Elaine Marie Benes (not in pilot)
George Louis Costanza
Screaming B-movie actor
George, while talking to the patient next to him in the hospital, says he has never been to the doctor all his life except to get his tonsils out when he was a kid. In the next scene, while at the holistic place, he tells Jerry he has been going to the hospital all his life.
Larry David (creator;executive producer;writer) plays the screaming B-movie actor on Jerry's TV at the beginning of the episode.
This episode marks Kramer's first mention of his friend, who is never seen, Bob Sacamano.
You can see Jerry begin to crack up after George calls him a "Jerk off".
Jerry was afraid that the joke might've been about Johnny Carson and/or The Tonight Show, which is where Jerry Seinfeld made his TV debut in real life, according to "The Seinfeld Story".
Elaine: Hi, George, how you feeling? Is anybody getting your apartment?
Jerry: That's it! Flaming globes of Sigmund! Flaming globes of Sigmund! That's my note! That's what I thought was so funny? That's not funny. There's nothing funny about that.
Elaine: A kiss? With the tongue? The glossa with the bumps and the papillae? Yuck, I don't think so.
Jerry: Couch grass and cramp bark? You know, I think that's what killed Curly.
George: Why can't I have a heart attack? I'm allowed.
Jerry: (reading his note) 'Fax me some halibut.' Is that funny? Is that a joke?
Tor: Kramer tells me you're looking for an alternative to surgery.
George: Yes. Yes I am.
Tor: (blows in George's face and then flicks his hair) I think we can help you.
George: I went from having orgasms immediately to taking forever. You could do your taxes in the time it takes me to have an orgasm. I never had a nice, medium orgasm.
Jerry: I never had a really good pickle.
George: I've been going to the doctors my whole life and what's it got me? I'm thirty-three years old, I haven't outgrown the problems of puberty and I'm already facing the problems of old age.
Elaine: You're bringing in an outside cucumber?
Elaine: Hey, where's Kramer?
Jerry: I don't know. That's like asking: where's Waldo?
George: Meningitis? Scoliosis? Lupus? Is it Lupus?!
Tor: What month were you born in?
Tor: You should've been born in August.
Jerry: He saw that show on anorexia last year; ate like a pig for two weeks!
George: What should I do, Kramer?
Jerry: Well for one thing, don't listen to him.
Jerry: Women go after doctors like men go after models, they want someone with knowledge of the body, we just want the body.
Jerry: Yeah if you're exposed to gamma rays!
Jerry: Well it's like the Capulets and the Montagues.
Kramer: My name is Bob!
Tor: No. You know, I am not a business man. I'm a holistic healer. It's a calling, it's a gift. You see, it's in the best interest of the medical profession that you remain sick. You see, that insures good business. You're not a patient. You're a customer.
Jerry: And you're not a doctor, but you play one in real life.
George: I'm an eggplant!
Kramer: Boy, they've got a great cafeteria downstairs. Hot food, sandwiches, a salad bar. It's like a Sizzler's opened up a hospital!
Tor: Hoh hoh hoh, yes! Yes...Cleveland 117, San Antonio 109.
George: Could it be...luke-warm?
George: I'll tell ya, if I ever get out of here, I'm gonna change my life. I'm gonna do a whole Zen...thing...
George: It's all over for me. In fact...let's end it right now. Jerry, kill me, kill me now. I'm begging you. Let's just get it over with. Be a pal. Just take the pillow and put it over my face.
Jerry: Well, uh...What? Kinda like this?
George (muffled) What are you doing?! What are you, crazy?!
Jerry: Elaine! What are you doing here?
Jerry: Eckman? I thought he was doing time?
Kramer: No, no, he's out. He got out.
Tor: (to Jerry) You're eating too much dairy.
This is a rare episode where Jerry's apartment is shown but only Jerry is seen in it while the other three aren't.
This was voted as the best episode of Season 1&2 on imdb.com's Seinfeld episode contest.
Regarding Tor's lack of real medical knowledge, Jerry thinks to himself, "you're not a doctor, but you play one in real life." This is a play on the '70s advertisments for aspirin where Robert Young, the star of Marcus Welby, M.D., declared, "I'm not a doctor, but I play one on TV," implying that was enough to trust his medical judgment. A similar campaign in the late '80s featured Chris Robinson, who played Dr. Rick Webber (#2) on the ABC soap General Hospital.
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