Season 2 Episode 1

The Ex-Girlfriend

Aired Thursday 9:00 PM Jan 23, 1991 on NBC



  • Trivia

    • The actress who plays Marlene the ex-girlfriend, Tracy Kolis, will later play the role of Kelly the waitress who lies about having a boyfriend to George in "The Soup" episode.

    • The chiropractor charges George $75, and George, incredulous, says that he plans only to pay half. Then later in the coffee shop, Jerry reveals he paid the "extra $35." Either George paid more than he originally planned to, or even after Jerry's contribution, the doctor still only has $72.50.

  • Quotes

    • George: I think I swallowed a fly! I swallowed a fly! What do I do? What can happen?

    • Jerry: He's a doctor. You gotta pay what he says.
      George: Oh, no, no, no. I pay what I say.

    • George: I think you absolutely have to say something to this guy. Confront him.
      Elaine: Really?
      George: Yes.
      Elaine: Would you do that?
      George: If I was a different person.

    • Elaine: Did you get a haircut?
      Jerry: Nope. Shower.

    • Elaine: You're a little homophobic aren't ya?
      George: Is it that obvious?

    • Jerry: I'm always in traffic with the lane expert, you know this person? Constantly re-evaluating their lane choice. Never quite sure "is this the best lane for me for my life?". Always a little bit ahead of you; "can I get in over there, can I get ahead of you, can I get in there?". Yeah, come on over here pal, we're zooming over here! This is the secret lane, nobody knows about it.

    • Jerry: The waiting room. I hate when they make you wait in the room. 'Cause it says "Waiting Room." There's no chance of not waiting. 'Cause they call it the waiting room, they're gonna use it. They've got it. It's all set up for you to wait. And you sit there, you know, and you've got your little magazine. You pretend you're reading it, but you're really looking at the other people. You know, you're thinking about them. Things like, "I wonder what he's got. As soon as she goes, I'm getting her magazine." And then, they finally call you and it's a very exciting moment. They finally call you, and you stand up and you kinda look around at the other people in the room. "Well, I guess I've been chosen. I'll see you all later." You know, so you think you're going to see the doctor, but you're not, are you? No. You're going into the next waiting room – the littler waiting room. But if they are, you know, doing some sort of medical thing to you, you want to be in the smallest room that they have, I think. You don't want to be in the largest room that they have. You know what I mean? You ever see these operating theatres that they have, with like, stadium seating? You don't want them doing anything to you that makes other doctors go, "I have to see this! Are you kidding? Are they really gonna do that to him? Are there seats? Can we get in?" Do they scalp tickets to these things? "I got two for the Winslow tumor, I got two…"

    • Jerry: The apartment elevators are always slower than the offices, because you don't have to be home on time.

    • Jerry: What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses like they're trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?

    • Jerry: I only eat cantaloupe at certain times.

    • Jerry: A relationship is an organism. You created this thing and then you starved it, so it turned against you. Same thing happened to the Blob.

    • George: Look, do I have to break up with her in person? Can't I do it over the phone? I have no stomach for these things.
      Jerry: You should just do it like a band-aid: one motion, right off!

    • George: It was like I was making a prison break. You know… and I'm… I'm heading for the wall… and I trip and I twist my ankle… and they throw that light on you. So, somehow I get through the crying and I keep running. Then the cursing started. She's firing at me from the guard towers. (Mocks a rifle cocking) Son-of-a-bang… son-of-a-boom! I get to the top of the wall -- the front door. I open it up, I'm one-foot away, I take one last look around the penitentiary, and I jumped.

    • Jerry: I don't return fruit. Fruit's a gamble. I know that going in.

    • Jerry: You know, when you read Moby Dick the second time Ahab and the whale become good friends.

    • George: Believe me. Boy-boy-girl? It doesn't look good.

    • Nurse: Mr. Costanza, the doctor will see you now.
      George: (sarcastically) Yeah… doctor…

    • George: I had nothing to do with any of this! I met all her friends, I didn't want to meet them. I kept trying to avoid it, I knew it would only get me in deeper, but they were everywhere! They kept popping up, all over the place. "This is Nancy, this is Susan, this is Amy.. This is my cusin.. this is my bruther.. this is my father..." It's like I'm in quicksand!

    • Marlene: I can't be with someone if I don't respect what they do.
      Jerry: You're a cashier!

  • Notes

    • This episode's original airing was pre-empted by breaking news coverage of the outbreak of the Gulf War.

  • Allusions