Season 2 Episode 11

My Sex Buddy

Aired Tuesday 9:30 PM Jan 02, 2003 on NBC



  • Trivia

    • Look closely:
      Around 06:10-06:20 (right after Dr. Kelso waves his chief of staff tag around) J.D.'s name tag keeps magically popping on and off him between scenes.

    • Featured Music:
      "Tell Her This" by Del Amitri
      "Notre Dame Fight Song"

    • Elliot is revealed to be a Republican.

    • Bill Lawrence says in the audio commentary that he threw in the baby freaking out about circumcision because his wife (Christa Miller Lawrence) is very against it in real life.

    • A trumpet fanfare plays in the background everytime someone says "sex buddy". That happens four times throughout the episode.

    • In the beginning of this episode we can clearly see that Zach Braff's hair was cut after the last episode shooting, although this episode starts immediately where the last one left.

    • When Dr. Kelso shows his I.D. to J.D., he says "It's says 'Chief of Medicine', right?". However, it said "Chief of Staff".

  • Quotes

    • Elliot: I... I can't do this.
      J.D.: Okay, less tongue, less tongue.

    • J.D.'s Narration: Hopefully, you see yourself in time to make a change.
      Carla: Unfortunately, we're not comfortable discharging you just yet. I'm really, really sorry.
      J.D.'s Narration: And hopefully you'll be respected for it.
      Mr. Woodbury: You evil little witch!

    • Elliot: Dr. Cox. I just wanted to let you know that Turk did the right thing by taking my patients off of my service.
      Dr. Cox: Noooo. What that yellow-bellied scalpel jock should have done was to go down to Surgery and schedule himself for an early morning add-a-pair-tomy. That way, if it took, he'd have the stones to at least come and talk to you next time he had a problem.
      Elliot: I just can't seem to stop letting my life out there affect my life in here, you know?
      Dr. Cox: Well, hell, Barbie... look at me. It's not like I've always been the centered, well-adjusted guy-smiley you see walking up and down the halls of this dump; I mean, stuff like that takes time. But, eventually, you learn to keep your personal problems separate from this place.
      Elliot: So, what do I do until then?
      Dr. Cox: You get your damn life in order... Oh, and, Barbie? Let's say word were to get out that Uncle Cox was doling out the feel goods? I'll make ya pay - ya have no idea. Huge!

    • J.D. comes up to Turk, grabs the basketball, and kicks it off the lot.
      Turk: Apologize.
      J.D.: Apologize to you?
      Turk: No. To Richard - that was his basketball.
      J.D. turns to see a large staffer with an angry expression
      J.D.: Hello, Richard. I'll tell you what: Tomorrow, at lunch, I'll-I'll-I'll bring you a new basketball... And a hoagie.

    • Dr. Kelso: Ah, maybe Mr. Woodbury will be fine. Maybe he'll be back here in a few days even worse for wear because you rushed him out. Who knows? But, darn it all, though, if what I don't think is the bigger question, is why you even give a hoot?
      Carla: Well, actually, sir, I have this little problem with caring for my patients.
      Dr. Kelso: Still, if you decide later that what you really care about is how much your patients like you, you can always change your mind about letting Mr. Woodbury leave. Hell, I'll even back you up.

    • Dr. Kelso: Well, what's with the mouthful of Chicklets, sweetheart?
      Carla: Oh, no special reason, sir.
      Dr. Kelso: Really? I thought it might be because young Dr. Dorian came to see me with his feathers all up and his voice a-crackin', and told me he was letting Mr. Woodbury go.
      Carla: Oh, did he?
      Dr. Kelso: Yup. And his knees were knocking so loud, I almost didn't see you standing above him, pulling the strings.

    • J.D.: That I.V. looks like it's infiltrating. Nurse must've screwed up.
      Elliot: Um. I did that.

    • J.D.: Well, look at you, Miss No One's Ever Gonna Want Me To Be Their Doctor Again! I don't see Mr. Ellis, here, complaining.
      Elliot: He's in a coma.

    • Turk: Um, what, are you on a break or something?
      Elliot: Well, I have nothing else to do, because none of my patients want to see me.
      Turk: But that's a good thing, right? Because, now, you have time to take care of your life!
      Elliot: Why are you being so weird?
      Dr. Cox: Well, of course, that could be because he's shaving his dome so much lately that the hair is actually starting to grow inward - it's an affliction commonly known as the "infro." But, if I were to guess just exactly why he's been acting weird lately, I would say it's because...he's the one who's been steering your patients away from you... Discuss.

    • Turk: Are you watching 'Sesame Street'?
      Elliot: You know, when I was a kid, I had my first sex dream about Mr. Hooper. Least I think it was a sex dream - he was trying to choke me.
      Turk: Yeah, that-that's sweet.

    • J.D.'s Narration: This is not the time to talk it out. So you just need to get out of the situation without making her suspicious.
      The phone rings.
      J.D.: Hello?... Oh, hi, Mom!... Yeah! I miss you, too! I haven't spoken to you in so long.
      Elliot sneaks out of the room.
      J.D.: Hi, Mr. Turk... No, Chris isn't here... No! No, sir, I didn't say "Mom," I said..."mon," like, "Hey, mon, we be jammin'!"... N-no, sir, I don't think all black people are Jamaican.
      Elliot sticks her head in the door
      J.D.: I-I love you too, Mommy!

    • Elliot: I just don't get it. I mean, why are so many of my patients switching off on me? Are my hands that cold? You didn't tell anyone that I'm Republican, did you?

    • J.D.'s Narration: What did you do? All right, don't panic! Maybe she didn't enjoy it... Oh, come on, who're you kidding?

    • Elliot: J.D., I had such a crappy day. I really need you right now. Come here.
      J.D.'s Narration: She needs you? Oh, my God, Turk was right. You have to stop kissing her, and put an end to this before she gets hurt!
      Elliot: Is there something wrong?
      J.D.'s Narration: Eh, she's a tough kid - you can tell her later.

    • J.D.: Elliot? What are you doing?
      Elliot: Sitting in the dark... crying. So, you know, the usual.

    • Elliot: How's Mr., uh... Lawrence doing?
      Dr. Cox: I'm afraid that's no longer any of your business - he's not your patient as of 2 o'clock this afternoon. He asked for a new doctor.
      Elliot: That's the second patient to switch off of my service today, what is the deal?
      Dr. Cox: Maybe they were both so overwhelmed by the high quality of your care that they just couldn't stand it another second.

    • Turk: I don't wanna get all Dr. Phil on you, but the last time I checked, women have a hard time separating sex from emotions. So, you may think you're just tappin' that right now, but pretty soon she's gonna be like, "J.D., I need you."
      J.D.: Look, if it ever got that emotional, I'd break it off.
      Turk: Okay. Oh, by the way, dude right there is totally hitting that dude! He's totally hitting him!
      J.D.: You are good!
      Turk: I know.
      J.D.: I'm so glad Esteban found someone!

    • J.D.'s Narration: Okay, just give her a casual nod - you don't want Turk to know what's going on.
      Turk: Dude, you're totally hitting that.
      J.D.: How do you do that?
      Turk: It's a gift.

    • Carla: You know, Mr. Woodbury's son is getting married this weekend; he keeps asking me if he's gonna be able to go.
      J.D.: He's had a nasty case of pneumonia. Let's see. [reads the chart] Well, his leukocytosis is resolved, and his blood cultures are negative... Tell him we'll do the best we can.
      Carla: Oh, come on! Can't we just tell him that he can go?
      J.D.: Where's the wiggle room in that? There's no wiggle!

    • Turk: Elliot! You said you were gonna get that CAT-scan of Mrs. Credin's abdomen.
      Elliot: I have been crazy-busy. I was stuck on the phone all morning with bill collectors who, by the way, are obsessed with money! I spent an hour in my truck looking for clean bras because all I've got left is this date-night push-up one - and, to be honest, I don't like working with these things under my chin all day. Plus, I am walking someplace right now, and, for the life of me, I can't remember where.
      Turk: Don't worry about it, I'll take care of it for you.
      Elliot: Thanks.
      Turk: Mm-hmm.
      Elliot: Bathroom!

    • Woman: Well, you've always said you felt insufficient, so why-
      Man: Dr. Kelso, my wife simply won't listen to reason-
      Dr. Kelso: Mr. Merrick, even if your son isn't circumcised, he will still look like you! 'Course, he'll have to put on a couple hundred pounds.
      Man: What?
      Dr. Kelso: I kid. You're a dashing man, just dashing. Have you modeled?

    • Elliot: I'm so relaxed. It's like I totally forgot about being a doctor, you know?
      J.D.: You're a doctor?
      Elliot: Problem is that we already know that we don't work as a couple.
      J.D.: Oh, we're a train wreck.
      Elliot: So we can't keep doing this.
      J.D.: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hello, and whoa!
      Elliot: J.D., it's just sex.
      J.D.: Look, Elliot, we're adults. I don't think we have to apologize for enjoying what we're doing.
      J.D.'s Narration: And that's when she said the words every man is dying to hear.
      Elliot: I guess we could just be sex buddies.
      J.D.: If you want...

    • J.D.: Ugh! What a day! Whoo-ee! I am as stressed out and vulnerable as I was last night.
      Elliot: Me too.
      J.D.: What to do? What to do... what to do, what to do, what to do?
      Elliot: I don't feel like doing anything.
      J.D.: Oh, come on, we could-we could rent a movie... got a fresh pack of Uno cards... You know what we could do? We could have sex again - I'm throwing it out there.
      Elliot: Bite me.
      J.D.: Oh, come on! I'm sorry, I was kidding! I'm just-it's just a joke!
      Elliot: No, I mean it - like you did last night... Come bite me.

    • Carla: There're really no medical advantages to circumcision.
      Woman: I told you.
      Man: I'm not talking about medical, I'm talking about personal.
      Woman: And you wanted to slice into his manhood to pluck his fruit.

    • Carla: Congratulations again. He is beautiful.
      Man: I was wondering about circumcision.
      J.D.: Well, you're a little old... um... But, I-I do have a roommate who's a surgeon - he owes me a favor, I could-
      Carla: Talking about their son, Bambi.
      J.D.: Oh! Well, now... see, that we're set up for.

    • Turk: What'cha watching, buddy?
      J.D.: Animal Planet.
      Turk: Why does that one monkey keep biting the other one on the ass?
      J.D.: I don't know... but she seems to love it!

    • Elliot: The point is, we were stressed out and vulnerable, and we made a mistake.
      J.D.: Four times... And a half, if you count that last thing.

    • J.D.: How did this happen?
      Elliot: J.D., I'm homeless; I have no money, and everything I own is outside in a truck - my life's a mess. Plus, you were... going through... a lot, too...
      J.D.: My peep was on the fritz. Much better now, thank you for asking.

    • Elliot: What the hell, Turk!
      Dr. Cox: Ohhh, good, Barbie! Now really access the anger!
      Elliot: How could you do that to me?
      Dr. Cox: Yeah, honestly. How could you?
      Turk: Okay, I just wanted to protect you - give you a little break.
      Dr. Cox: The old "I'm trying to help you" gambit? Barbie, see through that. Yo' kick him! Yo' kick him right now!
      Turk: Elliot...
      Dr. Cox: "I'm sorry!"

    • Dr. Cox: Well, hell, Barbie... look at me. It's not like I've always been the centered, well-adjusted guy-smiley you see walking up and down the halls of this dump.

    • Janitor: Yeah, there's been some break-ins, I had to change all the locks on these lockers. You should have gotten your new combination in the mail.
      J.D.: Well, I didn't. Do you know what it is?
      Janitor: Yeah.
      J.D.: But you're not gonna tell me, are you.
      Janitor: Can't. Janitor-locker confidentiality.

    • Todd: T-Dog, that was big of you to cover for Elliot. You know, I had a good mind to spank her yesterday.
      Turk: What, she screw up with one of your patients, too?
      Todd: No.

    • Janitor: What's all that about?
      J.D.: Oh, I... can't tell you, it's, you know, doctor-patient confidentiality.
      Janitor: Oh, right. Tell me.
      J.D.: No, no, I'm-I'm not kidding. I... can't.
      Janitor: Can't... or won't?
      J.D.: Can't!
      Janitor: WON'T!

    • Dr. Cox: What's up Laverne?
      Laverne: This Friday, my church group's doing a production of "Rent", if you wanna go.
      Dr. Cox: Yeah... what's up that doesn't make me wanna shoot myself.

    • Dr. Cox: Hey chum, what do you say? Listen, I just wanted to tell you not to worry about getting that silly CAT scan on Mrs. Creeden, cause it turns out I'm just gonna rip her stitches open, jam my head in there and have a look around in there for myself. Damnit, when I tell you to do something, you sure as hell better get it done.

    • Dr. Kelso: Stay away from definite answers. Leave yourself some wiggle room. Say things like, "We'll do what we can," or "We'll get back to you on that," or "Hell I don't know."
      J.D.: Couldn't think of a third one sir?
      Dr. Kelso: That was the third one. Ass face.

    • Dr. Kelso: Does this name tag say Chief of Medicine?
      J.D.: Ah yes sir.
      Dr. Kelso: Funny, because that couple back there said, "Hi I'm Bob, ask me about your baby's johnson." Damnit, in my hospital we do not go out on a limb with our opinons.

    • Dr. Cox: Oh joy! I get to work on Mrs. Creeden with the Wonder Twins. Dear Lord, what in thy most Holy Name have I done to offend thee so?
      Elliot: My brother Bradley and I used to always pretend that we were the Wonder Twins. He would always become "form of a dragon" and then I would wanna be a dragon too, but he said I'd be something made of water so I'd be like "shape of an ice dragon" and then he'd say I was copying him and he'd breathe on me and I'd have to melt but it was still so awesome.
      Dr. Cox: That's funny, I don't recall asking for a really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, re-he-heally boring story. My God barbie! Don't you understand no one cares?
      Turk: I care.
      Dr. Cox: Correction. No one important cares.

    • J.D.: Time to take the "G R" off my gratitude and give that old bastard some attitude, J.D. style
      Carla: His office is that way.
      J.D.: I know, I have to go throw up first.

  • Notes

  • Allusions

    • Dr. Cox refers to Elliot and Turk as "The Wonder Twins". The Wonder twins were a set of fraternal twins (boy and girl) who joined the justice league. They had rings that when connected allowed the girl to change into any animal and the boy into anything made of water.

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