Season 8 Episode 17

The English Patient

Aired Thursday 9:00 PM Mar 13, 1997 on NBC



  • Trivia

    • This is the first Florida - based episode where Jack Klompus doesn't appear.

    • George says to Danielle that she really only had to give him Neil's number, and didn't have to take him out. She then invites him to stay the night and he says he can't; he wants to be home in case Neil calls. Neil doesn't know who George is, nor does he have his number. As George just said, Danielle just gave Neil's number to him, and not the other way around.

    • After Jerry puts down the weights and Izzy says, "Step aside string bean", Jerry rolls the weight back so that Izzy can get to the larger one. Izzy didn't say that he was going to lift the larger one, so why would Jerry move it back?

    • When Elaine and Mr. Peterman enter the theatre, different people are in the seats to those who are around them a few scenes later.

  • Quotes

    • Jerry: (to George) So she wanted you to come up but you left because you thought some guy might be calling you!?!

    • Elaine: Oh, come on, Blaine. I mean, look at the poster for Sack Lunch.
      Blaine: It's a family in a brown paper bag.

    • Guillermo: Ladies and gentleman, because we have been exploited by your Magic Pan Crepe restaurants, we are hijacking this plane to Cuba. Kindly stay in your seats, and shut that movie off.
      Elaine: Aw, nuts!

    • George: So, we meet at last. I admire your skills, Mr. Peanut.

    • Izzy Sr.: Hey, I can't see the TV.
      Jerry: (approaches the TV and moves) Here! (leaves w/ the Mandelbaums shocked)
      Izzy: You think you're better than us, don't you?!

    • Earl: I thought he quit smoking cigars.
      Kramer: Well, yeah, yeah. But they also rolled for his brother… Dennis.
      Earl: Dennis Castro?
      Kramer: Uh, Dwayne.
      Earl: Get the hell outta my office.
      Kramer: What!?

    • Jerry: I swear to you, I didn't know the TV was bolted to the table.

    • Dugan: (enthusiastically about "The English Patient") Oh yes. It was so romantic. It ravished me.

    • Izzy Sr. My boys!
      Izzy: My dad!
      Izzy Jr. My grandpa!
      Jerry: Oh, come on!
      Izzy Sr. What happened to him (points to Jr.)
      Jerry: He was trying to lift the TV.
      Izzy Sr. That TV? (approaches it)
      Jerry: Oh, no. (to the other two) It's go time.
      (we hear cracking bones)

    • Izzy: Hi, son.
      Izzy Jr.: Hi daddy.
      Jerry: This is your son?
      Izzy: I got married in high school.

    • George: How old is the son?
      Jerry: I think he's the same age as the father.

    • Izzy: How 'bout that, huh? "The World's Greatest Dad." My son made it for me.

    • Kramer: Jerry, your palate's unrefined.
      Jerry: Is not.
      Kramer: Is too.
      Jerry: Is not.
      Kramer: Is too.
      Jerry: I'm not having this conversation.
      Kramer: Are too.
      Jerry: Am not.
      Kramer: Are too.
      Jerry: Am not.
      Kramer: Are too.

    • George: I'm gonna go meet Danielle. (grabs his coat) There's a new Neil in town! Ha ha ha!

    • Jerry: George, you've got Danielle. Forget about Neil. You've out-Neiled him.

    • Elaine: Oh, come on. Good? What was good about it? (scoffs) Those sex scenes! I mean, please! Gimme something I can use!

    • Neil: George, (comes closer) I win.

    • Jerry: Why are the crapes spraying?
      Kramer: I think the Dominicans are rolling them too tight. That's why you got to get real Cubans.

    • J. Peterman: Elaine, you don't like the movie?
      Elaine: I HATE IT!!! (everyone shushes Elaine) OH, GO TO HELL!!!

    • J. Peterman: That's it! Drop everything. We're going right now.

    • Jerry: You're not wearing a shirt, are you?
      Kramer: Yes, I am.
      Jerry: What color is it?
      Kramer: (looks down) Damn!

    • Morty: #1 signing off!

    • Morty: Okay. Tomorrow, Jerry and I will visit Izzy and apologise.
      Now, goodnight. (heads to the bedroom with Helen following him)
      Helen: You're not sleeping in that shirt. It's too tight.
      Morty: This shirt will never leave my body.

    • Izzy: Call an ambulance!
      Jerry: We're already in a hospital!

    • Elaine: You know, sex in a tub, that doesn't work!

    • Elaine: So do you think they got shrunk down, or is it just a giant sack?

    • (While talking about the Mandelbaums.)
      George: What is with this family?
      Jerry: I don't know. It's like if one of them dies, the other one wants to bench press the casket.

    • Danielle: George, I can't move in with you.
      George: What?
      Danielle: I'm sorry, but I'm taking Neil to a clinic in England.
      George: No. You can't leave me. Marry me! I'll burn myself! I'LL BURN MY PARENTS!!

    • Izzy Jr.: (to Jerry) Hey, who are you?
      Izzy: This is Seinfeld's kid.
      Izzy Jr.: Oh, you think you're tough, picking on an old man? Maybe you'd like to try taking on somebody your own age.
      Jerry: (chuckling) You got any kids?

    • Helen: How could you do that to Mr. Mandelbaum? You should be ashamed of yourself.
      Jerry: He egged me on.
      Helen: You should be more mature.
      Jerry: He's eighty!

    • Elaine: Hey, what're you guys doing here?
      Lisa: We just saw The English Patient again.
      Gail: It's even better the second time.
      Elaine: They make it longer?

    • Izzy: Think you're better than me, huh?
      Morty: Izzy used to work out with Charles Atlas in the '50s.
      Jerry: 1850s?

    • George: Maybe it's some small thing I could change. Like a moustache. Or wearing a top hat, or a monocle, or a cane.
      Jerry: Who's she dating, Mr. Peanut?

    • Mr. Peterman: Elaine, why didn't you tell me you saw "The English Patient" and hated it?………You're fired.

    • Blaine: Enjoy Sack Lunch.

    • Mandlemaum: Now who is the number one dad?
      Jerry: Well I don't know how official any of these rankings are.

    • Kramer: (nervous) Yeah. I'm a little worried. When there's no work, and the people get restless, who do you think they come after? (pointing to himself, shrill) El Presidente!

    • Morty: Son, this shirt is the best thing you've ever given me.
      Jerry: You know I bought you a Cadillac, twice.

    • The Three Mandlebaums: Mandlebaum! Mandlebaum! Mandlebaum!

    • Mandlebaum: It's go time!

    • George: I've got to out-do this Neil guy.
      Jerry: What if it's Neil Armstrong?
      George: Then I'm going to Mars!

    • Danielle: How could you not like that movie?
      Elaine: How 'bout... it sucked?

  • Notes

  • Allusions

    • Jerry: What if it's Neil Armstrong?

      Neil Armstrong is the astronaut who was the first man to set foot on the moon back in 1969.

No results found.
No results found.
No results found.