Season 3 Episode 11

The Alternate Side

Aired Thursday 9:00 PM Dec 04, 1991 on NBC



  • Trivia

    • After George comes out of the bathroom looking for a bucket of water, he comes out and looks out the window. In the very next shot, he is standing behind the counter drinking a soda, when he should be parking cars.

    • Owen is not wearing a sweater, when Elaine shows up at Jerry's apartment with him. He is wearing the same suit all through the time we see him in Jerry's apartament.

    • When Elaine shows up at Jerry's apartment with Owen, Owen is wearing a sweater, then a moment later he's lying on the couch wearing a suit, completer with shirt and tie.

    • When Kramer is first introduced into this episode, he leaves Jerry's apartment door open. The door is closed a few moments later.

  • Quotes

    • Jerry : (About an unconscious Owen) Should we walk him around?
      Krammer: Yeah, Yeah. I've seen them do that.
      Jerry: No, no, that's for a drug overdose.
      Krammer: Maybe that's what he's got.
      Elaine : No, no, no, Krammer, I just had lunch with him. He didn't leave the table.
      Krammer: Well, he could've dropped acid when you weren't looking.

    • Jerry: (Closing monologue) I think the best part of a relationship is when you're sick. And the best part of being sick is when you're in a relationship. And if I was to get married, you know all those vows; for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse, all I need is the sickness. That, to me, is the most important one. Do you take this man in sickness? That's the only time I need somebody there. Rest of the time, go out, have a ball, do whatever you want, but if I get the sniffles, you better be there.

    • Jerry: (Opening monologue) Seems to me the way they design the car alarm is so that the car will behave as if it was a nervous hysterical person. Anyone goes near it, anyone disturbs it, it's aaaaaahhhhhhh! Lights flashing on and off, acting all crazy. Not everybody wants to draw that much attention to themselves, wouldn't it be nice if you could have a car alarm that was a little more subtle? You know, somebody tries to break in, it goes, Ahem. Ahem. Excuse me? I would like a car alarm like that.

    • Agent: Sir, if you had read the contract--
      Jerry: Did you see the size of that document? It was like the Declaration of Independence! Who's gonna read that?

    • Elaine: I'll be ostracized from the community.
      Jerry: What community? There's a community?
      Elaine: Of course there's a community.
      Jerry: All these years I'm living in a community, I had no idea.

    • Elaine: (singing to Owen) Yankee beans, Yankee beans, I like my Yankee beans.

    • Sid: (to George) Moving cars from one side of the street to the other don't take no more sense than puttin' on a pair of pants. My question to you is: who's puttin' your pants on?

    • Elaine: Could you go out with a 66-year-old woman?
      Jerry: Well, I'll tell ya, she would have to be really vibrant. So vibrant, she'd be spinning.

    • George: (taking the lunch check) Here, let me get that. I smashed your car, cost you $2,000...
      Jerry: Yeah, a cup of coffee should cover that.

    • Elaine: So, was Mia Farrow there?
      Kramer: Uh, I didn't see him.

    • Elaine: Can you die from an odor? I mean like if you were locked in a vomitorium for two weeks, could you actually die from the odor?
      Jerry: An overdose of odor? Good question.
      George: Do I smell?

    • George: Woody mentioned me? What did he say?
      Kramer: He said, "Who's the moron in the blue jacket who's got the street all screwed up?"

    • Paramedic: Who put cookies in his mouth?

    • Kramer: I might have a whole new career on my hands, huh?
      Jerry: You mean a career.

    • Elaine: Seven dates is a face-to-face break up?
      Jerry: If it was six I could have let you go, but seven, I'm afraid, is over the limit. Unless, of course, there was no sex.
      Elaine: Hmm... how's the pasta over there?

    • Elaine: (on Owen) I love being with him. I mean, I like being with him. It's okay being with him. (scene changes) I just don't enjoy being with him.

    • Rental Agent: Alright. We have a blue Ford Escort for you Mr. Seinfeld. Would you like insurance?
      Jerry: Yeah, you better give me the insurance, because I am gonna beat the hell out of this car.

    • Elaine: (on Owen) You'd really like him.
      Jerry: Why do people always say that? I hate everyone, why would I like him?

    • Jerry: Owen March? I never heard of him.
      Elaine: Well, he's not a baseball player.

    • Jerry: That's my car!
      Car thief: I didn't know it was yours.
      Jerry: What are you gonna do with it?
      Car thief: I dunno, drive around.
      Jerry: Then can I have it back?
      Car thief: Hmmm, nah. I'm gonna keep it.

    • Elaine: Guess who I bumped into. Owen.
      George: He's alright?
      Elaine: Yeah, he's almost fully recovered. He told me he was just using me for sex.

    • Jerry / Elaine / Kramer / George: These pretzels are making me thirsty!

    • Jerry: I don't understand. Do you have my reservation?
      Car Rental Assistant: We have your reservation, we just ran out of cars.
      Jerry: But the reservation keeps the car here, that's why you have the reservation.
      Car Rental Assistant: I think I know why we have reservations.
      Jerry: I don't think you do. You see, you know how to TAKE the reservation, you just don't know how to HOLD the reservation. And that's really the most important part of the reservation: the holding. Anybody can just take them.

  • Notes

  • Allusions

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