dr. Cox: I can change a diaper in twenty seconds.
Jordan: Oh, my God!
Turk: Whenever J.D. and I are bored, we like to play a little game called "toe or finger"?
Turk: You close your eyes, and I run either a toe or finger underneath your nose and try to guess which one it is!Turk: You close your eyes, and I run either a toe or finger underneath your nose and try to guess which one it is! Huh!? Fine. What do you want to do?
Carla: Usually when J.D. gets off work, we gossip about hospital stuff.
Turk: Baby, that sounds a little immature.
Carla: Wanna do it on J.D.'s bed?
Turk: I think it's about time someone did.
Dr. Cox: Look, why don't you bring Nathan over to our place tonight? The kids can play, and we can forget all about this competition crap.
Ron: I'd like that.
Dr. Cox: So would I... Jack is going to kick Nathan's ass at playing!
Ron: Will you be joining us for dinner?
Jordan: No way. Every time we go out, the whole night turns into a giant pissing contest.
Dr. Cox: Tell me this, how's that super sexy mother of yours? She annihilates me!
Ron: You know what, your crush on my mom was cute when we were fourteen, but the woman's 85 now. You need to back off. Or we can ask her out to dinner. I'll have her pop in her "going out" teeth and you two can see if there's any real spark.
Ron: So look at you, Mr. Big Time Doctor!
Dr. Cox: How about you, Mr. Big Time...I don't actually know what you do.
Ron: Man, I've told you a hundred times: I run mergers and acquisitions for a large private equity hedge fund... You've forgotten already, haven't you?
Dr. Cox: No, no. You do hedge clippings for a big farm.
Dr. Cox: You privately acquire hedgehogs... Oh, come on, you got a hog farm. Gimme a break.
J.D.'s Narration: All right, Carla calls the shots. Appeal to her rational side.
J.D.: Carla, I totally understand you guys need your space, but with work and my financial situation, finding a new place is gonna be, minimum, two to four years.
Carla: Come on, Bambi. Aren't there any other married couples that want to live in a small apartment with a 29-year-old man?
J.D.'s Narration: She called me a man! Okay, time to play the best friend card.
J.D.: Turk, I've always had your back and you always had mine. Are you sure you want to go through with this?
Turk: It was my idea.
J.D.: I banged your first girlfriend.
J.D.: I can't believe Turk and Carla are kicking me out.
Elliot: Mm. When I was fifteen, my parents threatened to do the same thing, so I called them on it.
J.D.: They let you stay?
Elliot:: Nope. I lived with the Babcocks for two years. I didn't have a lot of rules, though, because they were really old and they thought I was a ghost.
Jordan: You know, this whole competition thing that you have happening with your high school buddy, it is very, very boring. You know, like you were the homecoming king, he was the prom king. You went to medical school, he went to business school. You got divorced, he got divorced.
Dr. Cox: Yeah, but he never has to see his wife anymore, so technically he's got me beat on that one.
Carla: You have to move out.
J.D.: What? Is this about the bra catapult thing? Because if it's that big a deal, I can throw my own water balloons. I don't need those C-cups.
J.D.'s Narration: Kylie wanted to take things slowly. So, seventeen dates in, I was basically embroiled in the world's longest make-out session.
Kylie: Too much kissing?
J.D.: No, no. Come on, I still have a little saliva left.
J.D.'s Narration: As I felt the onslaught of what can only be described as a vicious tongue cramp, I decided it was time to let Kylie see my favorite dance. The "For God's sake, invite me to stay over" dance.
J.D.: Hey cool picture! Which one of those guys is you?
Todd: Oh I don't swim.
J.D.: You have three kids?
Lonnie: ...that I know of.
Todd: If you are going to stay with the Todd, you are going to have to hammock up.
Ken Jenkins does not appear in this episode. Dr. Kelso appeared with Ted in the scene where the interns are washing Dr. Cox's car, but the scene was cut out of the episode. It can be seen in the Season Four DVD bonus features under Deleted Scenes.
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