Scrubs Season 9 Episode 1

J.D.: I'm having a little trouble getting my teacher groove going.
Dr. Cox: Maybe you suck at it.
J.D.: Why do you have to lash out, Perry? Stay open for business in here, in your heart cage.

Cole: You know that bust you pass on your way to pick up your tiny paycheck? Notice any resemblance? Symmetric features, strong jaw? Yeah, that's my pop pop. He paid for this whole building. So here's the skinny, I'm Teflon. You can fire bullets at me if you want, but be careful 'cause when they ricochet off me they sometimes hit other people...pa-ching, pa-ching.

J.D.: Everyone take a mix CD on their way out! For those of you who are a fan of a young miss Miley Cyrus, I recommend the green ones, she's heavily featured!

Ben: You look like you could use a grape!
Lucy: Thanks Ben, I really could.
Dr. Cox: No stealing food from patients.

Turk: In my class you will each be graded by the color of your skin. If you're white raise your hand, F's.

Denise: Little administrative thing, if you're going to kill yourself, I'm looking at you, "sad eyes", do it off campus 'cause it is a butt load of paper work.

Denise: Joining us, gramps? You know 'cause you're old for a med student. They told me to give out fun nicknames for team building.
Drew: It's working!

Dr. Cox: The only exception to this very true rule is the following, if you are lucky enough to go to a great medical school then my children you got a real shot. Unfortunately you're all screwed because to call this particular school a crap house would be an honest to god compliment.

Lucy: Hi, I'm Lucy
Cole: Cole... hey after class wanna go somewhere and get weird with each other?
Lucy: I feel like you skipped a few steps.