Season 3 Episode 3

My White Whale

Aired Tuesday 9:30 PM Oct 23, 2003 on NBC



  • Trivia

    • Continuity: Doctor Cox claims that Jordan hasn't let him make any decisions when it comes to their son, but Doctor Cox chose to name him Jack in 'My Interpretation'.

    • Featured Music:
      "Disappear" by Dina D'Allesandro
      "Loving You" by Minnie Riperton

  • Quotes

    • Sean: J.D., it's no big deal. We both know that it wasn't about that. Well, you... you like Elliot.
      J.D.: Sorry.
      Sean: Don't sweat it.
      J.D.: You're not pissed off? I'd be pissed off. Why aren't you pissed off?
      Sean: I dunno. I guess I just... I don't see you as that much of a threat.
      J.D.: Ohh... Cool.

    • J.D.: Hey, Sean, you were right about me and my interns. I guess I owe you an apology.
      Carla: Damn straight, you do! You know what your problem is, Bambi? You're-
      Turk picks her up and carries her off.
      Carla: Oh! Turk! Please? Just one more second? I need the rush! Please? I'm coming back for you!

    • Bruce performs a beatboxing routine
      Elliot: Oh, my God, Bruce! That was amazing! Where did you learn how to do that?
      Bruce: In temple.

    • Elliot: And... the reason that I came back here is because you said that Bruce and I are alike. And you know what? You're right. Because you're treating him the exact same way you treated me when I first got here! Dr. Kelso, you only judge us by these, like, twenty-minute, pressure-filled windows that you see us through twice a week, and you-you never get to know us or how hard we really work. Because, if you did, you'd realize that a lot of the times we fail, it's not our fault - it's yours.
      Dr. Kelso: Is that how you feel, future dentist?
      Bruce: W-well... sometimes you make me feel like... I can't do anything well, and I can do lots of things well!
      Dr. Kelso: Like what?
      Bruce: I'm a pretty solid human beat-box.
      Elliot: Bru-Bruce, I think he was talking about medical... things.

    • Dr. Kelso: That's horrible work. Horrible!
      Elliot: Dr. Kelso, I do have something to say.
      He gives her a blank look.
      Elliot: Remember earlier, you asked me if I had something to say?
      Dr. Kelso: No!
      Elliot: Well, you did.

    • Dr. Cox: You have kids?
      Dr. Norris: One. She hates dolls.
      Dr. Cox: Boy, that's a bummer.
      Dr. Norris: Tell me about it.

    • J.D.: S-sh-I don't care, Sean! Come on, Turk!
      Turk: Hey. I just wanted you to know I don't have a problem with you, I just can't resist a good storm-off.
      Sean: Oh, who can?

    • Dr. Cox: Enjoy. I didn't cut the hand off - I used a different puppet for that.
      Dr. Norris: Well, if you want, you could give that one to me and I could fix it. And have it... for the kids.

    • Turk: Think about it, man. Cox has taught you the most since you've been here, right? Do you really think he gives a damn whether you like him or not?
      J.D.: I'd like to think so.
      Dr. Cox: Out of my way, space-waster!
      Turk: I felt the love.
      J.D.'s Narration: Catch him and kick him in his junk!

    • J.D.: S-sh-I don't care, Sean!
      J.D.: Come on, Turk!
      Turk: Hey. I just wanted you to know I don't have a problem with you, I just can't resist a good storm-off.
      Sean: Oh, who can?

    • J.D.: Look, Brian, if you're having that much trouble with your case report, I'd be glad to take a look at it for you, pal.
      Brian: Cool. Try to have it back by 5.
      J.D.: O...kay. I have a lot of things to do...but...

    • Dr. Kelso: Fantastic, sport. But that's the brachial artery and it's not how we draw blood. Now, if we need to inject him with heroin, you'll be the first one I call.
      Elliot: Dr. Kelso...
      Dr. Kelso: What is it, Dr. Reid? Do you have something to say?
      Elliot: ...No.
      Dr. Kelso: You know, son, you remind me of her so much, you're just a break-down in the supply closet away from being the same person!

    • Elliot: So, how are your interns doing?
      Doug: Hey, yeah, it still burns a little, but at least I can hear okay.

    • Jordan: Carla?
      Carla: Hm?
      Jordan: You're one of them bossy-pants types who always tells people their problems whether they ask for it or not, right?
      Carla: I like to think I've learned when to hold back.
      Jordan: You're in.
      Carla: You've totally lost sight of what's important, here. You are a parent now, okay? You don't come first anymore-
      Jordan: No.
      Carla: You've got to do what's best for your son, even if it means sucking up to the one doctor on earth who's more obnoxious than you are.
      Jordan: Well...
      Carla: Oh, my God. I loved doing that so much, it makes my hand shake a little!

    • Dr. Cox: Mmmmgh! Norris hasn't budged, and he just moved the appointment back to six, the rat-bastard!
      Jordan: Watch your language in front of the kid, you stupid bicky-bicky!... You see, I am adapting. You, on the other hand, are behaving like a complete lunatic.

    • Elliot: You be nice to the teacher, okay? I'm sleeping with him... Oh, my God! I haven't said that since college!

    • Elliot: The kid's a good doctor, he just... falls apart every time Kelso looks over his shoulder.
      Sean: Well, why don't you just tell Kelso to back off?
      Elliot: I-I've taken a lot of positive steps this year but when it comes to standing up to Kelso, I just... I can't get over that hump yet. He's like my white whale.
      Sean: Yeah... Mine's Frank.
      Elliot: Oh, no, I meant like in 'Moby Dick' - Kelso is a giant pain in my ass.
      Sean: Oh. Well, thing is, I love Frank. Just... he can drive me crazy every now and then.

    • Dr. Cox: Hello, David. I've been expecting you.
      Dr. Norris: Agh!
      Dr. Cox: Yeah, I just thought I'd come by and play with some of your stuffed animals and, I know, I know, they're "for the kids", heh. Also, wanted to let you know that I will be bringing my son by this morning.
      Dr. Norris: Yeah, I don't think so, there, chief. Where's Mr. Cookiepants?
      Dr. Cox: Oh, que pasa?
      Dr. Norris: I said, Where's Mr. Cookiepants!?
      Dr. Cox: He's in a safe place, Dave.
      Dr. Norris: If you touch one hair on his head, I swear to God I'll inject your kid with chickenpox!
      Dr. Cox: No, you won't.
      Dr. Norris: I know. For God's sakes, it's an innocent doll!
      Dr. Cox: No, David. It's a collectible.
      Dr. Norris: Whatever.

    • Dr. Norris: Is his temperature under a hundred-point-five?
      Dr. Cox: Barely.
      Dr. Norris: Eating, peeing, pooing?
      Dr. Cox: Sometimes all at the same time. Come on, it's a really persistent cough. What do you say?
      Dr. Norris: Office hours, tomorrow, 5 o'clock. Bye-bye.
      Dr. Cox: I'm gonna go ahead and put this in a language that you can understand. (puppet voice) You had better see my son now, or I'm gonna kick your ass.

    • Dr. Norris: You know, Benjamin, it's not a bad thing that you play with it, it's just that your mom wants you to take breaks for meals!

    • Janitor: What the? Maybe I diluted this too much.
      The Janitor brushes the moistened rag against Doug's ear and a sizzling sound occurs.
      Doug: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaagggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
      Janitor: Eh, can't blame the cleanser.

    • J.D.: Brian? You know how to place an NG tube, don't you?
      Brian: You did it for me both times.
      J.D.: Jimmy, didn't you do one yesterday?
      Jimmy: No, you let me go home 'cause I forgot to set my TiVo for the Styx 'Behind the Music'?
      J.D.: Do not miss that! It's awesome!

    • Elliot: Bruce! This is gonna be your third Foley cath. in a row! You can do this. You didn't need to page me seventeen times between the time I bought the rum-raisin muffin and then... threw it away because alcoholism runs in my family.

    • J.D.: Hey, Carla? Hey... I had to redo the NG tube one of your nurses put on Mrs. Hemmel, so if you could spread the word to leave that to me and my guys, it would be great.
      Carla: Oh, no problem, Bambi. Oh! But the reason my nurses had to do that is because none of your interns know how. So if you keep flapping your mouth without knowing all the facts, I'm gonna see if I can fit my foot in it!
      J.D.: Okay. Good talk!

    • Dr. Cox: Yeah, but, still... He is the best pediatrician on staff, and since we both work here we're gonna have a lot of pull over him. I mean, come on, Jordan, you haven't let me make one decision about our son. Which is why, by the way, you'll be doing the answering when he asks why daddy's wee-wee doesn't have a turtleneck on it like his.
      Jordan: Yeah, fine. Whatever you said.

    • Dr. Cox: I love him!
      Jordan: Of course you do - he's you! And nobody loves you more than you! You know that.

    • Dr. Cox: I think, Dr. Norris, what we're looking for is someone who's not too alarmist but also not too lax, either.
      Dr. Norris: Oh, God, please let that someone be me!
      Jordan: Look, you're obviously a little busy with your doll...
      Dr. Norris: My doll? It's a collectible.
      Jordan: Someone's gonna get his ass bit!

    • Dr. Kelso: Well, if it isn't Dr. Haircut and her not-ready-for-primetime players!

    • Dr. Kelso: Well, don't worry about it, son, those things are a dime a dozen.
      Bruce: Really?
      Dr. Kelso: In fact, if you get bored, why don't you just hijack an ice cream truck and drive it through our brand new pathology lab? But do me a favor and spare the paper shredder, because I'll need that to turn your next twelve paychecks into a clown wig you can wear for the rest of your internship!

    • J.D.: Look, guys, I'm not here to overwork ya, okay? I'm not--I'm not just your resident - I'm your buddy, I'm your go-to guy... I'm J.D.
      J.D.'s Narration: Of course, my tack had its own drawbacks.
      J.D.: But it is crucial I have everyone here at 9 a.m. sharp tomorrow, okay?
      Intern 1: Oh, uh... is it cool if I come at 9:30?
      J.D.: Absolutely. Anyone else need to be late?
      Intern 2: I can't.
      Intern 3: Bad for me.
      J.D.: Okay, well, why don't we-why don't we just make it 10, then? Okay? Break!
      Intern 4: I can be here at 9.
      J.D.: But I said 10!

    • J.D.'s Narration: In a hospital, lots of things last longer than you wish they would... Especially certain stupid relationships with stupid Sea World trainers who stole my stupid girl!
      Sean: Well, I've, uh, I've got whales to train.
      J.D.: Stupid whales.

    • Janitor: Heh-hah-hah. You drew on the wall. You drew on the wall!
      J.D.: You pulled the paper away!
      Janitor: Stop lyin'. It's gonna come off, right?
      J.D.: Dan, don't! That's dad's indelible space pen! And prom is in like two weeks!
      Cut to...FRONT PORCH
      J.D.: Good evening Mr. and Mrs. Shefford. I'm... here to pick up Amy for... prom.
      J.D. has P R O M ! scribbled on his forehead.
      J.D.: Yeah, that-that'll come off - you won't have to get laser surgery or skin from your ass or anything.

    • Dr. Norris: Zachary, remember what Mr. Cookiepants always says about blowing your nose: "If it's clear, have no fear; if it's bloody, come see your buddy!" What do you want?
      Jordan: Well, we're looking for a new pediatrician for our son...
      Dr. Norris: And you figured that, even though my patient load is full, since you're on the board of directors and Dr. Cox here is not only an attending at the hospital but also an internationally renowned pain-in-the-ass, you both could show complete disregard for my schedule and make me want to cause you grievous bodily harm even before we were properly introduced...? Helloooo. I'm Dr. Norris.
      Jordan: Charmed.

    • Dr. Cox: This time, try not to scare off the doctor.
      Jordan: I did not scare off the last guy!
      Dr. Cox: You bit him.
      Jordan: I tripped and my teeth hit his shoulder.
      Dr. Cox: Uh-huh. And once that happened, did you clamp down a little bit? Jordan!
      Jordan: Well-
      Dr. Cox: Oh, you come on!
      Jordan: Well, he had a bad attitude!

    • Sean: Ohhh. Dolphins won again.
      Elliot: Mmm.
      Sean: Here you go.
      Sean holds the paper out to the tank. A killer whale surfaces and "reads" it
      Sean: I'm gonna be hearing about this all day.

    • Dr. Cox: We'll be back with our decision.
      Dr. Norris: Super! I'll be by my giant pretend phone pretending to give a crap.
      Dr. Cox: Oh, by the way-
      Dr. Norris: Brring! (Picks up giant phone) Hellooo? (Covers receiver and looks back at Dr. Cox) Ooh, sorry, gotta take this.

    • Sean: J.D., may I offer a little constructive criticism?
      J.D.'s Narration: Kick him in the crotch dammit! The crotch!

    • Dr. Cox: Disturbing fetishes aside, I-I feel like I owe you an apology on account of acting like a jackass. But I don't think that my son should be the one who has to pay for it.
      Dr. Norris: You actually think that I would endanger the health of a child because you're a jackass? Look, buddy, most of the parents I deal with are jackasses; now, don't get me wrong, you're in the top five.

    • J.D.: Okay, that's it. I-I-I'm sorry, Sean, I'm a doctor, okay? I-I'm teaching humans, not dolphins, okay? So it isn't really helpful for me to know what works on fish.
      Sean: They're mammals, actually.
      J.D.: Oh, well, Sean! Unfortunately for me, my interns aren't mammals!
      Sean: J.D., they are.

    • Elliot: What are you doing?
      Bruce: It's just a nervous habit. It helps me concentrate.
      Elliot: Yeah, well, you know what helps me concentrate?
      Bruce: Me not doing that?
      Elliot: No, bunnies.

    • J.D.: The girl one just called you "Dr. Jerk"!
      Turk: No sweat. You should hear what they call Dr. Mickhead.
      J.D.: ...What?

    • Sean: Hey J.D., I was thinking we'd start out with me watching how you interact with your interns and then your brain's gonna tell you to be a little self-conscience but you just need to ignore the voice in your head.
      J.D.'s Narration: Kick him in the crotch and run.
      J.D.: I'll try Sean.

    • Turk: These right here, you see these names? They are called patients. This one needs brain work, this one needs a heart...
      J.D.: This one needs courage.
      Turk: Helping or hurting J.D., helping or hurting?!

  • Notes

  • Allusions

    • Title: "My White Whale":
      The title is a reference to Herman Melville's Moby Dick, in which a character named Captain Ahab ends up losing an entire ship, its crew, and even his own life in pursuit of a white whale upon whom he has sworn revenge.

    • The Wizard of Oz:
      Turk: These, right here, you see these names? They are called patients. This one needs brain work, this one needs a heart...
      J.D.: This guy needs courage.

      This is an allusion to The Wizard of Oz, a movie where a girl from Kansas helps a scarecrow, a lion, and a tinman find a brain, courage, and a heart.

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