Season 6 Episode 16

The Beard

Aired Thursday 9:00 PM Feb 09, 1995 on NBC



  • Trivia

    • The policewoman who correctly suspects that Jerry watches Melrose Place, despite Jerry's denials, is played by actress Katherine LaNasa who, coincidentally, has been dating Grant Show from Melrose Place since 2012 (~17 years after this Seinfield episode first aired).

    • Jerry's girlfriend being named Officer Tierny is a nod at Lawrence Tierny who played Elaine's Dad in Season 2's "The Jacket".

    • In the first scene in Jerry's kitchen, George takes a unopened box of Chinese food from the fridge as he asks Elaine "Aren't you a little bit worried that you might have missed the boat?" When the camera angle switches to show Elaine's reaction, the box in George's hand is suddenly open.

    • Also as you can recall, Jerry talks about the only other person being able to lie about having cancer is George, and George also says that he's living about 20 when Gary says he's been living a lie.

    • I think this is a major one.
      In this episode, they're all making a big deal of how George has "the gift", how he can lie so well, to the point that Jerry asks him for advice on how to beat the lie detector. But in the previous episode (excluding Highlights of 100, of course), namely "The Scofflaw", George couldn't fool Jerry about knowing about Gary not having cancer... "the gift" comes and goes, doesn't it???

    • When Elaine takes George's toupee off his head and runs to the window to throw it out, you can hear Jason Alexander laughing after Julia says "I don't like this thing!"

    • Correction - Larry was also bald, just not totally bald like Curly. Larry had hair on the sides but not on the top, just like George.

    • When George discusses his date with the bald woman he exclaims "No one walks into a beauty parlor and says 'Give me the Larry Fine!'" Of course, it's Curly who was the bald member of the Three Stooges, not Larry. None of the other characters notice the gaffe even though George of all people should know better.

  • Quotes

    • George: I got rejected by a bald woman.

    • Elaine: Being a woman, I only really have access to the equipment, what, 30-45 minutes a week, and that's on a good week. How can I be expected to have the same expertise as people who own this equipment and have access to it 24 hours a day their entire lives?

    • Elaine: I have hit the jackpot. The perfect man -- nothing but sex and shopping.

    • Jerry: When someone is lying, is it true that their pants are actually on fire?

    • Jerry: (to Elaine) And we discover yet another talent… posing as a girlfriend for homosexuals.

    • Elaine: (disdainful of George's new toupée) I think they might have sutured that thing to your brain.

    • Kramer: (talking about George, who is now wearing a toupée) I never realized what an attractive man he is. Oh, he's a real looker, that one.

    • Elaine: Have you ever been to the ballet?
      Jerry: No, but I've seen people on tiptoes.

    • Jerry: (referring to George's toupee Don't you think she could tell?
      Kramer: No, no, no, can't tell. It's a perfect match, beautiful job.
      Jerry: Are you kidding? I could spot that bird's nest two blocks away.

    • George: Remember, Jerry, it's not a lie if you believe it.

    • Kramer: (to George, about the bald woman) You blew it, boy...You really blew it!

    • Elaine: (about Jerry's lie that he doesn't watch Melrose Place) This is so stupid! Why don't you just confess?
      Jerry: It's too stupid to confess. Look what I'm confessing to.
      Elaine: Well, what are going to do?
      Jerry: I don't know. Maybe I could beat the machine.
      Elaine: Uh! Who do you think you are? Costanza?
      Jerry: Hey, you know what? I have access to one of the most deceitful, duplicitous, deceptive minds of our time. Who better to advise me?

    • George: (about Elaine) I'll tell ya. When she threw that toupee out the window, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I feel like my old self again: totally inadequate, completely insecure, paranoid, neurotic. It's a pleasure!
      Jerry: It's good to have you back. You've had, like, a religious awakening. You're a bald again!

    • Jerry: Elaine, you know what you've done? You've given hope to every woman who said 'Too bad he's gay.'
      Elaine: Well, it's a lesson for the kids out there. Anything is possible. Jerome, I've hit the jackpot. Nothing but sex and shopping!

    • Jerry: So, did you describe yourself to her over the phone?
      George: I told her the truth.
      Jerry: As you see it?
      George: Yes, as I see it.

    • Jerry: Shut up, shut up! 'Melrose Place' is coming on. Oh, that Michael, I hate him. He's just so smug!

  • Notes

    • The homeless man that Kramer gave the Chinese food to is played by Jon Gries, who went on to play Uncle Rico in the hugely popular "Napoleon Dynamite."

  • Allusions

    • George: Let me tell you something. No one walks into a beauty parlor and says 'Give me the Larry Fine.'

      Larry Fine was a comedian/actor who was a member of the Three Stooges comedy act. Fine was bald, with curly, bushy hair on the sides of his head.