Scrubs Season 6 Episode 10

Carla: Elliot, you can't test love. When I first met Turk, it seemed he was more in love with his best friend than me!
Turk: Honey, they got that almond biscotti J.D. loves; I was wondering if I could borrow some money so I could get him some.
Carla: No, you got him a present yesterday. (Turk runs off in a huff)

J.D.: It looks like tiny hamsters died all over your face.
Janitor: That happened once, but no, this is just how I grow facial hair.

Elliot: Living with a guy before marriage makes me feel too whorey.
Laverne: You can live in separate states but if you're doing the nasty before you get married, your ass is going to burn.

Lloyd: What's up?
J.D.: Thanks for the ride, Lloyd, this DUI is such a hassle.
Lloyd: Been there, bro'. Been there.
J.D.: Alcohol?
Lloyd: Crack...hey, by any chance do you like speed metal?
J.D.'s narration: I did not.

J.D.: Hey, hey, hey, what is up with the giant novelty pen?
Anne: It's an occupational therapy pen. Brian can't hold small objects.
J.D.: I had an ex-girlfriend who had the same problem! Kidding, no she didn't...that's awkward!

Elliot: (To Keith) Oh babe, I didn't want whipped cream.
Keith: Let me fix it for you, babe.
Carla: (To Turk) And this isn't soy.
Turk: Sucks to be you.

Dr. Cox: (To Turk) It really is just super that you're here with us as a reminder that surgeons really are simply ignorant scalpel jocks. Hell, after surgery if there's the slightest medical issue you just turf the patient right down to us, the real doctors, so we can pick up your slack. You cut, and run. If you will. (To other residents) That's right, it's not just a phrase used by political pundits who wear bow ties. It is also the number one reason that all of you should pray to God, or, in your case Rex, Moko, the Samoan Bird King, that you never have to be treated by these flesh hungry butchers.

Turk: (About Dr. Cox) I don't understand why you're so devoted to that guy.
J.D.: He's got this strange power. Eventually you'll crave his approval and become just like me.
Turk: Puhh! (Stares off into space and thinks) But still, as I thought about Dr. Cox, I knew J.D was right.
J.D.: See!

Dr. Cox: Good morning, reasons why I drink. You may have noticed that we have a new face in our group.
Turk: Oh, these glasses, they're not prescription, but, uh, I figured I wear them so I could fit in with you medical geeks. Y'know what I'm sayin'.

Elliot: Yeah, I don't see what's insane about not wanting spiders to lay eggs in my corn flakes. That's how Carla's mom died.
Carla: No it wasn't!
Elliot: You're supposed to be my best friend!

Elliot: Do you know how lucky you are to have a husband? I mean, I've got a brand new home, I am totally ready to start my life...but I just don't know if Keith is marriage material. My mom thinks I should test his love by saying I'm knocked up. If he doesn't propose on the spot, I just demand that he gives me $600 for the abortion, dump him, and ease my sadness with a brand new pair of Jimmy Choo's. That's how she got her rad shoe collection in college.