Season 6 Episode 16

The Beard

Aired Thursday 9:00 PM Feb 09, 1995 on NBC
out of 10
User Rating
142 votes

By Users

Episode Summary

Elaine tries to convert a gay man to heterosexuality. George, who's now wearing his toupee, discovers that the woman Kramer has set him up with, is bald. Kramer gives a homeless man some Chinese food and begins standing in police lineups for $50 a lineup. Jerry begins to date a cop, but she wants him to take a lie detector test, she thinks he is lying about NOT watching Melrose Place.moreless

Who was the Episode MVP ?

  • Funniest episode of the series

    I don't see how this could be below a 9 on this site. Every principal character has a subplot, and each one is hilarious. Kramer's role is the weakest, as his attention is divided between getting Tupperware back from a homeless guy and standing in a police lineup, which seems to go nowhere as a plotline except that it sets up Jerry's plot -- he is embarrassed at his interest in Melrose Place, but gets "caught" by the police for lying about it. This is one of three romantic plots in the episode that end in failure: George's date with the bald woman, Jerry's interest in the police woman, and Elaine's role as the titular beard for the gay man. Clashing swords in Jerry's living room over the toupee (which kinda ties into the title, too), Elaine and George are at their best in this episode.moreless
  • Probably one of the funniest episodes...

    I have to say that this is one of the episodes that makes me laugh the most.

    Jerry is so silly when he doesn´t want the girl he´s dating know he watches Melrose Place, he´s like an obssessed fan.

    George, he´s such a loser. He rejectes a girl because she´s bald! And when he finally loses his tupee, the girl doesn´t want to see him anymore. Talk about karma...

    Elaine, wow she was desperate. Trying to make a handsome gay man "switch teams" didn´t work out and she goes back to be lonely again.

    The show belongs to Kramer. The scenes at the lineup were extremely funny!!! I was on the floor because of the laughter. He´s so dumb! And at the end, he gets caught...


Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (8)

    • The policewoman who correctly suspects that Jerry watches Melrose Place, despite Jerry's denials, is played by actress Katherine LaNasa who, coincidentally, has been dating Grant Show from Melrose Place since 2012 (~17 years after this Seinfield episode first aired).

    • Jerry's girlfriend being named Officer Tierny is a nod at Lawrence Tierny who played Elaine's Dad in Season 2's "The Jacket".

    • In the first scene in Jerry's kitchen, George takes a unopened box of Chinese food from the fridge as he asks Elaine "Aren't you a little bit worried that you might have missed the boat?" When the camera angle switches to show Elaine's reaction, the box in George's hand is suddenly open.

    • Also as you can recall, Jerry talks about the only other person being able to lie about having cancer is George, and George also says that he's living about 20 when Gary says he's been living a lie.

    • I think this is a major one.
      In this episode, they're all making a big deal of how George has "the gift", how he can lie so well, to the point that Jerry asks him for advice on how to beat the lie detector. But in the previous episode (excluding Highlights of 100, of course), namely "The Scofflaw", George couldn't fool Jerry about knowing about Gary not having cancer... "the gift" comes and goes, doesn't it???

    • When Elaine takes George's toupee off his head and runs to the window to throw it out, you can hear Jason Alexander laughing after Julia says "I don't like this thing!"

    • Correction - Larry was also bald, just not totally bald like Curly. Larry had hair on the sides but not on the top, just like George.

    • When George discusses his date with the bald woman he exclaims "No one walks into a beauty parlor and says 'Give me the Larry Fine!'" Of course, it's Curly who was the bald member of the Three Stooges, not Larry. None of the other characters notice the gaffe even though George of all people should know better.

  • QUOTES (16)

    • George: I got rejected by a bald woman.

    • Elaine: Being a woman, I only really have access to the equipment, what, 30-45 minutes a week, and that's on a good week. How can I be expected to have the same expertise as people who own this equipment and have access to it 24 hours a day their entire lives?

    • Elaine: I have hit the jackpot. The perfect man -- nothing but sex and shopping.

    • Jerry: When someone is lying, is it true that their pants are actually on fire?

    • Jerry: (to Elaine) And we discover yet another talent… posing as a girlfriend for homosexuals.

    • Elaine: (disdainful of George's new toupée) I think they might have sutured that thing to your brain.

    • Kramer: (talking about George, who is now wearing a toupée) I never realized what an attractive man he is. Oh, he's a real looker, that one.

    • Elaine: Have you ever been to the ballet?
      Jerry: No, but I've seen people on tiptoes.

    • Jerry: (referring to George's toupee Don't you think she could tell?
      Kramer: No, no, no, can't tell. It's a perfect match, beautiful job.
      Jerry: Are you kidding? I could spot that bird's nest two blocks away.

    • George: Remember, Jerry, it's not a lie if you believe it.

    • Kramer: (to George, about the bald woman) You blew it, boy...You really blew it!

    • Elaine: (about Jerry's lie that he doesn't watch Melrose Place) This is so stupid! Why don't you just confess?
      Jerry: It's too stupid to confess. Look what I'm confessing to.
      Elaine: Well, what are going to do?
      Jerry: I don't know. Maybe I could beat the machine.
      Elaine: Uh! Who do you think you are? Costanza?
      Jerry: Hey, you know what? I have access to one of the most deceitful, duplicitous, deceptive minds of our time. Who better to advise me?

    • George: (about Elaine) I'll tell ya. When she threw that toupee out the window, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I feel like my old self again: totally inadequate, completely insecure, paranoid, neurotic. It's a pleasure!
      Jerry: It's good to have you back. You've had, like, a religious awakening. You're a bald again!

    • Jerry: Elaine, you know what you've done? You've given hope to every woman who said 'Too bad he's gay.'
      Elaine: Well, it's a lesson for the kids out there. Anything is possible. Jerome, I've hit the jackpot. Nothing but sex and shopping!

    • Jerry: So, did you describe yourself to her over the phone?
      George: I told her the truth.
      Jerry: As you see it?
      George: Yes, as I see it.

    • Jerry: Shut up, shut up! 'Melrose Place' is coming on. Oh, that Michael, I hate him. He's just so smug!

  • NOTES (1)

    • The homeless man that Kramer gave the Chinese food to is played by Jon Gries, who went on to play Uncle Rico in the hugely popular "Napoleon Dynamite."


    • George: Let me tell you something. No one walks into a beauty parlor and says 'Give me the Larry Fine.'

      Larry Fine was a comedian/actor who was a member of the Three Stooges comedy act. Fine was bald, with curly, bushy hair on the sides of his head.