Scrubs

(Carla standing in front of Turk's car with Laverne) Carla: Here's the deal. When nobody's looking, we'll grab Steven and make him go bye-bye so there will only be one dog left. So when "Lurch" suddenly shows up with the real Rowdy, Turk will have to assume he is the one who stole him from the car. Got it? Laverne: Whatever, let's do this. (Takes a deep breath) LAVERNE ROBERRRTTS! (Smashes the passenger window.) Carla: I have the keys. Laverne: My Bad.

Elliot: (After Dr. Kelso changed the scrubs colors to brown) I actually don't mind the new scrubs. It really makes my outfit pop.

(J.D. comes out of a fantasy where he and Turk were cavemen) J.D.: I may have killed you, but I think I was upset about it.

Janitor: No, it's not bald black doctor. It's haired, half white half Inuit janitor.

(The power goes out and everyone runs around freaking out) Dr. Kelso: Calm down, people, we have a back-up generator. (The power comes back on) Dr. Kelso: Thank God. I was just bluffing.

Dr. Cox: (To Elliot) Good luck with that, Barb-idiot!

Dr. Kelso: You brought this on yourselves, you thieving bastards.

Carla: White people do the craziest things. Laverne: Like bumper stickers. I don't give a damn what you brake for! Janitor: I know, white people! (Carla and Laverne give him an odd look) No, my...my stepmom is one quarter Inuit, so I'm...part Eskimo. Anyway, small favour. I need your baby. I'm getting into the baby broker business. Nothing illicit, I'm just hooking up folks that can't have babies with folks that don't want babies. Carla: You. Leave.

Elliot: (To Dr. Cox) Oh, you think you're funny? Dr. Cox: I do, I always have, ever since I was little. It's one of the reasons that I'm a winner.

Dr. Kelso: Why so awkward? You never saw a colleague get a happy ending before? Turk: No not...not that happy. J.D.: But thank you for including us.

Random Guy: Hey Grandpa, a little help. Dr. Kelso: Here ya go, sport. But call me grandpa again and you and I are going to play a little game called "hide the wingtip". There may be a generational gap here, I'll explain. The wingtip is my shoe, the hiding place is your ass.

Elliot: Oh and FYI, I happen to like the voice-overs on Grey's Anatomy. Except for when they're really vague and generic. J.D's narration: And so in the end I knew what Elliot said about the way things were had forever changed the way we all thought about them.

Elliot: Why can't you just give Sam a break? Dr. Cox: Look, the only thing Sam did was to go from being a lying drug addict to being a lying drug addict who works here. Elliot: People change, I knew this one migrant worker from our orchard, Ramon. He used to say I hate apple sauce, it destroys the integrity of la manzana, manzana is Spanish for apple, anyway...last time I was home I asked how Ramon was doing, vice president of Motts Applesauce. It's true, Ramon Delgado, look him up on the internet. Dr. Cox: I will. Elliot: Don't, I made it up. The point is, people can change and you know it. Dr. Cox: Nothing ever changes. The artist formerly known as Prince is still just Prince, my ex-wife is still pretty much my wife, Grey's Anatomy always wraps up every episode with some cheesy voice-over that ties together all of the storylines, which incidentally is my least favorite device on television, Newbie continually will try to violate my no-touching policy... (Looks around) ...and Republicans will forever try to raise... J.D.: Sneak hug! (Hugs Dr. Cox) Dr. Cox: Of course I would go kill him right now, but he actually just helped to prove my point. Nurse Roberts: This is gonna help too. There are ten orders of Percocet missing from the pharmacy. Dr. Cox: I think I have a pretty good idea who I'm gonna give my complimentary urine test to... (Points and whistles at Sam)